Live Blogs Let's Play Kingdom Hearts: 9 Years Too Late

MousaThe142011-06-05 17:48:02

SO I turn in and we learn that these ambitious tykes want a whole new world. Especially Riku. Riku wants more, More, MORE! He's... a Disney Princess....

Really Kingdom Hearts? That's how you're going to play it? You're going to point Riku's descent into darkness into that direction? A Desire for MORE? Fine, whatever. I just never thought you'd head in that direction.

Oh right, Disney Princess motive, Disney game. But Riku. Does that mean he's a she in his head? My god, The first transsexual character being taken seriously in a video game! You impress me Disney. You're not so bad after all. Doesn't mean I forgive you for Hannah Montana though.

Now after we learn about some local lore, it's pretty obvious that Sora wants to bone Kairi. So obvious even Riku knows it. Sadly Sora is so dense he doesn't know it. It's like watching the first draft of Ouran High School Host Club. Go read it if you don't get the reference, it's a good manga.

Also what's with all the implying of how Kairi got there? There's little explanation it's like she just descended from heaven or something. I mean is the game really trying to gloss over she came to them via shipwreck and her parents are most likely dead? But considering the history with JRPGs and her character type it's not surprising at all.

Oh, I'm also calling that Kairi will be a flat as a board useless love interest and plot device. Calling it NOW!

Hold the phone... WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS!? Seriously, who or where are their parents? These kids didn't just MATERIALIZE on the island! Ugh! I mean their parents are just letting these kids beat each other up with sticks and volley balls, build rafts to run away from home, and have unregulated threesome BDSM orgies? WHY? WHY?

Hold up, scene change....

Wait...

DONALD! Oh So good to see you again! And is that the Mickey Mouse club theme song in the background? How beautiful. Oh Donald, I never though I'd be glad to see you, ever. Your panicked ducky screams bring such joy to my heart. And.. Goofy? GOOFY! Oh Goofy you delightful doofus of a gent, how I've missed you so! Seeing the bumbling fools again is so wonderful! Finally some real comedy! The actual part of the game I want! Micky, Donald Duck, and Goofy! And now... they're gone.. I'm on Destiny island again...

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...................................................

Comments

Hobgoblin Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 5th 2011 at 6:00:41 PM

It should be noted that the island they are playing on is a little islet off the coast of the main Destiny Islands area. This is just a little area they go to hang out during the day.

angelistoftenshi Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 5th 2011 at 5:59:22 PM

Oh haha, poor you. Don't worry! You'll see more of Donald and Goofy!
Also, you might or might not get an answer to your parents question...

Enlong Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 5th 2011 at 6:30:42 PM

Actually, Riku's descent is played a bit diff-

...

well, OK, the initial Bad Stuff happens for the reason you said, but things take a different turn later.

218.185.9.242 Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 5th 2011 at 6:42:51 PM

Kingdom Hearts is known for its Kudzu Plot for a reason, but things are quite simple in the first game. (Well, kinda.) Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing is up for debate.

ManwiththePlan Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 6th 2011 at 12:43:36 PM

Oh, I'm also calling that Kairi will be a flat as a board useless love interest

If saving Sora from a lifetime in darkness is your idea of useless, then.....

MousaThe14 Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 6th 2011 at 3:40:10 PM

Keep in mind I haven't played the game before so I don't know, I'm making guesses based on the pattern of her character type from other Japanese media.

twilightgamer92 Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 8th 2011 at 7:39:00 AM

If you think Riku's a tranny now, wait until 358. And I never noticed Riku had Disney Princess syndrome. Funny for how when women have that they get what they want but when men have it they screw everything up.

takashi.0 Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 8th 2011 at 4:46:04 PM

Oh, I'm also calling that Kairi will be a flat as a board useless love interest.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

ManwiththePlan Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 8th 2011 at 5:18:07 PM

The "flat as a board" thing becomes laughable as well when KH2 comes around (and yes, I'm aware he was probably speaking in terms of her character, but I'm speaking in terms of....what it sounds like.)

MousaThe14 Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 8th 2011 at 6:16:15 PM

Oh quiet Takashi, how would I know, I've never played this before or even looked into it, I'm basing all this entirely on history.

Also... Man with the Plan, just how much "not flat as a board" are we talking about here? Simple curiosity, of course....