| 1 | ->''Before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of "Torchwood"?'' |
| 2 | -->-- '''Jack Harkness''', "Everything Changes" |
| 3 | |
| 4 | ->''[[FreeLoveFuture You people and your quaint little categories.]]'' |
| 5 | -->-- '''Jack Harkness''', "Day One" |
| 6 | |
| 7 | ->'''Ianto:''' I owe it to Lisa, we owe it to her. To find a cure.\ |
| 8 | '''Jack:''' Ianto, you have to believe me, there is no cure. There never will be. Those who are converted stay that way. Your girlfriend will not be the exception! |
| 9 | -->--- "Cyberwoman" |
| 10 | |
| 11 | ->'''Owen:''' If it's someone we've pissed off that narrows it down to 4 or 5 million.\ |
| 12 | '''Jack:''' And that's just the humans. |
| 13 | --> [[SpoilerTitle "They Keep Killing Suzie"]] |
| 14 | |
| 15 | ->''Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string. Everything, absolutely everything. No more phones, phones all broken.'' [makes a phone gesture with his hand] ''Hello? Anybody there? NO, because the phones aren't working!'' |
| 16 | --> -- '''Ianto Jones''', "They Keep Killing Suzie" |
| 17 | |
| 18 | ->''Why is it that only Gwen seems to have a heart? I don't know if you've noticed but the rest of us are human and amazingly we still manage to get on with our jobs.'' |
| 19 | -->-- '''Owen Harper''', "Random Shoes" |
| 20 | |
| 21 | ->'''Gwen:''' ''[to an old lady walking in the street]'' Excuse me... Have you seen a blowfish driving a sportscar?\ |
| 22 | ''[The old lady points in direction of the blowfish alien]''\ |
| 23 | '''Gwen:''' Thank you. ''[drives off]''\ |
| 24 | '''Old lady:''' ''[muttering]'' Bloody Torchwood... |
| 25 | -->"Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" |
| 26 | |
| 27 | ->'''Jack:''' So, how was rehab?\ |
| 28 | '''John:''' Rehabs. Plural.\ |
| 29 | '''Jack:''' Drink, drugs, sex and...?\ |
| 30 | '''John:''' Murder.\ |
| 31 | '''Jack:''' ''[cracking up]'' You went to ''murder'' rehab?\ |
| 32 | '''John:''' I know, ridiculous. The odd kill! Who does it hurt?\ |
| 33 | '''Jack:''' You clean now?\ |
| 34 | '''John:''' [[SarcasmMode Yeah, kicked everything. Living like a priest.]] |
| 35 | -->"Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" |
| 36 | |
| 37 | ->''We don't sniff the sub etheric resonator!'' |
| 38 | -->-- '''Ianto Jones''', "Sleeper" |
| 39 | |
| 40 | ->'''Tosh:''' You said we weren't allowed to use that again. \ |
| 41 | '''Jack:''' It's just a mind probe.\ |
| 42 | '''Ianto:''' Remember what happened ''last'' time we used it?\ |
| 43 | '''Jack:''' That was different. That species has extremely high blood pressure.\ |
| 44 | '''Ianto:''' Oh right. Their heads must explode all the time. |
| 45 | --> "Sleeper" |
| 46 | |
| 47 | ->'''Owen:''' How'd you know that?\ |
| 48 | '''Ianto:''' I know everything! And it says so on the bottom of the screen. |
| 49 | --> "Sleeper" |
| 50 | |
| 51 | ->'''Jack:''' All you did tonight was mess things up. Now we have to think of a way to get back in and thanks to you they'll have tightened security.\ |
| 52 | '''Rhys:''' Well, if you'd stopped and asked me exactly what I saw in there instead of showing off about the place-\ |
| 53 | '''Jack:''' ''[to Ianto]'' Do I show off?\ |
| 54 | '''Ianto:''' Just a bit.\ |
| 55 | '''Rhys:''' - you'd know that I got out by telling them I wanted a job as a delivery boy. So rather than cock things up I found you a way to get in. ''[getting right in Jack's face]'' But if you can't handle that, Big Boy, then you can stuff it!\ |
| 56 | '''Jack:''' ''[glances at Gwen]'' This is quite homoerotic. |
| 57 | -->-- "Meat" |
| 58 | |
| 59 | ->''I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger shall know no bounds," but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.'' |
| 60 | -->-- '''Ianto Jones''', "Dead Man Walking" |
| 61 | |
| 62 | ->'''Banana Boat:''' So do you fancy a little drink later?\ |
| 63 | '''Tosh:''' I'm sorry. I'm intolerant to vasoactive amines.\ |
| 64 | '''Banana Boat:''' Huh?\ |
| 65 | '''Tosh:''' Bananas make me vomit. |
| 66 | --> "Something Borrowed" |
| 67 | |
| 68 | ->''That's what I love about Torchwood. By day you're chasing the scum of the universe. Come midnight you're the wedding fairy.'' |
| 69 | -->-- '''Ianto Jones''', "Something Borrowed" |
| 70 | |
| 71 | ->'''Gwen:''' On your knees!\ |
| 72 | '''John:''' ''[sigh]'' [[HypocriticalHumor Honestly, it's just sex, sex, sex, with you people.]] |
| 73 | --> "Exit Wounds" |
| 74 | |
| 75 | ->'''Gwen:''' ''[mockingly]'' Oh my God, Severn Bridge. I'm going into England. Farewell forever.\ |
| 76 | '''Rhys:''' ''[mock-concerned]'' Good luck. Have you got currency?\ |
| 77 | '''Gwen:''' Yes, and I've had my injections. |
| 78 | --> "Children of Earth" |
| 79 | |
| 80 | ->'''Rex:''' ''[aggravated]'' Now, what is this? Wait a minute, [[FishOutOfWater I've got to pay for this bridge?]] Goddamn Wales. |
| 81 | -->-- '''Rex Matheson''' encounters the Severn Bridge [[BrickJoke as well]], "The New World" |
| 82 | |
| 83 | ->'''Ianto:''' Don’t forget me.\ |
| 84 | '''Jack:''' Never could.\ |
| 85 | '''Ianto:''' A thousand years’ time... you won’t remember me. \ |
| 86 | '''Jack:''' Yes, I will. I promise, I will. |
| 87 | --> "Children of Earth" |
| 88 | |
| 89 | ->''Wales is insane.'' |
| 90 | --> -- '''Rex Matheson''' "[[Series/TorchwoodMiracleDay Miracle Day]]: The New World" |
| 91 | |
| 92 | ->'''Gwen:''' That was your last chance.\ |
| 93 | '''Lyn:''' Yeah? And what're you gonna do about it? If you're the best [[BritainIsOnlyEngland England's]] got to offer, then God help you.\ |
| 94 | '''Gwen:''' I'm ''Welsh''. ''[punches her]'' |
| 95 | --> "Miracle Day: Rendition" |
| 96 | |
| 97 | ->'''Lupa:''' You like ''Torchwood'' right?\ |
| 98 | '''Snob:''' Never heard of it. Is it pretentious?\ |
| 99 | '''Lupa:''' No, but it has lots of gay sex and a pterodactyl!\ |
| 100 | '''Snob:''' You're alright. |
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