Nathaniel: I tried last night and you were gone. Who was it? Which magician were you seeing?
Bartimaeus: Don’t get so worked up. It was a brief encounter. Nothing serious. It’s over.
Nathaniel: Nothing serious? Think I’m going to believe that?
Bartimaeus: Calm down, Mr. Jealous. You’re making a scene.
Nathaniel: Who was it? Man or woman?
Bartimaeus: Look, I know what you’re thinking, and I didn’t.
One of the Biggles books is called Biggles Takes It Rough. Biggles also once had a plane called the Willie Willie.
Bizarre Books: A Compendium of Classic Oddities contains a chapter full of real, published books with titles such as Scouts in Bondage, Cock Tugs, Shag the Pony, Some Account of my Intercourse with Madame Blavatsky from 1872 to 1884, Fishing for Boys, and Drummer Dick's Discharge.
Cambridge Latin Course: In spades, especially if you're learning Latin and tend to make mistakes translating it, many lines can come out having a completely different meaning to what they are meant to. Even some of the properly translated lines tend towards this.
"At lunch, a bunch of girls came up to Rowley and started kissing his butt."
One of the Doctor WhoEighth Doctor Adventures novels is called The Taint. When you no longer giggle over the fact it's a slang term for the perineum, you have graduated from fandom newbiehood.
Christina Rossetti held to the last that there are no sexual allusions in her poem "Goblin Market" (pub.1862). After lots of disturbing scenes involving little girls sucking strange fruits "until her lips were sore" we get this image of Lizzie being besieged by goblins who try to feed her their addictive fruit:
Lizzie utter’d not a word; Would not open lip from lip Lest they should cram a mouthful in: But laugh’d in heart to feel the drip Of juice that syrupp’d all her face, And lodg’d in dimples of her chin, And streak’d her neck which quaked like curd.
"...could see Draco banging his goblet on the table. It was a sickening sight." The Italian translation managed to keep the double-entendre.
Prisoner of Azkaban opens with a scene in which Harry secretly plays with his wand in bed, and has to tell his aunt that no, he's not playing with his wand. As Cleolinda Jones put it "Ummmm..." "I KNOW!" It's even more dodgy in the film version, when Harry's Uncle Vernon keeps bursting into the room to find out what's going on. Vernon is played by Richard Griffiths, AKA Uncle Monty.
The name of Nymphadora Tonks. "Tonker" being a word popularized by Discworld for a certain part of the anatomy, and "Nymphadora" sounding terribly similar to the word "nymphomania". Lampshaded by Tonks herself; she hates her first name.
"People may be forced to conclude that Grindelwald simply conjured a white handkerchief from the end of his wand and came quietly."
"He pushed the door ajar and peered inside - and a horrible scene met his eyes. Snape and Filch were inside, alone. Snape was holding his robes above his knees."
"Was ... was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use his - his thing?"
"I know you did Mark Evans two nights ago —" "He was asking for it," snarled Dudley.
The chant "HE GOT OFF, HE GOT OFF, HE GOT OFF!", especially since Mrs. Weasley is wiping her face as they're chanting.
Lupin let go of Black and turned to her. She had raised herself off the floor and was pointing at Lupin, wild-eyed. "You— you—" "Hermione—" "—you and him!" "Hermione, calm down—" "I didn't tell anyone!" Hermione shrieked. "I've been covering up for you—" "Hermione, listen to me, please!" Lupin shouted. "I can explain—"
"...when it [The Room Of Requirement] appears, it is always equipped for the seeker's needs. Dobby has used it, sir," said the elf, dropping his voice and looking guilty, "when Winky has been very drunk."
Malfoy was screaming and holding Harry so tightly it hurt.
Describing Viktor Krum's wand: "Rather thicker than one usually sees... quite rigid... ten and a quarter inches...". Then there's
"...You treat it regularly?" "Polished it last night," said Cedric, grinning. Harry hooked down at his own wand. He could see finger marks all over it. He gathered a fistful of robe from his knee and tried to rub it clean surreptitiously. Several gold sparks shot out of the end of it. Fleur Delacour gave him a very patronizing look, and he desisted.
In Chamber of Secrets, Percy's non-explanation to the trio about how Ginny walked in on him masturbating masturbating masturbating kissing his girlfriend.
The quote is: "Well, er, if you must know, Ginny, er, walked in on me the other day when I was - well, never mind - the point it, she spotted me doing something and I, um, asked her not to mention it to anybody."
"[Harry] contented himself with scrawling a note to Ron: Let's do it tonight. Ron read the message, swallowed hard, and looked sideways at the empty seat usually filled by Hermione."
"...another person was panting and coughing and staggering around. Hermione had come again, as she had come when the snake attacked..."
"Snape!" ejaculated Slughorn, who looked the most shaken, pale and sweating."
"You mean we're not allowed to use magic!" Ron ejaculated loudly."
"All the girls around Cho began doing it."
The Finnish translation is about as rife with this as the originals, but special mention goes to The Goblet of Fire, since the Finnish word for "egg" (as in golden egg, an important plot item) happens to be a synonym for the male... "wand".
A great deal of Accidental Innuendo consistently surrounds the Chamber of Secrets. The fact Harry enters the big cavernous, chamber with a wand and a sword. To top it off the only time anyone goes into the chamber it is one of the Official Couple (Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermione).
How NOT to Write a Novel: "The Deafening Hug" features a scene with a brother a sister hugging. The brother describes his sister in such unintentionally erotic terms, that the reader can only infer incestuous subtext.invoked
Some of the dated language in Jane Eyre can bring this effect on us modern readers. One part in particular:
"The clock struck eight strokes. It aroused him; he uncrossed his legs, sat erect, turned to me."
Rochester at one point describes Blanche as an "extensive armful."
From Gods of Mars, the second John Carter of Mars book by Edgar Rice Burroughs: "...a black seaman sprang from the bowels of this strange craft. Xotar addressed the seaman."
Les Misérables: "I have come to sleep with you," from Marius to Courfeyrac.
Lord of the Flies contains quite a few of these. For example: "His grey shorts were sticking to him with sweat. Ralph glanced at them admiringly, and when Jack saw his glance he explained."
The Lord of the Rings: This bit, when taken out of context: But there they found Faramir, still dreaming in his fever, lying upon the table. Wood was piled under it, and high all about it, and all was drenched with oil, even the garments of Faramir and the coverlets; but as yet no fire had been set to the fuel. Then Gandalf revealed the strength that lay hid in him; even as the light of his power was hidden under his grey mantle. He leaped up on to the faggots, and raising the sick man lightly he sprang down again, and bore him towards the door. But as he did so Faramir moaned and called on his father in his dream.
Chapter 21 of Loser is titled "Something Hard and Thorny:. Doesn't help that he's entering the house of an old lady he barely knows.
Entire chapters of Moby-Dick are devoted to this. (Most infamously the one about squeezing the sperm.)
"... but his man parts were those of a giant." That is, the human-looking parts of a centaur in Lynn Flewelling's Luck in the Shadows. Still, it's hard to get the words "hung like a horse" out of your head once you've read that sentence...
Near the beginning of This Night's Foul Work, by Fred Vargas, Adamsberg reminisces about one of his past experiences with Violette Retancourt, where they "had resolved their disputes through an exceptionally close contact during which the lieutenant and her commissaire had merged forever". The innuendo may not be quite unintentional, but at any rate, Adamsberg and Retancourt did not have sex ; Retancourt hid Adamsberg from a whole brigade of Canadian policemen by having him climb on her back like a monkey while she wore nothing but a bathrobe... It Makes Sense in Context.
The Colombian Spanish translation of the title of the book The Other Guy Blinked: How Pepsi Won the Cola Wars (about the Cola Wars between Coke and Pepsi) is La Guerra de las Colas (Literally as The War of the Colas). The Colombian translators possibly didn't figure it out that the word Cola has different meanings in the Spanish-speaking world (Since it's the only translation of that book in that language). In European Spanish, Cola is translated as Glue and in Mexican Spanish, Cola is a slang for Ass, among others.
"Gurgan Spearback pressed his long pole against the water. It sprayed out either side of the butt [...] They stepped out of his way and he pounded the pole home into the hole with several powerful thrusts. Water squirted everywhere from the enlarged aperture, soaking them."
The squirrel Arven talks to the hare Pasque about the sword of Martin; "D'you see that sword? Did you know that it has the power to make pretty hare maidens happy?" Oops.
"I'll take 'em somewheres nice'n'quiet where I'll do that pair 'ard'n'slow afore dawnbreak."
Salamandastron: "'This is the way ter do it, mucker,' Dingeye breathed excitedly. 'Now lerrit go straight. It should go right across the 'all, across the passage an' right up the stairs.'"
"Mr Thrugg, I dreamed about you last night." "Ho ho ho, I bet you did an' all, youngun!"
Sherlock Holmes apparently had some of this. The word "ejaculated" is used in some scenes to represent forceful yelling (which was one of the original meanings of the term), which leads to some... rather weird scenes when taken out of context. As Stephen Fry put it on QI,
Mara Jade: You have the entire Five-Oh-First. [Also known as Vader's Fist] You certainly won't begrudge me my Hand of Judgment.
Also: the music they play in the cantina is apparently called "jizz music." Hasbro apparently just refers to it as "jazz" nowadays.
In The Fifties, "boob" was used as slang with a similar meaning to "idiot" or "silly person". The line "My goodness, Pam, did you ever see such a pair of boobs?" in the very first novel in the St Clare's series was presumably innocent originally, then.
Twilight Series novel Eclipse, in the dedication. Among his other positive qualities, the author thanks her husband for his "willingness to eat out." One may be shocked by the level of TMI about their private relationship, before realizing Meyer means going to restaurants.
In Unseen Academicals Glenda points out that the proposed uniform design with "UU" on the front resembles breasts. (Especially since wizards are usually rather fat to begin with.)
This gem: "The old cat ran a paw over something smooth and pale—a bare branch clasped beneath his twisted claws. Jaypaw stiffened. My stick!" Considering who the old cat in question is, this becomes total Squick.
Everything about Jaypaw/feather's stick. Other notable examples are how "It feels important" and Jaypaw expressing a desire to not have his Clanmates staring at his stick.
"...he hurled himself at the stick again, grabbing it in is jaws."
The authors seem to be obsessed with using the word "stiffened" or something similar to convey shock (e.g. "Graystripe went rigid", which happens right after Firestar touches him on the shoulder.).
In a similar vein, there are the elders and their stiff joints, often shortened to just being stiff. There are many instances of the narration, and sometimes the characters themselves, commenting on how stiff someone is.
The cover of Outcast◊. What else could they be doing in that position!?
"I had Ottersplash in a grip so tight she had to beg me to let her go!"
The scene where Sorreltail crosses the border and Hawkfrost attacks her could easily be seen as the two of them having sex if taken out of context.
Also in Fading Echoes, when Jayfeather checks Briarpaw's backbone. It's described as "nipping" her backbone and going down towards her tailbone. Two comments on it: "Jayfeather's straight!" and "Jayfeather's raping someone!"
"Thank StarClan we managed to beat RiverClan off," mewed Brackenfur. "No, thank us," Cloudpaw put in."
"You're not as gentle as Spottedleaf," Jaykit moaned.
In the futuristic Mary Suetopia of Marge Piercy's novel Woman on the Edge of Time, the weapons they use are called "jizzers". So there they are, on the front lines, firing off their jizzers at approaching cyborgs.
Welkin Weasels is full of this stuff. The worst part is probably the food fight in Castle Storm, which is actually described as a "delightful orgy", complete with one participant having "cream dripping from his whiskers" ... It doesn't help that the sea walls are constantly referred to as "dykes".