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Live Blog Slowzombie is blind about Dark, The Adventures of Dark Yagami
slowzombie2011-05-31 05:59:16

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There are many sorts of endings to things. Things can end sweetly, bitterly, with a feeling of victory, in bottomless desperation, giving relief or further deepening despair. In general, a good ending should give you the feeling that the story is finished, that you can move on, find something else to read, watch or listen to, content that you have been served a story that from start to finish made you feel. Why am I talking about this? Well, things seem to point towards this being the final "proper" chapter of Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami, and it has gotten me waxing philosophic, also, I yearn to flex my creative side after reading so much about Statistics that I now see Bell Curves when I close my eyes. Anyway, that's enough of that, let's see what fresh madness the author has in store for us this time.

This chapter is called "THE END HAS COME! AND A TWIST" Hm, well, that's good news. I'm kinda uncertain about this twist, since revealing that there will be a twist kinda takes the edge of it, unless the twist is that there is no twist, but that'd just be silly. The author has this to say. LAST PART! THIS IS A SAD TIME BUT A HAPPY ONE COS I FINALLY GET TO BRING OUT THE AWESOME TWIST. Alright, again with the hyping this twist, but ok, let's just go with it. Take us away, dude.

We resume the story, Dark is suffering from a proper brainleak, and since he can't remember why he is where is, he asks S to recap for him. She obliges, like so. "Well! First you lived at Watari House and then you adopted back by the Yagami family cos you are lights twin brother! You found a royal death note when you were exploring a cave one day and became a kira but there were loads of other kira dudes. Then you got a royal death note and were king of the world and then a load of stuff happened with the creepy dude and then you killed everyone and now you have to beat blud ONCES AND FOR ALL" I guess that kind of explains why he had the Royal Death Note, although it does not explain how S knew all this, since she encountered Dark... a while ago, the details are getting kind of fuzzy in my head, which might be a good thing. Also, Dark seems to remember S, on account of her quite considerable bosom, but he has to be reminded who Blud is. Selective Amnesia, huh?

Well, Dark runs at Blud, determined to finish this. Blud is dying, but apparently he manages to deflect so many attacks that the Shinigami World starts falling apart. So... this is getting rather silly, but ok, let's just assume Blud is indeed capable of fighting back still. In fact, he seems to be doing pretty well for himself. HA HA HA YOU POOR DUDE trolled blud as he smashed dark in the head over and over. The force of the impacts set darks hair on fire and the smoke and ashs turned it gray. Trolled? Really? Well, on the bright side, Dark getting the tar beaten out of him is always good fun, so there's that. Anyway, Blud suggests that Dark shouldn't be fighting him, and that his Wife, that is Samanther, is the evil one. Dark, no doubt given strength by the memory of his wife's glorious jubblies, will have none of this, and punches the dying death god some more. Blud goes out with a laugh, though, asking Dark what his wife's name is. Dark doesn't remember, a problem I'm sure Samanther could have mitigated by wearing a nametag anywhere close to her breasts, but there you go. Blud laughed and died for real and his corpse turned into power ups. Really? Sorry author, but you can't turn this into a Scott Pilgrim-esque affair now, that'd just be silly. Also... that was kind of an anticlimax, but at least we're... no, of course not, we're not done, that'd be too easy.

Dark collapses to the ground, his little memory boost from earlier not being enough to keep him going. Because... apparently memories = HP or something now. S runs to his side, but... well, let's just see here.NOT SO FAST MISSY said the ghost of blud using his ghost powers to see through her top. THE MAGIC SPELL MADE A BOMB IN DARKS BRAIN. IF HE EVER REMEMBERS WHO HE IS OR WHO YOU ARE HIS HEAD WILL EXPLODE. Huh, well, that's a neat trick, I must admit. Sure, spells creating bombs are a little silly, but I'll just pretend it's a metaphorical bomb. A metaphorical magic bomb... yeah. Anyway, Blud has an alternative. INVENT A NEW LIFE FOR HIM. THERE IS A TIME MACHINE IN MY PALACE. USE IT AND START AGAIN Wait... isn't this guy a villain? Wasn't his plan to kill Dark? Anyway, Blud goes to Blood Banana Heaven meme


So, Samanther heads to this palace, and it turns out, and I hope you hold on to your hats and hairpieces, Samanther is pregnant. Apparently she got pregnant while Blud was out cold. I... uh, what? Ok, she's pregnant, I'm guessing we're dealing with a genre change of some sort here. Not something I'd do in the LAST CHAPTER of my story, but there you go, I guess. Skipping over a bit, Dark wakes up after a few months, and Samanther christens him Soichiro, inspired by her lunch that day, Soy and Cheerios.... I'm starting to dislike where this is heading. Anyway, Samanther's water breaks, and I can't see this going wrong at all, Soichiro!Dark delivers the babies, a scene that, luckily, does not get described.

Samanther ends up giving birth to healthy triplets. She names them, and again, hold on to your headwear, Light, Dark and Night. A-yeah-up, that just happened. Oh, and only to further hammer the point home, Samanther tells Soichiro!Dark to just call her Light's Mom, lest the bomb in his head should blow up. Holy stable time loop, batman. That whole "Light's Mom" bit was actually kind of funny, although I'm confused as to why she should name herself as the mother of just one of the triplets. Why not... say... "Ma' Yagami" or something? Anyway, I also realize there's something odd going on here, since Night was a clone of Dark as far as I remember, but there you go, it's as close to making sense as I think I can make it to be. They all went to the time machine room and Soichiro and Lights mom and Light and Dark and Night and Might all went to the past! FOR ADVENTURES! Good riddance and god speed your journey, Suefriends.

So, that was the end of the Dark Yagami saga. Somewhat underwhelming, I had expected something more insane, although I guess this makes Dark guilty of some absurd double-incest that makes Troll reproduction seem neat and tidy in comparison. I'm a little disappointed, really, I was hoping for a real ragegasm to send this thing off, but hey, maybe the epilogue is stupid.


May 13th 2011 at 5:09:36 AM
Oh...oh my God. What is this? What...? I... *applauds*

Well done, slowzombie, you are a real soldier for doing this, I...I though LOVE, BULLETS AND IMMORTALITY was bad but...god, no. What the hell?
May 13th 2011 at 6:00:50 AM
There's something almost genuinely touching about the last chapter, don't you think?
Dec 12th 2011 at 10:07:26 AM
Don't know if you're still doing this, but the epilogue is up.

Example of: