History Recap / GameOfThronesS3E7TheBearAndTheMaidenFair

* [[WoodenKatanasAreEvenBetter Wooden Swords Are Even Better]]: Completely defied. One proves to be quite useless against an angry bear.

* GroinAttack: The Boy taunts Theon about his reputation with women before having his men slice off Theon's twig and berries.

* [[WoodenKatanasAreEvenBetter Wooden Swords Are Even Better]]: Completely defied.

Sailing on '''The Sea''', Melissandre is talking with Gendry. She shares with him the story of how she was born into slavery, delivered into freedom by the Lord of Light. Gendry laments his low birth until she reveals to him that he has royal blood in his veins, Robert Baratheon's. Gendry is stunned.

-->'''Missandrei :'''Noble lord, you are in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons.

* KickingAssInAllHerFinery: Subverted and defied. Brienne is forced to fight a bear in just a dress, which offers no protection from its claws. She's also only armed with a wooden sword, which is useless apart from to delay the bear.

Just '''South Of The Wall''', Jon Snow and the Wildlings continue their journey. Their conversation shifts towards the differences between Westeros armies and Wildling raiders, and Ygritte chides Jon by mentioning that Wildlings would never be so stupid as to warn their enemies with drums. Jon retorts that Mance's plan to "light the biggest fire the North has ever seen" is so much more subtle. Ygritte irritably says [[CatchPhrase her five favorite words]] and storms off. Jon and Orell have their own little conversation. Jon is pissed at Orell for trying to cut the line, and Orell is jealous of the non-Wildling for having Ygritte. Orell ominously warns Jon that he won't be able to keep her.

Meanwhile, in '''King's Landing''', Sansa is taking her forced wedding to Tyrion about as well as you might expect - she sobs about it to Margaery, going on about how ''stupid'' she was to have ever wanted to come here, and so forth. Margaery tries to cheer her up by looking at the bright side: Sansa's children will inherit The North and even Casterly Rock. Sansa, however, is a bit hung up on having to have sex with someone whose both a Lannister and a dwarf. Said dwarf is not much happier as he bitches to Bronn about the wedding. Tyrion's main complaint is that Shae won't like this at all. Bronn's enlightened response to this boils down to ''yeah, well, fuck Shae''. Shae's just a whore, and Tyrion won't get anywhere if he's desperate to make friends.

* [[WoodenKatanasAreEvenBetter Wooden Swords Are Even Better]]: Completely defied.

** Talisa spends well over half her screne time in the episode laying on a bed in her birthday suit. Not to deny the ladies some fun, Robb has a nice shirtless scene along with a full shot of his backside.

* OhCrap: Jaime, when he realises that his bluffing about the sapphires to save Brienne from rape, and Locke's lack of fore-thought, is quite probably to going end horribly for her.

* DefiantToTheEnd: Brienne manages to survive her short stay in the bear pit, true, but before Jaime showed up again she must have known she wasn't going to get out of this alive. Still, she's certainly not going to go down without a fight, or start screaming and begging her tormentors for mercy.

* DumbassHasApoint: Joffrey's for once has a very kingly thought; he is worried about Daenarys, her Dragons, and what will happen if she brings them to Westeros. Played for DramaticIrony, as the viewer does know Dany has become a fearsome warlady, but Tywin contemptuously dismisses his concern.

-->'''Missandrei :'''Noble ord, you are in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons.

* AdaptationalKindness: Margaery continues to be friends with Sansa once the engagement to Loras falls through, unlike in the book, indicating that she really does want to be friends with her.

* BeautyIsNeverTarnished: Brienne subverts this, just as she subverts most traditional gender roles in action fantasy. She receives a nasty rak from the bear across the throat.

* BiTheWay Maergary implies that she's... experimented.

* BigDamnHeroes: [[spoiler: Jaime saving Brienne from the bear pit.]]

* [[spoiler:GroinAttack: The Boy taunts Theon about his reputation with women before having his men slice off Theon's twig and berries.]]

* [[spoiler:EverythingsWorseWithBears]]

* TortureTechnician. The Boy's techniques are as sophisticated as they are cruel.

* [[spoiler:EverythingsWorseWithBears]]

'''[[Troll HOOOOOORRRRRNN!!!!!!!]]'''

Jaime then ''jumps into the bear pit''.

Just '''South Of The Wall''', Jon Snow and the Wildlings continue their journey. Their conversation shifts towards the differences between Westeros' marching armies and Wildling raiders, and Ygritte throws a barb Jon's way by mentioning how the Wildlings would never be so stupid as to warn their enemies with drums. Jon retorts that Mance's plan to "light the biggest fire the North has ever seen" is so much more subtle. Ygritte irritably says [[CatchPhrase her five favorite words]] and storms off. Jon and Orell have their own little conversation. Jon is pissed at Orell for trying to cut the line, and Orell is jealous of the non-Wildling for having Ygritte. Orell ominously warns Jon that he won't be able to keep her.

Meanwhile, in '''King's Landing''', Sansa is taking her forced wedding to Tyrion about as well as you might expect - she sobs about it to Margaery, going on about how ''stupid'' she was to have ever wanted to come here, and so forth. Margaery tries to cheer her up by looking at the bright side: Sansa's children will inherit The North and even Casterly Rock. Sansa, however, is a bit hung up on having to have sex with someone whose both a Lannister and a dwarf. Said dwarf is not much happier as he bitches about the wedding to Bronn. Although he complains that Sansa is a child, Tyrion's main complaint is that Shae won't like this at all. Bronn's enlightened response boils down to ''yeah, well, fuck Shae''. Shae's just a whore, and Tyrion won't get anywhere if he's desperate to make friends.

In the Throne Room, Tywin has been summoned by Joffrey. The King wants reports on the Small Council meetings, despite never showing up to them due to his [[BlatantLies being very busy]]. Tywin, no doubt drawing on his long experience of not strangling Aerys, doesn't strangle Joffrey but rather handles him politely until Joffrey gets to the main point, Daenerys Targaryen. In what must be the finest, most farsighted moment of his life, Joffrey wants to know what being done about her. As he realizes, if the rumors are true, and if she has three dragons, then once they grow up, Westeros is fucked. Tywin completely downplays the threat as being both improbable and far off in the future.

Outside '''Yunkai''', Dany questions her councilors about how to take the city. The whole thing can come down to a siege situation, and Jorah points out that this is trouble they don't need. Dany's hatred for slavery outweighs this, however, and they march against the city. A negotiator offers Dany lots of gold and ships to go away, but her instance that they free all the slaves get a NoJustNoReaction. The negotiator leaves, but not before making a reference to "powerful friends" that Dany wants looked into.

In the '''Riverlands''', Arya is sulking. As far as she is concerned, they're all traitors, in spite of what Beric tells her about the Lord of Light. Arya has no love for that god, and declares that the only god [[CreepyChild she worships is Death]]. A messenger comes in to announce that a Lannister party has been spotted to the south. When Beric announces that the Brotherhood would attack them, Arya starts spazzing out, given that they would be going away from Riverrun. Beric's promises that they'll get her there eventually, that they keep her safe, and that she'll understand when she's older mean less than nothing to her, and flees into the woods, only to be captured by the Hound.

At '''Harrenhal''', Jaime has a last conversation with Brienne. He's leaving for King's Landing, Roose Bolton's leaving for Robb's wedding, and Brienne is going to be left all alone with Locke. Jaime mentions that he owes her debt, and Brienne, knowing she's doomed, tells him to pay it by helping the Stark girls. Jaime leaves the next morning, telling Roose to send Robb his regards.

'''Somewhere In The North''', Theon is taken down from his cross and... given drink by two beautiful girls. Declaring that they sent themselves to him, they start flirting with him like something out of a medieval porno. Theon knows that this isn't going to end well. However, once they get naked and start gyrating on top of him, he can't stop himself from getting -

'''{{Troll HOOOOOORRRRRNN!!!!!!!}}'''

Somewhere else in '''The North''', Osha is jealous of how Jojen always has Bran's attention. Hodor isn't much for conversation, so she marches up to them and demands to know what they're talking about. Her mood doesn't improve when she learns that Bran no longer wants to go to Castle Black. He wants to catch the three-eyed raven, and is going North Of The Wall to do it. Osha insults the idea that he may have fallen for a reason, saying the Gods couldn't care less about any of them. She goes into her backstory, about how her lover was turned into a zombie, and how she's not going back beyond the wall for any reason. She promised to take him to the wall, and that's as far as she goes.

Then to '''Outside Harrenhal''', where Qyburn is treating Jaime's stump. Asked why he lost his chain, Qyburn responds that he lost it for unethical experiments on dying patients. Jaime insinuates that he probably experimented on the poor and the weak, causing Qyburn ask Jaime how many people he's saved. Jaime responds with "half a million". Qyburn mentions that Brienne's father offered to buy her life for 300 gold pieces, but that Locke won't take it out of spite. He explains to the stunned Jaime a that person like Locke doesn't have a long life expectancy, and is therefore not inclined towards long-term thought. Jaime promptly demands that the captain take him back to Harrenhal, telling him that he'll tell his father that the captain either saved his life or chopped off his hand. Once they get back, they find Brienne is in a pit, fighting a bear with a wooden sword. Jaime offers to pay Locke whatever ransom he wants, but Locke refuses out of sheer pettiness, and Jaime ''jumps into the bear pit''. His escort puts an arrow in the bear, buying enough time for the two of them to climb out. Jaime and Locke, Round 2, happens as Jaime declares that Brienne's going with them or they'll just have to kill them. Locke retorts that Brienne is his, Bolton's orders. Jaime's responds that Bolton's orders were for him be delivered alive to King's Landing, and asks who do you think Roose wants to piss off less, Locke or Twyin Lannister? Locke, having no response to that, and seeing that the captain is ready to fight over it, back down. Jaime, Brienne, and guards all walk out to The Rains of Castamere.