This is going to be the final time I tell you about my dreams.
I had two things left to change in my life, and as long as things weren’t going to reset, I decided that I may as well take another plunge and get them both on the same run. The sooner I can stop having this dream, and find fulfillment in a new path in life, the better.
The two things that I had thought about but hadn’t yet done were stopping in traffic, and focusing on that tree outside my workplace. The first wasn’t all that difficult, actually; despite being bumper-to-bumper, it seemed that there was really only one lane of traffic, for nobody attempted to turn me into road kill as I put on the breaks and stepped out of the vehicle. I decided to walk a little bit, and I found…a cow. A simple cow, grazing in the field. It appeared to be quite blissful, despite living a plain life, and I found myself rubbing the creature’s nose affectionately. I guess that, now that I was warming up to change, it would be easier to find happiness in the simple things of life.
I kept walking, and found that the field and the road are connected; I’d have to drive away if I hoped to get anywhere. So I got back into the car, got to the skyscraper I worked at, and stopped. I decided to watch that one orange leaf fluttering in the wind, and when the wind eventually ripped the leaf right off, I managed to catch it with my bare hands. Such a fragile little thing, holding on for so long, but having to leave its roots eventually…I think I’m getting better at this symbolism stuff.
So, there you have it. I’d done five things that I had never done in my dreams before. Yet, something felt a bit off. I walked into the building, and after the boss told me to go to my cubicle, I noticed that the graph had changed considerably. That is to say, it was bankrupt. Was this my fault? Was my refusal to accept the life I once had the reason for this downfall? …Well then, so be it. If modern living requires people to lose their individuality, I don’t think I can be a part of it anymore. I even went back to the roof and jumped off on purpose, just to feel the thrill of the fall again without any of the fear behind it.
I was soon back in my bedroom, and I didn’t really notice immediate change. I sighed, turned off the alarm, walked into the next room…and my wife was gone. Odd. I shut off the television and headed to the elevator. The old lady was gone, too. The homeless man, the cow, the other cars on the road, my boss…everyone was gone. I decided to press on, and see if there was a good reason for this odd change.
I must say, it was weird walking past all those cubicles without a single soul in any of them; I don’t think I could recognize which blank space was mine anymore if I tried. I walked onto the roof, and was confused by what occurred next. The music…not jazz, actually; I was definitely off when I guessed that…was no longer there. I heard an odd sound, then the wind blowing past my face, and then…silence. But what I heard was not as important as what I saw: a man in a business suit standing on the guardrail, about to jump. And if I didn’t know better, I’d say that it was one of my coworkers, who couldn’t understand the downfall of the company and decided he had nothing to live for anymore.
But I just knew that this man and I were the same person.
I walked forwards, slowly at first, and then speeding up. I wanted to talk with this other me, get an answer from him, and try to find out why my pursuit of individuality has left me just as alienated as when I began. But before I could reach him, he…the other me…jumped.
What does this mean? I’m not really certain. Was the ‘new person’ I sought to become worth the risks I had to take? Did everyone leave because they were supporting my monotonous life, or because I’ve completely lost my connection with the rest of society? Was the jumper the old me, who I’ve let die by pursuing a new path in life? Was that the real me, whose life was in ruins because of attempts to change it, and I’m just…I don’t even know. There’s only one thing I can tell you that I’m certain is true.
I’m never going to have that dream again.
Goodbye.
~~~
...And that's it, Tropers. Until the next Liveblog, this is EndarkCuli, wishing you farewell...and sweet dreams.
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