History WebVideo / TheWitchfinderGeneral

--> '''The Witchfinder-General:''' Thou art clothed in the crimson of Parliament, yet I suspect thy valour be but stolen. Thou dost claim thy wife speaks queerly; doth she speak as I do? Then she is English, with the accent of the English! But thy voice is most strange, sir. Why does the letter "R" offend thee so, that thou dost not pronounce it? Perchance it is thee, and not thy wife, who is in need of corrective treatment.

The [=VVitchfinder-General=] ([[TryToFitThatOnABusinessCard Of the Colony of Massachusetts Bay]]) is a comedic character and series of [=YouTube=] videos made and performed by Andrew Rakich of Creator/AtunSheiFilms. Each video is both an in-character rant about the modern world (filled with [[DeliberateValuesDissonance Papists, Quakers, and witches no doubt]]) and a history lesson about the beliefs, habits and lifestyle of the 17th-century New England Puritans.

!!''The [=VVitchfinder=]-General'' hereby profeſseth the follovving TROPES, together vvith REAL PURITAN LAVVS AND HISTORIE from the Colonies of NEVVE-ENGLAND:

--> '''The Witchfinder-General:''' Now, there be no sin in tippling moderately; I meself have a quart of ale with breakfast and a casque of cider with supper. [[ArtisticLicenseMedicine The healthful benefits of such a regimen cannot be denied]] and it is to be expected of any working man.

--> '''The Witchfinder-General:''' Now, there be no sin in tippling moderately; I meself have a quart of ale with breakfast and a cast of cider with supper. [[ArtisticLicenseMedicine The healthful benefits of such a regimen cannot be denied]] and it is to be expected of any working man.

--> '''The Witchfinder-General:''' Aye, if thou suspects any man of being a member of the Jesuitical order, lay hold on him, and deliver him forthwith to the magistrates assembled in the court in the shire in which ye dwell. if the man cannot free himself of such suspicion, then he shall be committed to prison; or at the least, condemned to banishment. And if any man so banished should return, and is taken a second time, then upon lawful trial and conviction, he shall be [[DisproportionateRetribution put to instant death]].

* MenAreBetterThanWomen: Argues in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeRpEL7UmRk&list=PLwCiRao53J1zMhSGF0NGXittf0fo3QSJA&index=3 "The Witchfinder General Reviews The Rise of Skywalker"]] that, while witches can come from all walks of life, the "weak and frail sex" is more inclined to become witches, because they are more inclined to be GossipyHens. He later extends this argument in "The Witchfinder General Giveth Spiritual Advice," recounting the story of Anne Hutchinson to explain why women are not allowed to speak or preach in the meeting-houses. When reporting on attempts to posthumously exonerate the last witch of Salem, he slips into [[HeManWomanHater out-and-out misogyny]].

* OldMaid: As part of DeliberateValuesDissonance, he believes that Elizabeth Johnson Jr., who was only twenty-two when she confessed to witchcraft, was a "spinster" because she was unwed and had no children at that age. Due to misogynistic witch-hunting texts like the ''Literature/MalleusMaleficarum'', in Puritan times this would raise suspicion about her supposed witchhood if not be outright used as evidence to convict her.

* TheQueensLatin: Averted! The Witchfinder General speaks in period-appropriate "Original Pronunciation," the reconstructed accent of Shakespeare's Britain.

** His review of ''Literature/HarryPotter'' repeats an oft-leveled accusation that it teaches children Satanism and witchcraft, lampshaded by the Witchfinder General finding out that other "witchfinders" have made the same accusations as himself verbatim. It's humorously played up when he compares Voldemort to Satan himself, as a literal "two-faced" master of evil and darkness. Less common is his bizarre and creepy insistence that the unicorn blood is in fact semen, because all witches' spells run on it. He also seems to be of the impression that the books are, in fact, describing a real place in Scotland and credits JK Rowling as a "most godly man" for exposing this dangerous school.

-> ''"Thou art a wretched sinner, utterly undeservin' o' God's love. A fountain o' pollution is deep within thy nature, and thou livest as a winter tree; unprofitable, fit only to be 'ewn down and burnt. Steep thy life in prayer, and may God see fit to have mercy upon thy corrupted soul."''

!!''The [=VVitchfinder=]-General'' hereby profeſseth the follovving TROPES, together vvith REAL PURITAN LAVVES AND HISTORIE from the Colonies of NEVVE-ENGLAND:

** His review of ''Literature/HarryPotter'' repeats an oft-leveled accusation that it teaches children Satanism and witchcraft, lampshaded by the Witchfinder General finding out that other "witchfinders" have made the same accusations as himself verbatim. It's humorously played up when he compares Voldemort to Satan himself, as a literal "two-faced" master of evil and darkness. Less common is his bizarre and creepy insistence that the unicorn blood is in fact semen, because all witches' spells run on it.

Click [[SelfDemonstrating/WitchfinderGeneral here]] for a self-demonstrating version.