The Official Bad Puns Topic

What do you call a pork leg thread? A ham string.

What part of the body is made of young cattle? The calves.

What warrior fights near your neck? A shoulder soldier.

If you throw the bums out, you'll land on your tailbone instead.

Sitting on a donkey all day long is a pain in the ass, I'm told.

A nun crashed a car into a church, causing one of the towers to fall down and crush a dozen people. The nun was let go, and did not have to take any responsibility for the event.

Why?

Nuns don't kill people. Steeples kill people.

edited 21st Jan '10 10:34:05 PM by newtonthenewt

This topic isn't even remotely punny.

I think it's bony. you know what bone?

It's all humerus to me.

•How do you kill a blue elephant?

◦With a blue elephant gun.

•How do you kill a green elephant?

◦Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with the blue elephant gun.

•How do you kill a pink elephant?

◦Paint it green, hold it's nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with the blue elephant gun.

•How do you kill a yellow elephant?

◦Tickle it pink, paint it green, hold it's nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

edited 22nd Jan '10 9:32:08 AM by ElTheDaze

You forgot...

How do you kill a purple elephant?

There's no such thing as a purple elephant.

But those aren't puns. Just jokes.

There's a wall against which many cats were laying with their newborn young. There's a section, however, which has no cats on it. Why?

Because there was a No littering sign.

ow.

Why are black sheep considered black sheep?

Because they have a baaaad attitude.

Why are geographers hardcore? Because they have lattitude.

Horticulture: You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think.

edited 23rd Jan '10 1:45:25 AM by wellinever

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

A man who beat up another with a cob of corn he was eating faces charges of assault and battery.

A type of spiked desert plant said to induce hallucinations and false hightening of the senses to whoever drinks from it's reserved liquids. Highly addictive. Cracktus

Aliens from Avatar: "Hey, listen!"

Cause they're the Na'vi.

I killed everything here with my bare hands, including the bear hands.

No, here's a better way of doing that pun, Coyotic Evil:

Bear Hands: weapon (melee), +75 attack power, +20 speed, -10 defense.

edited 23rd Jan '10 2:59:40 PM by GlennMagusHarvey

@Haven: That was the first thing I thought of when I heard about the Na'vi in Avatar.

edited 23rd Jan '10 3:12:49 PM by newtonthenewt

On the other hand, when someone mentions "navi", I think Mega Man Battle Network, actually.

Wasn't the browser in Serial Experiments Lain also named Navi?

Coyotic: It was.

I on the other hand, think of Nokia phones.

Two fish in a tank. One says: "You drive, I'll man the guns."

What's brown and Sticky? A stick...

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick...

What's thin, brown, and sits in the corner? A Naughty stick...

AAAAAAAA