History Sandbox / IlFiglioDelGhiaccio

* Ubermensch: what the story tries to portray Sephiroth as, painting him as an innately superior being whose mere existence redefines the world around him and the notions of morality. It doesn't work.

* BigFancySword: Sephiroth's Masamune certainly qualifies, being longer than he is tall, and he later gains a full set of ''Zanbatos'', which he never uses and where evidently just added to make him look cooler and to point out further his power-up.

* {BFS}: Sephiroth's Masamune certainly qualifies, being longer than he is tall, and he later gains a full set of ''Zanbatos'', which he never uses and where evidently just added to make him look cooler and to point out further his power-up.

* WordOfGod: no, the clearly non-consensual scene in which Arghenta gets evidently forced into a [[WebVideo/Ssethtzeentach snuggle with a struggle]] to the point of near insanity, and during which Arghenta herself keeps repeating herself that "it's not love", [[SarcasmMode is not, in fact, sexual assault, becase the author said so]].

* WordOfGod: no, the clearly non-consensual scene in which Arghenta gets evidently forced into a [[Ssethtzeentach snuggle with a struggle]] to the point of near insanity, and during which Arghenta herself keeps repeating herself that "it's not love", [[SarcasmMode is not, in fact, sexual assault, becase the author said so]].

* ArsonMurderandJaywalking: among the crimes the villains commit are rape, rape instigation, war crimes, criminal negligence, high treason and ''daring to disagree with Sephiroth about how to conduct a war''. The last is treated on par with the others, and as further proof that the culprit is an irredeemable monster who should be destroyed without a due trial.

* BFS: Sephiroth's Masamune certainly qualifies, being longer than he is tall, and he later gains a full set of ''Zanbatos'', which he never uses and where evidently just added to make him look cooler and to point out further his power-up.

Theoretically, the story is about [[Videogame/FinalFantasyVII Sephiroth]] [[WhatIf being born in Arda instead of a Shin-Ra laboratory, and how this influences and changes the plot of "The Hobbit" and "The Lord of the Rings", while also making him a hero instead of a villain due to a more positive upbringing.]]

During the course of the story, Sephiroth does literally everything that was supposed to be done by the members of the Fellowship of the Ring, casually mentions he is the one who killed [[Literature/TheSilmarillion Ancalagon the Black]], [[ProtagonistCenteredMorality cheats on the various wives he gets without ever being called out for it]], [[GodModeSue faces absolutely zero challenges whatsoever]], is the teacher of [[Videogame/DarkSouls Dragon Slayer Ornstein]], fathers [[Manga/SwordArtOnline Kirito]] and is revealed to be the son of [[BigBad Sauron]], who is also Isildur and [[Franchise/TheElderScrolls a Daedric Prince]] who got reincarnated ''from the future''.

* LikeFatherLikeSon: Freanor/[[Manga/SwordArtOnline Kirito]] is Sephiroth's son. That means he is the only other character to be an unstoppable one-man army, who [[InformedAbility single-handedly killed a thousand Orcs in a single battle]].

* MassiveMultiplayerCrossover: Apart from most of the already ''immense'' cast from Tolkien's works, the story features nearly the entire ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII'' cast, [[Manga/SwordArtOnline Kirito, Asuna and Heathcliff]], [[VideoGame/TheElderScrollsVSkyrim Alduin and the Dohvakin]], [[Literature/TheWitcher Geralt and Yennefer]], [[Film/TheHobbit Tauriel]], Caska, Guts, Farnese, Griffith, the Skull Knight and the Apostles from ''Manga/{{Berserk}}'', [[VideoGame/DarkSouls Dragon Slayer Ornstein]], Music/WolfgangAmadeusMozart and ''more''.

** [[Manga/SwordArtOnline Heathcliff, Kirito and Asuna]] are stated to be "Blood-Oath Knights", and it was confirmed that said "Blood-Oath" is, specifically, the one in ''Literature/TheInheritanceCycle''; it holds absolutely no significance and said novels barely factor in the fanfic, so it was probably chosen because [[RuleOfCool it sounded badass]].

* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: Sephiroth had a son named Freanor from his first, unnamed, Elf Wife... what happened to him? Why is [[Manga/SwordArtOnline Kirito]] his son? Are they the same person? If so, why did Freanor change his name? If not, where did Kirito come from?

* AuthorsSavingThrow: Despite throwing a written hissy-fit at the discovery of negative reviews, [[DisproportionateRetribution and threatening to call the police on some people who commented said reviews]] for [[DrivenToSuicide "trying to instigate her to commit suicide"]] ''in real life'', Rosa du Vermnont at least vowed to keep writing (and, hopefully, improving), even if just to spite those who mocked this story.

* EvilIsPetty: Thranduil being a rapist would be bad enough, but he would literally let the entirety of Middle Earth bunn under Sauron's foot because Jenova rejected him.

* BlatantLies: Arghenta gets jumped by [[Literature/TheLegendsOfTheAlfar Morana]], clearly sexually assaulted, and has to repeat herself like a MadnessMantra that "it's not love" to stand the ordeal. The author tells us that it is not rape, because Arghenta liked it, and the story treats this horrific event as the start of a ForbiddenLove subplot, to the point that Arghenta cries for Morana when the Witch-King of Angmar kills her.

* TheConspiracy: Azog, Smaug and the White Council were part of one, since the dragon's attack on Erebor was an inside job to teach dwarves a lesson. All the innocent Human who lost their homes were never brought up.

* DelusionsOfEloquence: The ''story itself'' seems to be under them, because apparently, using big, important words to describe how cool Sephiroth is and how he is an invincible God makes closes plot holes and makes the story interesting.

* EvilIsPetty: Thranduil being a rapist would be bad enough, but he would literally let the entirety of Middle Earth brun under Sauron's foot because Jenova rejected him.

* FlatCharacter: Basically everybody, because adding so many new faces to already vast cast of ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings'', in such a rushed, short story, leaves little space to develop any of them, especially because the story would rather focus on the next scene in which Sephiroth does something setting-breakingly cool.

** Sephiroth meets [[VideoGame/CrisisCoreFinalFantasyVII Genesis and Angeal]] in the future, because Hojo was defeated in the past, therefore Shin-Ra never existed, despite Shin-Ra itself being what created Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal, the time paradox did not wipe them out of existence because of reasons.

* JerkassHasAPoint: We're not ''supposed'' to like Denethor, but he is technically right when he say that facing the hordes of Mordor in a field battle would be better. Not for the reasons he lists, but because ''the good guys have a small army of super-powered soldiers, led by a literal God-like invincible magic swordsman'', and having them reap the legions of faceless mooks in the open would reduce the risk of civilians being caught in the crossfire.

* MadLove: Thranduil is not only a rapist, but when Jenova rejects him, he makes a deal with Sauron, sacrificing the entirety of Arda out of a spite for being defied, and of the promise to be able to have his way with Jenova.

* ThePowerOfFriendship: Suddenly, Sephiroth develops new moves and powers (including turning [[MacGuffin the One Ring]], an insanely powerful magical artifact quite literally MadeOfEvil, into a ring with non-descript "benevolent powers")... because the playable cast of ''Videogame/FinalFantasyVII'', his canonically sworn enemies, start cheering for him from the future, encouraging him to win.

** Morana's death served to make Arghenta feel bad about her rapist.

* SuperpowerLottery: Sephiroth didn't just win it, he kept playing it and winning again and again. His physical attibutes, mastery of magic, skills with sword and insane arsenal of more exotic powers put him firmly into sheer setting-shattering level of over-powered.

* WhiteHairedPrettyBoy: well, duh. It's Sephiroth we're talking about, with his silver hair reaching to his ankles as usual..

* AssPull: Sephiroth falls with the Balrog instead of Gandalf, Gandalf and returns dressed in white and with Cloud's swords from ''Anime/FinalFantasyVIIAdventChildren'', which kind of almost makes sense. Why the hell is Smaug suddenly a white dragon, as well, if none of that happened to him? The author's answer amounted to "Because I wanted to".

** "Denethor doesn't know what a wall is"[[labelnote:Explanation]]Denethor states that resisting a siege instead of going for an open field battle is against Gondor's ways, somehow ignoring that Minas Tirith is literally a gigantic fortress-city surrounde by walls hundreds of feet tall.[[/labelnote]]

* FamilyUnfriendlyAesop: Apparently, you can heal for the trauma of a sexual assault by having sex with a hotter guy than your rapist, like it happened to Eowyn.

** The Hobbits are one-note characters, who are simply taken along as passive objects whose good-natured disposition is interpreted as being ludicrously oblivious about how anything concerning the world works; the only one with a distinct personality is Pippin, but said personality amounts to [[Flanderization dialing his naivety and his lack of forethought to parody levels]] and making him a stoner.

** The Hobbits are one-note characters, who are simply taken along as passive objects whose good-natured disposition is interpreted as being ludicrously oblivious about how anything concerning the world works; the only one with a distinct personality is Pippin, but said personality amounts to {{Flanderization dialing his naivety and his lack of forethought to parody levels}} and making him a stoner.

* AdaptationalBadass: believe it or not, ''Grima Wormtongue'', the snidely and cowardly EvilChancellor of Rohan, of all people, since he manages to rape Eowyn, a woman who, canonically, would use him to mop the floor.

%%zce, needs context as to who wormtongue is pre-badass* AdaptationalBadass: believe it or not, ''Grima Wormtongue'', of all people, since he manages to rape Eowyn, a woman who, canonically, would use him to mop the floor.

%%pce, elaborate on their cloudcuckoolanderness* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: Every single Hobbit and Dwarf, both PlayedForLaughs ''and'' to remind us that they can't possibly be as cool or plot-relevant as Sephiroth.

%%pce, explain how Guts is muscle* DumbMuscle: Guts is reduced to this, because, despite Griffith already being Femto (somehow) and making the Band of the Hawk work with the Apostles and join Sauron's army... Guts himself keeps thinking Griffith is a good guy (despite the narration telling us that Griffith never had any of the positive qualities that allowed him and Guts to become friends in the first place), and changes his mind only when he personally sees Griffith ordering the wanton slaughter and rape of Gondorian civilians.

%%pce, explain seph's god complex for non-FF people* AGodAmI: Par for the course with Sephiroth. The difference being that here, the narration itself calls him a God and a [[MessianicArchetype Messiah]].

%%zce* RapeAsDrama: in full effect, even if just for cheap shock value.

%%zce* SavageWolves: a given when the Wargs appear.

%%pce, qualifies for what? (pretend trope title isn't there when adding context)* SplatterHorror: Guts strangling Griffith with his own entrails certainly qualifies.

** Farnese was before the "Lord of the Rings" arc started.

%%zce, elaborate* TimeTravel: sometimes combined with space travel.

%%pce, explain for those who don't know FF* WhiteHairedPrettyBoy: well, duh. It's Sephiroth we're talking about.

%%zce, explain who's blonde** Grima Wormtongue is still as-obsessed as ever with Eowyn, who later gets paired up with Legolas.
%%zce, explain who's blonde** Sephiroth marries Galadriel.

* WombHorror: An ''uncomfortable'' amount of dialogue is dedicated to remind us that, yes, human women have been forcefully impregnated by Orcs and are now being forced to "take care of the aberrations growing in their wombs". It would already be abhorrent if they were in Orcish breeding camps, or something, but they're not and the oh-so-morally-superior Sephiroth sees nothing wrong with such clearly unwanted pregnancies coming to fruition. He ''does'' describe the event as traumatic and the pregnancies as unwanted... but he also seems to think it is only natural for the mothers to actually care for the babies forced upon them, and that he himself defines as "aberrations".

''Il Figlio del Ghiaccio'' (literally, "The Son of Ice") was a {{Massive Multiplayer Crossover}} Italian {{Fan Fic}}, now cancelled, that was originally published between 2015 and 2016 by Rosa Du Vermnont.

It also just so happens to be an incredibly strong contender for the title of ''THE'' Most '''Completely Bonkers''' fan-made work in the entirety of the Italian fanfiction community, with the added bonus of taking itself completely 100% seriously despite having moment of (plagiarized) straight-up comedic parody.

Also, there is a lesbian couple of Original Characters, Serys and Arghenta, who have no personality apart from being homosexuals, and who amount to '''nothing''' for the story.

* AuthorAppeal: The fanfic is unashamedly just a sink for the author to shove in everything she likes, with the story making sense being an afterthought. Also, {{yuri}} and, debatedly, non-consensual sex (it doesn't seem to be endorsed, but it ''does'' run rampant in the tale).

* AdaptedOut: Celeborn is nowhere to be seen so that Sephiroth can bang Galadriel; Finduilas, mother of Boromir and Faramir, is replaced by a '''very''' minor PosthumousCharacter from ''Literature/TheInheritanceCycle''; Shelob doesn't exist; Radagast is nowhere to be found; the Army of the Dead never appears.

* AssPull: Sephiroth falls with the Balrog instead of Gandalf and returns dressed in white and with Cloud's swords from ''Anime/FinalFantasyVIIAdventChildren'', which kind of almost makes sense. Why the hell is Smaug suddenly a white dragon, as well, if none of that happened to him? The author's answer amounted to "Because I wanted to".

* BlackAndWhiteMorality: [[CreatorsPet the characters the Author likes]] are invincible, morally perfect and yet humble (which is an InformedAttribute, because we see Sephiroth being a complete hypocrite, a [[GoodAdulteryBadAdultery cheating husband]], [[ParentalAbandonment an absent father]] and a sadistic, rage-prone lunatic); everyone she ''doesn't'' like is a power-hungry, megalomaniac, over-the-top, cartoonishly [[ForTheEvulz evil-for-the-sake-of-evil]] CompleteMonster rapist who is physically and conceptually incapable of redemption, and therefore must be murdered with extreme prejudice and preferably with sadistic glee. There is no middle ground.

* BumblingSidekick: ''Almost everyone'' is turned into a less smart and less competent version of themselves, to make Sephiroth seem even cooler ([[BlackHoleSue as if he needed it]]), but ''especially'' the Dwarves and the Hobbits.

* DamselInDistress: are you a woman in this story whose name is '''not''' Galadriel or Serys? [[SarcasmMode Congratulations]], no matter how competent, badass or powerful you were in your source material, your only role will be to be kidnapped/raped/killed so that main (usually male) characters can feel bad about it and [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge be rightfully angry at the culprit]].

* DemonicPossession: [[VideoGame/DirgeOfCerberus Hojo]] travels through time (and, [[PlotHole when the Author wants for it to be the canon explanation]] until she doesn't want it anymore, space), somehow becomes and/or impersonates Sauron (don't ask how Morgoth factors into the equation, he doesn't), possesses Isildur after being defeated (it is never explained how, but it is hinted that it might be through the Ring) and [[MedicalRapeAndImpregnate forcefully breeds Jenova]]. Why all of this? So that Sephiroth could have a legal claim to be both The Lord of the Rings '''and''' the legitimate heir to the throne of Gondor instead of Aragorn.

* OneManArmy: If you thought Sephiroth was a monster to face in ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII'', you have no idea. He kills Nazguls, Balrogs, mountain-chain-sized Dragons (this one is even just ''mentioned'', as if murdering the biggest Dragon in ''all of High Fantasy literature'' was irrelevant), destroys the Tower of Orthanc with minimal effort, exterminates entire armies with a single slice of his sword, and his only match is a super-powered Sauron. There's no need to specify that this makes literally every other character in the story (and the mention of millions-soldiers-strong armies) '''completely redundant''', and every fight scene unbearably boring.

* TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodCharacter: apart from Sephiroth, the only one of the good guys to accomplish something is Guts, who manages to kill Griffith by [[CruelAndUnusualDeath disemboweling him brutally and strangling him with his own entrails]]. The other characters are kind of just... there.
** The story mentions dragons in Sauron's army, but the chance to have Ornstein remind everybody of his title by slaughtering them in a properly epic metal fashion was never even thought about.
** With all the monsters in Middle Earth, it is kind of a waste to insert ''Geralt of Rivia'' in the tale and let him do nothing but the usual unicorn-involving sexy night with Yennefer.
** Faramir replaces Boromir in the Fellowship. Nothing ever comes of that.
** Griffith joins Sauron's side, and it could have been a nice chance to explore his attempts at becoming the leader, considering Griffith his defined by ambitions. Instead, he seems content with being Sauron's lackey.

[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/rsz_1259244_original.png]]
[[caption-width-right:350:Our Hero, ladies and gentlemen. Not pictured: dozens of sexual crimes]]

'''Il Figlio del Ghiaccio''' (literally, "The Son of Ice") used to be a {{Massive Multiplayer Crossover}} Italian {{Fan Fic}}, now cancelled, that was originally published between 2015 and 2016 by one Rosa Du Vermnont.

Well, it takes places in [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings Arda]], at the beginning of Literature/TheHobbit... and then it promptly proceeds to screw the Tolkien canon over, sideways and under in any possible imaginable way, be it characters, plot, tone, themes and whatnot.

For starters, the author shoves literally '''everything''' she can think about on the spot in the story, from {{Videogame/Darksiders}} to {{WesternAnimation/Frozen}}, from {{Manga/Berserk}} to completely unrelated music; some scenes are plagiarized from a popular Italian marijuana-themed fan-parody of the Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings Movies, while in others the characters play, ''in-universe'', the [[Creator/GamesWorkshop Games Workshop]] Lord of the Rings miniature wargame.

In truth, it's a thinly veiled excuse for the author to shove everything she happens to like into Arda. More often than not it is done with no rhyme or reason, and '''absolutely always''' with zero regard for the canon of anything she takes from.

During the course of the story, Sephiroth does literally everything that was supposed to be done by the members of the Fellowship of the Ring, casually mentions he is the one who killed [[Literature/TheSilmarillion Ancalagon the Black]], [[ProtagonistCenteredMorality cheats on the various wifes he gets without ever being called out for it]], [[GodModeSue faces absolutely zero challenges whatsoever]], is the teacher of [[Videogame/DarkSouls Dragon Slayer Ornstein]], fathers [[Manga/SwordArtOnline Kirito]] and is revealed to be the son of [[BigBad Sauron]], who is also Isildur and [[Franchise/TheElderScrolls a Daedric Prince]] who got reincarnated ''from the future''.

Also, there is a lesbian couple of Original Characters, Serys and Arghenta, who have no personality apart from being homosexuals, and who will literally amount to '''nothing''' for the story.

Compare and contrast to Fanfic/TheLastRingbearer: they're both fanfictions set in Arda, they both change the plot significantly, they both make some villains the good guys and vice-versa... the difference is that this one holds no phylosophical or sociological significance, and was '''not''' written by a guy who felt compelled to create an HateFic because he despised the original work for being a fantasy and Tolkien for being kind of a luddite.

* TenThousandYears: the epilogue takes place exactly ten thousand years after the normal finale.
* AGodAmI: par for the course with Sephiroth. The difference being that here, the narration itself calls him a God and a [[MessianicArchetype Messiah]].
* AManIsAlwaysEager: not only the many, '''many''' registered sex offenders that form the villainous side, but literally ''everybody with a penis'' is an unashamed horndog. Heck, Geralt of Rivia, a guy who literally has a super-human libido, looks almost tame compared to his team-mates!
* AuthorAppeal: the fanfic is unashamedly just a sink for the author to shove in everything she likes, with the story making sense being an afterthougth. Also, {{yuri}} and, debatedly, non-consensual sex (it doesn't seem to be endorsed, but it '''does''' run rampant in the tale).
* AbortedArc: it's a given, since the Author didn't plan the story, and made things up on the spot. For example:
** Tom Bombadil was announced as set to appear in the following chapter... and was not even mentioned ever again.

* AdaptationalAttractiveness: fine, [[YouSexyBeast Azog the Defiler is, admittedly, towering and muscular]], but is also a [[GoodScarsEvilScars scarred]], fanged, almost shark-faced monster with a penchant for sporting a constant SlasherSmile. In this story, human women remark on how conventionally attractive he is.
* AdaptationalBadass: believe it or not, ''Grima Wormtongue'', of all people, since he manages to rape Eowyn, a woman who, canonically, would use him to mop the floor.
* AdaptationalHeroism: and how!

** Azog and Smaug were GoodAllAlong and just ''pretended'' to be evil in order to fool Sauron and somehow help the Dwarves becoming better people.
** [[Literature/SwordArtOnline Heatcliff]] is the leader of an order of heroic knights, instead of being a nutjob who murdered people with virtual reality.

* AdaptationalVillainy: you can't have AdaptationalHeroism without ''this'' one to counter-balance, right?
** Thranduil is an unrepentant rapist who literally sold the entire Middle Earth to Sauron [[IHaveYouNowMyPretty for a chance to rape Jenova]].

** The Skull Knight from {{Manga/Berserk}} went from being aloof and distant, but genuinely trying to help, to literally replacing the Mouth of Sauron.
** Sauron manages to be, if possible, even ''worse'' than in canon, being (of course) a rapist and also (''somehow'') Hojo from Videogame/FinalFantasyVII.
** Same thing for Grifith, again from {{Manga/Berserk}}, who in this version never had any of the positive qualities he had in the Golden Age flashbacks from the source material, and turned into Femto for no reason and with never-explained means.
* AdaptationalWimp: two major cases:

* AdaptedOut: Celeborn is nowhere to be seen so that Sephiroth can bang Galadriel; Finduilas, mother of Boromir and Faramir, is replaced by a '''very''' minor PosthumousCharacter from Literature/TheInheritanceCycle; Shelob doesn't exist; Radagast is nowhere to be found; the Army of the Dead never appears.

* AnachronismStew: minor examples. For the most part, the story manages to just have High Fantasy elements... up until Mozart and modern rock bands are mentioned, Sephiroth uses and mp3-player and Gandalf says he saw Film/TheExorcist.
* AncientKeeper: Arghenta and Serys are actually the guardians of the Arkenstone, but they allow the Dwarves to find it and grow obsessed with it to the point of greed-induced insanity [[InsaneTrollLogic because that would allow the Dwarves to become better people and to spiritually grow from the greedy beings that Arghenta and Serys themselves allowed them to become]].
* {{Anvilicious}}: the author reall, really, ''really'', '''really''' wants you to never forget how much better Sephiroth is at everything than everybody else combined.
* AssPull: so, Sephiroth falls with the Balrog instead of Gandalf, and returns dressed in white and with Cloud's swords from Anime/FinalFantasyVIIAdventChildren, and that kind of almost makes sense. Why the hell is Smaug suddenly a white dragon, as well, if none of that happened to him? The author's answer amounted to "Because I wanted to".
* AudienceAlienatingPremise: ''who is this story for?''
** Fans of The Lord of the Rings won't like it because all their favourite characters amount to nothing and a villain from a different story gets everything done.
** Fans of Final Fantasy VII won't like it because it completely changes the plot and meaning of the game and because the main villain is turned into a hero for no reason.
** Fans of wild crossovers won't like it because all of the crossover elements bear little to no influence to the plot and are almost everytime just cameos.
* AuthorsSavingThrow: despite throwing a written hissy-fit at the discovery of negative reviews, [[DisproportionateRetribution and threatening to call the police on some people who commented said reviews]] for [[DrivenToSuicide "trying to instigate her to commit suicide"]] ''in real life'', Rosa du Vermnont at least vowed to keep writing (and, hopefully, improving), even if just to spite those who mocked this story.

* BileFascination: come on, where else can you find a story so absurd that it presents the [[ObstructiveBureaucrat Charred]] [[FantasticRacism Council]] from {{VideoGame/Darksiders}} giving Guts his BigFancySword, Azog [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment casually starting to sing to mock the Dwarves about eating Italian greasy junk food]] and Smaug setting the path for his own army on fire... and demands the reader to take it seriously?
* BlackAndWhiteMorality: [[CreatorsPet the characters the Author likes]] are invincible, morally perfect and yet humble (which is an InformedAttribute, because we see Sephiroth being a complete hypocrite, a [[GoodAdulteryBadAdultery cheating husband]], [[ParentalAbandonment an absent father]] and a sadistic, rage-prone lunatic); everyone she '''doesn't''' like is a power-hungry, megalomaniac, over-the-top, cartoonishly [[ForTheEvulz evil-for-the-sake-of-evil]] CompleteMonster rapist who is physically and conceptually incapable of redemption, and therefore must be murdered with extreme prejudice and preferrably with sadistic glee. There is literally no middle ground.

* BreakTheCutie: many nameless women are victims of rape, and the narration points out that it mentally scarred them.
* BumblingSidekick: ''almost everyone'' is turned into a less smart and less competent version of themselves, to make Sephiroth seem even cooler ([[BlackHoleSue as if he needed it]]), but ''especially'' the Dwarves and the Hobbits.
* BystanderSyndrome: the White Council does absolutely nothing for the entirety of the story, except for repeating how cool Sephiroth is and, in Galadriel's case, having sex with him.
* CanonDefilement: in case it wasn't clear, one could easily rename this fanfic "Crossover Canon Defilement: The Official Novel" and it would just make everything more honest.
* CassandraTruth: Galadriel calls the Alben assholes, and warns the good guys not to trust them. Sure enough, once the Alben join the alliance, they contribute nothing to the battle against Sauron, and their Queen rapes Arghenta.
* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: every single Hobbit and Dwarf, both PlayedForLaughs ''and'' to remind us that they can't possibly be as cool or plot-relevant as Sephiroth.
* CastHerd: apart from most of the already '''immense''' cast from Tolkien's works, the story features nearly the entire VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII cast, [[Manga/SwordArtOnline Kirito, Asuna and Heatcliff]], [[VideoGame/TheElderScrollsVSkyrim Alduin and the Dohvakin]], [[Literature/TheWitcher Geralt and Yennefer]], [[Film/TheHobbit Tauriel]], Caska, Guts, Farnese, Grifith, the Skull Knight and the Apostles from Manga/{{Berserk}}, [[VideoGame/DarkSouls Dragon Slayer Ornstein]] Music/WolfgangAmadeusMozart and '''more'''.
* CharacterDerailment: the ''only'' character whose identity even slightly resembles her canon counterpart is [[Manga/SwordArtOnline Asuna]], mostly because, much like in her source material, she is an ([[InformedAbility allegedly]]) capable warrior who ended up being kidnapped by some sick fuck (in this case, [[Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire House Lannister]]) and needed Kirito to save her.

** Sauron is also Isildur and [[MadScientist Hojo]]

* DelusionsOfEloquence: the ''story itself'' seems to be under them, because apparently, using big, important word to describe how cool Sephiroth is and how he is an invincible God makes closes plot holes and makes the story interesting.
* DemonicPossession: [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVIIDirgeOfCerberus Hojo]] travels through time (and, [[PlotHole when the Author wants for it to be the canon explanation]] until she doesn't want it anymore, space), somehow becomes and/or impersonates Sauron (don't ask how Morgoth factors into the equation, he doesn't), possesses Isildur after being defeated (it is never explained how, but it is hinted that it might be through the Ring) and [[MedicalRapeAndImpregnate forcefully breeds Jenova]]. Why all of this? So that Sephiroth could have a legal claim to be both The Lord of the Rings '''and''' the legitimate heir to the throne of Gondor instead of Aragorn.
* DidNotDoTheBloodyResearch: sometimes it is just the author changing the canon to suit her ideas for the story, but sometimes it is pretty clear that she just makes mistakes about the canon, such as not knowing ''what'' Sauron [[FallenAngel actually is]].
* DistractedByTheSexy: Grifith, of all people, forgets how to fight and how to lead his army in the Morannon Battle because he gets angry at seeing Sephiroth being cooler and more handsome in combat than him. I ''wish'' I was making that up.

* DrinkingGame: do not play it, you'll be choking on you own vomit well before you get halfway through:
** Take a shot of gin everytime Sephiroth does something that was supposed to be done by a canon character.
** Take a double shot of whisky everytime anybody, be it a character or the narration itself, tells us how cool Sephiroth is.
** Take two shots of vodka for every instance of rape.
** Take a shot of absinthe everytime something or someone is introduced without having any impact on the plot.
** Take two shots of gin for every instance of CanonDefilement.
* DumbMuscle: Guts is reduced to this, because, despite Grifith already being Femto (somehow) and making the Band of the Hawk work with the Apostles and join Sauron's army... Guts himself keeps thinking Grifith is a good guy (despite the narration telling us that Grifith never had any of the positive qualities that allowed him and Guts to become friends in the first place), and changes his mind only when he personally sees Grifith ordering the wanton slaughter and rape of Gondorian civilians.

* EpilepticTrees: maybe this story didn't happen. Maybe Sephiroth, after his latest defeat, is simply dreaming a perfect life in which he is still a hero and won.

** Grima Wormtongue is still as-obsessed as ever with Eowyn, who later gets paired up with legolas.
** Sephiroth marries Galadriel.

* FamilyUnfriendlyAesop: apparently, you can heal for the trauma of a sexual assault by having sex with a hotter guy than your rapist, like it happened to Eowyn.

* FlatCharacter: basically everybody, because adding so many new faces to already vast cast of Literature/TheLordOfTheRings, in such a rushed, short story, leaves little space to develop any of them, especially because the story would rather focus on the next scene in which Sephiroth does something setting-breakingly cool.
* GainaxEnding: sweet merciful Jesus, just try and make sense of the ending.
** Caska, who in this version is the daughter of Farnese and Grifith, marries Guts, then they travel east and create [[Videogame/FinalFantasyVII Wutai]], because turns out that Arda is the distant past of Gaia.

** Ciri basically bamfs into existence out of literally nowhere to give a sense of closure to Geralt and Yennefer's non-existent sub-plot.
** Sephiroth meets [[VideoGame/CrisisCoreFinalFantasyVII Genesis and Angeal]] in the future, because Hojo was defeated in the past, therefore Shin-Ra never existed, and despite that it was Shin-Ra itself to create Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal, the time paradox did not wipe them out of existence because of reasons.

* GoGoEnslavement: when Jenova is rescued, she is naked in a suspended cage in Sauron's throne room.
* SexGod: many scenes are dedicated to tell us that the protagonists are having sex... and then one of the Original Characters [[GirlOnGirlIsHot gets tricked into going into the bedroom of a Drow Matriarch, who jumps her in a dubiously consensual act, and we're supposed to see this as romantic]].
* HarsherInHindsight: Sephiroth travels through time and gets knowledge of the future to change history, in order to get a better end result for himself? Did... did this fanfic predict [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVIIRemake the canon reboot?]]
* HateSink: the intended result for the antagonists; not a single villain has any remotedly positive attribute. They are all completely evil, to laughably excessive levels, and it is impossible not to hate them.
** Arguably, Morana, even moreso than the actual antagonists, because she, too, sexually assaults someone, and it is presented as a positive and romantic thing, with none of the good guys doing anything about it or even finding it wrong, and she dies a hero's death.
* HumanoidAbomination: averted with Jenova, who is a human-looking and conventionally attractive blonde woman, never showing any aspect of her canon nature.
* IdiotBall: many villains don't just hold it, they positively ''squeeze'' it as if trying to get juice out of it:

** Grifith decides that sulking because Sephiroth is better-looking is the right thing to do in the final battle.

** Denethor is so much of a cretin that he wants his soldiers to fight a (allegedly) suicidal field battle at all costs, because "sieges are not glorious enough and unworthy of Gondor", despite the fact that Minas Tirith is surrounded by the most inanely imposing defensive walls among the Free People.

* JerkassHasAPoint: yeah, we're not ''supposed'' to like Denethor, but he is technically right when he say that facing the hordes of Mordor in a field battle would be better. Not for the reasons he lists, admittedly, but because ''the good guys have a small army of super-powered soldiers, led by a literal God-like invincible magic swordman'', and having them reap the legions of faceless mooks in the open would reduce the risk of civilians being caught in the crossfire.
* KillItWithFire: how Sephiroth disposes of Saruman, going above and beyond by summoning a pillar of flames that completely melts Orthanc to the ground.
* KudzuPlot: oddly enough, both subverted ''and'' played straight ''at the same time''.

** On the other hand, once Sephiroth got his happy ending, all said plot-threads are handwaved without even an out-of-sight resolution.
*** The only exception being the mistery concerning the true identity of Dew, the albino dancer girl who [[AccidentalPervert Frodo accidentally spies while she is taking a shower]]; once Grifith dies, she magically transforms in body, soul, mind and memories into Caska.
* LesYay: yes, there are lesbian character, but they're given no depth whatsoever, and are present only because the author likes {{Yuri}}.
* LikeFatherLikeSon: Freanor/[[Manga/SwordArtOnline Kirito]] is Sephiroth's son. Of course, that means he is the only other character to be an unstoppable one-man army, who [[InformedAbility killed a thousand Orcs in a single battle all by himself]]
* MadLove: Thranduil, big time. He is not only a rapist, but when Jenova rejects him, he literally makes a deal with Sauron, sacrificing the entirety of Arda out of a spite for being defied, and of the promise to be able to have his way with Jenova.
* MassiveMultiplayerCrossover: it includes, or at least references, any kind of high fantasy, from Literature/TheInheritanceCycle to Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire, but also {{Creator/Disney}} movies, Film/TheExorcist, Literature/TheWitcher, Music/TwoStepsFromHell, Literature/LeCronacheDelMondoEmerso (long-lasting Italian fantasy) and '''more'''.
* MemeticMutation:
** "Orcs wearing ''kippah'' and wielding ''menorah''-shaped lightsabers!" [[labelnote:Explanation]]The author insists on calling the Orcs "marrani", which is derived from a derogatory term used in Spain during the Inquisition to describe Jews who pretended to convert to Christianity, but actually kept practicing their real religion in secret.[[/labelnote]]
** "Inspiration told me so" [[labelnote:Explanation]]Literally how the author explained parts of her story that made objectively no sense whatsoever, refusing to further elaborate.[[/labelnote]]
** "The Horse Got Laid" [[labelnote:Explanation]]When we didn't know who Caska's father was, only that in this story she is Farnese's daughter, some people joked that, seeing how many rape scenes are in the story, the father might actually have been the infamous memetic Rapehorse.[[/labelnote]]
** "And then there was a rapist"[[labelnote:Explanation]]Born from the fact that the story is chock-full to the brim with rape, and the author admitted that she added this element because it was an easy way to create immediate drama.[[/labelnote]]

* MindScrew: the plot is near damn incomprehensible. Unexplained retcons, characters appearing in the story only to never be mentioned again, self-contradictory plot points, time-travel, reincarnations, plot-threads getting opened without going anywhere, and an uncomfortable amount of things that are there just because the author wanted to use them in the story.
* MoodWhiplash: a constant in the entire story. Serious, drama-filled moments are interrupted by, for example, Pippin [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext trying to shatter the Palantir in his smoking pipe, mistaking it for crack]]. The most egregious example is when, immediately after discussing how much Caska risked being raped to death, Frodo, Sam, her, Gollum and an unnamed Dwarf Innkeeper start playing what is strongly hinted to be the Creator/GamesWorkshop official licensed wargame about the very story they're in.
* MoralEventHorizon: every single villain, being them either rapists or rape-instigators, passes such horizon basically the attosecond he is introduced.
* MusicalEpisode: minor example. Azog starts singing a song about dwarves eating Italian greasy junk food for no reason.

* NewPowersAsThePlotDemands: Sephiroth starts with his insane arsenal of powers and abilities from [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII his original game]], but over the course of the story he gets magic mp3-players, immunity from the Ring's influence, more magic swords (which he never uses), precognition, CompleteImmortality, the magic ability to make the One Ring good, and (hinted at, the story proper is pretty unclear about that) [[ImmuneToFate a-causal existence]], since he survives a TimeParadox he himself caused, which should have [[RetGone un-existed him]].
* NightmareFuel: attempted for the explicit purpose of adding cheap drama and shock-value, with nightmare sequences, [[WarIsHell war crimes]] and gorn aplenty.

* OneManArmy: Sephiroth, full-stop. If you thougth he was a monster to face in VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII, you have no idea. He kills Nazguls, Balrogs, mountain-chain-sized Dragons (this one is even just ''mentioned'', as if murdering the biggest Dragon in ''all of High Fantasy literature'' was irrelevant), destroys the Tower of Orthanc with minimal effort, exterminates entire armies with a single slice of his sword, and his only match is a super-powered Sauron. There's no need to specify that this makes literally every other character in the story (and the mention of millions-soldiers-strong armies) '''completely redundant''', and every fight scene unbearably boring.

* OurOrcsAreDifferent: the Wandering Orcs are somehow magically capable of becoming good without ever being exposed to what "goodness" even ''is''.
* PeggySue: Sephiroth's actions in this story change the plot of VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII, ensuring that no good guys (including the ones originally killed by Sephiroth himself) ever died, and the evident time paradox is never adressed. Sephiroth won and gave everyone a happy ending, and that's it.
* PlotIrrelevantVillain: literally no antagonist has any bearing on the plot apart from raping someone and getting uncerimoniously killed by Sephiroth the first time they meet.
* PowerCrystal: the Arkenstone is similar to a mythology-accurate PhilosopherSStone, in that it must be earned through virtue and spiritual betterment. It doesn't do much apart from that, still.
* PurpleProse: attempted, by using big-sounding words to describe how cool Sephiroth is and by using the actual chapter titles written by Tolkien for the original book... whenever the story doesn't use terms such as "completely pissed off" and "we're gonna kick their asses", that, to put it gently, ''don't sound very Tolkien-esque''.
* RandomEventsPlot: more often than not, things just happens because, to quote the author, "Inspiration told me so and so I wrote".
* RapeAsDrama: in full effect, even if just for cheap shock value.
* RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil: literally all the villains are rapist just to make sure the audience hates them.
* ReasonableAuthorityFigure: averted with the White Council. Whenever they're not being incompetent, they're being manipulative to entire cities for morally dubious reasons.
* {{Retcon}}: quite a few.

** An unnamed Elf woman was stated to be Sephiroth OneTrueLove, then Galadriel was, then Aerith was.
** Sephiroth had a son named Freanor, but in-between arc, he turned into Kirito.
* SavageWolves: a given when the Wargs appear.
* SequelHook: a sequel ''was'' planned, in which Sephiroth, after going to the future, was going to repel an [[Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire Invasion from Westeros]] and, quite possibly, win the war for the Iron Throne. This would've made little sense, considering that ''this'' story presents Westeros' characters as existing in the same point in time as Arda, but logic and causality are of little concern to the author.
* ShoutOut: quite a few, each and every one more puzzling than the other:
** [[Manga/SwordArtOnline Heatcliff, Kirito and Asuna]] are stated to be "Blood-Oath Knights", and it was confirmed that said "Blood-Oath" is, specifically, the one in Literature/TheInheritanceCycle; it holds absolutely no significance and said novels barely factor in the fanfic, so it was probably chosen because [[RuleOfCool it sounded badass]].
** Apparently, [[WesternAnimation/Frozen2013 Arendelle]] is in Arda and [[OurAngelsAreDifferent Angels]] live there.
** Film/TheExorcist is referenced. One might think that [[VillainTeamUp Pazuzu is an antagonist who joined Sauron's side]]... and one would be wrong. The movie is referenced because [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext Gandalf says he saw it]], all while cussing like the Dickens.
* SirSwearsALot: let's face it, not everyday you find a fanfiction in which Galadriel defines an entire race as "assholes", Gimli calls Pippin and Merry "bastards" and Gandalf of all people drops f-bombs like they were napalm and he was invading Vietnam.
* SoBadItsGood: let's face it, this is not a good story in any conventional sense of the word, but it is so unapologetically exaggerated and loaded with a veritable barrage of nonsense, it is ''bound'' to elicit a chuckle or two.
* SplatterHorror: Guts strangling Grifith with his own entrails certainly qualifies.
* StuffedIntoTheFridge: happened to Farnese before the "Lord of the Rings" arc started, to Morana to make Arghenta feel bad about her rapist, and to Jenova before it was retconned as her being imprisoned inside Barad-Dur.
* TheChosenOne: Sephiroth, of course. More or less halfway through the Lord of the Rings arc, Sephiroth stops being simply unreasonably strong and cool, but he is downright stated to be a God destined to victory.
* TheConspiracy: arguably, Azog, Smaug and the White Council were part of one, since the dragon's attack on Erebor was an inside job to teach dwarves a lesson. All the innocent Human who lost their homes were never brought up.
* TheOmniscientCouncilOfVagueness: the White Council, whenever is not hailing Sephiroth as their new God, is busy speaking about how much they must prepare for what is about to happen, and manipulate the Dwarves for never-properly-explained reasons.
* ThePowerOfFriendship: suddenly, Sephiroth developes new moves and powers (including turning [[MacGuffin the One Ring]], an insanely powerful magical artifact quite literally MadeOfEvil, into a ring with non-descript "benevolent powers")... because the playable cast of Videogame/FinalFantasyVII, aka his canonically sworn enemies, start cheering for him from the future, encouraging him to win.
* TheProphecy: out of nowhere, [[Literature/TheWitcher Yennefer]] seems to have a prophecy that Sauron's victory will mark the end of the Era of Witchers. How does this particular aspect hold particular significance, when we already know that Sauron's victory is [[DeadlyEuphemism a pretty bad thing]] for literally everybody who dares to be a remotedly decent person, is never elaborated upon.
** There is also Arghenta's seemingly prophetic dream about (maybe) Sauron rebuilding his physical body and bringing the war to her personally. It turned out to be equally irrelevant.
* TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodCharacter: apart from Sephiroth, the only one of the good guys to accomplish something is Guts, who manages to kill Grifith by [[CruelAndUnusualDeath disemboweling him brutally and strangling him with his own entrails]]. The other characters are kind of just... there.

** Grifith joins Sauron's side, and it could have been a nice chance to explore his attempts at becoming the leader, considering Grifith his defined by ambitions. Instead, he seems content with being Sauron's lackey.
* TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodPlot: Sephiroth mentions [[WesternAnimation/Frozen2013 Arendelle]], calling it a "Mystical Land of Angels"; it might have been used to add more super-natural being to the mix, which would have made sense, considering the story later references {{Videogame/Darksiders}}... but it is only mentioned to explain why and how Sephiroth can use what is, for all intents and purpose, just a magic mp3 player.
** Also, either Serys or Arghenta (the poor quality of the writing makes it hard to understand) is revealed to be Sauron's sister. Nothing ever comes of that.
** Arghenta dreams a guy strongly hinted to be Sauron (a hulking, iron-clad giant armed with a blunt object) is coming for her. He never does.
** The Apostles are said to be sieging Osgiliath. We literally never see them do anything, which is too bad because, considering how unique each Apostle is, it might have given birth to actually creative fight scenes.
** Sauron still has a physical body due to possessing Isildur, but never once tried to do anything to get the One Ring back or to personally intervene in any way, shape or form.
* TimeTravel: sometimes combined with space travel.
* UnintentionallyUnsympathetic: Morana, full stop. She dies facing the Witch-King of Angmar, but it's kind of hard to feel bad for her, seeing she used trickery, violence and the need of the Free People for her help to sexually assault Arghenta. Despite this, we're told we are supposed to be sad, because it somehow wasn't rape.
* VaguenessIsComing: there seems to be a, well, [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin rather vague]] significance to Sauron's victory in relation to the Witchers, but it is never explained properly and it is never mentioned again apart for a single scene to make sure Yennefer looked worried.
* AngstWhatAngst: Sephiroth gets stabbed by the Morgul Dagger instead of Frodo, and he starts despairing about how he is now a monster who doesn't deserve to be called a human. It lasts exactly one paragraph and it is only an excuse to justify Galadriel giving him consolation sex.
* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: Sephiroth had a son named Freanor from his first, unnamed, Elf Wife... what happened to him? Why s [[Manga/SwordArtOnline Kirito]] his son? Are they the same person? If so, why did Freanor change his name? If not, where did Kirito come from?
* WhiteHairedPrettyBoy: well, duh. It's Sephiroth we're talking about.
* WombHorror: an ''uncomfortable'' amount of dialogue is dedicated to remind us that, yes, human women have been forcefully impregnated by Orcs and are now being forced to, and I quote, "take care of the aberrations growing in their wombs". It would already be abhorrent if they were in Orcish breeding camps, or something, but they're not and the oh-so-morally-superior Sephiroth sees nothing wrong with such clearly unwanted pregnancies coming to fruition.
** To clarify, he ''does'' describe the event as traumatic and the pregnancies as unwanted... but he also seems to think it is only natural for the mothers to actually care for the babies forced upon them, and that he himself defines as "aberrations".

* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: every single Hobbit and Dwarf, both PlayerForLaughs ''and'' to remind us that they can't possibly be as cool or plot-relevant as Sephiroth.

* BreakTheCutie: many nameless women are victims of rape, and the narration points out that it mentally scareed them.

* AdaptationalAttractiveness: fine, [[YouSexyBeast Azog the Defile is, admittedly, towering and muscular]], but is also a [[GoodScarsEvilScars scarred]], fanged, almost shark-faced monster with a penchant for sporting a constant SlasherSmile. In this story, human women remark on how conventionally attractive he is.

* AdaptationalAttractiveness: fine, [[YouSexyBeast Azog the Defile is, admittedly, towering and muscular]], but is also a [[GoodScarsBadScars scarred]], fanged, almost shark-faced monster with a penchant for sporting a constant SlasherSmile. In this story, human women remark how conventionally attractive he is.