This fic was great! It really needs it's own trope page, too. I agree with the above for the most part: Jack does overshadow the other characters a bit, but it's a Jack-centric fic, so I think it can be forgiven. The reason Bunny is put down so much for not liking Jack is that his distrust is unreasonable, and in fact a plot-relevant reason for his continued distrust is given in the story. It just takes a long time to come about. And the plot was AMAZING! You can really tell that the author planned the whole thing out from start to finish, and with 130 chapters that is really saying something!
But, like my title says, it could do with a little more editing. There aren't many of the typical spelling or grammatical errors, but the author seems to have a little trouble with punctuation. Specifically, commas. Sometimes there's too many, breaking up a sentence in an odd way. Sometimes there's even a period and a new sentence where there should have just been a comma. The end result is a lot of incomplete clauses that can be rather jarring when you're really into the story and run across one. For the length of this fic there really aren't many such errors, but there were certainly enough to remain on my mind once I'd finished.
Worth the read, but needs some editing.
This fic was great! It really needs it's own trope page, too. I agree with the above for the most part: Jack does overshadow the other characters a bit, but it's a Jack-centric fic, so I think it can be forgiven. The reason Bunny is put down so much for not liking Jack is that his distrust is unreasonable, and in fact a plot-relevant reason for his continued distrust is given in the story. It just takes a long time to come about. And the plot was AMAZING! You can really tell that the author planned the whole thing out from start to finish, and with 130 chapters that is really saying something!
But, like my title says, it could do with a little more editing. There aren't many of the typical spelling or grammatical errors, but the author seems to have a little trouble with punctuation. Specifically, commas. Sometimes there's too many, breaking up a sentence in an odd way. Sometimes there's even a period and a new sentence where there should have just been a comma. The end result is a lot of incomplete clauses that can be rather jarring when you're really into the story and run across one. For the length of this fic there really aren't many such errors, but there were certainly enough to remain on my mind once I'd finished.