- Written By: ThomasPOV: Third Person, shifting to unknown first person.Deaths: Dumbledore(1), Not-Michael(1)
The author confesses that he's not interested in writing this "great" fanfic anymore, and starts complaining about all the people who are out to get him. He declares, however, that his third and final account will be impossible to hack, with him daring anyone to try, and that once he finishes this fanfic, he will write a sequel to The Evil Gods. He hopes that "good Christian men" will give his fic good reviews, and burn Harry Potter books.
The fic gives a brief recap of how Ebony obtained the keys, erroneously saying that she was the one to baptize Hermione. It declares that Michael and Draco are prepared to face Dumbldore, forgetting the remaining key.
Ebony is quite happy, as she's married and Dumbledore's downfall will be coming soon. Draco, who's inexplicably become a "precast" (I suppose they mean "priest," but priests are supposed to be celibate), agrees, and the married couple hopes to see Dumbledore thrown off a building or bridge for being a homosexual. They read the book of David, and take comfort in how he defeated Goliath and served Jesus Christ (never mind that David was Jesus's ancestor)
Ezekiel 3:20 is referenced, which is odd, considering that the Prayer Warriors tend to kill sinners without making any attempt to change their ways or even inform them that they've done something wrong.
Michael, who appears to be standing taller than he usually does, says the time has come to raid Dumbledore's office and asks for God's blessing, promising Him a sacrifice afterward.
After Ephesians 6:5 (which I guess is supposed to be some reference to their doing God's will, and the lower-ranking prayer warriors obeying Michael and Jerry), they open the office with the keys; once again, they're missing one.
They see what they consider a horrible sight; Dumbledore having sex with Harry Potter, who is somehow still alive. That fact doesn't register with them, because they now know the rumors are true.
Dumbledore admits that he has sex with little boys, enraging the first-person narrator, who grabs him and jumps out the window, causing both of them to fall to their deaths. The narrator goes to Heaven, while Dumbledore ends up in Hell.
Next Installment: Dumbledore is dead, but one last loose end remains.
