Modelland: A Blind Sporking

Welcome to the Sporking

Ah, fantasy. It contains everything from the expansive world-building of Tolkien, to the pun-filled fluff of Xanth, to the formulaic but awesome Belgariad, to the gritty world of the Dresden Files. I've been reading books of fantasy and mythology as long as I can remember, and I still love finding a new fantasy world to explore.

But for every fantasy epic, there are a hundred mediocre tomes. For every thrilling adventure, there is a snooze fest. For every gem, a piece of compost cleverly masquerading as a book.

Which will it be? You never know until you read them.

Or - in the case of Modelland by Tyra Banks - until you look at the title and cover.

An Introduction to the Author

I will now share everything I know about Tyra Banks.

Tyra Banks is a model. She's been on at least one TV show about modeling. She was in the Hannah Montana Movie. She recently wrote and published a book titled Modelland.

. . .

Oh, and her name is derived from the Old Norse word for "Thor."

Demographics and Me

I saw Modelland described as both teen and young adult fiction, so the target demographic is presumably 13-25 year old girls. In theory, I should be in the target demographic. In reality, I'm so far out of the target demographic, I need the Hubble to catch a glimpse of them.

What I know about fashion could fit on an index card. I wear Christmas socks year round, have no qualms about wearing purple sweatpants with an orange t-shirt, and would rather go to the dentist than go shopping for clothes.

I didn't want to be a princess or a model when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Power Ranger or a Saiyan or a member of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

I spent years rejecting all things girly while embracing media aimed at boys and men. Since then, I've learned that my knee jerk reaction to media aimed at girls and women was incredibly unfair. Recently, I've learned to enjoy media aimed at girls. I've learned that just because something is feminine, cutesy or girly doesn't mean it's bad. In light of that, I am willing to give Modelland a chance.

A snowball's chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Liveblog Rules

This is a blind liveblog. I will be liveblogging each chapter as I read it, while doing my best to avoid spoilers. I am not allowed to start a chapter until I finished the one before it. I may continue on to the next chapter before posting, but I'll at least have a draft of that chapter's post done before continuing on.

Next time, we'll start at the very beginning.

Before the Beginning

I steal furtive glances around the room. The lunch room is empty. Too early for any witnesses. Even so, I hold one arm in place to shield my Kindle from anyone who might enter and see what I am about to do.

I type the word slowly. Modelland.

My breakfast threatens to crawl up my throat. My finger strays to the "back" button. It would be so easy to turn back now. To pretend I never considered it.

But try as I must, I cannot turn away. It beckons me like a flame beckons a moth. I try to banish my desires to eviscerate it. To ignore the desire to quench the lust of my spork. But I am no longer in control. IT has me, and there is no escape.

With a trembling hand, I hit the enter key.

BUY

I pray that my family never learns of my shame.

Comments

Cliche Since: Dec, 1969

Nov 14th 2011 at 3:52:11 PM

"The men have different ambitions: being a politician, a designer, a dancer . . . But the girls and women are all the same. They may get other jobs, but only because their dreams of going to Modelland were crushed."

Now I'm imagining a Spear Counterpart called Sportsland or something. And yet, such a book seems far less likely to be made than Modelland.

Jergling Since: Dec, 1969

Nov 14th 2011 at 6:36:10 PM

[[wmg]] There must be an evil megacorporation secretly controlling the world through the facade of the 7seven! They don't even have superpowers, the effects are entirely faked or psychosomatic, and serve only as pretty faces to a vile monster. Through generations of control, the corporation has brainwashed the population into this horrendous state in an Orwellian plot to gain pure, unlimited power.

Leradny Since: Dec, 1969

Nov 14th 2011 at 7:48:21 PM

"In this novel, every girl wants to become a model. All girls and women are all obsessed with fashion and their appearance."

This is exactly my problem. It's one thing to be informed about fashion, as that usually extends into things like basic hygiene. For example:

You won't find a fashion lover worth anything who doesn't brush teeth every day.
The walk-in closet brimming with clothes was originally about having enough clean clothes to get you by until laundry day.

Hell, it's not even bad if you like fashion more than the most. People should have careers and hobbies, and other people don't want the hassle of making their own clothes. But here, in a world that doesn't make sense on any level of economics, geography, or basic logic, fashion does not exist to display any sort of information like "this person is not a slob" or "that person is clearly the CEO of a major company", because the models don't have lives of their own to support their fashion senses.

It's hideous.

FreezairForALimitedTime Since: Dec, 1969

Nov 14th 2011 at 10:21:31 PM

Rarity would be ashamed.

Jergling Since: Dec, 1969

Nov 15th 2011 at 5:13:58 PM

Hold on, I was reading Amazon reviews for this book, hoping for some more hilarious commentary, and one positive review struck me as surprisingly logical.

What if Banks isn't glorifying models at all? What if the point is to satirize the absurdity of her industry? Maybe she's realized what a horrible world it would be if everything was about modelling, and she wants us to hate the people in this book. She kind of kills it by making her protagonist an irrational jerk, but her intentions could actually be good. Maybe Tookie becomes a 7Seven, realizes that modelling is destroying the world, and works to disband Modelland and help the poor. We just don't know yet.

FlashGaze Since: Dec, 1969