Professor Henry Hidgens has pitched his original musical, Workin' Boys, to Hatchetfield Community Theatre's Local Writers' Workshop, and is overjoyed when he is informed that, of the three scripts submitted, his has been chosen to be produced at the Starlight Theatre. They only request a few minor changes — namely, for the characters to be women instead.
Very, very begrudgingly, Hidgens agrees to turn Workin' Boys into Workin' Girls. However, beyond giving the characters feminine names and changing every instance of the word "football" to "football, but for girls", he refuses to deviate an inch from his original vision or take any further feedback.
The show is in rehearsal for a quick 28 days. The all-female cast proves that they have the balls to go balls-to-the-wall with Hidgens's material and portray ruthless businesswomen. On opening night, Hidgens confides in the cast that the show is based on his own past experiences with his six best friends from college. One night, when playing football in an abandoned lot as was their weekly habit, a thunderstorm rolled in, and when the seven of them were in a massive dogpile, they were struck by lightning, and Hidgens was the only survivor. All of this to say, he explains, that was the worst night of his life... until now, when he has to watch them butcher his show.
The show begins, and the depiction of high-powered businesswomen acting like frat bros gets some good laughs out of the audience, to Hidgens's fury. As he hides backstage to vent his frustration, he is suddenly surrounded on all sides by the grinning corpses of his old friends: Greg, Steve, Stu, Mark, and Leighton. These ghostly apparitions chastise him for letting the theatre tarnish their memory, and warn him that he had better save the show — for Chad's sake.
When the curtain rises on Act 2, the audience is greeted with a horrible sight: a bloodsoaked Hidgens, who has slaughtered the cast and crew with a hatchet and now intends to start the show over from the beginning with himself in every role. As the horror slowly dawns on the audience that this is really happening, Ted Spankoffski makes a run for it, but Hidgens draws a gun and shoots him cleanly through the head. The audience freezes in terror in their seats as Hidgens continues his performance, until Grace Chasity takes up Officer Bailey's gun and empties it into the professor's chest.
Henry Hidgens collapses to the floor. As he dies, he whispers, "I can't wait to get home to my boys," and interprets the audience's rush to get out of the building as a standing ovation.
