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'''[[https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqtXS2zBPMiS3-lX5fqSfm0U3AAdBONDz Guards N' Retards]]''' is a machinima series created by [[Creator/Supermarioglitchy4 SMG4]]. Primarily filmed in ''VideoGame/GoldenEye1997'', the series focuses on Chris and [[NoNameGiven SwagMaster696969696969]], two guards working at the world's largest spaghetti factory. Unlike [=SMG4=]'s bloopers, nearly every character uses text-to-speech for dialog.
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%%** [[spoiler: Tubbie Wonka]] finally returns in "Le Train Breach".
to:
%%** [[spoiler: Tubbie [[spoiler:Tubbie Wonka]] finally returns in "Le Train Breach".
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* DefeatMeansFriendship: At the end of "Swag Party Hostages", [[spoiler: the duo befriend the Butt Ninja and throw a party with him.]]
to:
* DefeatMeansFriendship: At the end of "Swag Party Hostages", [[spoiler: the [[spoiler:the duo befriend the Butt Ninja and throw a party with him.]]
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%%* DrivenToSuicide: [[spoiler: Chris, at the end of "Le Train Breach".]]
to:
%%* DrivenToSuicide: [[spoiler: Chris, [[spoiler:Chris, at the end of "Le Train Breach".]]
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--->'''Chris:''' Oh God. If his ugly yellow ass is not in here...\\
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--->'''Swagmaster''': Have you ever seen ''Shark Tale''?! ''(suffers flashbacks to the movie)'' that shit scars a man.
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--->'''Swagmaster:''' He's died, like, three times already!
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--->'''Mark:''' TNT... is that what this is about? [[spoiler: The boss ordered me to get that, you retards!]]
* WholeEpisodeFlashback: "The Vacation" serves as this to explain [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall where Chris and Swagmaster have been for the past year]]. [[spoiler: By the time Swagmaster is ready to start the episode, the video ends.]]
* WholeEpisodeFlashback: "The Vacation" serves as this to explain [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall where Chris and Swagmaster have been for the past year]]. [[spoiler: By the time Swagmaster is ready to start the episode, the video ends.]]
to:
--->'''Mark:''' TNT... is that what this is about? [[spoiler: The [[spoiler:The boss ordered me to get that, you retards!]]
* WholeEpisodeFlashback: "The Vacation" serves as this to explain [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall where Chris and Swagmaster have been for the past year]].[[spoiler: By [[spoiler:By the time Swagmaster is ready to start the episode, the video ends.]]
* WholeEpisodeFlashback: "The Vacation" serves as this to explain [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall where Chris and Swagmaster have been for the past year]].
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* MotorMouth: While this is not the case when he talks, Tubbie Wonka can play his [[VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaOcarinaOfTime ocarina]] very fast.
to:
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Fixing ZCEs.
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* TheBusCameBack:
** The Butt Ninja returns in "Swag Party Hostages".
** [[spoiler: Tubbie Wonka]] finally returns in "Le Train Breach".
** The Butt Ninja returns in "Swag Party Hostages".
** [[spoiler: Tubbie Wonka]] finally returns in "Le Train Breach".
to:
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Some more ZCE
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* AllMenArePerverts: To the point where it becomes ''a major plot point'' in "Pointy Things".
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* ChaoticStupid: [[SarcasmMode Definitely NOT apply to Swagmaster]].
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* DisneyAcidSequence: After Swagmaster eats a [[VideoGame/SuperMarioBros1 poison mushroom]].
* DrivenToSuicide: [[spoiler: Chris, at the end of "Le Train Breach".]]
* DrivesLikeCrazy: Mario.
** [[VideoGame/{{Minecraft}} Steve]] could also count.
* DrivenToSuicide: [[spoiler: Chris, at the end of "Le Train Breach".]]
* DrivesLikeCrazy: Mario.
** [[VideoGame/{{Minecraft}} Steve]] could also count.
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*** Happens literally again in "Le Train Breach".
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* FunnyBackgroundEvent: Swagmaster going on a rant about Sargeant Mark.
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* NWordPrivileges: Censored in the pilot, left undone for the rest of the series.
* NakedPeopleAreFunny: How Mario is usually depicted.
* NakedPeopleAreFunny: How Mario is usually depicted.
to:
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Fixing ZCEs.
%% Administrivia/ZeroContextExample entries are not allowed on wiki pages. All such entries have been commented out. Add context to the entries before uncommenting them.
%%
%%
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* AerithAndBob: Chris and Swagmaster.
* ArcWords: "Titty sprinkles!"
** "Eyes on the prize, Chris. Eyes on the prize!"
* ArcWords: "Titty sprinkles!"
** "Eyes on the prize, Chris. Eyes on the prize!"
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* AmbiguouslyBi: Swagmaster.
* AntagonistTitle: "The Butt Ninja".
* AxCrazy: The psycho lady and Kevin.
** The [[Franchise/{{Pokemon}} old man]] could also count.
* AntagonistTitle: "The Butt Ninja".
* AxCrazy: The psycho lady and Kevin.
** The [[Franchise/{{Pokemon}} old man]] could also count.
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* BlackComedy
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* BreakingTheFourthWall: "God, screw this {{Creator/Nintendo}} game!"
** "You people watching better pay me for this!"
* BrickJoke: Bowser reading a book.
** The guard playing ''VideoGame/FlappyBird''.
** "Nipple twist!"
** [[ItMakesSenseInContext "CHRIS IS PREGNANT!"]]
** "You people watching better pay me for this!"
* BrickJoke: Bowser reading a book.
** The guard playing ''VideoGame/FlappyBird''.
** "Nipple twist!"
** [[ItMakesSenseInContext "CHRIS IS PREGNANT!"]]
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* CallBack: "Is she a mental old lady who's [[WebVideo/GameGrumps obsessed with raisins?]]"
** "Don't make me nipple twist you again!"
** "Le Train Breach" has many to the original [=Retarded64=] pilot.
* CatchPhrase: "This is why they call me Swagmaster!"
** "Yo, what's up?"
** "Don't make me nipple twist you again!"
** "Le Train Breach" has many to the original [=Retarded64=] pilot.
* CatchPhrase: "This is why they call me Swagmaster!"
** "Yo, what's up?"
to:
Changed line(s) 38,41 (click to see context) from:
* ChekhovsGag: "Imma charging my lasers!"
** Old lady Mc Fag.
** The [[VideoGame/SuperMarioBros1 poison mushroom]].
* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: Swagmaster.
** Old lady Mc Fag.
** The [[VideoGame/SuperMarioBros1 poison mushroom]].
* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: Swagmaster.
to:
Changed line(s) 44 (click to see context) from:
** "Screams of rejoice!"
to:
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* DeadpanSnarker: Chris.
-->'''Swagmaster:''' Aww.. she ran away.
-->'''Chris:''' Well, I wonder why?
-->'''Swagmaster:''' Aww.. she ran away.
-->'''Chris:''' Well, I wonder why?
to:
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* DumbIsGood
to:
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** NUT SHOT!
to:
Changed line(s) 65 (click to see context) from:
** "NOT THE BALLS!"
to:
Changed line(s) 72,74 (click to see context) from:
* JerkAss: Sargeant Mark.
* JerkAssHasAPoint: Swagmaster in "Le Train Breach".
--->'''Swagmaster:''' As much as you're having fun and being pissed, maybe we should be chasing the spy right about now.
* JerkAssHasAPoint: Swagmaster in "Le Train Breach".
--->'''Swagmaster:''' As much as you're having fun and being pissed, maybe we should be chasing the spy right about now.
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Changed line(s) 76,83 (click to see context) from:
* JerkWithAHeartOfJerk: Again, Swagmaster, most notably in "Swag Party Hostages".
* KilledOffForReal: [[spoiler:Mark's mother.]]
* LampshadeHanging: "What kind of spaghetti factory has nuclear rockets?!"
* MadeOfExplodium: Creator/MorganFreeman.
* MadnessMantra: BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES
* ManChild: Swagmaster.
-->'''Swagmaster:''' I need to take a pee-pee!
* MeaningfulName: Swagmaster, again.
* KilledOffForReal: [[spoiler:Mark's mother.]]
* LampshadeHanging: "What kind of spaghetti factory has nuclear rockets?!"
* MadeOfExplodium: Creator/MorganFreeman.
* MadnessMantra: BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES
* ManChild: Swagmaster.
-->'''Swagmaster:''' I need to take a pee-pee!
* MeaningfulName: Swagmaster, again.
to:
Changed line(s) 89 (click to see context) from:
* NeverMyFault: "Swagmaster did all of it!"
to:
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* NeverSayDie: Inverted.
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* NoodleIncident: "I can explain... why there's a rocket launcher up Gavin's butt."
** "Where'd my underwear go?!"
** "And then you passed out- (boom)"
* OhCrap: Used frequently.
* PrecisionFStrike: "Mamaf*cker!"
** "Get that motherf*cker!"
** Chris's reaction to the fact that Creator/MorganFreeman is about to blow him up is a simple "ah shit."
** His reaction to getting "promoted" to a prison guard is a simple "shit."
** "[[WebAnimation/AwesomeSeries F*ck.]]"
** "Dafuq?"
** "Where'd my underwear go?!"
** "And then you passed out- (boom)"
* OhCrap: Used frequently.
* PrecisionFStrike: "Mamaf*cker!"
** "Get that motherf*cker!"
** Chris's reaction to the fact that Creator/MorganFreeman is about to blow him up is a simple "ah shit."
** His reaction to getting "promoted" to a prison guard is a simple "shit."
** "[[WebAnimation/AwesomeSeries F*ck.]]"
** "Dafuq?"
to:
Changed line(s) 114,121 (click to see context) from:
* RunningGag: Creator/MorganFreeman.
** [[VideoGame/MetalSlug ROCKET LAUNCHER!]]
* SarcasmMode
-->'''Chris:''' Oh shit! Swagmaster, are you okay?\\
'''Swagmaster:''' Do I f*cking look okay, dumbass?
** "Nice aiming, asshat!"
* ScreamsLikeALittleGirl: Chris.
** Also the person who kept Chris and Mark hostage.
** [[VideoGame/MetalSlug ROCKET LAUNCHER!]]
* SarcasmMode
-->'''Chris:''' Oh shit! Swagmaster, are you okay?\\
'''Swagmaster:''' Do I f*cking look okay, dumbass?
** "Nice aiming, asshat!"
* ScreamsLikeALittleGirl: Chris.
** Also the person who kept Chris and Mark hostage.
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* SirSwearsALot: Swagmaster.
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* ThisIsForEmphasisBitch: "I'm back, bitches!"
** "GOTCHA, BITCH!"
** "Swag. Swag. Swag. Bitch."
* TitleDrop: "Is the butt ninja up there?"
** "GOTCHA, BITCH!"
** "Swag. Swag. Swag. Bitch."
* TitleDrop: "Is the butt ninja up there?"
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Changed line(s) 145,148 (click to see context) from:
* TriggerHappy: Swagmaster.
* {{Troll}}: Tubbie Wonka.
* UnusualEuphemism: Many throughout the course of the series.
--->'''Chris:''' What the mother duck is going on here?!
* {{Troll}}: Tubbie Wonka.
* UnusualEuphemism: Many throughout the course of the series.
--->'''Chris:''' What the mother duck is going on here?!
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** [[spoiler: [[LetsGetDangerous PREPARE YOUR BUTTHOLE.]]]]
to:
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* YouBastard: Used by Mark and later Swagmaster.
to:
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** "Mario's Prison Escape" is the first full crossover with [[Machinima/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers the main series]].
to:
** "Mario's Prison Escape" is the first full crossover with [[Machinima/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers [[WebAnimation/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers the main series]].
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[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/gnr.jpg]]
->''mario sucks pingas lol''
-->--Swagmaster
'''[[https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqtXS2zBPMiS3-lX5fqSfm0U3AAdBONDz Guards N' Retards]]''' is a machinima series created by [[Creator/Supermarioglitchy4 SMG4]]. Primarily filmed in ''VideoGame/GoldenEye1997'', the series focuses on Chris and [[NoNameGiven SwagMaster696969696969]], two guards working at the world's largest spaghetti factory. Unlike [=SMG4=]'s bloopers, nearly every character uses text-to-speech for dialog.
"Mario and the Retarded Spaghetti Factory", uploaded on February 2, 2014, serves as a pilot to the series. ''Guards 'N Retards'' would become an official series on February 23, 2014. It would eventually merge with the main ''[=SMG4=]'' series starting in 2019 with "Mario's Prison Escape".
----
!!This series contains examples of:
* AerithAndBob: Chris and Swagmaster.
* ArcWords: "Titty sprinkles!"
** "Eyes on the prize, Chris. Eyes on the prize!"
* AllMenArePerverts: To the point where it becomes ''a major plot point'' in "Pointy Things".
* AmbiguouslyBi: Swagmaster.
* AntagonistTitle: "The Butt Ninja".
* AxCrazy: The psycho lady and Kevin.
** The [[Franchise/{{Pokemon}} old man]] could also count.
* BigWhat: Swagmaster's reaction to learning that the VeryFalseAdvertising tricked him into signing up for a crappy job.
* BlackComedy
* BreadEggsBreadedEggs: During "The Vacation", when Swagmaster is thinking about the hotel he and Chris are going to be staying in, he believes there will be butlers, hookers and hooker butlers.
* BreakingTheFourthWall: "God, screw this {{Creator/Nintendo}} game!"
** "You people watching better pay me for this!"
* BrickJoke: Bowser reading a book.
** The guard playing ''VideoGame/FlappyBird''.
** "Nipple twist!"
** [[ItMakesSenseInContext "CHRIS IS PREGNANT!"]]
* TheBusCameBack:
** The Butt Ninja returns in "Swag Party Hostages".
** [[spoiler: Tubbie Wonka]] finally returns in "Le Train Breach".
* CallBack: "Is she a mental old lady who's [[WebVideo/GameGrumps obsessed with raisins?]]"
** "Don't make me nipple twist you again!"
** "Le Train Breach" has many to the original [=Retarded64=] pilot.
* CatchPhrase: "This is why they call me Swagmaster!"
** "Yo, what's up?"
* ChaoticStupid: [[SarcasmMode Definitely NOT apply to Swagmaster]].
* CharacterizationMarchesOn: The pilot depicted Chris as a slacker who only cared for himself, while the actual series has Chris petrified of his superiors and it is made blatant that he obviously hates his job. However, he does take his job seriously.
* ChekhovsGag: "Imma charging my lasers!"
** Old lady Mc Fag.
** The [[VideoGame/SuperMarioBros1 poison mushroom]].
* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: Swagmaster.
* ComicallyMissingThePoint: After the escaped prisoner shoots Chris:
-->'''Swagmaster:''' YouBastard! Who's going to make my sandwiches now?!
** "Screams of rejoice!"
* {{Crossover}}: Swagmaster hallucinates that he has entered the world of ''Franchise/SuperMarioBros'', only for everyone there to mistake him for a pedophile.
** "Mario's Prison Escape" is the first full crossover with [[Machinima/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers the main series]].
* DeadpanSnarker: Chris.
-->'''Swagmaster:''' Aww.. she ran away.
-->'''Chris:''' Well, I wonder why?
* DefeatMeansFriendship: At the end of "Swag Party Hostages", [[spoiler: the duo befriend the Butt Ninja and throw a party with him.]]
* DemotedToExtra: Creator/MorganFreeman only gets cameos in "Pointy Things" and "Prisoners", and is completely absent in "Swag Party Hostages".
* DisneyAcidSequence: After Swagmaster eats a [[VideoGame/SuperMarioBros1 poison mushroom]].
* DrivenToSuicide: [[spoiler: Chris, at the end of "Le Train Breach".]]
* DrivesLikeCrazy: Mario.
** [[VideoGame/{{Minecraft}} Steve]] could also count.
* DumbIsGood
* GroinAttack: Mario performs one on [[Series/{{Teletubbies}} Tubbie]] [[Film/WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory Wonka]].
** The Butt Ninja also performs one on Swagmaster. He then attempts to get revenge on him for a chunk of the episode.
--->'''Swagmaster:''' My ballls...
** Kevin shoots Mark in the groin.
--->'''Mark:''' Ow! My children!
** NUT SHOT!
** Literally in "Swag Party Hostages": [[spoiler: Swagmaster unleashes "Mega Swagalicious [[WesternAnimation/AdventuresOfSonicTheHedgehog Pingas]]", which summons a giant fist from his crotch to punch anyone in his path.]]
*** Happens literally again in "Le Train Breach".
** "NOT THE BALLS!"
* FreezeFrameBonus: The number of prisoners who have died from SWAG heart attacks is 24,564,326.
** When the lady in jail spazzes out, a brief caption appears reading [[SelfDeprecation "quality animation".]]
* FunnyBackgroundEvent: Swagmaster going on a rant about Sargeant Mark.
* GoneHorriblyWrong: Swagmaster has Chang, his Asian midget messenger, deliver a letter to a pointy boob lady in the hopes of getting pointy boobs. She thinks that Chang is cute and goes on a date with him.
* HypocriticalHumor: Swagmaster tells Chris that he has friends like the Butt Ninja, only for him to shoot Swagmaster.
** Swagmaster convinces Mario that he is not going to hurt anyone. He then mistakes Luigi for Admiral Greg and starts shooting away.
* JerkAss: Sargeant Mark.
* JerkAssHasAPoint: Swagmaster in "Le Train Breach".
--->'''Swagmaster:''' As much as you're having fun and being pissed, maybe we should be chasing the spy right about now.
* JerkWithAHeartOfGold: Swagmaster. Sergeant Mark has also shown appreciation and kindness to the duo on occasion.
* JerkWithAHeartOfJerk: Again, Swagmaster, most notably in "Swag Party Hostages".
* KilledOffForReal: [[spoiler:Mark's mother.]]
* LampshadeHanging: "What kind of spaghetti factory has nuclear rockets?!"
* MadeOfExplodium: Creator/MorganFreeman.
* MadnessMantra: BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES
* ManChild: Swagmaster.
-->'''Swagmaster:''' I need to take a pee-pee!
* MeaningfulName: Swagmaster, again.
* MotorMouth: While this is not the case when he talks, Tubbie Wonka can play his [[VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaOcarinaOfTime ocarina]] very fast.
** Swagmaster, most notably when he gets angry.
--->'''Swagmaster:''' HOLYSHITWHATHASTHEWORLDCOMETO?! CHRISWASINVITEDTOASWAGPARTYBUTIWASNT!? YOUSONOFABITCH IAMTHEMOSTSWAGGIESTPERSONINTHEWORLD!
* NWordPrivileges: Censored in the pilot, left undone for the rest of the series.
* NakedPeopleAreFunny: How Mario is usually depicted.
* NeverMyFault: "Swagmaster did all of it!"
** Chris and Swagmaster get scolded after Swagmaster tries to hug Chris.
--->'''Swagmaster:''' Now they think we're homos. Thanks a lot Chris!
* NeverSayDie: Inverted.
* NewPowersAsThePlotDemands: [[spoiler: Swagmaster uses "Mega Swagilicious Pingas" Punch on the villain]] in "Swag Party Hostages". See also NonSequitur.
* NoNameGiven: Swagmaster's real name is never revealed.
** Also with the Butt Ninja.
* NiceJobBreakingItHero: Greg once got a magical spellbook. When Swagmaster tells him to kill Ivan, Greg messes up four times (one spell crushes Chris, the other two are useless summons, and the last one makes Swagmaster feel fabulous) due to being new with the book. It takes him at least a minute for him to master it, showing that not everyone will quickly become an InstantExpert when they received a power that they're new with.
%%* NonSequitur
* NoodleIncident: "I can explain... why there's a rocket launcher up Gavin's butt."
** "Where'd my underwear go?!"
** "And then you passed out- (boom)"
* OhCrap: Used frequently.
* PrecisionFStrike: "Mamaf*cker!"
** "Get that motherf*cker!"
** Chris's reaction to the fact that Creator/MorganFreeman is about to blow him up is a simple "ah shit."
** His reaction to getting "promoted" to a prison guard is a simple "shit."
** "[[WebAnimation/AwesomeSeries F*ck.]]"
** "Dafuq?"
* ProductPlacement: The ending to "The Butt Ninja" contains an advert for [=SMG4=]'s online shop.
* RevealShot: In the first few moments of "Swag Party Hostages", when Chris finds Sergeant Mark.
--->'''Chris:''' Oh God. If his ugly yellow ass is not in here...\\
'''Sergeant Mark:''' What was that about my ugly yellow ass?\\
''The camera zooms out a bit to reveal [[spoiler:the Butt Ninja, coming back from the first installment]].''
* RippedFromTheHeadlines: In ''"Le Train Breach"'', Swagmaster pretends to have ebola so girls will be attracted to him. Needless to say, it doesn't go well.
* RunningGag: Creator/MorganFreeman.
** [[VideoGame/MetalSlug ROCKET LAUNCHER!]]
* SarcasmMode
-->'''Chris:''' Oh shit! Swagmaster, are you okay?\\
'''Swagmaster:''' Do I f*cking look okay, dumbass?
** "Nice aiming, asshat!"
* ScreamsLikeALittleGirl: Chris.
** Also the person who kept Chris and Mark hostage.
* SelfDeprecation: When the lady in jail spazzes out, a [[FreezeFrameBonus brief caption]] appears saying "quality animation".
** While Swagmaster watches one of [=SMG4=]'s videos, Chris tells him to "stop watching those gay-ass videos".
** InUniverse; Swagmaster cannot believe that Chris trusted him.
--->'''Swagmaster:''' You actually trust the bullshit that comes out of my mouth?! When did you stoop so low Chris?
* ShoutOut: Has its [[ShoutOut/GuardsNRetards own page]].
* SirSwearsALot: Swagmaster.
* StockScream: A Wilhelm scream can be heard when the Butt Ninja shoots his first victim.
* StylisticSuck: Guards N' Retards can be seen as combining poor character designs, synthetic voices, and lack of effort into a big parody of suckish episodes.
* SyntheticVoiceActor: Everybody. It's rare for a character not to be voiced this way.
* TakeThat:
** Swagmaster really hates Music/JustinBieber.
** Swagmaster has also talked about murdering Music/TheWiggles.
** Swagmaster tells Chris that the escaped prisoner looked like "[[VideoGame/{{Minecraft}} a rectangle with creepy-ass eyes]]. The first thing Chris thinks of is [[Series/BarneyAndFriends Barney]].
--->'''Chris:''' Oh jeez, we're screwed!
** In "The Vacation", Swagmaster is afraid to go into the water as a result of watching ''WesternAnimation/SharkTale''.
--->'''Swagmaster''': Have you ever seen ''Shark Tale''?! ''(suffers flashbacks to the movie)'' that shit scars a man.
* TheyKilledKennyAgain: Mark dies multiple times throughout the series, but always manages to come back by the next episode. Lampshaded in "Le Train Breach".
--->'''Swagmaster:''' He's died, like, three times already!
* ThisIsForEmphasisBitch: "I'm back, bitches!"
** "GOTCHA, BITCH!"
** "Swag. Swag. Swag. Bitch."
* TitleDrop: "Is the butt ninja up there?"
* TrademarkFavoriteFood: Mario's love for spaghetti which is what drives him to go to the factory in the first place.
* TriggerHappy: Swagmaster.
* {{Troll}}: Tubbie Wonka.
* UnusualEuphemism: Many throughout the course of the series.
--->'''Chris:''' What the mother duck is going on here?!
* WhamLine:
** [[spoiler: [[LetsGetDangerous PREPARE YOUR BUTTHOLE.]]]]
** When Chris and Swagmaster tell Mark that they know about the TNT in "Da bomb" after they've tied him up.
--->'''Mark:''' TNT... is that what this is about? [[spoiler: The boss ordered me to get that, you retards!]]
* WholeEpisodeFlashback: "The Vacation" serves as this to explain [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall where Chris and Swagmaster have been for the past year]]. [[spoiler: By the time Swagmaster is ready to start the episode, the video ends.]]
* YouBastard: Used by Mark and later Swagmaster.
----
->''mario sucks pingas lol''
-->--Swagmaster
'''[[https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqtXS2zBPMiS3-lX5fqSfm0U3AAdBONDz Guards N' Retards]]''' is a machinima series created by [[Creator/Supermarioglitchy4 SMG4]]. Primarily filmed in ''VideoGame/GoldenEye1997'', the series focuses on Chris and [[NoNameGiven SwagMaster696969696969]], two guards working at the world's largest spaghetti factory. Unlike [=SMG4=]'s bloopers, nearly every character uses text-to-speech for dialog.
"Mario and the Retarded Spaghetti Factory", uploaded on February 2, 2014, serves as a pilot to the series. ''Guards 'N Retards'' would become an official series on February 23, 2014. It would eventually merge with the main ''[=SMG4=]'' series starting in 2019 with "Mario's Prison Escape".
----
!!This series contains examples of:
* AerithAndBob: Chris and Swagmaster.
* ArcWords: "Titty sprinkles!"
** "Eyes on the prize, Chris. Eyes on the prize!"
* AllMenArePerverts: To the point where it becomes ''a major plot point'' in "Pointy Things".
* AmbiguouslyBi: Swagmaster.
* AntagonistTitle: "The Butt Ninja".
* AxCrazy: The psycho lady and Kevin.
** The [[Franchise/{{Pokemon}} old man]] could also count.
* BigWhat: Swagmaster's reaction to learning that the VeryFalseAdvertising tricked him into signing up for a crappy job.
* BlackComedy
* BreadEggsBreadedEggs: During "The Vacation", when Swagmaster is thinking about the hotel he and Chris are going to be staying in, he believes there will be butlers, hookers and hooker butlers.
* BreakingTheFourthWall: "God, screw this {{Creator/Nintendo}} game!"
** "You people watching better pay me for this!"
* BrickJoke: Bowser reading a book.
** The guard playing ''VideoGame/FlappyBird''.
** "Nipple twist!"
** [[ItMakesSenseInContext "CHRIS IS PREGNANT!"]]
* TheBusCameBack:
** The Butt Ninja returns in "Swag Party Hostages".
** [[spoiler: Tubbie Wonka]] finally returns in "Le Train Breach".
* CallBack: "Is she a mental old lady who's [[WebVideo/GameGrumps obsessed with raisins?]]"
** "Don't make me nipple twist you again!"
** "Le Train Breach" has many to the original [=Retarded64=] pilot.
* CatchPhrase: "This is why they call me Swagmaster!"
** "Yo, what's up?"
* ChaoticStupid: [[SarcasmMode Definitely NOT apply to Swagmaster]].
* CharacterizationMarchesOn: The pilot depicted Chris as a slacker who only cared for himself, while the actual series has Chris petrified of his superiors and it is made blatant that he obviously hates his job. However, he does take his job seriously.
* ChekhovsGag: "Imma charging my lasers!"
** Old lady Mc Fag.
** The [[VideoGame/SuperMarioBros1 poison mushroom]].
* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: Swagmaster.
* ComicallyMissingThePoint: After the escaped prisoner shoots Chris:
-->'''Swagmaster:''' YouBastard! Who's going to make my sandwiches now?!
** "Screams of rejoice!"
* {{Crossover}}: Swagmaster hallucinates that he has entered the world of ''Franchise/SuperMarioBros'', only for everyone there to mistake him for a pedophile.
** "Mario's Prison Escape" is the first full crossover with [[Machinima/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers the main series]].
* DeadpanSnarker: Chris.
-->'''Swagmaster:''' Aww.. she ran away.
-->'''Chris:''' Well, I wonder why?
* DefeatMeansFriendship: At the end of "Swag Party Hostages", [[spoiler: the duo befriend the Butt Ninja and throw a party with him.]]
* DemotedToExtra: Creator/MorganFreeman only gets cameos in "Pointy Things" and "Prisoners", and is completely absent in "Swag Party Hostages".
* DisneyAcidSequence: After Swagmaster eats a [[VideoGame/SuperMarioBros1 poison mushroom]].
* DrivenToSuicide: [[spoiler: Chris, at the end of "Le Train Breach".]]
* DrivesLikeCrazy: Mario.
** [[VideoGame/{{Minecraft}} Steve]] could also count.
* DumbIsGood
* GroinAttack: Mario performs one on [[Series/{{Teletubbies}} Tubbie]] [[Film/WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory Wonka]].
** The Butt Ninja also performs one on Swagmaster. He then attempts to get revenge on him for a chunk of the episode.
--->'''Swagmaster:''' My ballls...
** Kevin shoots Mark in the groin.
--->'''Mark:''' Ow! My children!
** NUT SHOT!
** Literally in "Swag Party Hostages": [[spoiler: Swagmaster unleashes "Mega Swagalicious [[WesternAnimation/AdventuresOfSonicTheHedgehog Pingas]]", which summons a giant fist from his crotch to punch anyone in his path.]]
*** Happens literally again in "Le Train Breach".
** "NOT THE BALLS!"
* FreezeFrameBonus: The number of prisoners who have died from SWAG heart attacks is 24,564,326.
** When the lady in jail spazzes out, a brief caption appears reading [[SelfDeprecation "quality animation".]]
* FunnyBackgroundEvent: Swagmaster going on a rant about Sargeant Mark.
* GoneHorriblyWrong: Swagmaster has Chang, his Asian midget messenger, deliver a letter to a pointy boob lady in the hopes of getting pointy boobs. She thinks that Chang is cute and goes on a date with him.
* HypocriticalHumor: Swagmaster tells Chris that he has friends like the Butt Ninja, only for him to shoot Swagmaster.
** Swagmaster convinces Mario that he is not going to hurt anyone. He then mistakes Luigi for Admiral Greg and starts shooting away.
* JerkAss: Sargeant Mark.
* JerkAssHasAPoint: Swagmaster in "Le Train Breach".
--->'''Swagmaster:''' As much as you're having fun and being pissed, maybe we should be chasing the spy right about now.
* JerkWithAHeartOfGold: Swagmaster. Sergeant Mark has also shown appreciation and kindness to the duo on occasion.
* JerkWithAHeartOfJerk: Again, Swagmaster, most notably in "Swag Party Hostages".
* KilledOffForReal: [[spoiler:Mark's mother.]]
* LampshadeHanging: "What kind of spaghetti factory has nuclear rockets?!"
* MadeOfExplodium: Creator/MorganFreeman.
* MadnessMantra: BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES
* ManChild: Swagmaster.
-->'''Swagmaster:''' I need to take a pee-pee!
* MeaningfulName: Swagmaster, again.
* MotorMouth: While this is not the case when he talks, Tubbie Wonka can play his [[VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaOcarinaOfTime ocarina]] very fast.
** Swagmaster, most notably when he gets angry.
--->'''Swagmaster:''' HOLYSHITWHATHASTHEWORLDCOMETO?! CHRISWASINVITEDTOASWAGPARTYBUTIWASNT!? YOUSONOFABITCH IAMTHEMOSTSWAGGIESTPERSONINTHEWORLD!
* NWordPrivileges: Censored in the pilot, left undone for the rest of the series.
* NakedPeopleAreFunny: How Mario is usually depicted.
* NeverMyFault: "Swagmaster did all of it!"
** Chris and Swagmaster get scolded after Swagmaster tries to hug Chris.
--->'''Swagmaster:''' Now they think we're homos. Thanks a lot Chris!
* NeverSayDie: Inverted.
* NewPowersAsThePlotDemands: [[spoiler: Swagmaster uses "Mega Swagilicious Pingas" Punch on the villain]] in "Swag Party Hostages". See also NonSequitur.
* NoNameGiven: Swagmaster's real name is never revealed.
** Also with the Butt Ninja.
* NiceJobBreakingItHero: Greg once got a magical spellbook. When Swagmaster tells him to kill Ivan, Greg messes up four times (one spell crushes Chris, the other two are useless summons, and the last one makes Swagmaster feel fabulous) due to being new with the book. It takes him at least a minute for him to master it, showing that not everyone will quickly become an InstantExpert when they received a power that they're new with.
%%* NonSequitur
* NoodleIncident: "I can explain... why there's a rocket launcher up Gavin's butt."
** "Where'd my underwear go?!"
** "And then you passed out- (boom)"
* OhCrap: Used frequently.
* PrecisionFStrike: "Mamaf*cker!"
** "Get that motherf*cker!"
** Chris's reaction to the fact that Creator/MorganFreeman is about to blow him up is a simple "ah shit."
** His reaction to getting "promoted" to a prison guard is a simple "shit."
** "[[WebAnimation/AwesomeSeries F*ck.]]"
** "Dafuq?"
* ProductPlacement: The ending to "The Butt Ninja" contains an advert for [=SMG4=]'s online shop.
* RevealShot: In the first few moments of "Swag Party Hostages", when Chris finds Sergeant Mark.
--->'''Chris:''' Oh God. If his ugly yellow ass is not in here...\\
'''Sergeant Mark:''' What was that about my ugly yellow ass?\\
''The camera zooms out a bit to reveal [[spoiler:the Butt Ninja, coming back from the first installment]].''
* RippedFromTheHeadlines: In ''"Le Train Breach"'', Swagmaster pretends to have ebola so girls will be attracted to him. Needless to say, it doesn't go well.
* RunningGag: Creator/MorganFreeman.
** [[VideoGame/MetalSlug ROCKET LAUNCHER!]]
* SarcasmMode
-->'''Chris:''' Oh shit! Swagmaster, are you okay?\\
'''Swagmaster:''' Do I f*cking look okay, dumbass?
** "Nice aiming, asshat!"
* ScreamsLikeALittleGirl: Chris.
** Also the person who kept Chris and Mark hostage.
* SelfDeprecation: When the lady in jail spazzes out, a [[FreezeFrameBonus brief caption]] appears saying "quality animation".
** While Swagmaster watches one of [=SMG4=]'s videos, Chris tells him to "stop watching those gay-ass videos".
** InUniverse; Swagmaster cannot believe that Chris trusted him.
--->'''Swagmaster:''' You actually trust the bullshit that comes out of my mouth?! When did you stoop so low Chris?
* ShoutOut: Has its [[ShoutOut/GuardsNRetards own page]].
* SirSwearsALot: Swagmaster.
* StockScream: A Wilhelm scream can be heard when the Butt Ninja shoots his first victim.
* StylisticSuck: Guards N' Retards can be seen as combining poor character designs, synthetic voices, and lack of effort into a big parody of suckish episodes.
* SyntheticVoiceActor: Everybody. It's rare for a character not to be voiced this way.
* TakeThat:
** Swagmaster really hates Music/JustinBieber.
** Swagmaster has also talked about murdering Music/TheWiggles.
** Swagmaster tells Chris that the escaped prisoner looked like "[[VideoGame/{{Minecraft}} a rectangle with creepy-ass eyes]]. The first thing Chris thinks of is [[Series/BarneyAndFriends Barney]].
--->'''Chris:''' Oh jeez, we're screwed!
** In "The Vacation", Swagmaster is afraid to go into the water as a result of watching ''WesternAnimation/SharkTale''.
--->'''Swagmaster''': Have you ever seen ''Shark Tale''?! ''(suffers flashbacks to the movie)'' that shit scars a man.
* TheyKilledKennyAgain: Mark dies multiple times throughout the series, but always manages to come back by the next episode. Lampshaded in "Le Train Breach".
--->'''Swagmaster:''' He's died, like, three times already!
* ThisIsForEmphasisBitch: "I'm back, bitches!"
** "GOTCHA, BITCH!"
** "Swag. Swag. Swag. Bitch."
* TitleDrop: "Is the butt ninja up there?"
* TrademarkFavoriteFood: Mario's love for spaghetti which is what drives him to go to the factory in the first place.
* TriggerHappy: Swagmaster.
* {{Troll}}: Tubbie Wonka.
* UnusualEuphemism: Many throughout the course of the series.
--->'''Chris:''' What the mother duck is going on here?!
* WhamLine:
** [[spoiler: [[LetsGetDangerous PREPARE YOUR BUTTHOLE.]]]]
** When Chris and Swagmaster tell Mark that they know about the TNT in "Da bomb" after they've tied him up.
--->'''Mark:''' TNT... is that what this is about? [[spoiler: The boss ordered me to get that, you retards!]]
* WholeEpisodeFlashback: "The Vacation" serves as this to explain [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall where Chris and Swagmaster have been for the past year]]. [[spoiler: By the time Swagmaster is ready to start the episode, the video ends.]]
* YouBastard: Used by Mark and later Swagmaster.
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