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Live Blogs Modelland: A Blind Sporking
LadyMomus2011-09-30 03:35:28

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Welcome to the Sporking

Ah, fantasy. It contains everything from the expansive world-building of Tolkien, to the pun-filled fluff of Xanth, to the formulaic but awesome Belgariad, to the gritty world of the Dresden Files. I've been reading books of fantasy and mythology as long as I can remember, and I still love finding a new fantasy world to explore.

But for every fantasy epic, there are a hundred mediocre tomes. For every thrilling adventure, there is a snooze fest. For every gem, a piece of compost cleverly masquerading as a book.

Which will it be? You never know until you read them.

Or - in the case of Modelland by Tyra Banks - until you look at the title and cover.

An Introduction to the Author

I will now share everything I know about Tyra Banks.

Tyra Banks is a model. She's been on at least one TV show about modeling. She was in the Hannah Montana Movie. She recently wrote and published a book titled Modelland.

. . .

Oh, and her name is derived from the Old Norse word for "Thor."

Demographics and Me

I saw Modelland described as both teen and young adult fiction, so the target demographic is presumably 13-25 year old girls. In theory, I should be in the target demographic. In reality, I'm so far out of the target demographic, I need the Hubble to catch a glimpse of them.

What I know about fashion could fit on an index card. I wear Christmas socks year round, have no qualms about wearing purple sweatpants with an orange t-shirt, and would rather go to the dentist than go shopping for clothes.

I didn't want to be a princess or a model when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Power Ranger or a Saiyan or a member of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

I spent years rejecting all things girly while embracing media aimed at boys and men. Since then, I've learned that my knee jerk reaction to media aimed at girls and women was incredibly unfair. Recently, I've learned to enjoy media aimed at girls. I've learned that just because something is feminine, cutesy or girly doesn't mean it's bad. In light of that, I am willing to give Modelland a chance.

A snowball's chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Liveblog Rules

This is a blind liveblog. I will be liveblogging each chapter as I read it, while doing my best to avoid spoilers. I am not allowed to start a chapter until I finished the one before it. I may continue on to the next chapter before posting, but I'll at least have a draft of that chapter's post done before continuing on.

Next time, we'll start at the very beginning.

Before the Beginning

I steal furtive glances around the room. The lunch room is empty. Too early for any witnesses. Even so, I hold one arm in place to shield my Kindle from anyone who might enter and see what I am about to do.

I type the word slowly. Modelland.

My breakfast threatens to crawl up my throat. My finger strays to the "back" button. It would be so easy to turn back now. To pretend I never considered it.

But try as I must, I cannot turn away. It beckons me like a flame beckons a moth. I try to banish my desires to eviscerate it. To ignore the desire to quench the lust of my spork. But I am no longer in control. IT has me, and there is no escape.

With a trembling hand, I hit the enter key.

BUY

I pray that my family never learns of my shame.

Comments

FreezairForALimitedTime Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 6th 2012 at 2:22:04 PM
Myrracle clearly has a decent head on her shoulders, no matter what anyone thinks. She should be seriously slapping people across the face for their idiocy now.
MFM Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 6th 2012 at 3:16:51 PM
I just love that the narration feels the need to tell us that Piper is speaking uncharacteristically, as if Tyra truly has so little faith in her own characterization skills.
DrDahm Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 6th 2012 at 5:09:30 PM
I'm actually really proud of Myrracle for standing up for herself. She DID cross the divide and she deserves respect not only from her mother but from everyone there. Meanwhile, Tookie still accomplishes nothing and only gets to see the flashback because she's clumsy. Pumaman was a more proactive hero than her.
SKJAM Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 7th 2012 at 3:45:33 AM
I'm willing to believe the =Bella Donna= has "overwhelming charisma" that works on the kids, but not so much people who actually know her.
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 8th 2012 at 4:07:03 PM
now for my mandatory comment:

Why must Myracle be the only character that's not ruined. and yes I read the ending. Also, I know want to shoot the main characters and send them to hell, the deepest darkest pits of the inferno.

Now that I think about it, if I were to go to hell, I bet it would be similar to modelland. You know your location is hellish when it beats mordor in the never want to visit category and could be a punishment in hell.
Jergling Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 11th 2012 at 12:09:16 PM
Is this the first time we've actually gotten a description of the Bella Donna? I've been imagining here as a slightly overweight old lady this whole time, but I guess that doesn't really make sense in Tyra's world. After all, no one can be attractive in modelland without looking like Tyra herself.
71.202.88.54 Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 11th 2012 at 9:19:22 PM
Random note - during that awful chapter about all the girls getting their periods magically, Tookie saw some graffiti on the wall. "Latta Defacake. 7/7 4 Sure." It was Creamy, and although it was way too obscure to count as foreshadowing, bravo to Tyra for attempting to make some form of connection.
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