Line #15 SelfDemonstrating/TheWitchfinderGeneral


1	[[quoteright:350:[[WebVideo/AtunSheiFilms https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/screen_shot_2021_03_26_at_123316_am_6.png]]]]
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3	''(This page is best read in the voice of Creator/AndrewRakich doing a hammy and exaggerated version of Original Pronunciation.)''
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5	''(cue [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbhbjmFYpYI ominous harpsichord music]])''
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7	''(THE '''[[gold:VVITCHFINDER GENERAL]]''' Provideth a '''[[gold:SELF-PROFESSED TREATISE]]''' of his Perſon on this Sinfull Pamphlet of '''[[gold:T.V. TROPES]]''' Together vvith '''[[gold:REAL PURITAN LAVVS & HISTORIE]]''' From the Colonies of '''[[gold:NEVVE-ENGLAND]]''')''
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9	Save that [[{{Leitmotif}} introducsion music]]. Music is sinful. The rest of the toime will be spent in soilent contemplasion of the Sovereign of Our Lord.
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11	[[WebVideo/TheWitchfinderGeneral Oi am the Witchfinder General o' the Colenai o' Massachusetts Bay.]]
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13	Today oi shall be in close stoudy of this foul false pretender in the shadow of the Holy Boible, this wretched sinner-written festival of unholy loight that the witches name "Tay-Vay Tropes", which boi its own admissyun [[JustForFun/TvTropesWillRuinYourLife professes to have laid ruin to the loives a' many of the godly papel of this Common-Wealth]].
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15	!! Moi soul is moine to keep and it's best thou banish me name from thy Book of Loies, should the loight of Our Lord goide me hand against ye!
16	* AntiquatedLinguistics: The papel of these colenais claim that they art "English", with the accent of the English. Yet they spake queerly in nothing but tongues, curséd words of the Devil!
17	* DeliberateValuesDissonance: The papel of these colenais are enamoured by the falseties of scarlet women and Papist warlards that [[DemocracyIsBad prefer the woiles of common-folk vuln'rable to the lure of greed and lust than the Christian decree of the King]].
18	* DisproportionateRetribution: If thy son is disobedient or thy daughter is engaged in the lustful [[OldTimeyAnkleTaboo bare-ankled]] woiles of Devilrei, thou art to lay hold on them and deliver them to the magistrates assembled in the court of the shire in which ye dwell. There testify to them that they art unworthy o' God's love, and if their judgement to the court sees fit, thy kin shall be put to instant death.
19	* EveryoneHasStandards: While the pox is a carse upon the papel by the All'Moighty God, our ever merciful Lord has seen fit to grant us with the gift of intelligence, and such measures as inoculasion and other farms of physic are not Devilrei. At least, by good English Christian folk. Let the French and Indians fend for themselves.
20	* FishOutOfTemporalWater: Thou may be ahsking, why hath the Lord ordain'd to send me into these sinful and strange toimes instead of me original toime, in hwhich the word of Jesu Chroist art the law of the land? Verily, 'tis that these toimes are in hwhich all of humanitai hath descended into all manner of sin and unholy, Papist behaviors. The Lord hath spoken, oi am the one chosen to show the papel of these toimes the way of our Lord, for [[KnightTemplar 'tis moy dyutay to judge ye who shant listen to His absolute word!]]
21	* TheGrinch: Chroist'Mass is a most voile and profane and superstisious custom! A carnival of residual papist idolatrei! Where the papel o' this common-wealth are entois'd to lasiviousness, idleness, drunkenness, gluttony, unlawful gamin', cursin', swearin', the loike! 'Tis wahr to be waged against this Black Sabbath and the true followers of Our Lord Chroist All'Moighty!
22	* PoliticallyIncorrectVillain: Nay, 'tis any who insult and defoile the good and holy name of the sacriture with their papist Devilrei, Quaker-tricks, Indian-savag'rai and womanly woiles hwhich art the true villains in these sinful toimes!
23	* TheWitchHunter: Witches who took council away from the Sovereign of Our Lord and to kiss the unkempt bottom of the Devil shall not suffer to live! To foind a hag who shant resoite the Commandments or hath the witches' mark is to be hanged and denounced as a choild of God All'Moighty.
24	* WouldHurtAChild: None who engage in hwitchcraft may live, nay, not e'en children, for they are capable of enough reason to practice the black arts!
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26	-> [[SigningOffCatchphrase Thou art a wretched sinner, utterly unworthy o' God's love. A fountain o' pollusion is deep within thy nature, and thou livest as a winter tree; unprofitable, fit only to be hewn down and burnt. Steep thy loife in prayer, and hope that God sees fit to show mersay on thy carropted sahl.]]

Context SelfDemonstrating / TheWitchfinderGeneral