General The Legend Of Zelda Fanfiction Thread

I found an old hilarious fanfic where they described Ganondorf like you purchased him from a store.

"Problem: Your GANONDORF DRAGMIRE (ver 1.0) unit has suddenly stopped moving and won't respond to anything you say.

Answer: Check and see if your unit has been impaled in any of the following areas: heart, chest, back, forehead. If you happen to find the Master Sword accessory in any of those spots, all you need to do is remove it. Of course, this will not restart your GANONDORF DRAGMIRE (ver 1.0) unit right away. To reboot, simply yell 'TRIFORCE' in a really loud and jarring voice right next to his ear. Your GANONDORF DRAGMIRE (ver 1.0) unit will start strangling you within 10 seconds of hearing this."

https://www.quotev.com/story/15334026/Sakura-and-the-Triforce-of-BALANCE/1

What the hell is this? Also, this girl can't spell to save her life.

Edited by justakawaiigirl on Jan 4th 2023 at 6:54:33 AM

Honestly, I suspect that any fanfic that badly written is a Troll Fic.

I kind of love it though

Late in the twilight hours, Malon sat at the table by her bed in a dim room lit only by the flickering of a candle. With a quiet yawn, she set the book she had been reading down and listened to the low rumbling of thunder outside.

The rain was pouring down, bringing a sense of worry, not just for her precious animals, but a…. boy she had taken to waiting nightly for in hopes he would appear.

Like so many of the fantasy books she would read, how he traipsed about with his cute little sword and shield brought fantasies of princes and princesses, knights and damsels, and well….

"…"

Secretly, she'd fantasize throughout the day as she did her chores that they were in those fables together. Though she'd never tell due to the embarrassment it brought her heart, she still wished it to be true.

Being caught up in the fanciful dreams of adventure and love was her favorite pastime, and as her "Fairy Boy's" presence took center stage in her mind, she had taken to anxiously waiting for his return with ever-increasing trepidation.

He always did, but "when" was the mystery. Even so, she would only eat half her dinner and hide the rest in case he might show up with an empty stomach. Even her sleep had been stretched thin despite an early rise. Day after day became exhausting, but she persisted, not wanting to miss his arrival.

As Malon let out a sigh and heard the loud boom of thunder from outside, she stood up and watched her shadow dance on the wall. It was so warm and cozy here in her room, and the bed called to her….

She stretched her arms out and moved towards it but stopped when she thought she heard a noise. She turned towards her door and listened, but besides the muffled snoring of her father, there was naught but heavy rain beating against her roof.

"…"

"You're hearin' things, Malon…." She reassured herself.

Her long, red hair swayed with the shake of her head, but when the noise came again, she shifted her eyes toward the window. It was at this very moment her heart skipped a beat. Everything she had been waiting for had finally come again, and she dashed to the shutters in her excitement.

Tossing them aside a bit too loud, she pulled up the window in front of her, and the wind splashed some rain into her face as she looked out. The dim fire that burned from the lantern out front illuminated the small boy standing before her home.

At first, she felt like she might shout, but she controlled herself enough to glance him over. He seemed exhausted from his expression, and with harder scrutiny, she thought she saw what appeared to be blood on his face.

Once he waived her down, she held up her hand, knowing the routine, and hastily turned away from the window. Quickly, she raced to what she had prepared for him and shoved it inside a pillowcase. After that, she opened her bedroom door and looked downstairs from her vantage point.

Her father was fast asleep as usual, and the cuccos were all nestled lovingly around him. Despite his laziness and forgetfulness, he was loving and kind to her and the animals.

Knowing she'd have better chances of waking the dead, she merely went down the steps and grabbed hold of the spare key hanging from the hook by the table. She glanced at her father and moved back up the steps to join her friend.

Back in her room, she grabbed some extra bedsheets, an old dress, a pocket knife, and a tinderbox, after which she haphazardly threw everything she had into the pillowcase. Tying it with a string, she blew her candle out and looked out the window once more.

He was still waiting there as always, and she quickly climbed out onto her roof, shutting the window as she went. The breeze was stiff, and it blew her dress around roughly, so she held onto the window frame with her free hand.

She tossed the tied pillowcase down to him using her other hand, and he caught it effortlessly. Now more able to move without carrying something, she shuffled her way to the side of the building with the intent to climb down.

Unfortunately, as her boot moved along the shingles that made up the roof, she slipped due to its slickness. Before Malon could even scream, she toppled down into a roll and fell into a sudden drop.

...