Alright, on this cover, Iron Man grapples with a handgun-sporting Zemo as Strucker watches and a zeppelin crashes into a radio tower or something. It's exciting, but I'm not sure I'm buying Zemo as a match for the Iron Man suit. Maybe it's symbolic?
Alright, I have to admit, this recap letter's sort of cool. There's still no reason for Stark to have written it, but it's cool. It's a "to whom it may concern", "by the time you are reading this I will likely be dead" affair. Okay, Stark did have a reason to write it: he wants it to stand as a record for his last and greatest adventure. And he summarizes the plot up to now, nothing special other than that.
Zemo, who I'm just going to keep calling Zemo, asks Stark if anything's wrong. Isn't he happy to see his old man after all this time? Stark glares at him, lying prone on the ground as Arsenal stands before him menacingly. Stark decries this turn of events as impossible, but Strucker begins to offer an explanation - after Arsenal delivers another bone-shattering blow to the suit, of course. Arsenal lifts Stark up with one arm and pushes him up against a wall to keep him still. The suit informs Stark that he's down to 17% repulsor power. Anyway, Strucker says that Stark is exactly right; his father is indeed dead, and has been so for 15 years.
That's when they took control of him. You see, there is no "Baron Zemo". "Zemo" is an acronym for Zolpidem, Ethanol, Methylchloride, and Ophentonyl - a series of substances that, in the right combination, can achieve chemically in a matter of weeks what brainwashing would take months to accomplish. The best part, according to Strucker, is the fact that the process is completely irreversible. It took around six weeks for Zemo to take control of Howard, during which time they allowed him to return home to see what secrets he could gather for them. Then they simply faked his death and took him to Castle Donar. The hood was just so nobody would recognize him - every Zemo has worn it for this reason. Strucker finds it funny that Zemo, a brilliant but utterly selfish man oblivious to the needs of others, has more in common with Stark than his real father ever did.
Stark's boiling in anger, and his repulsor's losing power even more rapidly because of it. Stark takes what strength he can muster and uses his free hand to bash Arsenal's face in, the exertion of this feat knocking him down to 13% power. Rhodey finally joins Stark, who grabs Pepper... and gets a giant axe in his back courtesy of the lovely Gialetta Nefaria. She rants about him being a spoiled egotistical manchild - when Pepper delivers a one-hit K.O. right to her jaw. "That's for Virgil. He never liked you, either." Rhodey says there's no way out... so Stark suggests they make one. Jumping through a wall, they land in front of an entire tank battalion. Stark advises Pepper to hold on tight - and turns into a motorcycle. Well, not really a motorcycle, since it only has the front wheel. Instead of a back wheel are two tank treads - which have been visible all along as part of the suit's legs. And the front wheel comes out of the car hood-like chest piece. This rules so hard. Even better, Stark's hands aren't occupied so he's also firing with both wrist guns. Pepper rides on top in a move that strikes me as disastrously unsafe, while Rhodey hangs from the side providing covering fire.
The drawbridge starts to raise, and if you can't see where this is going you've never seen a decent car chase before. That's right, it's used as a ramp. Stark lands on one of the narrow mountain roads and starts driving for the cliffs, where Jarvis swings by in the airship with a ramp to catch them. He tells them to hurry, because the entire German fleet is bearing down on Castle Donar now. Stark, down to 10% repulsor power, tells Jarvis that Rhodey and Pepper both need medical attention. Jarvis retorts, "And you don't? I can practically hear the repulsor sputtering out from here." Stark lies and says he's got at least 18% power left - he's going after the trident... and Strucker. Jarvis tells him he'll die, but Stark jumps without another word. 9% power remaining.
Strucker and Zemo are now aboard a mammoth zeppelin of their own, and are on their way to deliver the trident - with a sizable escort from many other airships. Strucker looks out a window as he tells Zemo to reinforce the alloy on Arsenal's faceplate when they get back - "We can't have it so vulnerable that a simple blast like that can knock its head—", he tries to say before Stark punches him through the window. Climbing in, Stark lets loose with a wonderfully cheesy Pre-Mortem One-Liner: "U.S. Customs. Seems you scum have something that doesn't belong to you." Strucker orders the men on board to kill their unwanted guest. By the time the fight's over, Iron Man's the only one left standing... and at 5% repulsor power. Panting, Stark taunts Strucker and Zemo for not putting up much of a fight. At Strucker's insistence, Zemo reveals that what they lack in strength... they make up for in cunning. And do they ever, because six Arsenals emerge from behind a door Zemo opened. Stark gives a classic Little "No" for his big Oh, Crap! moment, and just two blows into the fight of his life he's down to 2% repulsor power.
Strucker says this moment is also ironic, because it illustrates how Stark and his father are alike. Both of them were wealthy men who could have easily avoided going to war. But they just had to try to save the world. The trident, smashed out of its case in the Curb-Stomp Battle, catches Stark's eye and he tries to inch his way towards it when Strucker comes closer to gloat some more. "All you had to do was fly away in your blimp, Stark. Fly away and have your little adventures as you've been doing so well. Leaving us to our rightful place." He says they won't kill him... they'll probably make him the new Zemo. Howard has outlived his resourcefulness by now, anyway. And, Hell, he guesses if they hook his heart up to a coil of orihalcum, they could keep him alive for a hundred years. Zemo, forever.
Stark says that's never going to happen. Strucker thinks this is cute. What's he going to do, kill them all? Kill his own father, even? Stark grabs the trident and pours his remaining repulsor power into it. "My father died a long time ago. And he died a hero!", he shouts triumphantly as a terrible lightning storm erupts from the trident, wreaking havoc on the German airship fleet. Stark falls from the sky and into the ocean, his repulsor completely emptied of power... when Captain Namor happens by in the Lady Dorma. "Get him inside now. He still owes me a damn boat."
One week later, Stark is recovering at "Stark M. Hospital", where he's told the story up to now to a few members of the press. After all this, he's retiring as the hero of "Tony Stark Adventures." He says that if this last excursion has taught him anything, it's that there are more important things in the world than shiny mythical trinkets. He talks about tough times at home and abroad, and the reporters razz him for being a "bleeding heart" and getting into political matters. Jarvis shoos them out of the room and tells them to let him get some rest. Pepper and Rhodey come to visit, and Tony confirms that he's always been a "bleeding heart." That said, he is wondering if he might be getting a little soft. Still, he thinks what is needed right now is men who "engage the world, not just escape it." Rhodey finds the sentiment touching, but Stark could use some time alone. He's got a phone call to make to some general, Furry or Flurry or something like that, who rang him up earlier about some madman in Latveria. "So I suppose our little conversation about heroes will just have to be continued...", he says as we see the latest issue of Marvels next to the phone, proudly displaying Iron Man on the cover with Pepper doing a Leg Cling. "The New Adventures of Tony Stark... by Pepper Potts."
End of Iron Man Noir.
I have to admit, I liked this series a lot more than I thought I would. After all, I struggled with the first issue a lot, and I figured it would only get rougher from there. Seriously, around the start of issue 2 I was almost thinking "this could be the one Noir book I don't like."
Next Up: Daredevil Noir! Because I want to do a sort of Book Ends thing where I complement the fact that I did X-Men first by doing Wolverine and Weapon X (and Deadpool Pulp and The Sentinels) last.
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