Romance

I hate myself a lot. But I want to help people here. I try to live one day at a time until I I go away. Learn to love yourself. There are people who love you. Don't put yourself dowm.

Wanted to share here, but we were finally able to set up the video chat for my mother to meet my long-distance girlfriend and her mother (first time I met her mother too).

It went pretty well, it cleared up a lot of doubt/concern my mother was having in regards to our relationship, they established a bit of a connection to each other now, and we're now going to be able to better plan for my girlfriend and her mother to come visit so we can finally meet in meatspace. Most likely over this upcoming summer.

So, I'm pretty jubilant about that.

@Mark, in the end I suspect that your best bet is going to be finding a professional to help you with your self hatred, there a limit to how much assistance kindly people online, well meaning friends, family or even a romantic partner can give. You’re likely to need someone who is trained in this.

Silas: That's what I'm aiming to do. Gonna see what my insurance covers, and see where my Psych teacher does counseling. Sounds weird aiming to go with a teacher, but... I trust her tbh.

I can confirm that finding good therapist is really good thing when you dislike yourself Like, in my case, I'm already good at introspection (which both the nurse and my therapist was pleasantly surprised by), but even then, I never noticed I reason to myself lot of things through feelings or emotions alone.

Like, if you are good at introspection, you already can tell difference between "I know I'm going to be alone forever" and "I think I'm going to be alone forever". The part I was missing is that if I go enough down rabbit hole on "Why" I think about something, it always comes down to "I FEEL like people don't like me", "I FEEL anxious about this", "I FEEL like there is nothing I'm good at" and etc. And thing about feelings is that they can be really unreasonable.

Basically, if you can find good professional who can counsel you on how to change your thinking, it really goes long way.

Anyway, on side of romantic note from perspective of 25 year old with only one 2 months long long distance internet summer romance when they were 16 years old, there is nothing wrong with being okay to remain alone as long you aren't doing it because you gave up on idea. I am still interested in idea of romance, but I stopped actively desiring it when I gained social life through running tabletop rpgs online. I dunno if that means I've learned relationships aren't as fun or just that I don't need to be in relationship to not be lonely.

I mean, another thing I've learned in my life (after my cat dying, suffering burn out, going to therapy and starting to run more campaigns online) is that every cartoon show or story about characters who gain tons of friends are bullshit, since you don't need lots of friends, you just need enough people you trust and whether that is amount of one or two hands worth of fingers doesn't matter. I never needed to be friends with everyone in class, I only needed to have couple of people I could talk to. Heck, true friendship to me is "If you can talk to person you haven't talked to in over a year as if you never took long break between". Anything more than that is setting unreasonable expectations.

...I got really off topic there in the end. Anyway, meant to say that I think its kinda unfair how media sets up really unreasonable expectations about social life and how often you should hang out with someone :p While also being like "Nah, you don't need professional help, you need FRIENDS" because professional help certainly did help me view the world differently.

Edited by SpookyMask on Mar 27th 2019 at 3:33:03 PM

Of course there are two girls I like. :/

And I could see the girl who was a bitch towards me in the next few days. Well fuck.

@Spino Consider talking to both of them and see which girl you like more. Or find out more about them and see which one you like more. All I can say is talk to the one you like more. No use hiding it.

@Scare Don't be angry at her. Don't stoop to her level. If you can, you don't have to talk to her. If she talk to you, in the way she did before, be civil. Take the higher ground. Don't be sarcastic. Just talk to her like a regular person and people will respect you more for it.

Well I dodged a bullet today. She was there but I don't think she noticed me.

Things worked out for you. I'm glad you're doing ok.

Update: Got myself a Bumble account, already got a few matches and am chatting with a girl on campus! Things are looking up!

Nice! Hope it goes well for you.

Update: She hasn't been free this past week, so no date sadly :( Thankfully we both like antiquing and we might be heading to an antique store downtown that I've never heard of sometime soon.

That's very nice.

Just make sure your schedules match up and you'll be fine!

Good luck to you!

Edit: Wowowow wrong thread.

Edited by TParadox on Apr 9th 2019 at 8:18:45 AM

It sure is.

One more argument about if it's too soon to get married or not, one more, "I love you and I want to stay together even if I'm tired of waiting".

It's not even 18 months. We almost broke up about it back in November and that wasn't even our first argument about it.

Edited by TParadox on Apr 16th 2019 at 11:55:14 AM

We dated for close to 6 years before we got married. And we have now been married coming up on 4 years in July.

No need to rush into things is my feelings on it.

I'm trying to work on my emotional instability and my other issues because there is absolutely no conceivable way I'd be able to have a boyfriend at this stage in the game. I'm also wanting to wait at least 6 or 7 more years anyway, so that I'll be more mature and more ready for a romance.

There is no rush in terms of romance. If your health is causing you to think this over, take as much time as you need. Sometimes, you need to deal with your own issues and go at your own pace. No one can rush you. Some people take months to think things over, some take years, either way, everyone goes at their own pace. And when you do find someone, it's because of your own mind and you are in control of your life.

I wish you the best.

I just love how my so called friends keep mentioning this girl I had a falling out with all the time.

It's ok if you tell them to stop, even if they're busting your balls. If they were your friends, they would stop.

I have and they keep doing it. At least I just have a month left with them and then I can go to college.

If they keep doing, don't hang out with them. If it's still a sore spot for you, you don't need to be reminded constantly when they tell you to stop.

It's better to be alone than be surrounded by people who make you feel worse.

Yeah if you’re counting down the time till you can get away from ‘friends’ than they’re not friends and it’s worth looking at getting away from them now.