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I honestly took this one as a parody of dark, please-cry-now fanfiction. Mostly because of that ending, the other absurdities like the locks and its brevity. The author might have included the silencer thinking that putting one on a shotgun is unfeasible.

RJSavoy

That's an interesting thought, although it's not quite as over-the-top as one would expect.

Of course, regarding its brevity, badfic writers tend to have less patience than people who actually write at least decent-quality fan fiction, so their works tend to end up significantly shorter as a result, even when they're completed.

Oh dear lord. For someone who wishes to be a good storyteller through animation someday, this is utterly painful to read.

The formatting is painful and disgusting and I wouldn't even call this a chapter. Since this is apparently supposed to be a narrative, we're supposed to be at the establishing point before the emergence of the First-Plot Point. Here she went from Establishment (I think thats what its called) all the way to (supposedly) the Midpoint without any pacing or establishment.

Plus the characteris so painfully unsympathetic that I could barely SKIM the entire passage. The spelling is also awful which makes it even MORE painful to read. We also BARELY know anything about the characters which makes it even HARDER to care.

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Ah, its nice to test how much I know about storytelling by reading bad ones or reviewing them. Can't wait for your next abomination (the fanfics to clarify).

RyochiMayeabara

At this point, I'd say that as rushed as Kiya and Layton's relationship is, we're still in the first "act" of the fic, so to speak, if not the prologue. The summary indicates that most of the action will take place seven years from the time Layton and Kiya first meet. Of course, when you read a Dead Fic of any quality, it's difficult to determine how far along they are in the plot unless the author explicitly says so.

I agree about most of your other points, though, and am glad that you're interested in these.