Provide disproportionate retribution to the misdemeanor above

Kraven the Hunter shoots you and then buries you alive.

I chip some paint off a wall.

You're being skinned alive by leafcutter ants.

I didn't look my partner in the eye when talking.

edited 2nd Oct '13 6:28:56 PM by TAPETRVE

She fires lasers out of her eyes and melts you.

I assumed TAPETRVE's partner was female.

Thugs in suits come with baseball bats and break your knee caps.

I forgot to open the door for people.

You will be tacked to a door for a day.

I drived with my car headlights on on a bright sunny day.

edited 2nd Oct '13 8:05:01 PM by Blurring

A Grammar Nazi tackles you and teaches you in a very violent manner that it is "drove", not "drived".

I am said Grammar Nazi.

You miss another person who's blatently using bad grammar, thus causing the Grammar Fuhrer calling you to his office for a chat.

I go to my son's graduation ceremony.

The school burns down within seconds.

I rob the nearest troper from my house.

The other tropers will steal your house and then dump it in the middle of a desert.

I'm still driving with my headlights on on a sunny day.

edited 3rd Oct '13 8:38:11 AM by Blurring

You run over many, many deers and eventually get arrested for poaching.

I farted in an elevator.

The elevator stops and you are stuck in it for 2 days.

I accidentally cause a bubble of lower-energy vacuum to come to exist in our universe, and catalyse the conversion of our universe to a lower energy state in a volume expanding at nearly the speed of light, destroying all that we know without forewarning.

edited 3rd Oct '13 9:39:34 AM by porschelemans

Only you are killed by that event and the universe goes back to the way it was.

My team wins a round of paintball.

You are killed in a tragic accident in the last few seconds of the round.

I lie down on the floor.

The chandelier falls on you.

I open the door and get on the floor, then proceed to walk the dinosaur.

You get eaten by said dinosaur.

I eat a bag of chips.

edited 27th Feb '15 12:17:28 PM by Bk-notburgerking

For that, I shall dissect you with a chainsaw that happens to be twice as large as the Buster Sword.

I committed genocide.

You get slapped into the face

I slapped somebdy in the face

You get shot in the face.

I kicked a rock.

That wasn't a rock, it was a land mine.

I smack into a tree, causing a few leaves to fall.

Manual labour. You must plant a thousand trees.

I didn't tip the waiter.

You are summarily executed by the state police.

I blew up a sun. For me, it was Tuesday.

You, and everything that even vaguely relates to you, is thoroughly, painstakingly, and painfully excised from the fabric of the omniverse/reality/whatever name for the collective of this wide expanse of universes. Soon, even the mere concept of any form of "universe-eater" is completely unheard of in the wide omniverse/whatever, has never existed, ever, and is quite literally unthinkable without having your memory suppressed instantly by a whole new fundamental force of nature/law of physics put into place to ensure that this "engie" individual, and anything even vaguely related to them, is completely absent from existence.

I poked a table.

edited 28th Feb '15 2:09:43 AM by TheHoboTortle

You are hanged, drawn, and quartered for your crimes.

I fell asleep at work.

edited 28th Feb '15 2:22:03 AM by SymeSynth

You are woken up by being stabbed then made an example of at the next coffeee break by being shot

I killed a bug

edited 28th Feb '15 2:25:21 AM by Blackie

You get stepped on by a giant bug.

I deliberately caused a hundred-car pileup.