"I'm Fluffy!"
— Brad's Catchphrase
"Yeah- I love bleeding! It's my favorite! Aw, fuck!"
— Brad while looking at his bleeding leg
Komi: You don't know much about faries then, do you, boy?
Brad: No, I would not like supplementary courses, or in fact any courses on fairy anythings. If I wanted those I'd pick out a book… or ask Ha-chan.
— Chapter 14
Brad: Yo, Alice! Your mom is hot!
Alice: …S-so I've heard… Wh- hold on!
— Brad and Alice exchanging pleasantries
"Fuckin'- stop getting a boner! What the hell!"
— Marisa while looking at Brad's trousers
"Yes~, it is I, the princess Kagayu!"
— Brad introducing himself to a Human Village guard while crossdressing as Kaguya
Sekibanki: …Let me get this straight– you were breaking into people's houses for candy?
Matt: I required the sugary nourishment for my well-being.
— Matt explaining himself
"This is ground control to Major Hijiri! You've really made the grain! And the papers want to know whoses shirts you wear!"
— Brad to wet Byakuren
"…Stale cum is the worst."
— Koakuma while looking at Brad's pillow
"Jesus, take the wheel. I'm up shit's creek without a paddle."
— Brad assessing his situation
"Fuck the fish! What've the fish ever done for me, huh? Were they there when the stock market collapsed? Exactly!"
— Brad sharing his anti-fish sentiment with Daiyousei
"Buff them edges, moonie"
— Brad, tired of Eirin's bullshit
"Ah, good, the stairs are like, frozen solid again. I always wanted a concussion!"
— Brad before sliding down the stairs of the Hakurei Shrine
Yuki-onna: Humans die from the cold
Brad: That's actually a myth
— Brad interacting with a random Yuki-onna
"Look, I'm busy, mate. I need some grocery money for Sarah and myself, and I'm not gonna make it by standing here being baffled by your bullshit."
— Fred to Brad, Chapter 48
"Youkai Mountain has started to show signs of incline, and therefore, signs that it is in fact a mountain. This is good; it means I didn't wind up in purgatory on the way."
— Matt while scaling the Youkai Mountain
"Y'think Aya's gonna shit out an egg this time!?"
— Brad to Ha-Chan, upon seeing Aya at the concert again
"Magic? Aawh- I was hoping I could get through learning magic without the magic part, yo."
— Brad, Chapter 59
"I live in constant fear that one day when I take a shit, the shit will take me instead."
— Brad to Ayuri
"Fred, what are you doing? Fred, you're a mage! You don't run at the enemy, Fred!."
— Brad to Fred, who's charging at a doppelganger girl
"I hate when I don't meet individuals… I always meet plurals!"
— Brad to Kaguya
Ha-chan: It's dark… No~.
Brad: The sky's just sleeping, yo…
Ha-chan: I thought it slept at night. Stupid sky…
— Ha-chan commenting on the gloomy weather
"We're the fluffle wrangles. We take fluffles and we shove 'em up your ass."
— Brad introducing himself to a baffled Human Village guard
"Aw yeah. Isn't it just the worst when your corpses get slammed against the ceiling?"
— Brad to Orin on their way to hell
"Marimarimaribel,, I need more underwear."
— Brad to Maribel in bikini
"Yo~! We're bats outta hell, yo! We've come to stare into your asshole."
— Brad to Meiling right after returning from Former Hell
"Let's go take a shit on the human village."
— Brad revealing his plans for the evening to Ha-chan
Maribel: See you later, Brad! Don't die while I'm gone!
Brad: No promises, yo…!
— Maribel and Brad saying their farewells
"I know priests, and priests fuck little children. Now go away."
— Matt to Byakuren, rejecting her help
"Vampire loli is here, therefore there is no need to fear."
— Matt upon seeing Vanilla
"Please remove knives from clothes. They happen to be pinned in just the right way to completely remove mobility."
— Matt after being embeded to a wall by Sakuya's knives
"Modesty shmodesty! A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!"
— Rumia encouraging Vanilla to stay naked
"I don't even need to hide tonight! I'm already lost…"
— Rumia looking at the bright side
"Professional stuff doer, 'cept I don't do stuff!"
— Brad describing his job to Maria
"It's bone hurting juice, yo."
— Brad to Ha-chan, trying to discourage her from drinking from a puddle of gasoline
"Play dominoes on pizza pasta in hell, son."
— Brad paying his respects to a fairy
"In the end, this comes down to something along the lines of, 'how well can I make Mima cut the bullshit and get to the fucking point already'. The answer to that idea is 'not very well'. She suffers very severely from old lady syndrome."
— Matt, tired of Mima's bullshit
"Kill 'em all nineteen ninety eight. Ten billion dead demons."
— Matt's opinion on Makai aristocracy
"Ground control to major Tom- I got my ass wet in holy water!"
— Brad, chapter 98
"I always wanted a book demon from the semen slurping dimension to self-insert me into a post-cthulhu version of The Great Gatsby. "
— Despite what you may think, this is not the weirdest sentence in this fanfic
"In my ass it shall reside. Unitl the hour divine! "
— Brad describing how he plans to store Reimu's ancestor's katana to Marisa
