I've got two wooden swords, a wooden sword my toddler son broke which could pass as a dagger, and a few sets of wooden half armor which are all very noisy and dangerous to those who wear them due to splinters and chafing. But I'm pretty sure we've got wooden helmets. They have extra splinters, of course.
I want to be a hero, but the game forces me to be an itinerant second-hand arms dealer. When you're fighting a skyscraper-sized enemy with a gun that shoots lightning, you're going to think back to this moment and be like, "Heh."