Line #45 Funny/TotalWar


1	----
2	[[index]]
3	* ''Funny/RomeTotalWar''
4	* ''Funny/MedievalIITotalWar''
5	* ''Funny/TotalWarRomeII''
6	* ''Funny/TotalWarWarhammer''
7	* ''Funny/TotalWarWarhammerII''
8	* ''Funny/TotalWarWarhammerIII''
9	[[/index]]
10	!! General
11	* Often caused by the generals' pre-battle speeches, which are oftentimes dependant on either your enemies' or your general's Command rating. One of the most hilarious is done by a Venetian general fighting the Turks.
12	-->''"Either a goat herder and his flock are lost....''(mock shocked tone)'' or the enemy is over there!"''
13	** Or the [[CheeseEatingSurrenderMonkeys French:]]
14	-->''"They say the French are better lovers than fighters. [[BestialityIsDepraved This is true. Ask any pig, cow, or other barnyard animal!"]]''
15	** And a General with the "Awkward Speaker" trait gets hilariously bad speeches sometimes.
16	-->''"So, we are all brave soldiers, uh, I think. And the enemy are over there, and they are very bad people, so I think we should go kill them! And let's not screw this up, and we won't die! Okay, men?"''
17	** If your general is [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} mentally unstable]], the speech can be down right incomprehensible.
18	-->''"And remember, they may have the Moon People on their side, but we have lovely hats! Those hats will shield us from their fearsome gaze!"''
19	** The above ''Rome'' speech is referenced as a MythologyGag in the form of a speech by a mad English general in Medieval II:
20	--> ''"And remember: the Moon People lack interest in this fight, thus we are spared their fearsome gaze. A mercy indeed, as I have lost my lovely hat! It would have shielded me from their terrible eyes, but now I need it not! I am much relieved!"''
21	** A general with one of the "[[DirtyCoward cowardly]]" traits will begin with the usual mighty, impressive, heroic and inspiring speech to his men, and then, right as he is about to reach the climax of his speech....
22	-->''"....Snake? Snakesnakesnakesnakesnake! '''SNAKE! SNAKE! O MY GOD TAKE IT AWAAAAAAAAAY!'''"''
23	*** His men still cheer then though.
24	** A general with one of the "[[TheAlcoholic alcoholic]]" traits will end it by bitching at his men that someone drank all the ale.
25	-->'''Medieval II:''' ''I want the pink elephants and green pixies to lead the attack. Have you seen my wife? Bloody ugly woman. Probably fighting with that lot over there, and we're'' '''buggered''' ''if she's on their side!''
26
27	-->'''Rome:''' ''Er, where was I? Oh yes. Attack the elephants, men! Go for those little pink sods! Err, was there something… pass the wine, there's a good chap!''
28	** Even the Japanese in ''Shogun 2'' have some strange and funny speeches.
29	-->''Now we await the battle. For some, this is the first time. Do not worry! [[JustLikeMakingLove Like your first lovemaking]], it seems confusing until it is over!''
30	* In ''Rome'', upon a victory as the Romans:
31	-->[[LargeHam "All of Rome will be amazed at such a victory!]] [[ChewingTheScenery The daaaay is ooouuurrrrs!"]]
32	* Apart from the funny to downright stupid speeches the generals make, there are other funny moments that occur in game, for example: a [[CannonFodder group of peasants]] charging a [[EliteMooks Legionary 1st Cohort]] on top of a particularly steep hill, getting absolutely butchered by them, then having the remnant of the unfortunate warband being chased downhill by around 200+ angry legionaries out for blood...
33	** It gets even funnier when the remnant of the warband is just ''one man'' being chased down by 1,500 angry Romans.
34	* The Pope is sitting before a vast cheering crowd in a cathedral. Cut to a hooded man wielding a crossbow lurking in the shadows, high above. He brings the Pope into his sights, and fires! Screams are heard below, and the assassin flees. Cut back to the Pope making the sign of the cross with a bolt sticking out of his hat. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9lWLEMv9FI Video]].
35	* While rakes in ''Empire'' only get a still image for their assassination attempt, either of the cutscenes between dueling gentlemen has a touch of dark comedy in their resolution.
36	** An example. Both gentlemen spin around to fire... and [[ShurFineGuns both their guns don't work]]. One of them (the one that loses) [[RecklessGunUsage points the gun at his face to check it]] and [[IJustShotMarvinInTheFace then pulls the trigger]]...
37	** An alternate version of the last one has the same thing, but when the second one checks his gun, the other throws his gun at the first one's face and knocks him out.
38	** Another one has one of the duelists [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere running away]]... only for the other to manage to [[ImprobableAimingSkills hit him anyway]].
39	* A rather interesting example comes from a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yMLwe69oRA failed ninja assassination]] in ''Mongol Invasion'', if you attempt to assassinate a Mongol general. The ninja's end says it all.
40	** This and the above video of a failed Papal assassination show that Creative Assembly ''really'' [[RunningGag loves abusing]] hats.
41	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibAdi-q_EHA Every geisha assassination video ever]]. There's just something hilarious at seeing a dolled-up serving girl killing people without warning [[ImprobableWeaponUser in the most absurd ways]].
42	* The description for the Way of the Spear art in ''Shogun 2'': The pointy end! Use the POINTY end!
43	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMlu7ZleclI Failed ninja assassinations]] in ''Shogun 2''.
44	* In ''Rome'', whenever an aqueduct is listed on a construction report, it comes with this description;
45	-->''[[{{Film/MontyPythonsLifeOfBrian}} What have the Romans ever done for us?]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc7HmhrgTuQ This, that's what!]]
46	* And let's not forget this classic line from ''Shogun 2'';
47	-->''"Our men are running away from the battlefield! Shameful display''".
48	* For the ''Third Age: Total War'' mod, things can get hilariously off with regards to the lore, especially if you're playing a good aligned faction like one of the Elven kingdoms. Since having a disproportionate amount of casualties be inflicted by ranged weapons over melee combat can add points of dread, and the Elves focus heavily on archery, it is possible for elven generals to have high dread, resulting in "Lord Elrond the Mauler" or "Prince Legolas, Lord of Terror." Alternately, playing a merciful "evil" faction can result in orc generals like "Urgzob the Just," "Urz the Honorable" or "Lurtz the Saint."
49	* Samurai units in ''Shogun 2'' tend to act fairly disciplined and respectable, but watching them rout is hilarious, especially if they're running downhill or still have some good stamina. They sprint away at breakneck speed, cranking up the running animation to a hilarious rate. Sometimes, they can even keep pace with cavalry!
50	* In ''Empire'', commanding a naval unit to move to an inland spot on the campaign map results in the ship's captain saying, in a voice that doubts your sanity:
51	-->That's... ''land'', sire.
52	** BilingualBonus kicks in with other languages as well, with the French captain declaring in an incredulous tone:
53	--->Ceci est un navire! (This is a ship!)
54	* You can get some hilarious retainers for your characters:
55	** In ''Shogun 2'', "Incredible Disguise" implies that your character (either a shinobi/ishin-shishi) can successfully disguise himself as a ''fish''.
56	* In ''Medieval II'', with enough patience and luck (Or by cheats), you can have any of the Catholic factions have a King that has origins from the Islamic factions, Mongols, Timurids, or Aztecs even by successfully bribing a general/family member into your faction, and having them marry with your princess. All that needs to happen now is to select the member as the successor heir.
57	** It is possible to have an incest pairing by marrying off your princess with her (single) uncle. The game does not report any incest traits unlike ''Medieval''.
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Context Funny / TotalWar