History UsefulNotes / JewishLifeEvents

* ''Don't'' worry about getting there exactly on time. Very few Jewish weddings adhere to an exact schedule, regardless of what's printed on the invitation. You may find yourself with nothing to do for half an hour while they get their act together ''at best'' - And G-d help you if it's an Ethiopian (Beta Israel) wedding, where the waiting time is closer to [[UpToEleven three hours]]. (This is true of most Jewish ceremonies. Among American Jews, this is often referred to as "Jewish Standard Time".)

* The ''mohel''. This is the person who will actually do the deed. Nowadays some choose to do it with a professional doctor, although this is not a requirement, in order to minimise the odds of disease.

Pay attention to the invitation when invited to an Orthodox wedding. First, there will usually be a "Kabolas Ponim" (Or "Kabalat Panim" in Sephardi prnounciation), or reception. After this comes the "Chupah", or wedding ceremony. Finally there is the meal and dancing. Weddings will usually begin between 5:00 and 7:00 PM, and at least in Israel, they're ''always'' held on weekdays, with Thursday being the most popular option.

The actual wedding ceremony is often done outside, barring inclement weather; at least there is supposed to be a skylight over the canopy. The music played during the ceremony is usually sad and wistful. In America, several people will generally walk down the aisle; this can include children, because they're cute, and grandparents, because they're respected. Their entrance can be before the groom or between the groom and bride. In Israel, as well as among Sephardi and Mizrachi communities, this generally isn't done (another example of Christian vs. Muslim influence).

On the other hand, Jewish anthropology indicates that the smashing of a glass may serve a function similar to the henna ceremony of Mizrachi and Sfardi communities: it wards off demons that would otherwise try to cause trouble or take the place of one of the newlyweds.

On the anniversary of the death of a close loved one, ''yartzeit'' is observed, during which a candle is lit and allowed to burn for 24 hours. In Sphardic tradition, this is called ''nahala''. On this day, the ''Mourner's Kaddish'' is recited as well. Even non-Orthodox Jews generally recite it, with varying results on how many of them actually manage to figure out the words.

Note: While some Jewish parents often warn their children by telling them at a young age that, [[ScareEmStraight 'if you get a tattoo, you can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery.]]' This is in fact not true, as many different types of Jews (Reform, Reconstructionist, etc) are buried in Jewish cemeteries and while getting a tattoo (defacing your body) is breaking a Jewish law, so is eating pork and writing on Saturday.

Interestingly, there is no religious requirement for any sort of event marking this date; it's purely a social thing. [[YouKeepUsingThatWord A bar mitzvah was not originally something you "have"]] -- and, among religious Jews (particularly outside of the United States), it still isn't. Neglecting to celebrate your bar mitzvah prevents you from coming of age just as much as neglecting to have an 18th birthday party prevents you from being eligible to vote - i.e., not at all.

The longest and most expensive event is also the one with a surprising amount of standardization among Orthodox circles. Due to the [[FanMyopia experience]] of the authorial tropers, the main thrust will be Ashkenazi Orthodox weddings, with additions pertaining to Conservative and Reform ones. Further additions are welcome via WikiMagic.

Judaism does not allow for embalming, autopsies (without a very good reason, as it is viewed as a desecration of the remains), cremation, or open-casket funerals (except in Israel where no casket is used at all - the exception being military funerals, which are always closed-casket. This is because some ways in which soldiers die can leave the body looking not much like a body at all, and the casket is the more decent option.). Organ donation is permitted by some authorities due to the emphasis Judaism places on the preservation of life, or ''pikuach nefesh''. Generally there will be an hour or so of eulogies in a synagogue or funeral home. The eulogy, or ''hesped'' among Haredim and Hasidim is an emotional speech scattered with references to Torah verses and much wailing. Among Modern Orthodox and Lubavitch Hasidim, this is replaced with a eulogy that celebrates the life of the deceased and his or her strengths and merits. In North America, the casket, a plain wooden (often pine) box (or in Israel, where coffins are not used, the body is placed on a stretcher and covered by a prayer shawl (''tallis'')), is usually waiting inside the synagogue but outside the main sanctuary, and the congregation will empty out to the street and follow the coffin into the hearse, then walk with the hearse as it drives slowly for a few blocks. The congregation will then get to their own cars and arrive at the graveyard. (Note that Jews who are Kohanim/priests may not be in the same building as the body, so they must wait outside. Often synagogues have outside speaker systems set up so they can hear the eulogies - these are also necessary for larger funerals - the most respected and well-liked members of a community may have hundreds of people show up for their funerals, and extremely prominent rabbis can have funerals attended by hundreds of thousands).

The week after the burial is known as Shiva (for "seven"). Mourners live in the house of the deceased; they sit on low stools rather than chairs; all mirrors are covered; and rather than going to synagogue for prayers, visitors will join them for prayer sessions in the house. After every prayer session (and whenever visitors come to call) it is customary to say the "Hamakom" line above before leaving. Among Sephardic Jews, the line used at Shiva is ''Nachamu min hashamayim'' (approximately), meaning "May you be comforted from the heavens".

* ''Do'' try and bring a ''kippah'' (skullcap) if possible. Those paper-thin silk ones are pretty embarrassing, so try and get at least a knitted one. You may also want to bring a bobby pin to attach it. Those who are bald may want a larger kippah which will stay on witout a pin or clip. Note that only men are required to wear ''kippot'', and that at Orthodox services women are discouraged from doing so, although an increasing number of Reform, Conservative, and Reconstructionist women wear them. Married women should cover their heads; often lace doilies are provided, but a smart scarf or hat will do the job nicely.
* ''Do'' dress modestly. Formal wear among Orthodox women is suits and gowns which cover the knees and elbows. Walking around in low-cut, bare-armed dresses will get you some stares in the more conservative weddings. You won't be lynched, but you will make some people feel uncomfortable. If you are going to a Reform service, typical wedding attire is fine. At Conservative services, it varies, but standards are generally more relaxed than Orthodox services.

At this point, too, Orthodox women, now being married, are not supposed to show their hair to other men. Therefore, haredi and some highly Orthodox denominations will have the woman put on a wig at this point. Even among the Orthodox, however, this isn't common; those girls did not spend all that time, money and hair spray just to be forced to wear a wig during the pictures. This tradition is generally not practiced by Conservatives and Reform Jews.

Weddings can drag on late (the actual family members often don't leave until after 2 AM), so don't worry if you don't stay for the whole thing.

Then there is the ''aufruf''. The Sabbath before the wedding, the groom is called up for an ''aliyah'', and is then pelted with bags of candy. Afterwards, the congregation and some family members are invited to a small luncheon.

* ''Do'' try and bring a ''kippah'' (skullcap) if possible. Those paper-thin silk ones are pretty embarrassing, so try and get at least a knitted one. You may also want to bring a bobby pin to attach it. Those who are bald may want a larger kippah which will stay on witout a pin or clip. Note that only men are required to wear ''kippot'', and that at Orthodox services women are discouraged from doing so, although an increasing number of Reform and Reconstructionist women wear them.

** In general for conservative weddings, it's fine to wear sleeveless or strapless attire to the reception as long as you wear a cardigan or shawl to cover your shoulders in shul.

Often this solemn second turns out to be hysterical if the glass will not break.

Note that, in the Orthodox tradition, all of these positions are exclusively held by men. In the conservative movement, any of the positions may be held by a woman. In the Reform and Reconstructionist movements, the bris is not even considered a required practice, although it is still very widely done. There have been health issues raised about the procedure, especially since ''mohels'' are not always doctors, and the procedure has been recently modified amongst many (though far from all) Orthodox communities to allay these concerns. There is [[http://www.jewsagainstcircumcision.org/ a movement today]] among Jews of non-Orthodox traditions to stop circumcision and have [[http://www.jewishcircumcision.org/ritual.htm a dedication]] instead.

Often [[CrowningMomentOfFunny this solemn second turns out to be hysterical]] if the glass will not break.

If a boy and girl have the ceremony on the same day in the same service, the service is a "B'nei Mitzvah," but the boy still is a bar mitzvah and the girl a bat mitzvah. The invitation would just say "come celebrate [girl] and [boy]'s b'nai mitzvah!" or something like that.
If you don't know the gender, it's a b'nai mitzvah ("I have to go to one of my cousin's b'nai mitzvah"). If two girls are having theirs on the same day, it's a b'not mitzvah

* ''Don't'' worry about getting there exactly on time. Very few Jewish weddings adhere to an exact schedule, regardless of what's printed on the invitation. You may find yourself with nothing to do for half an hour while they get their act together ''at best'' - And G-d forbid you if it's an Ethiopian (Beta Israel) wedding, where the waiting time is closer to [[UpToEleven three hours]]. (This is true of most Jewish ceremonies. Among American Jews, this is often referred to as "Jewish Standard Time".)