One of the funny things about doing this liveblog is that sometimes, it isn't until later that I find something else about something I read earlier that gives me more reasons to dislike it. Such was the case in Fallout Equestria, but I'll save those for later because I haven't been feeling good with school lately and right now I don't feel like being met with incredulity for thinking murder is bad.
Alright, so moving onto the next few chapters of The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine.
So, the next segment of The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine is based on the Dragonshy episode, and is titled "The Rise of Dovashy." Yes. These chapters largely consist of Skyrim gags, with a little of the author being a wiseass. So I've got one fic based on Fallout 3 and one fic that's on the Skyrim bandwagon. Friggin Bethesda. Guess I'll just run to fimfiction and look for a fic based on Dishonored, I'm sure some lazy writer's crapped one out by now.
So this whole shtick starts with a description of Trixie adjusting to Ponyville life, because she lives with Dusk and is part of his harem now. Also, I should mention again that the author likes to throw in links to stuff, in particular a depiction of Trixie's "casual wear" which is basically the Hipster-Trixie picture you might be familiar with, seen here.
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Anyway, we get a bit of correspondence between Dusk and Celestia via letters, largely concerning his growing harem, which causes Dusk to fumble around trying to write a response.
And then Celestia says one last letter to Dusk, telling him about the dragon situation. However, in a divergence from canon, she also stresses that they don't head off until nightfall.
Now we get the author being a wiseass. It's been something of a fandom joke about the princess sending six random girls to confront a dragon, so the author decides to make fun of this. As such, when night arrives the backup comes, which includes Princess Luna, some guards, and Shining Armor.
Oh, and Princess Luna refers to Dusk Shine as the "Royal Boyfriend," which makes Rarity clench her teeth in anger. Honestly, I find that Rarity is probably the creepiest member of the harem. Anyway, we get this exchange.
“NOT THIS PONY,” explained Luna. “IN ORDER TO ORGANIZE THE MOON AND STARS, WE MUST KEEP A SLEEP-SCHEDULE THAT IS STRICTLY NOCTURNAL!”'
“You stayed awake for the Thanks-For-Not-Casting-the-World-in-Darkness-Party I threw for you,” pointed out Pinkie. “And it was daytime then.”
“TWAS A ONE-TIME THING, AS THE COMMONERS SAY NOWADAYS,” said Luna, wrapping up one of the most enraging plot holes in the series.
Alright folks, it's time for Pannic, who has no real credibility in talking about story structure, to explain the difference between a "plot hole" and a "character inconsistency."
The example here is a character inconsistency that is fairly understandable, given that we have someone who's just been released from demonic possession. I don't think their immediate thought is "alright, let's resume the royal sleeping schedule because I'm totally concerned about my royal duties right after I'm home again after a thousand years."
A plot hole is when a critical story element just flat-out doesn't make sense, or doesn't work with the story's internal logic. For example, in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, there's a big shtick made about the way bonds with wands works, and how if you "defeat" another wizard, their wand is yours, and this applies to disarming. However, when you consider the way wands have been disarmed plenty in the previous books, this makes for a tangled mess. Or in God of War III, how Kratos thinks he needs Pandora's Box so he can get the power to kill a god, despite killing multiple gods over the course of the game with his bare hands. Then again, Kratos is a fucking idiot and it turns out he had that power the whole time and shit, so maybe that isn't a plot hole. Fuck if I know. I just get the feeling that this isn't it.
Speaking of explanations, while reading this story you might wonder "Wait, if Dusk Shine is such a pretty-boy, why is it that it's just now that mares want him to mount them?" Well, an answer is provided: Dusk Shine didn't draw girls to him when he was younger because Shining Armor was the alpha male who got all the mares. So we get a funny bit where Dusk is worried that he'll lose his harem, which is only exacerbated by the fact that Fluttershy spends all three chapters hiding behind his brother.
And then Pinkie Pie chimes in with this:
Ughh. If I wanted this kind of whining about canon bullshit I'd read Around the Bend.
The next chapter, we meet Commander Hurricane! No, seriously.
On another note, Fallout Equestria gets credit for predicting things like the Canterlot forcefield in the season 2 finale. My fanfic, The Book of Friendship, features the three pony races in a conflict, with the leader of the pegasus pony being a militarized individual named General Storm, who is referred to as "sir" despite being female. I wrote that before Hearth's Warming Eve, and I want my prediction credit.
Well, in this case, Hurricane is a dude, and one of Fluttershy's ancestors. He's being called by a bunch of wrinkled old farts (no, seriously, that's what the narrator calls them) to learn the "way of the voice."
SKYRIM TIME
Anyway, Hurricane is gonna be taught the Fus Ro Dah meme because he killed a dragon. We then get this exchange.
“It stole my sweetroll,” said Hurricane with a frown.
“And that’s all it took to motivate you?”
“No, it came into the capital of Pegasopolis and ate somepony I knew named Sweetroll.”
“Oh, I’m sorry for your loss,” said Musky Whiskers, nodding in understanding. “Was she important to you?”
“Sorta,” said Hurricane. “We had this deal where we had sex every Thursday, nothing more. So, when do I learn to use those godly powers that I can barely comprehend?”
Hurricane, however, can't pull it off, and we get what is largely a retread of the scene in Sonic Rainboom where Fluttershy is trying to cheer.
So Hurricane can't do it, and it seems it'll have to wait for a generation or fifty.
Cut then, to Fluttershy, who's now wearing Skyrim armor because of her insecurity, still cowering behind Shining Armor.
We also get this bit of dialogue:
Dusk Shine looked at the map. “It seems to be named Stereotypical Mountain With a Cave at the Peak.”
“Lamest. Name. Ever,” said Rainbow Dash with eye roll.
“Hey!” shouted Applejack, offended. “Mah granny’s ma named these mountains. Are you callin’ mah family dumb?”
“Only if they were stupid enough to name a mountain that,” Dash snorted.
“They WEREN’T stupid! Thhey jus’ ran outta names, that’s all. Ah mean, look around you; Ponyville’s surrounded by mountains!”
“Sure does explain the name of the mountain just east of this one,” Dusk shine remarked, his eyes not leaving the map.
“What’s it called?” inquired Rarity out of curiosity.
“Mt. Celestia, Keep Yer Damn Hooves Off Mah Husband, or Ah’ll Rip Yer Buckin’ Throat Out,” he read aloud.
The humor is somewhat lessened by Applejack going “Granny Smith always said that her pa was a keeper,” and I admit I have to wonder if you can ask out of things other than curiosity. Also, additional h.
Then we get more Skyrim gags, wherein it seems the guards are trained to recite certain lines like "No loligaggin'" as part of a "psychological warfare on crime." And then Pinkie Pie chimes in with “I used to be a Pegasus like you, then I took an arrow to the wing!” Thankfully, Pinkamena pops up and tells her to knock it off. They have an argument and then Pinkamena shuts her up, though I'm not sure if it's because of the argument or because of the terrible font and formatting. Seriously, just look at it.
Also, while writing this I'm listening to Mozart. Write now it's K 609, 5 Kontratänze. And the first one is Non Piu Andrai from The Marriage of Figaro. Learn something new every day.
Then Pinkie Pie suggests that, to scare off the dragon, Fluttershy tell the dragon to stay out of her shed.
Dusk Shine gets all insecure because he thinks Fluttershy's fallen for his brother, and Luna flirts with him some more.
The next chapter has the usual blah blah shtick of plans to get the dragon out of the cave, you watched the episode. Also interspersed is a little bit of the conflict between Angel and Spike, which has Angel being all "Clan Cottontail" and stuff like he was in the Applebuck Season chapter. Also, the author has decided to name the dragon Smaug. Anyway, the ponies fail to get the dragon to leave, and he then attacks. Luna can't stop him, and he eats one of the guards. It's all up to Fluttershy, who then, well...
Yeah. Fus Do Rah. We get a whole fight scene punctuated by the shouts, which are in the biggest font he could manage.
Anyway, after a ton of references to Skyrim and one reference to shed.mov, the dragon is cowed and agrees to leave. And thus, the chapter ends with Dusk's letter to Princess Celestia, and man, it's only gonna get more ridiculous from here.
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