![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
What kind of help do you need? If I am able to help, I'm willing.
Basically, I intend to remake a few scenes that were left out of the three chapters when the antagonists first appeared. I could provide more info via Skype. If you were to read chapters 3, 4 and 5, those are basically them. The flashbacks at the moment focus on them on how Nodoka came to be taken away from Mahora and learning to cope with her new location.
And if you ever saw the color coordination I had on the antagonists there then, additional help there would be much appreciated.
Going to sleep now.
edited 4th Apr '12 2:09:55 PM by Kurush
himitsu keisatsu
Okay, remember when I told you I kind of treat my hands like glorified shields? The reason is simple. I play goalkeeper, and I tend to heavily prioritize the ball over my fingers. Like a real man once said, te rompes los huesos, te desgarras los musculos y te destruis la ropa, pero la pelota no se mancha, meaning, your bones my break, your muscles may tear and your clothes might be destroyed, but the ball remains clean.
Did I miss anything interesting on mah way here from Football-land?
Does anyone remember the short incantation for the Thousand Thunderbolts?
edited 4th Apr '12 2:24:31 PM by IAmNotCreativeEnough
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
Random snippet.
"My gift for you," he smoothly said. "As long as you keep the portrait safe and unharmed, you will never age, never die no matter what..."
"I already don't age or die, you idiot," she snapped icily.
"... Ah. That's right. I forgot. Well, how about these Lazarus Pits water salts for your bath, then...?"
She broke the portrait on his head.
edited 4th Apr '12 2:36:55 PM by NapoleonDeCheese
himitsu keisatsu
You know, Evangeline would benefit from the Lazarus Pits. She'd go insane, and then she wouldn't have to worry about getting bored.
Chapter Six: Chicks Dig The Giant Golem
Louise is not one to get angry, upset or anxious over little things.
Pff, yeah, right.
If she weren't, she wouldn't be frantically pacing back and forth, knowing full well that she had absolutely nothing to show for the exhibition. No training, no practice, no nothing! And it was her fault.
“Listen, just go out there and bow.” She commanded, sighing.
Negi frowned. “This is my fault, Master, if I had prepared for this, then...”
Louise shook her head. “I was the one that wasn't up to being your Master. I should have assumed you wouldn't know about that!” However, that didn't mean she was in a good mood, and to Negi, seeing her sad was worse than seeing her angry.
Then Negi remembered something. “Well, I am not good with illusions, but...” He seemed to be thinking about something. “I am carrying a powerful illusory artifact on my person...”
Louise blinked. She wondered what he could be talking about. It took two seconds for her mind to return to a certain event that had transpired at the last evening. “No, absolutely not.” She ordered, although it lacked the usual force behind it. Mostly because it wasn't so much an order as it was a petition. And she was conflicted as to whether or not she wanted to see it again.
“... Well, it could be dangerous, Master, I agree.” Negi admitted sheepishly, ignoring the sound of Sylphid's wings cutting through the wind.
To Louise, it wasn't anything new to be laughed at. To Negi, it was. He didn't care, though, at least they were enjoying it... although he didn't know what It was. Getting laughed off the stage was uncomfortable either way. He wasn't used to being ridiculed.
Well, he was better at comforting people than he was at showing off his powers, at any rate, and it was something he liked to do. So it was normal he'd spend the rest of the day, and by that he meant all of ten minutes, trying to do so for Louise. Though she seemed to want to wander off aimlessly at the time, she hadn't shooed him away yet.
It was an improvement, if nothing else. At least he could pull a smile out of her when he promised to one day show her his true power. Mostly because he mentioned he promised to do it for both her and the princess.
“Louise, are giant golems a common sight?”
Granted, the tiny pink thing was too busy staring at the sheer enormity of the thing to notice that. Or the fact that Negi wasn't referring to her as Master as usual. They were kind of stunned.
It wasn't every day that you got confronted by a golem that is roughly as tall as the tallest building in the academy and just as wide at the shoulders as the tower was at it's base.
“Today is not your lucky day!” An unknown voice shouted from above, as the golem pulled it's fist back.
Negi narrowed his eyes and placed both hands forward as the hand shot off like a rocket towards him. A magic, runic circle popped into existence right as the hand would have grabbed him. It crashed into a million pieces under the force, though, but that was okay. Negi was already out of the way, anyway.
“How..?” He could hear the same voice ask, as he deposited Louise. He would have used Shundou, but doing that while carrying someone was a bit... dangerous.
“Louise, run!” He said, scowling at the large golem that was working on turning around. Without warning, he disappeared in a gust of wind, lifting Louise's minuscule skirt and blowing her cloak into the wind. Not a second later, he reappeared, fist drawn back for a punch, in front of the Golem's chest.
“Raikahouken!” the spot at which Negi's fist made contact exploded in a flurry of rock and lightning. It stumbled back a step as Negi bounced off it's chest, clutching his hand. It seemed to lose it's balance for a second.
“Partner, use me!” Derflinger nearly yelled.
“I don't think that's a good idea. I just broke four fingers punching it, Derflinger, whatever it's made of, it's reinforced to be tougher than steel.” Negi replied, as he fell, very slowly, back to the ground. He then decided to turn his head Louise's way for a very simple reason.
She hadn't moved from the spot where he'd left her in.
The distraction had proved very dangerous, though, as the golem hadn't lost it's balance at all. It had just prepared to launch a very clumsy punch. Having been distracted, it hit Negi full force. You see, his barriers are meant to stop magically enhanced punches from having any effect by stripping the magic that powers them.
“NEGI!”
However, the golem had no enhanced strength. It simply had the weight of a few tons worth of dirt behind it's attack. The barriers crashed like glass behind it's strength and Negi was launched away like a rocket, managing to dig up a cave for himself as he was buried into the ground.
Louise had no time to dwell on the possibility of having just let her familiar be killed. You see, anger has a way of getting you focused on your goal.
The golem, and it's owner, stopped paying attention to Louise for a couple seconds, but it was all that she needed. The chant for a basic fire attack spell wasn't long. “FIREBALL!”
Now, rage has it's downsides. It makes you rash and unreasonable. It also makes you not care about aiming properly. Though the explosion had been large enough that it'd rocked the tower and the tower-like golem alike, tearing chunks out of both. She tried to readjust her aim, but the golem turned back to her, looking to squash her under it's left fist.
Just a little mistake, though
The force of the impact almost knocked her back, but it was mostly redirected so that it went just past her without touching her. The barrier crashed like glass upon impact, but several others took it's place, enough that when the fist did make it to Negi, his enhanced physical strength was enough to stop it. “Told you I could stop it.” Derflinger commented, as the golem pushed them back. Negi's right hand fell limp at his side, while the other held the sword in place.
It had, indeed, dug into the Golem's fist.
Louise hadn't ever been happier to see her familiar. “Louise, whoever told you you have no magic potential didn't know what they were talking about...” Negi commented, a strained smile on his bloodied face. He was inwardly crying for the loss of his suit jacket, however. “That was incredible.”
Yep, she hadn't ever been happier to see her familiar. To hear him was even better.
“However, I can barely move.” It wasn't a lie. Just using Shundou to get to her location had already taxed his body beyond what it could take. The golem had just hit him so hard his head was still ringing. Not to mention, that impact had almost reduced the bones in his arms to jello. Overall, he wasn't feeling well. He still wasn't sure what was holding him together, let alone up and standing.
For the moment, it was Louise.
With one barely capable of moving and the other incapable of hitting the broad side of a barn, the controller of the golem was left free to do what she wanted to do. She would question how someone could even begin to survive two hits later.
“Master... I can stop it... But I will need you to listen to me very carefully. I need you to pull my right arm back and point my palm away from us.” The pinkette did as commanded, not in the mood for questioning him. “Τιτανο-κτονον!”
The golem's owner was leaving, riding in the massive creature's hand. For such a bulky and huge thing, it could move fairly fast. Clumsily, of course. Once it was past the academy's wall, the golem lowered it's hand and continued walking forward.
Louise had a clear idea of what to do when she was holding his arm. The order was completely unneeded.
A truly gigantic two pronged spear of solidified lightning struck it's chest. It was practically the perfect size for the golem to use as a weapon. Too bad it was currently impaling it from the back.
It stumbled, for reals this time, several steps forward. When it's knees buckled, the ground shook, and Louise almost dropped Negi.
“Hold my hand steady, Master!” Louise nodded, although it was hard considering he was much larger than herself. “Emittens Dios Logche, Khiliplen Astrapen Producam!”
By the time the thief had started to run, the thing exploded into a million pieces as one thousand thunderbolts exploded.
edited 4th Apr '12 3:33:08 PM by IAmNotCreativeEnough
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
himitsu keisatsu
Nah, when you have that kind of power, you take very long to get bored. Also, I had fun in using a Titan Slayer spear to kill a titanic Golem. Do tell me if it sounds at all plausible.
By the way, Negi's insides resemble a pasty red sauce at this point. A perk of being the Gandalfr is that you can still force your body to move even past the times when you would just collapse and die on the spot. Just thought I'd make that clear.
Aftermath.
Vomiting blood was a horrible experience. He had never quite gotten used to the taste.
Louise gasped in horror as she saw the familiar who had just displayed immense power empty his stomach's contents. The moment it stopped flowing, having already made a poodle under him, he began coughing.
More and more blood came out.
Louise was frantically scrambling for a water mage. Her familiar couldn't die. He was so powerful, so strong, he'd reduced a giant golem to a mountain of dirt with just one spell! He'd taken two devastating attacks in her place! It was her fault he was as he was.
“D-Don't...” He called, coughing severely again. His voice raspy, a reminder of his condition “W-Worry, Master.”
And the bastard tried to smile. “Shut up! I'll worry all I want! You can't die! I won't let you die!” She was completely out of it, she tried to hold him still, as if it would help any. The impotence was filling her with frustration.
“I... I'll... be fine...”
It was that same beatific smile, the one that promised that everything would be alright. Warm, kind, loving. The smile that a kind, loving older sibling could give to make the sadness and loneliness go away in an instant.
It was with that smile that he fell.
Tears began rolling down Louise's cheeks when silence fell. The silence was deafening. Even the sound of Sylphid landing was something that registered only in the far distance.
Tabitha's eyes widened a fraction of an inch, before she turned to Louise. “Still breathing.”
Such a short sentence. As brief and compact as everything Tabitha said. It was more than enough to make Louise want to hug her.
edited 4th Apr '12 3:30:40 PM by IAmNotCreativeEnough
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
@injuries discussion: I am deathly afraid of Eye Scream, since it would mean I'd never be able to read again. I'm okay with using one hand, and if I lose both thee are typing programs where you can use your eyes, but the idea of NEVER reading again terrifies me.
On a side note, there is an annoying lack of good Mutio pics (from Blue Submarine No 6) on the Internet.
edited 4th Apr '12 4:23:29 PM by SCMof2814
She's Back
Braille, Mage. There's always Braille.
Edit to forestall objection: You weren't born knowing how to make sense out of print either.
edited 4th Apr '12 5:06:02 PM by Darkenning
If you won't I'll slit your throat/Won't you please be nice?
It's not the same… it also means I can't watch tv or read fansubs, having to rely on (shudder) English dubs! THOSE SUCK (usually). The voices are either too high-pitched or too flat. Or maybe that's just animax…
Disturbingly, the only dub I DON'T find off-putting was Pokemon… even Magic Knight Rayearth, great as the English theme was, felt too high-pitched.
Well… Escaflowne works too… but most others suck…
edited 4th Apr '12 5:10:45 PM by SCMof2814
She's Back
... there's such a thing as described video. As for subtitles ... I suspect that even as we speak, people are working to make set up Whistler used in Sneakers a reality. If that's so, then it would be possible to program the Braille box to "print" subtitle text to your fingertips.
Only the end of the world is the end of the world.
edited 4th Apr '12 5:13:49 PM by Darkenning
If you won't I'll slit your throat/Won't you please be nice?
@IANCE: How out of shapte is Negi in this fic compared to his just arrived in the magic world self?
I need a new sig.
The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer
.... Um, IANCE, why didn't Negi jump to Lightning Form? Or even that Incendium Gehennae-based Mighty Glacier form?
And I think you should try re-uploading Chapter 4 on FF.Net, because it's still not showing up.
edited 4th Apr '12 5:39:09 PM by MarqFJA
Fiat iustitia, et pereat mundus.
himitsu keisatsu
The reason he didn't jump immediately to lightning form is simple. He underestimated the damn thing. It was a rock golem, large as it may be. Jovis Tempestas Fulguriens could have punched through it. He didn't expect it to be as tough as it was (Fouquet does not half ass her dirt golems).
Fouquet and Mott are both Triangle Class mages. The difference is that Fouquet is not a pampered noble and actually knows that there are people out there more powerful than herself, that could very well have been present on an event where Henrietta showed up. The Golem was only meant to punch through the vault and then as a distraction while she ran the f*ck away on foot.
I posted it again, though it may take a while to show up.
Power wise, he is actually quite a bit superior to what he was. He has kept up his training. However, he hasn't actually fought for realsies since his conflict with the Lifemaker ended. The closest he gets is the occasional spar with Kotaro or Evangeline and his training with Ku Fei (strictly martial arts based combat). So... noticeably out of shape.
All the skill and power is there, however, he is not a pure fighter. He has other things in his life. Sneaking away to train in Evangeline's resort has kept him in shape physically, but going so long without a real fight will dull your sense very quickly.
edited 4th Apr '12 6:24:20 PM by IAmNotCreativeEnough
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
World's Cutest Direwolf
@The Nobody: I'm with mega-dark and Sereg.
@IANCE: It's = It is. I stopped quoting lines where you used "it's" instead of "its" once I hit the fourth one.
Negi bleeds poodles... that's right up there with Medusa bleeding horses...
"C'mon, Haruna, that's just bullsh—" Asuna began.
Negi walked in carrying a large basket full with puppies, an uneasy Kotaro marching behind him. "Good news, everyone!" Negi proudly announced. "I'm a Mom!"
edited 4th Apr '12 6:33:32 PM by NapoleonDeCheese
World's Cutest Direwolf
No, no, he vomits poodles. Or a poodle, at least.
It's technically possible that he just ate a whole poodle recently, but that's so out of character that I assume Weird Magic Shit.
"Alright..."
Edit: Chapter 4 of The Darkest Void is showing up fine for me.
edited 4th Apr '12 6:39:29 PM by NapoleonDeCheese
The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer
@IANCE: Fair points, but that still leaves me wondering why ME didn't auto-activate for Healing Factor purposes in response to his mortal injuries. It's completely integrated into his biology, as we've seen when Negi tanked Fate's first punch to him at the altar — yeah, he deflected part of the blow's power, but the runes still appeared on his cheek where the fist impacted his face, and he still manages to tank his later blows before he eventually goes Lightning Form for the speed boost.
Fiat iustitia, et pereat mundus.
World's Cutest Direwolf
![[lol]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/lol2v12_4863.png "[lol]"){kind=small}
himitsu keisatsu
Eh, I could probably have Louise get her first eyefull of the glyphs over his body. It can be worked in without much trouble.
And I'm not sure what the hell I was thinking when I wrote that.
I hate It's and Its. I always f*ck it up, despite knowing the later is the correct form. Stupid contractions.
edited 4th Apr '12 6:47:04 PM by IAmNotCreativeEnough
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
Won't be writing or showing up as much for the rest of the week. It's Holy Week here, and my parents are both on a 'clean the house and surrounding lot' kick AND a 'fasting and abstinence, as well as depriving oneself of earthly things for the sake of Christ' kick. While I have nothing againt either in theory, their enthusiasm is... a lot.
And also, I'm having my bi-yearly moral non-existential crisis as I wonder how much of a socipath I am, given it is once more driven home I don't feel really guilty about things (we go to confession every year at this time, and I always draw a blank, but I KNOW I'm not THAT pure), and that I don't really care about people suffering. The other time is Christmas.
Random Idea: Mirai Nikki, with half the cast as Masters and Servants and the other half as the cast of Negima, with a dash of decadence for spice...
edited 4th Apr '12 6:49:04 PM by SCMof2814
... Well, darn. I'm kinda (read: rather) stuck to finish the chapter without the conclusion to your infodump, but I'll try to see what can I work out in the meanwhile.
edited 4th Apr '12 6:50:29 PM by NapoleonDeCheese
Okay, I really got to ask, is anyone willing to help me? I want to make sure that things are alright and all with the rewrite and all, but how can I if noone's willing to. Perfectly willing to show problems I'm stuck with at the moment (chapters 3 - 5) and taking any critique you throw at me.