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Let's continue.
Previously...oy. Sakura and Ronan escaped from Madara and Taliana. Lots of pointless shit occurred, and I eventually fell into deep despair.
This is a long, bottomless pit, folks. With absolutely nothing to hang onto.
And so, my suffering continues with...
Chapter 19: The Balls. I'm Really Not in the Mood to Make a Dragonball Z Joke.
The only thing that's important in the rambling Author's Notes is that Benji helped Jake write the dialogue for a character. Who is he? Well, Jake doesn't know the name. But in the story proper, the character's described as having "blond-brown hair, with a reddish tinge, and looks like a cross between Xander Cohen from Bioshock and Archie "Snake" Simpson from Degrassi."
The character's name is Edfred. And whenever the character appears, since he looks very promising, I'm going to hear this man's voice when I read his lines. Yes...
- Carter: "You wanna destroy Mariner Bay? You must go through us to do it!"
...him. You can thank me later.
We start the chapter proper with our "heroes" going shopping for specific clothes. Very specific clothes. At a store, Ronan uses his "speshul powars" to help him locate the specific dress Sakura wants. And so, she obtains it. With a baseball cap. And why, yes, it's all described in so much detail, you'd want the Brain Bleach.
After getting the clothes, the store clerk—who is female—saw how...um...hot Sakura looked. And Wooden Duck #42 happens, along with a lame-ass pun. Come to think of it, Jake uses a shitload of lame-ass puns throughout this chapter, along with him explaining it. Anyway, it all ends with the store clerk dying after Ronan shows up and...well...let's move on!
The duo then heads to another store, this time Edfred's.
- Edfred: "HELLO AND WELCOME TO MY SHOP! ENTER, ENTER! PURCHASE WHATEVER YOU WISH! MY NAME IS EDFRED AND I AM THE PROPRIETOR OF THIS STORE. WE HAVE SUPERB DEALS SO PLEASE LOOK AROUND BUT DONT YOU TOUCH A GODDAMN THING!"
In other words, only he gets to touch the merch. From what I understand. And hearing the lines in Carter's voice...it's like a light at the end of the tunnel!
Ronan finds his suit, which is also described. He touches it, and Edfred...doesn't take it well. After an argument, Ronan blasts Edfred, but...he doesn't actually die. Though it's likely that he caused property damage. Edfred swears revenge on the "heroes".
And because Jake likes to screw with Naruto canon, I will officially say that Edfred is indeed an alternate Carter Grayson, only using big, fancy words. You'll see why in future chapters.
At the ball, the people there dance to good music and engage in Wooden Duck #43. Suddenly, Edfred shows up, wondering what the hell's going on. And he's in crutches. So what do the people do? Laugh at him. Like the assholes they are.
Luckily, Edfred tells them like it is.
- Edfred: "DO YOU FIND THIS JOCOSE? IS THIS A CACHINNATORY OCCURRENCE TO YOU? BAH! REMOVE YOURSELVES FROM MY PROMENADE THIS INSTANCE!"
Turned out that he was the one who conducted the ball, likely because he wanted to see how polite and, you know, human the people would be. But it all failed, so he tries to kick the group out.
Then Madara shows up, blah blah. Edfred wisely decides to run away in a hovercraft. But then someone shows up, and we end this chapter with the revelation that it's none other than Naruto himself!
(looks back at her previous statement)
Well, that's one, where are Sasuke and Kakashi?
Chapter 20: Resurrection. How? I Have No Fucking Idea.
Everyone is shocked to see that Naruto has survived the attack. It turned out that he was just hiding. O...kay...
Another damn fight happens, and to make it a long and overdone story short, Ronan, Sakura, and Naruto managed to beat Madara. Okay, maybe not Sakura, since the bad guys are dangling her above a pool of lava. Then the castle explodes, but the good guys flee.
...yeah, it's just as stupid as it sounds.
The group returns to the village, and Naruto heads to bed. What does Sakura and Ronan even do?
Wooden Duck #44!
Skipping past that because it's gross and vile, we cut to the next day. The Shinobi King wants Ronan because...even the fucking messenger has no idea. I wish I was kidding.
Arriving there, the king reveals one bullshit secret: namely, he's Ronan's godfather. And that he's the prince of the Shinobi Nations. I am dead serious. And then he ups and dies. Good God, Alyx Grayson had a better reason to become King than this! And he was a commoner, to boot, with no bullshit prophecies!
So, with Ronan becoming the new Shinobi King, he's rich and famous. He sets up some ground rules for the new Shinobi Nations. Ready? They get dumber.
- All religion will be outlawed, and those who follow any religion would be re-educated so that way, they wouldn't be stupid. I smell Unfortunate Implications...
- Anyone who likes modern music will be put to death "in less they r hot chicks". Note how there are no punishments for those who like modern music and are "hot chicks".
- There will always be free beer and cocaine.
- Male homosexuality is forbidden. Yay, more Unfortunate Implications!
...guh. I must move on, though.
After a really dumb photo-op, Ronan and Sakura re-arrives at the dojo, where Naruto is eating pizza. The couple head to their room after some chit-chat, and Naruto punches stuff. Why? Because he can't be cooler than Ronan. Um...
The chapter ends with Madara and Taliana showing up. Again. You know, at this point, they should just plan on how to beat them for good. But who gives a shit?
Whew! 20 chapters down. 50 to go. We see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel, but it's a good fucking start. Hopefully everyone'll get their comeuppance.
Now, Forward! To the next liveblogging of Naruto Veangance Revelaitons!
