History SoYouWantTo / WriteASexScene

Aside from the Bad Sex In Fiction awards, which are typically a master class in SugarWiki/FunnyMoments, there are also fan-driven blogs and communities that focus on the same thing. A good place to start is "weepingcock", a Website/LiveJournal community dedicated to celebrating the best howlers from fan fiction. There's also "Smart Bitches, Trashy Books", a site compiling snarky reviews of romance novels. Occasionally they branch out into more generalized fare, such as this article: "[[http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/blog/10-things-i-hate-about-sex-scenes Ten Things I Hate About Sex Scenes]]."

You will need to devote some time into deciding ''how'' the participants came to ''be'' participating. Why do they want to have sex with each other? It's true that [[UsefulNotes/{{Asexuality}} almost]] everyone has a sex drive that makes them want to bump uglies; the libido is built into all living creatures. This explains why the characters want to have sex. It does not explain why they want to have sex with ''each other''. Most people are selective about their sex partners, applying various criteria relating to physical appearance and/or personality and only engaging sexually with those who have passed a minimum number of satisfactory qualities. Presumably, your characters did the same, and emerged with "chemistry" -- in which it is shown that Alex is attracted to [trait], that Bryce has it, and that Alex responds positively upon discovering this; and then vice versa in reciprocating. The characters should ''desire'' each other, in other words, emotionally and/or physically.

Anyone who has an interest in sex -- in other words, most human beings, though [[UsefulNotes/{{Asexuality}} there are exceptions]]. We're a bit superficial as a species, however, so in general your characters should meet certain standards of beauty and attractiveness, unless you're really determined to challenge dominant cultural mores about sexuality and beauty (or, alternatively, you ''really'' want to gross people out).

The very obvious answer is to simply not write about characters who are of nebulous legal status. Despite what the CompetenceZone would have you believe, people who are 20, or 35, or 60, or even 75 can (and do) have good sex that would be fun to read about. The counter-argument is that the ComingOfAgeStory is often linked to sexual maturity... and we all know that teenagers can get pretty horny. Plus, who else needs role models more? So if you decide to plunge into this quagmire, ''be careful''. By the time an American is 18 years old and has passed even the most stringent forms of the JailBaitWait, there is [[https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/american-virgin/ a 60% chance (according to a recent study)]] that they are already a non-virgin.[[note]]And, if they lost their virginity in California, ''have committed a crime''—while most U.S. states have so-called "Romeo and Juliet" or "close-in-age" exceptions that decriminalize most sexual content involving teens who haven't yet reached their state's general consent age, California has ''no exceptions whatsoever'' to its 18-year age of consent (even if California prosecutors don't generally bother filing charges in such cases).[[/note]] Crazy though it sounds, you ''can'' get in legal trouble for depicting fictional Americans doing something that ''more than half'' of non-fictional, RealLife Americans do. RealityIsUnrealistic when it comes to fictional depictions of sex... and, as always where that trope rears its ugly head, having facts on your side ''will not'' protect you.

Sex scenes have to deal with law in a way that most other fiction doesn't. Specifically, there are laws governing the depiction of sexual congress. The quick rule of thumb is that the folks in the fiction need to be above the "[[https://www.ageofconsent.net/ age of consent]]" for RealLife, non-fiction folks -- i.e. they are legally permitted to consent to sexual activity and are no longer subject to the JailBaitWait. And that's where it starts getting complicated, because basically every government on the planet has set its own limit on the wait. All 50 states in America have set them individually; most have set it at 16, but a few have also chosen 17 and 18. The place that sets it the highest, Bahrain, put it at 21;[[note]]Washington State also has 21 as its standard age of consent; however, if the older person is not considered to be in a position of authority over the younger, the age of consent drops to 16;[[/note]] Nigeria set it at 18. And here's the thing: if your story is to be legally consumable in any given place, it needs to comply with ''that place's'' laws. So, while your story might ''take place'' in, say, Washington State, where the age of consent for most relationships is 16, it can't be legally consumed in California, where it's 18, unless it would be legal if it ''were'' taking place in California. (This is actually one of the justifications for HollywoodProvincialism when it comes to explicit content.) The question you'll get sued over is not, "Is it legal for your characters to do it;" the question is, "Is it legal for your consumers to ''imitate'' it."

The very obvious answer is to simply not write about characters who are of nebulous legal status. Despite what the CompetenceZone would have you believe, people who are 20, or 35, or 60, or even 75 can (and do) have good sex that would be fun to read about. The counter-argument is that the ComingOfAgeStory is often linked to sexual maturity... and we all know that teenagers can get pretty horny. Plus, who else needs role models more? So if you decide to plunge into this quagmire, ''be careful''. By the time an American is 18 years old and has passed even the most stringent forms of the JailBaitWait, there is [[https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/american-virgin/ a 60% chance (according to a recent study)]] that they are already a non-virgin. Crazy though it sounds, you ''can'' get in legal trouble for depicting fictional Americans doing something that ''more than half'' of non-fictional, RealLife Americans do. RealityIsUnrealistic when it comes to fictional depictions of sex... and, as always where that trope rears its ugly head, having facts on your side ''will not'' protect you.

And here's where things really get fun: your characters, the ones who are getting it on. (...You ''do'' have genuine {{Rounded Character}}s here, right?) What are the stereotypes that you have led your readers to assume about them? And how can you subvert, zig-zag or even avert them? A woman CEO is presumably dominant in bed, so the obvious subversion is for her to be submissive and tender; what kind of third option can you take? A man who is brash and arrogant would presumably be concerned solely with his own pleasure, so the logical counter-tack is for him to be tender and selfless; what's the subversion? And let's also drag culture into it, since it ''is'' germane to the topic: in Latin American countries, men are expected to show bravado and aggressiveness, but ''also'' to be [[LatinLover passionate, sensitive lovers]]; this is different north of the equator. Context matters when it comes to behavior, so always be aware of what the people around your character expects of him or her, and question whether you're [[StealthPun pegging]] those expectations correctly. Even in America today, sexual mores are changing, and what was true yesterday might be false, or at least deprecated, today.

-->''Series/DawsonsCreek'', 2×10 "High Risk Behavior"

-->'''Jen:''' I think that intent and motive is what makes sex so interesting, Dawson. I mean, why do two people have sex? Okay, uh, so they're in love. [[SexEqualsLove That's obvious]]. [[TrueLoveIsBoring Who cares]]? But [say] they're in {{lust}}: slightly more interesting. They're [[RejectionAffection hurting over someone]]... They're [[SexForSolace in pain]]... [[TheLostLenore Trying to forget someone]]. They're [[SelectiveObliviousness in denial]]. They're looking for a distraction. All of a sudden, sex has just become ''very'' interesting and not the obvious choice at all.
--->''Series/DawsonsCreek'', 2x10 "High Risk Behavior"

-->"''Later, with strange galaxies turning in slow gavotte overhead, neither thought the act of love had ever been so sweet, so full.''"

You should try to avoid making your sex scene too gratuitous. SexSells, but it's quite easy to tell if a creator has just thrown a sex scene into the story out of nowhere just for the purposes of titillation, or to cynically get people interested in their work. The sex scene should arise (ha-ha) from the events of the story as a whole--it should make sense that these people are choosing to have sex at this particular moment without it feeling like the author is forcing them to purely for sales.

Try also to avoid including too much AuthorAppeal. Sex, of course, is heavily tied up with fetishes and kinks, and authors are no different than anyone else in that they have certain tastes and fancies as well; it can be easy and helpful to throw in a little bit of what appeals to you personally. After all, if something turns you on, then you're going to be able to write it convincingly; just don't assume everyone else is going to be as enthusiastic about it as you are. However, be careful. If there's a sense that you're providing TooMuchInformation about what personally turns you on, or were writing the sex scene with one hand while the other was .. occupied, shall we say, then this can make things a bit creepy and uncomfortable for your reader. If the sex scene is too prurient, it can be off-putting to the reader. If you ''must'' include AuthorAppeal, however, then try to avoid justifying it with IJustWriteTheThing -- yet again, no one's going to be convinced. If you're going to include your kinks, stand by them.

* "'''SelfAbuse''': masturbation, particularly male masturbation, has harmful physical side effects." No it doesn't. It does not result in hair growing on the palms, blindness, shortness of stature, or being turned into a pillar of salt. In fact, it may have positive benefits in lowering the odds of testicular cancer. (The one exception isn't covered by the trope.[[note]]The phenomenon is called "death grip," in which one has become so accustomed to masturbation that one must up the aggressiveness of one's technique. This can lead to problems with later intercourse: a vagina doesn't feel like a hand, [[CaptainObvious since it isn't one]], and can have trouble matching the intensity of manual stimulation. The person whose penis has been de-sensitized in this way is described as having "[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death-grip_syndrome Death-grip_syndrome]]," as it's called on Website/TheOtherWiki.[[/note]])

The very obvious answer is to simply not write about characters who are of nebulous legal status. Despite what the CompetenceZone would have you believe, people who are 20, or 35, or 60, or even 75 can (and do) have good sex that would be fun to read about. The counter-argument is that the ComingOfAgeStory is often linked to sexual maturity... and we all know that teenagers can get pretty horny. Plus, who else needs role models more? So if you decide to plunge into this quagmire, ''be careful''. By the time an American is 18 years old and has passed even the most stringent forms of the JailBaitWait, there is [[https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/american-virgin/ a 60% chance (according to a recent study)]] that s/he is already a non-virgin. Crazy though it sounds, you ''can'' get in legal trouble for depicting fictional Americans doing something that ''more than half'' of non-fictional, RealLife Americans do. RealityIsUnrealistic when it comes to fictional depictions of sex... and, as always where that trope rears its ugly head, having facts on your side ''will not'' protect you.

* '''SexIsEvil''': This is the most traditional attitude towards sex and is typically seen (in levels that vary from {{downplayed}} to {{exaggerated}}) in many religions. Typically, sex -- due to its role in the perpetuation of the species -- is seen as a necessary evil, one which people are begrudgingly allowed to indulge in under certain very specific circumstances (specifically, a lawful marriage). The anthropological perspective on this attitude is that it too was a necessary evil: sex can encourage people to make [[LoveMakesYouStupid poor decisions]], resulting in [[TheUnfavorite unwanted children]] belonging to {{Struggling Single Mother}}s whom the community has to support; and that's before we consider [=STDs=]. Restrictions on sex were therefore a way to force individual to consider TheNeedsOfTheMany. It may be an overcorrection, but -- especially in comparatively small communities, which is what the human species lived in for the vast majority of its existence -- it's still better than the alternative.

-->'''Jen''': I think that intent and motive is what makes sex so interesting, Dawson. I mean, why do two people have sex? Okay, uh, so they're in love. [[SexEqualsLove That's obvious]]. [[TrueLoveIsBoring Who cares]]? But [say] they're in {{lust}}: slightly more interesting. They're [[RejectionAffection hurting over someone]]... They're [[SexForSolace in pain]]... [[TheLostLenore Trying to forget someone]]. They're [[SelectiveObliviousness in denial]]. They're looking for a distraction. All of a sudden, sex has just become ''very'' interesting and not the obvious choice at all.

You will need to devote some time into deciding ''how'' the participants came to ''be'' participating. Why do they want to have sex with each other? It's true that [[UsefulNotes/{{Asexuality}} almost]] everyone has a sex drive that makes them want to bump uglies; the libido is built into all living creatures. This explains why the characters want to have sex. It does not explain why they want to have sex with ''each other''. Most people are selective about their sex partners, applying various criteria relating to physical appearance and/or personality and only engaging sexually with those who have passed a minimum number of satisfactory qualities. Presumably, your characters did the same, and emerged with "chemistry"--in which it is shown that Alex is attracted to [trait], that Bryce has it, and that Alex responds positively upon discovering this; and then vice versa in reciprocating. The characters should ''desire'' each other, in other words, emotionally and/or physically.

And now that Alex and Bryce desire each other, how did they come to ''act'' on this desire? It's a known fact that AllLoveIsUnrequited; for every Bryce that Alex gets to sleep with, there was also Charlie, Dana and Evan (and maybe more)--people Alex ''wanted'' to but ultimately didn't. Why was this consummation denied? Because there's a negotiation that goes on, as both parties figure out chemistry and sort out their feelings and decide whether the other person is someone they want to sleep with. Sometimes this can be a long, drawn-out RomanceArc (for which we already have an article, [[SoYouWantTo/WriteALoveStory So You Want To: Write A Love Story?]]), ending in wedding bells and a traditional consummation; on the other extreme, it may be a one-night stand or a casual hook-up. But whatever negotiation happened, it affects the tone of the resulting sex: TheirFirstTime, GladToBeAliveSex, MustNotDieAVirgin, one night stands... Or maybe it's two people who have been together for a while and it's an anniversary, or it's someone's birthday, or someone got a promotion. Or they're just watching TV and one of them gets horny. But in some way, our two characters, Alex and Bryce, need to be brought to the point where they not only ''want'' to do it, but they feel comfortable ''acting'' on their wants.

Finally, you may want decide how glamorous you decide to make things. There have been many discussions about the unrealistic nature of IdealizedSex, CommonHollywoodSexTraits and AnatomicallyImpossibleSex, but they still sell well despite being unrealistic--or rather, ''because'' they are unrealistic. It may be hard to believe, dear tropers, but a fairly large percentage of human beings are in long-term sexual relationships, meaning they can get laid without too much effort. Yet such people still go to porn--in droves!--despite it being wildly unrealistic and having nothing to do with what they get in bed at home. Why do they still consume porn? ''Because'' it's not what they get in bed at home; ''because'' it offers them something they want but can't get. (And not just kinky stuff either, though that does make up a fair bit of it.) The appeal of porn is its idealized, unrealistic nature. And it's one of the most financially successful markets in the world, so they must be doing ''something'' right. In other words, ''you can romanticize it'', if that's your inclination. It ''is'' possible to go over the top, but there's a happy medium to be found... and, frankly, it's where the money lies.

And that means that, no matter ''how'' you choose to depict sex in your work, ''someone is going to be offended.'' If you portray it as something positive and enjoyable, the MoralGuardians get on your case. If you ''don't'' portray it as something positive and enjoyable, the {{Soapbox Sadie}}s get on your case. And if you TakeAThirdOption and tell the truth?--that sex is enjoyable but not idealized, consequential but not a guaranteed way of crossing the MoralEventHorizon? Then ''[[HeadsIWinTailsYouLose both sides attack you]]!'' If a writer's first duty is to the truth -- and that is indeed a writer's first duty -- then sex is a ''very'' dangerous ground for any writer to play in, because the mere act of ''telling'' the truth is going to be treated as transgressive and destructive.

Sex scenes have to deal with law in a way that most other fiction doesn't. Specifically, there are laws governing the depiction of sexual congress. The quick rule of thumb is that the folks in the fiction need to be above the "[[https://www.ageofconsent.net/ age of consent]]" for RealLife, non-fiction folks--IE, they are legally permitted to consent to sexual activity and are no longer subject to the JailBaitWait. And that's where it starts getting complicated, because basically every government on the planet has set its own limit on the wait. All 50 states in America have set them individually; most have set it at 16, but a few have also chosen 17 and 18. The place that sets it the highest, Bahrain, put it at 21;[[note]]Washington State also has 21 as its standard age of consent; however, if the older person is not considered to be in a position of authority over the younger, the age of consent drops to 16.[[/note]] Nigeria set it at 18. And here's the thing: if your story is to be legally consumable in any given place, it needs to comply with ''that place's'' laws. So, while your story might ''take place'' in, say, Washington State, where the age of consent for most relationships is 16, it can't be legally consumed in California, where it's 18, unless it would be legal if it ''were'' taking place in California. (This is actually one of the justifications for HollywoodProvincialism when it comes to explicit content.) The question you'll get sued over is not, "Is it legal for your characters to do it;" the question is, "Is it legal for your consumers to ''imitate'' it."

Avoid, avoid, ''avoid'' both PurpleProse and BeigeProse. "Throbbing manhoods plunging into velvet folds" and the like are an instant way of taking the reader out of your work and making you look ridiculous. At the same time, "he inserted his penis into her vagina" is a bit... clinical. Both MillsAndBoonProse and IKEAErotica are strongly discouraged; you're presumably not writing a 'just-the-facts' sex manual, but at the same time even Mills & Boon and Harlequin are starting to move away from the overwrought, florid and metaphor-abusing purple prose that previously characterized their works. Purple prose will make people laugh. Beige prose will make them yawn. There ''is'' some sort of middle ground to be found--"puce prose", maybe?--and you should aim for it.

Be aware of the setting of your story, the place-and-time it's set in. Throughout the ages, there have been a vast vocabulary of slang terminology concerning sex; throughout the ages, people have used various terms to describe man-parts, lady-parts and the act of sticking 'em together. ''Make sure you're using the right terms.'' Having a knight and his lady suddenly pepper YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe with modern (or modern-sounding) vernacular will break WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief--not to mention, provide you a one-way ticket to the Bad Sex In Fiction awards.[[note]]"Forsooth! Thou and thine ''bald-headed yogurt slinger'' doth bringeth such pleasure to my vajayjay!"[[/note]] RealityIsUnrealistic here too; even terms that ''were'' in use at the time can cause a double-take. Just ask any ''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire'' reader how they reacted the first time a KnightInShiningArmor dropped a PrecisionFStrike -- even though, empirically speaking, it is actually possible that this happened in RealLife history.[[note]]The [[https://www.etymonline.com/word/fuck etymology of the F-bomb]] is not clear, but both of its major root words were in use as early as the 1300s, which is roughly the time period -- or perhaps importantly the technology level -- ''Game of Thrones'' inhabits.[[/note]]

Of course, hunting down the right terms can be difficult, because the slang wasn't necessarily documented. At that point, it's kind of up to you. In the ''Literature/EarthsChildren'' series, Jean Auel just talks around it--there's one euphemism, "manhood," but that's it, and that's impressive considering the series is basically Stone Age erotica. Creator/GeorgeRRMartin, writing ''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire'', traced the etymologies of several terms, discovered they descended from Middle English, and said, "Screw it: it might be an AnachronismStew, but at least they're from the same ''era''." [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metonymy Metonymy]], the business of using part of a thing to stand for the whole of the thing, can be useful; even today, some men refer to women as [[CountryMatters the C-word]], and most of us would in turn refer to those men as pricks. The closer to today you get, the more freedom you have... at least in English-speaking languages. Let's not even ''talk'' about what things were called in Sanskrit, or Farsi, or Latin. You get caught between a rock and a hard place: if you use the wrong terms, audiences will yell, and if you use nothing at all, audiences will yell. Good luck!

You should have a working knowledge of anatomy. AnatomicallyImpossibleSex is another good way of making yourself look ridiculous or like you don't know what you're talking about. There are some good tips on that page, as well as on "CommonHollywoodSexTraits," but it's only a start. Even worse, the research you need to do probably [[Administrivia/TheContentPolicy cannot be done on TVTropes.]] Fortunately, there's a whole Internet out there, most of which is [[TheInternetIsForPorn for porn]]. And there's always actual advice columnists, like Creator/DanSavage, WebVideo/LaciGreen and Dr. Lindsay Doe's [[https://www.youtube.com/user/sexplanations/ Sexplanations]], to help out.

Finally, a word on IdealizedSex itself, specifically the kind seen in "art erotica" pornography. Because sexuality is still a taboo subject in many places, pornography can end up being many people's first exposure to sexuality as it is actually expressed by real live people. This is not necessarily a bad thing; there's something not only audacious but reassuring about seeing people who are not ashamed to have sex, and indeed who celebrate it. The problem lies in the fact that pornography is a ''business''. It exists to make money... and the way it does that is by selling IdealizedSex. Additionally, it's IdealizedSex ''for men''--the vast majority of pornography is made to be consumed by [[AllMenArePerverts people with testicles]]. As such, it tends to be written, acted, and shot in ways that make men feel desired, powerful and skilled at bedroom arts. This is true even of pornography that (claims it) is intended to titillate women. Be sure to do research around the subject, because there are a lot of things, particularly concerning the female half of the couple and her pleasure, that pornography will typically elide or even ignore.

In Literature/TheBible, the term "to know" is used as a euphemism for getting it on. It seems [[GetTheeToANunnery archaic today]], but it's worth pondering. After all, when you have sex with someone, you certainly ''do'' learn things about them: any blemishes they might be hiding under their clothes, whether they have secret piercings or tattoos, what their actual hair color is when it isn't dyed; how they react when erotically stimulated, how they like to ''be'' erotically stimulated, what they like to do after the act is completed; so on and so forth. This can be used as a sort of subverted SexyDiscretionShot--it allows you to skirt around specific technical details in favor of things that, while very revealing, at least involve body parts that are safe for work.

Additionally, sex can be used for CharacterDevelopment, and should be. Not everybody likes the same things, and what a person likes tends to derive from their personality. Someone with a rosy disposition will probably want soft, intimate encounters--"making love," to use the somewhat hackneyed phrase--while a thrill-seeker probably prefers something more aggressive, possibly more animalistic. However, here you also have ripe space for subversion. One of the reasons sex is daunting is because you are not only physically naked, but emotionally naked as well, and things you might not care to admit about yourself have a chance of being revealed.

In keeping with the above, typical signifiers of love -- flowers, etc -- are common, but since these can easily lead to the PurpleProse problem mentioned above it's best not to get too carried away.

If you've decided to simply write erotic fiction and you need a plot structure that lends itself to ExplicitContent, the absolute best place to start is the ComingOfAgeStory. "Adulthood" and "sexual maturity" are intertwined almost by definition. (As mentioned previously, there are some legal pitfalls with taking this approach, but you can always just have your character be a late bloomer.) Another good candidate is the PeggySue plot. It needs to be used differently -- your character gets flung back in time at the ''beginning'' of the story instead of the end -- but it's easy to get the girl if you already know how the story ends. (These stories tend to lean heavily towards {{escapism}}, but there's absolutely room for that in the erotic-fiction genre; in fact, it's arguably ''the purpose'' of the genre.) Other good setups include "Character is a NewTransferStudent," "Character is WalkingTheEarth," and, of course, the good old RomanceNovel.

One thing beginning {{lemon}} authors often get wrong is going for too much detail. They want a character's sexual attractiveness to be beyond question, and so they go into long-winded, sometimes tedious description: the exact shade of her golden hair, the precise shape of her clear blue eyes, the levels of her tan as measured in paint swatches from Sherwin-Williams, her specific measurements to the centimeter--70.4-double-D, obviously, because of the BuxomBeautyStandard. Sounds good... except to those readers who prefer RavenHairIvorySkin and PetitePride. (And, considering how much people seem to love the AsianHookerStereotype, there may be quite a lot of them.) "But then what do I do?" the Beginning Lemon Author laments. "I can't have someone with ''both'' blonde and dark hair!, or with one big boob and one small one! How do I play this game if I can't win?"

As to the character's physical description, NoodleIncident is once more your best friend. Provide just a few details: hair like burnished bronze, piercing eyes, the trim figure of a dancer. Your reader's imagination will fill in the blanks ''for you'', providing details like facial structure, amount of arm hair, eyebrow style, exhibited musculature, nose shape--[[NoNameGiven gender]]--that you, as a writer, could never hope to match. The character that results will be more The Reader's creation than yours, but that's okay: between you and The Reader, which of the two of you is better at creating a physical appearance that The Reader finds attractive? Besides, you're controlling the ''personality'', which is the real heart of the character.

But, assuming you ''are'' going to spice it up (and a bit of spice now and again is never a bad thing), keep in mind common sense and [[AnatomicallyImpossibleSex basic anatomy]]; people are only ''so'' flexible. Configurations that seem easy and obvious might not actually be as practical as it sounds; someone has to know where to put things, and it often has to be done blind (since most human beings cannot get both their eyeballs and their partner's genitals near their own genitals at the same time). Actions that seem easy in theory might actually be difficult in practice; the WallBangHer position always looks simple on the screen, but what happens if there's a significant height difference between partners (and/or their junk)?--which [[OneHeadTaller there often is]]? This is ''why'' people sometimes don't experiment: if it doesn't work, the mood is down the drain, [[TheLoinsSleepTonight often in dramatic fashion]]; and even if it ''does'' work it still might not turn out to be enjoyable.

And for those who are about to ask the obvious question, all of this is the answer: ''this'' is how you meld realism with IdealizedSex. To re-iterate, when you put two people's sexual preferences together, you get a Venn diagram. And what's a common element of Venn diagrams? There are things that are in one circle but not the other; there are tastes or predilections that don't get satisfied as frequently--or, in worst case, at all. Sometimes it's all about feasibility. A HugeGuyTinyGirl combo might find it smart to have the girl on top most of the time so that she doesn't get, you know, squished; but as a result, the guy might long for the chance to take control and really go to town. Likewise, there's a sex move where the guy ''picks up'' the girl, she puts her legs around his waist, and blablablah. TinyGuyHugeGirl--think that's an option for them? But it might also be about preference: "I ''can'' do [whatever], I just don't want to." There are men who refuse to perform cunnilingus on women because they think it's disgusting. (Hell, there are ''women'' who won't let it be done on them because ''they'' think it's disgusting!) Oral sex is typically perceived to be part of the "vanilla sex" umbrella, but it ''still'' isn't a part of ''everybody's'' sex life. And hence, for the people who don't get oral/handjobs/certain positions/certain kinks/whatever as often as they want, sex that contains it is IdealizedSex.

Aside from the Bad Sex In Fiction awards, which are typically a master class in SugarWiki/FunnyMoments, there are also fan-driven blogs and communities that focus on the same thing. A good place to start is "weepingcock," a Website/LiveJournal community dedicated to celebrating the best howlers from fan fiction. There's also "Smart Bitches, Trashy Books," a site compiling snarky reviews of romance novels. Occasionally they branch out into more generalized fare, such as this article: "[[http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/blog/10-things-i-hate-about-sex-scenes Ten Things I Hate About Sex Scenes]]."