Muahahahahahaha! I've gotten Nick involved after all, by reading him what I have so far!
Nick: If the sword was to, you know, instantly appear in his hand... Me: Yeah, that's what I expected. Nick: ...that would be awesome, but, y'know...
In any case, it's time to rescue the witch from a bunch of people who want to burn her For the Evulz. And Nick's pussied out and is playing Smackdown vs. Raw. Wimp.
The Mind Sword leaps into Hawk's hand before one of the thugs even strings his arrow, and Hawk deflects the arrow. The archer flees. Hawk gives the other thug two opportunities to flee, but the man is destined to show off what an awesome fighter Hawk is.
People killed by Hawk so far: 1.
Nick: "She's a witch! May we burn her?" No, wait, wait, wait, wrong movie. Better movie.
The witch tells Hawk about a one handed man who needs his help against Voltan (Artie). Hawk rides through the forest at breakneck pace. The forest is filled with LARP decorations (random skulls, snakes, and fake cobwebs) for no goddamned reason. (My wife: Because it's cool. What other reason do you need? It's metal!)
Nick blathers on about The Princess Bride because that's much more entertaining than what's on screen.
Meanwhile, Artie's about to get ambushed.
He kills one of his attackers, but the other two get the drop on him because Hawk has to rescue everyone in this movie. So while we get slow-motion scenes of Hawk riding his horse, the bandits throw axes at Artie's head trying to see who can get closer without drawing blood.
Enter Hawk! Man with Sword of Ridiculous Pommel vs. two men with throwing hatchets:
- Hawk throws his sword into one man's guts...
- Catches that man's hatchet in the same split-second
- And uses that hatchet to kill the other man.
People killed by Hawk so far: 3 People killed by Voltan: 1
Hawk introduces himself ot Artie. (Nick: Not once do they call him "Hawk the Slayer.") Artie gives Hawk the token given to him by the High Abbott and the quest has begun! Oh god, I know what's coming next and it hurts.
Next: Let's go recruit the rest of the