Naga

How can I fix the first description below so that the character in that description show that his face is that of Indian man but with features described in the description. How can I make the character in the second description attractive despite being part snake?

How can I improve the following so it shows enough detail of the character in the second description?

It’s been two months since he was transformed into a half-human/half-snake and he has finally gotten used to the feel of cold stone on his lower half. While slithering down a hallway he noticed a door slightly ajar. Something was moving on the other side, but he couldn’t tell exactly what it was. His curiosity got the better of him and he opened the door all the way. What he saw was a female creature somewhat similar to the way he looks. She had six arms and the lower half of her body was replaced by that of a snake, like him. She turned as she heard the door opening and he saw a beautiful face with penetrating emerald green eyes and cupid bow lips framed by light red hair. Realizing she was not alone her wings flared out, revealing green leathery wings that were as graceful as they were dangerous.

Physical Description: A tall male creature that is eight feet tall slithers in. You notice from the waist up he has the body of a powerfully built Hindu man with olive-green scales and black blotches that run the length of his body. His round unblinking eyes have round pupils, golden irises, and black scleras. The top of his mouth has four rows of recurved teeth and extremely long fangs, while on the bottom of his mouth are two rows of recurved teeth. His long tongue is forked. A deep pit is located in the loreal area between the eye and the nostril on either side of his head. Each one of his six arms holds a long sword if it were an extension of his body. From the waist down, you notice he has the body of a twenty-six feet long constrictor.

Physical Description: A tall female creature that is two feet taller than that of a normal human female slithers in. You notice from the waist up she is an unclad winged female with six arms. Large dragon-like wings flare from her back. The joints of the wings are laced with razor-like claws and adorned with jewelry. Her light red hair is tied into two braids that descend downs her back down to her waist. Her face has a forehead and jawline that are narrow with regal, well-defined cheekbones. In both of her pointed ears, she wears a circular golden earring. Her gentle curved light red brows with an unpronounced arch lead to her dainty nose with an upward tilt to it and thick lashes that bat sweetly over her penetrating emerald green eyes. Her full luscious lips that are painted red deceives her authority. Her breasts are large with both nipples having a small circular gold piercing. Each one of her six arms holds a wicked scimitar as if it were an extension of her body. On each one of her six arms, she wears an exquisite golden bracelet. Her fingers are long and slender. From the waist down, you notice she has the body of a twenty-six feet long constrictor with gorgeous emerald green scales.

Edited by Tylzrynuss on Dec 24th 2021 at 7:09:13 AM

Yep, you are overdoing it with the details.

(I know, I used to be guilty of it myself back when I started writing.)

Here is my advice.

Treat "details" like "butter on a sandwich"

Take the paragraph and only make it three sentences long, maximum.

This way, you will realize what to prioritize and what to remove in order to avoid clogging the arteries of the story.

Edited by TitanJump on Dec 24th 2021 at 5:34:55 PM