1 | ->''Before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of "Torchwood"?'' |
2 | -->-- '''Jack Harkness''', "Everything Changes" |
3 | |
4 | ->''[[FreeLoveFuture You people and your quaint little categories.]]'' |
5 | -->-- '''Jack Harkness''', "Day One" |
6 | |
7 | ->'''Ianto:''' I owe it to Lisa, we owe it to her. To find a cure.\ |
8 | '''Jack:''' Ianto, you have to believe me, there is no cure. There never will be. Those who are converted stay that way. Your girlfriend will not be the exception! |
9 | -->--- "Cyberwoman" |
10 | |
11 | ->'''Owen:''' If it's someone we've pissed off that narrows it down to 4 or 5 million.\ |
12 | '''Jack:''' And that's just the humans. |
13 | --> [[SpoilerTitle "They Keep Killing Suzie"]] |
14 | |
15 | ->''Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string. Everything, absolutely everything. No more phones, phones all broken.'' [makes a phone gesture with his hand] ''Hello? Anybody there? NO, because the phones aren't working!'' |
16 | --> -- '''Ianto Jones''', "They Keep Killing Suzie" |
17 | |
18 | ->''Why is it that only Gwen seems to have a heart? I don't know if you've noticed but the rest of us are human and amazingly we still manage to get on with our jobs.'' |
19 | -->-- '''Owen Harper''', "Random Shoes" |
20 | |
21 | ->'''Gwen:''' ''[to an old lady walking in the street]'' Excuse me... Have you seen a blowfish driving a sportscar?\ |
22 | ''[The old lady points in direction of the blowfish alien]''\ |
23 | '''Gwen:''' Thank you. ''[drives off]''\ |
24 | '''Old lady:''' ''[muttering]'' Bloody Torchwood... |
25 | -->"Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" |
26 | |
27 | ->'''Jack:''' So, how was rehab?\ |
28 | '''John:''' Rehabs. Plural.\ |
29 | '''Jack:''' Drink, drugs, sex and...?\ |
30 | '''John:''' Murder.\ |
31 | '''Jack:''' ''[cracking up]'' You went to ''murder'' rehab?\ |
32 | '''John:''' I know, ridiculous. The odd kill! Who does it hurt?\ |
33 | '''Jack:''' You clean now?\ |
34 | '''John:''' [[SarcasmMode Yeah, kicked everything. Living like a priest.]] |
35 | -->"Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" |
36 | |
37 | ->''We don't sniff the sub etheric resonator!'' |
38 | -->-- '''Ianto Jones''', "Sleeper" |
39 | |
40 | ->'''Tosh:''' You said we weren't allowed to use that again. \ |
41 | '''Jack:''' It's just a mind probe.\ |
42 | '''Ianto:''' Remember what happened ''last'' time we used it?\ |
43 | '''Jack:''' That was different. That species has extremely high blood pressure.\ |
44 | '''Ianto:''' Oh right. Their heads must explode all the time. |
45 | --> "Sleeper" |
46 | |
47 | ->'''Owen:''' How'd you know that?\ |
48 | '''Ianto:''' I know everything! And it says so on the bottom of the screen. |
49 | --> "Sleeper" |
50 | |
51 | ->'''Jack:''' All you did tonight was mess things up. Now we have to think of a way to get back in and thanks to you they'll have tightened security.\ |
52 | '''Rhys:''' Well, if you'd stopped and asked me exactly what I saw in there instead of showing off about the place-\ |
53 | '''Jack:''' ''[to Ianto]'' Do I show off?\ |
54 | '''Ianto:''' Just a bit.\ |
55 | '''Rhys:''' - you'd know that I got out by telling them I wanted a job as a delivery boy. So rather than cock things up I found you a way to get in. ''[getting right in Jack's face]'' But if you can't handle that, Big Boy, then you can stuff it!\ |
56 | '''Jack:''' ''[glances at Gwen]'' This is quite homoerotic. |
57 | -->-- "Meat" |
58 | |
59 | ->''I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger shall know no bounds," but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.'' |
60 | -->-- '''Ianto Jones''', "Dead Man Walking" |
61 | |
62 | ->'''Banana Boat:''' So do you fancy a little drink later?\ |
63 | '''Tosh:''' I'm sorry. I'm intolerant to vasoactive amines.\ |
64 | '''Banana Boat:''' Huh?\ |
65 | '''Tosh:''' Bananas make me vomit. |
66 | --> "Something Borrowed" |
67 | |
68 | ->''That's what I love about Torchwood. By day you're chasing the scum of the universe. Come midnight you're the wedding fairy.'' |
69 | -->-- '''Ianto Jones''', "Something Borrowed" |
70 | |
71 | ->'''Gwen:''' On your knees!\ |
72 | '''John:''' ''[sigh]'' [[HypocriticalHumor Honestly, it's just sex, sex, sex, with you people.]] |
73 | --> "Exit Wounds" |
74 | |
75 | ->'''Gwen:''' ''[mockingly]'' Oh my God, Severn Bridge. I'm going into England. Farewell forever.\ |
76 | '''Rhys:''' ''[mock-concerned]'' Good luck. Have you got currency?\ |
77 | '''Gwen:''' Yes, and I've had my injections. |
78 | --> "Children of Earth" |
79 | |
80 | ->'''Rex:''' ''[aggravated]'' Now, what is this? Wait a minute, [[FishOutOfWater I've got to pay for this bridge?]] Goddamn Wales. |
81 | -->-- '''Rex Matheson''' encounters the Severn Bridge [[BrickJoke as well]], "The New World" |
82 | |
83 | ->'''Ianto:''' Don’t forget me.\ |
84 | '''Jack:''' Never could.\ |
85 | '''Ianto:''' A thousand years’ time... you won’t remember me. \ |
86 | '''Jack:''' Yes, I will. I promise, I will. |
87 | --> "Children of Earth" |
88 | |
89 | ->''Wales is insane.'' |
90 | --> -- '''Rex Matheson''' "[[Series/TorchwoodMiracleDay Miracle Day]]: The New World" |
91 | |
92 | ->'''Gwen:''' That was your last chance.\ |
93 | '''Lyn:''' Yeah? And what're you gonna do about it? If you're the best [[BritainIsOnlyEngland England's]] got to offer, then God help you.\ |
94 | '''Gwen:''' I'm ''Welsh''. ''[punches her]'' |
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