Fortunately for me, the first episode that we recorded just happened to be the first episode of the season. The first Mario episode serves as a good introduction to the series, and the Captain N episode is the first episode of the second season. It also introduces us to Game Boy.
Sneaky Lying Cheating Giant Ninja Koopas
Our first episode begins in Kastle Koopa, where the kids are being their rambunctious selves. Hip and Hop are jumping on a chair, Kootie Pie and Cheatsy are pulling Kooky's hair and, as usual, Bully is trying to inflict physical harm on Bigmouth. Koopa calls his kids to attention. He wants his kids to get Prince Hugo the Huge, a giant-sized mushroom person who rules over Giant Land, as Bigmouth explains. Bully knocks him over for his troubles. This is going to be a recurring theme people. Koopa wants to turn Hugo into a miniature poodle, and asks for volunteers to nab the king. Kootie Pie volunteers Bully by pushing him forward. Bully wants to try capturing smaller royalty, but Koopa orders Bully, Cheatsy, Kooky and Bigmouth to step forward. He pulls one of his wands off the wall and turns the four into Sneaky Lying Cheating Giant Ninja Koopas,™ complete with headbands and waistbands. No longer important to the plot, the other three kids disappear from the episode.
Meanwhile at Prince Hugo's castle, Mario and crew arrive answering a message that, according to Toad, was bigger than the post office. Hugo's worried, because his army just got creamed by the four Koopa Kids. Hugo also has a giant parrot that disses the brothers for being small. Mario and Luigi leave the palace, planning to find a pair of leaves before they engage the giant Koopas. Personally, I think they're gonna need a little more than that to stand a chance.
Outside the castle, the brothers run into a problem, namely an angry sun. The brothers run for it until they find a leaf. A single leaf. They both touch it, and both gain their raccoon powers. Pretty sure that's cheating guys. The sun somehow doesn't recognize them, and asks if they've seen where the plumbers went to. Mario directs him behind a cloud, and after pointing out “that sun is not too bright,” the pair fly off to stop the Koopas, while Luigi reminds Mario that if they get touched they lose their powers. Exposition at its most ham-fisted.
Back at the castle, the kids break down the door and Bully pushes over Prince Hugo before grabbing Toadstool and Toad. The brothers arrive and buzz around Bigmouth's head as he is now holding Toadstool and Toad somehow. Bigmouth gets tired of swatting at the flying raccoons and uses his breath to create a miniature tornado that sweeps up Mario and smashes him against a warp pipe. A piranha plant, that has eyes and is coloured green for some reason, bites Mario's tail, turning him back to normal. Meanwhile, Bigmouth grabs Luigi and he turns back to normal too.
With the battle won, the Koopas evict the parrot from his cage and place their three prisoners inside. Before they can grab Mario however, he jumps on the parrot's back. The parrot is reluctant to leave his cage because it has all his stuff in it, but Mario promises to get it back for him and the pair fly off.
Back at Kastle Koopa, their dad lavishes his kids with praise, then grabs his poodle wand (his words, not mine) from the stand on the wall, and turns Hugo into a miniature poodle. A giant-sized miniature poodle. Toadstool laments Hugo's fate. The task completed, Koopa returns his poodle wand to the wall mount and grabs his giant ninja wand to change his kids back to normal, but the kids talk him out of it. In celebration, Koopa gets a ride on Bigmouth's shoulder. Meanwhile Mario and the parrot sneak up to the bird cage. Mario can't get the door open, but he does have a plan. While the Koopa family is celebrating, Mario switches the poodle wand and giant ninja wand on the wand rack. It brings me no small amount of joy that Koopa has a wand for the sole purpose of turning people into poodles. Bigmouth asks where they're going to invade next and Kooky, using Bully's voice, suggests Water Land. Mario approaches the scaly king and addresses him by his full name, Bowser Koopa. The kids grab Mario, and Toadstool loudly exclaims that Koopa will probably turn Mario into a poodle, while right next to her Luigi is suddenly wearing Mario's clothes. Ah, animation errors, where would we be without you? Koopa loves that idea, then grabs the wand in the poodle wand's slot without looking. Even though the shot immediately before shows him looking at the wands. Koopa uses the wand and turns Mario into a giant wearing a karate gi. In the process he manages to burn Bigmouth's hand, since he was holding Mario at the time.
Now that we've reached the climax, we get our first song, titled "Ninjaman," definitely one of the better songs we get to hear. Mario opens the cage door, damaging it in the process. With the three prisoners released Koopa drops his wand and hides behind his children. However, before any fighting can take place, Toadstool grabs the giant ninja wand and turns the kids back to normal. Luigi then grabs the poodle wand and turns Hugo back to normal.
His plan in shambles, Koopa runs into a warp pipe with his kids right behind him. Though, since this is his house, I'm not really sure where they're retreating to. Toadstool turns Mario back to normal while he's shaking Hugo's hand, nearly getting him killed in the process. The parrot however, is not pleased that his cage has been damaged, and grabs the giant ninja wand from Toadstool. He uses the wand to make himself slightly larger and gain a belt, then begins to threaten Mario, chasing him around the room as the episode ends.
Game Boy
We begin in what appears to be the observatory in the Palace of Power. The narrator helpfully explains that they are about to rescue Lana's father from a “Mirror warp” that Mother Brain banished him to. I'd just like to say the music that this episode plays at the beginning is really good. It's very ominous sounding. Makes it seem like something really important is going to happen. Lana points out the “inter-dimensional warp only opens 1000 video years.” Captain N: the clumsy exposition master. They even have a clock counting down till the exact moment. Kevin points out that video games are his specialty, which has absolutely nothing to do with what's going on right now. I guess he just says stuff like that regularly so people don't forget what he's doing there. Mega Man opens a door in the ceiling and turns on a tractor beam. I'm not entirely certain exactly what it is they're trying to accomplish here.
Kevin and Lana talk for a bit, and a pixelated image of King Charles appears on a screen. Lana's happy her dad made it to his end of the warp on time. However, Charles says he's not coming. Instead, he wants to send somebody called Game Boy, and apparently there's only room for one in the space capsule he has. Charles says Game Boy is from the dimension he's in now, which seems a little odd, since we actually saw the mirror dimension in a season one episode. It was one of those deals where everything looked the same but everything was backwards. Good guys were evil and when people did laundry they made their clean clothes dirty. No idea where Chuck found this Game Boy. He also says he believes one day Game Boy will be their greatest warrior. Kevin looks visibly shocked by this, but don't worry, any feelings Kevin might have about being replaced as the hero are immediately forgotten. Chuck says Game Boy's been like a son to him, and says goodbye. Simon says that with this new hero, Kevin will no longer be needed, but Kevin says he's not worried. Lana however, takes the part about Game Boy being like a son to her dad a little too literally and starts swooning over the idea of having a baby brother. Kevin's so shocked by this, he actually falls over in the chair he's sitting in. Lana even goes off to get his room ready. This, despite the fact that the clock saying when the warp opens was showing four minutes the last time we saw it. Simon starts swooning over himself in his hand mirror, saying Lana will think he's cuter than Game Boy. Kid Icarus chimes in and say “I'm the one her high-nicus bakes videochip cookies for.” Yeah, that sounds like it would be totally edible. Mega Man then states that Lana must like him best cause she reads him “mega-bedtime stories.” Why a robot would need someone to read him bedtime stories is beyond me.
Over at Mother Brain's pad, the big brain herself has been watching everything on her video monitor thingy, a typical example of Surveillance as the Plot Demands. She calls in Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, the latter of who manages to KO himself while giving a salute. Momma B orders them to find this Game Boy and bring him to her.
Back at the palace, the N Team, sans Lana, are looking into what appears to be deep space, when they say the “tractor beam” has locked onto something “coming this way at mega-warp speed.” Yeah, I'm pretty sure the writers don't know what either of those phrases mean. The group sees that the ship, which they call a satellite for some reason, is about to be attacked by Mother Brain's goons piloting, um, some kind of spaceship that looks like a giant jaw of some sort.
Just as the pair are about to grab the smaller ship, Kevin and Simon appear via a warp zone, driving what I believe is the vehicle from Solar Striker,
complete with music from said game. It always amazes me how they can reference an obscure game like that, but don't know who Samus Aran is. Oh, and the vehicle in question has no roof. It's basically a spaceship convertible. Because that's not dangerous or stupid at all. I'm sure there's plenty of air in the vacuum of space for you to breath. In fact, you can clearly see Simon and Kevin's hair being blown back by a nice breeze. Eggplant Wizard begins shooting corn at them. Eggplant Wizard can only do one thing, and he will use vegetable-based magic in every situation, even if it means using corn as ordinance in an outer space dogfight. Kevin and Simon, now loaded down with corn, fly around to the back of the goon's ship, and throw the corn into the ship's engines. A minute later the cockpit is filled with popcorn and the ship flies out of control.
Later, at the palace, the group has hauled Game Boy out of the ship and are examining him. Kevin is surprised to learn that he's a computer. He then puts the batteries in his back and Game Boy comes to life. We immediately move into a montage of Game Boy failing to adjust to life in the palace. First, he trashes the room Lana made for him, filled with toys designed for a small child, then he flies into a warp to acquire a fighter jet to shoot down Kid Icarus, then he plugs a bunch of kitchen appliances into himself, causing them to go into overdrive and cover Simon, Kevin and Mega Man in crap. Tired of putting up with him, they chase Game Boy into a warp that leads to BurgerTime. Oddly, all three of them are suddenly wearing costumes appropriate to the game. Kevin's a sausage, Simon's a fired egg, and Mega Man's a pickle. This is the only time in the series where going into a game world changes your wardrobe. While dressed as a chef, Game Boy douses Kevin with pepper and Kevin finds his zapper now shoots ketchup. Simon gets a bucket of mustard dumped on his head, and he and Mega Man shortly find themselves part of a burger.
Tired of putting up with Game Boy, Kevin decides to pull out his batteries. Lana laments that her father seems to have screwed up and everyone leaves Game Boy alone with Duke, who seems upset that they just turned off Game Boy, who turns on again just long enough to admit he screwed up. Frankly, I say leave him that way. I've seen the rest of the episodes and Game Boy is not worth the trouble.
Meanwhile, in Mother Brain's lair, Doctor Wily appears on the scene, declaring Game Boy to be the most sophisticated computer in all of Videoland. Er, doc? How exactly did you come to that conclusion? You've never had the chance to examine Game Boy. And what are you holding? Are those-? Those are Game Boy's blueprints! Where did you get those? Did- did you pull them out of your butt? Wily wants to reprogram Game Boy to be evil. Momma B agrees and sends her two lackeys to get Game Boy. Wily gives them the blueprints, because how can you steal something without first possessing the blueprints for it? The pair are chased out of the room via a warp that takes them exactly where Game Boy is. So there is a warp that leads from Mother Brain's inner sanctum, into the heart of the Palace of Power. How did this conflict last seven years if either side could walk into the other side's HQ at any point? Eggplant Wizard scares off Duke with a dandelion. Emphasis on the lion. The two grab Game Boy and leave, though King Hippo drops the blueprints as they do so.
Some time later, Kevin arrives to find Game Boy missing and his blueprints on the floor. Lana takes a look at the blueprints and recognizes Wily's handiwork. Somehow. They conclude that Mother Brain has Game Boy. Simon is glad Game Boy is no longer their problem and asks what they're having for lunch. Then he admires himself in his hand mirror. The others decide they have to rescue Game Boy because... Actually, they don't give a reason. They just say they have to, so they leave through a warp, but not, apparently, the one that leads directly to Mother Brain's chamber.
Back at Mother Brain's place, Wily has finished reprogramming Game Boy and plugging a bunch of wires into him to make him look, well, he looks really buff. At least as buff as a Game Boy can. She also dubs him “Game Brain.” They see Kevin and the others walking the corridors of Metroid, and Momma B shows up via hologram to gloat at them. A hologram of Game Boy then shows up, causing Lana to ask what happened to him. The hologram Game Boy then sends a flock of reo out of his screen to attack them. How a hologram creates real reo is beyond me. Kevin shoots a bunch of reo with his zapper and the two holograms leave. I should point out that anytime anything dies in this show they all have the same animation where the enemy turns into a bunch of pixels that collapse in on themselves. A stray reo attacks, but Simon whips it as he makes his entrance. Kevin suggests they split up, always a good idea, and gives Lana his zapper.
We then segway into another montage. This time the song is titled “Freak,” which is really “Monster Mash” with the lyrics completely changed. During the song we're treated to a bunch of action scenes featuring the N Team moving through Metroid and fighting off a bunch of enemies. The montage ends with Kevin getting overwhelmed by a bunch of slimy tentacle monsters while Duke runs off.
Mother Brain is busy declaring herself the victor when Duke bursts in and rips some cables out of Game Boy. As soon as he does, all the monsters the others were fighting immediately disappear. Mother Brain starts screaming and Eggplant and Hippo begin chasing Duke in circles around the room. During the chase Hippo manages to smash his head through a wall, while Eggplant Wizard accidentally captures Wily in a net made of string beans. Just then, the whole place starts shaking, as whatever Duke did seems to have caused their systems to overload. Wily and the two fools then run off.
Game Boy then explodes. Yay! But when the smoke clears he's perfectly fine and back to normal. He then wraps up Mother Brain with one of the cords and yanks on it, causing Mother Brain to spin around uncontrollably. The rest of the N Team appears just in time to see her spin past them. So now that you've infiltrated Mother Brain's HQ and beaten her, do you guys want to capture her and maybe end the war? No? No. Kevin just makes a pun about things being wrapped up and then we're back in the Palace of Power. Great. The group formally recognizes Game Boy as a member of the N Team, and even gives him a baseball cap that we will never see again. Even more shocking, Simon gives Game Boy his hand mirror! Naturally he has it back by the next episode. I mean, could you imagine what Simon Belmont would be like without a hand mirror? That's almost as outrageous as taking away his jacket, goggles and backpack and making him look like a vampire hunter.
Reptiles in the Rose Garden
We start off this episode at at Kastle Koopa, where Kootie Pie is throwing a tantrum. We see a bunch of items thrown out a window. Inside, Kootie Pie is with her dad, standing next to a birthday cake, which Kootie Pie promptly kicks out the window. It seems none of the presents meet her approval. So what does she want for her birthday? America. Yeah, Koopa doesn't believe it either. But after more screaming of “I want it!” he caves in. Kootie Pie's turning sweet sixteen after all.
Over with Mario and company, Toadstool states that it's nice not to have to deal with Koopas for a while. Oh no. You never say that. From this point on everything that happens is officially your fault Toadstool. Suddenly, the Doomship appears in the sky, with Mario helpfully pointing it out for everyone. They then get shot at and a group of chain chomps are dropped, each one grabbing on to one person's legs. Kootie Pie then leans over the railing to gloat. She's going to be Empress of America, and she wants Toadstool to feel inadequate. Koopa then orders the group to be thrown in his dungeon.
Shortly afterwards, in America! the Doomship enters through a warp pipe stuck in a cloud over the White House. I don't think our clouds have warp pipes in them guys. By looking through a spyglass, Koopa can see the president inside on the red phone, rocking back and forth in his chair. Using some fancy device mounted on a tripod, the White House is sent spinning into the sky and back to Kastle Koopa. Koopa then grabs a megaphone and shouts, “Attention America! Your new ruler, Empress Kootie Pie, has called her first press conference.” Okay America, you're not going to just role over and take this are you? Well apparently they are, because we immediately cut to Kootie Pie reading out her new laws to the press. Okay, it's official. America is the easiest country to take over in the history of ever. So what are the new laws? Let's see: All kids have to give Kootie Pie their toys. Any handsome boy that doesn't ask her out on a date is turned into a rock. Koopa then turns a bunch of boys to stone for breaking the new law. All the gold in Fort Knox will be melted down to make Kootie Pie a lifetime supply of charm bracelets. Koopa's darn proud of his daughter for being so rotten.
Back in Kastle Koopa, Mario looks out his cell window and recognizes the President of the United States. Who's still on the phone and rocking back and forth in his chair. Apparently being transported to another dimension isn't enough to disconnect the President’s special red phone. Unfortunately, our heroes are triple guarded, so they can't do anything. Toadstool however gets the boomerang brothers and the fire brothers guarding them to fight each other with the old, ”that guy called you a wuss” trick. The gang hold up the block their chain chomps are chained to, so the chains get destroyed in the crossfire. They then jump across the room, past the fireballs and boomerangs, and into a warp pipe that takes them right outside the White House. Okay, why would you throw prisoners into a room with a warp pipe in it? It's sad when your dungeon is outdone by a birdcage.
Outside the castle, the Doomship appears and, still using the megaphone, Koopa tells the rest of the family that Kootie Pie's finally found a birthday gift that makes her happy. Bigmouth sums it up best. “Give that brat a country and she finally stops nagging!” To keep the President out of the picture, Koopa uses his gizmo to put the White House at the bottom of a nearby ocean. An elderly lady inside informs us that the president can't swim. Apparently he can't hang up the phone either, cuz he's still on it. Up on the surface, Mario opens a conveniently placed chest to find a frog suit. Toadstool shouts that “if the White House hits bottom America is sunk!” This despite the fact that the White House is already at the bottom of the ocean.
Mario puts on the frog suit, jumps into the water and starts swimming as we get another montage, this time set to “Do the Frog.” This tune is sorely lacking. While it plays, Mario out-swims a school of bloopers and a jelectro.
With that sequence behind us, Mario enters through the front door of the White House. The old lady from earlier asks if he's with the secret service. “Even better,” Mario says, he's a plumber. He then proceeds to break the laws of physics by having water flow up into a giant faucet, then a pair of pipes appear on the side of the White house, which spray water downwards, thus propelling the White House to the surface. The whole time the president can be seen rocking in his chair, still on the phone.
With the White House no longer underwater, the group has a new problem. Luigi points out that Koopa is loading the Doomship with supplies, as they're about to invade Paris, London and Brooklyn. Don't ask how Luigi knows this. He just does. Mario and Luigi sneak aboard dressed as hammer brothers. As a kid, I was never sure if this counted as having the hammer brothers suit power-up or not. However, one of the sledge brothers immediately recognizes the pair. Things aren't looking good until Luigi commandeers a cannon. Mario takes control of the ship, picks up the White House with that gizmo, and tries to put it back where it belongs. Unfortunately there's a slight hiccup and the White House is now perched atop the Washington Monument. The old lady from earlier says her husband can't run the country under these conditions. Huh. So she was the First Lady this whole time. Mario tries again and puts the White House back, by dropping it right on Kootie Pie's head. While that problem has been fixed, a bunch of kids are still stone, and all the gold in Fort Knox has been melted down into charm bracelets, so this isn't a total victory.
Kootie Pie throws a tantrum, not because of the aforementioned building dropped on her, but because she's not Empress of America anymore. She drops to the ground and starts pounding with her fists while Mario uses that funny gizmo to carry her back home. Mario then smashes the Doomship right into Kastle Koopa. Koopa's mad that his Doomship is wrecked, and Kootie Pie, still upset, claims it's all her dad's fault. Koopa's finally had enough and begins to yell at Kootie Pie. “Clean your room! Turn down the stereo! Get off the telephone!” Yeah, you might want to save that last one for the president.
This initial episode starts the show off on the right foot. Both Mario episodes are fun and give us a good taste of what's to come. We get to see all seven Koopa Kids on screen at the same time, a feat rarely repeated in the show. Sadly, Prince Hugo is the only character from Giant Land we'll ever see, which is a shame because the giant world was always one of my favourite parts of the game. Game Boy's introduction is done alright, I suppose. It's not especially bad as far as Captain N goes, though I'd still like to know just where exactly Game Boy came from. The second Mario episode acted as a good introduction to Kootie Pie, who's personality dominates every scene she's in. All in all, one of the better episodes we'll see.
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