So when we last left off, Vash fought numerous foes. Dragons, demons, Zerg, and the horde of Chaos. Now he’s... not sure. He’s relaxing, but there’s four more parts to this, so he’s bound to go into some wacky hijinx. I’m going to bet, based off the last two chapters that this tone will go for Stardust Crusaders. Perhaps going with a Monster of the Week vibe or an episodic feel. Let’s find out!
Our story opens up with him getting kidnapped by the Visorak and him getting infected. He winds up getting rescued by a Toa named Norik, who he apparently knows as the guy who saved his sword-forging friend back in Part 1. So he’s now the half-bug half-Toa that one of his other friends was in Part 1. You know, I’m willing to bet one of the people Vash met will come back with his head on a different body... one with a star on it.
Wataru: Okay, we get it, you’re trying to make Jojo jokes. Can you stop?
... Fine. Well, Vash bitches and moans about how “I Just Want to Be Normal”. Well, if you do, someone’s gonna write up fanfiction where your love interest is gonna do everything in his power, even cross the line if need be, to get you not to be normal. Then some temple burns to the ground. Did the Fire Nation have anything to do with it? Apparently not, as it’s actually Vakama... The sword forger. Y’know, that makes sense, since Vakama is a Fire Toa and all... Whenua smacks Vash out when he finds out, since he was gonna go back to his “CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! SWAG!” phase.
{sees next chapter title} Hehe...
I like that title. It just goes to show how Crazy Awesome fanfics can be. This entire chapter shows that too. Vash gets out the Twin-Buster Rifle from Gundam Wing (He said it’s Wing Zero’s beam rifle, but what other beam rifle could destroy a fortress?) and goes to the Visorak fortress (which is apparently at the coliseum) and proceeds to drop the title.
{laughs his ass off} Fanfics should be more like this. Just over the top and epic. He then goes on a killing spree on the Visorak and demons. He also confronts his brother who was revived from the dead... I could swear he did this before. But he manages to save him by killing a demon that was possessing him. Kosongto, his brother, asks if he could be a Hordika too and we have Vash give the usual “no, don’t be a Puella Magi Hordika”. He then goes to confront Vakama. He helps Matau kick Vakama’s ass, then Keetongu suffers a Disney Death. Then Makuta breaks free of his can... Only to get killed by Takanuva it seems... He’s not mentioned again after this chapter so what the hell?
So Vash comes back to his own world after making Vakama promise he doesn’t go around burning temples. Aaaaaaaaand gets arrested. You know, I think he gets arrested more times than the main character of The You Testament. Then he pretty much brutally kills everyone present. Alright, let me back up. He went back to the Toa world, and after they get teleported away back to the real world and freaked everyone out, prompting to get the cops and army on them, he and his Toa buddies pretty much killed everyone at the stadium... Oh, and special note: five X’s make an L in Roman Numerals, so it’s the Super Bowl LIII Massacre, not the Super Bowl XXXXXIII Massacre.
Yeah, he’s back to Phantom Blood!Vash. I mean, he escapes from a cop, but the cop goes through and what does he do? Have the Visorak make him a freak of nature. The only reason he gets caught was because he came back to check on the freak of nature after he puts him in Area 51 and he gets drugged to be experimented on... Only for him to go and break out. He goes back to the arctic where is... Okay, I’m not sure if he’s his actual brother or what, but I’m just gonna assume he’s a “wolf brother”. He’s called to the Wolf Elder who tells him and his brother to get two swords. They do, and they fuse to make the True Tetsume. Then Kekanu pops by and casually kills Kosongto. Vash gets pissed and, with the power of Unity, Duty, and Destiny, he kicks Kekanu’s ass with every single heritage he has and makes everyone extinct... Again. I swear, this is the Nasuverse if Nasu just threw up his arms, went “fuck it” and have every story end with the world blowing up and humanity dying to the sheer power of his characters simply sneezing.
But Kekanu isn’t really dead (of course) and by this point I’ve stopped paying attention. So he’s gone to the Super Super Mode (If I read the reference right, he practically stated he digivolved from an Ultimate into a Mega) and kicked Kekanu’s ass after reminding Season Bringer (again) that he’s still him... Okay, are we just gonna repeat the same stuff over and over again? Because I swear, if the next event is something that happened in this story already, I’m ending the liveblog here.
So after that, it’s revealed that his Evil Twin is essentially a shadow of who Vash is and must be merged with him. Easier said than done. After absorbing some humans and one incident that ended in being punched in the gut and spitting out the Chaos part of his soul, Vash became one with the shadow. So off he goes to Area 51 where he discovers that it’s really a plot to bring back The Eye of Terror... Yeah, remember when I speculated that 40k was being used for this story? Yeah. Now it’s true.
Also, Vash seems to have returned to the lab where he was experimented on as a wolf. Yeah, remember when he used to be a wolf? You know, I actually thought Christian Humbler Reborn was a story about a sociopathic wolf. That would have been more simpler... But not as Crazy Awesome. So they infiltrate the area, kill a few guards (in an albeit funny way), and fight the scientists who plan to sacrifice humans to the warp. I actually find it interesting to see the 40k verse interacting with the real world in a somewhat Cthulhu-style story. Deep, inter-political controversies surrounding space gods of chaos from another world where it’s trust in nothing but pure, unadulterated war. Then-
{sees the battle unfold}
OH SNAP! Okay, so Sidorak, the random throwaway Bionicle villain that got his ass handed to in the first part, comes in and tries to drag Vash into the Warp as a final sacrifice to bringing the Eye of Sauron Terror (if only) but he got out and the Warp turned into a small keyhole... And say, it IS a portal to another world... So yes, Vash gains a Keyblade! THIS! IS! AWESOME! You know what that means? HE MEETS SORA! YEEEEEEEEEES!!!
...
Though I do wonder how he’d interact with that other Sora.
So he fuses with Sora and gains the Omega Weapon... then split up with Sora... that... that was just a-
Yeah. That. At least Sora doesn’t fuck off to some crystallized merchandise like a certain pair of characters I won’t name. Seems Sora’s the newest member to Vash’s band of brothers. So Vash takes him to shelter after he realizes that subzero temperatures for Sora is a bad idea. So he takes him to the safest place he knows: a volcano. Granted, it’s not active, but still. And apparently he was born at the volcano… Is this like some secret wolf tribe I don’t know about? Why are wolves usually special? I know Okami and all that, but now I’m getting the vibe that there should be a Warrior Dogs book series.
Some other wolves come for Sora, but Vash defends him and says he’s a friend. During dinner, Sora informs of Vash of the Heartless. Then he returns right back to the lab he was just at. He outfits Sora and himself with guns, lots of guns, and massacred the scientists who were experimenting on more wolves. They pretty much raid the entire lab. They continue raiding until they come across the third floor, which had become completely devastated.
You know, change the flavouring of this, and this scene would probably be a crossover with Doom. Yeah, you know what? Just watch someone let’s play Doom. You’ll get a better summary of what’s going on in CHR than this liveblog. After so much killing, Vash is put under arrest by the FBI, army, and SWAT, because he’s Phantom Blood!Vash again, where murder is consequential. He tells them to wait and he shrugs off a bullet with a simple “Hey, wait the fuck up!” as monsters killed them.
Sora gets wounded and then gets stitched up, but Vash reopens the wound (to quote Sora: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?) and uses his ice powers to heal him. Let me rephrase that. He uses the powers of ice to heal Sora. He uses something to freeze and kill skin on something that is fragile to severe cold. Also, Sora has Cure, doesn’t he? Or a potion? We end our story with Vash teaching Sora about the newly obtained powers he has from that ice heal. Really. That’s how we’re ending it. Well, let’s see what next book will have in store.
