History Quotes / SturgeonsLaw

Fine. If I am going to continue to write a blog about the WWE Hall of Fame, I must accept that Wrestling/VinceMcMahon and his corporate team [[YouKeepUsingThatWord don’t understand what a Hall of Fame is supposed to be.]] Fine. Fine.

->''"As a person or even in his many comedic exploits, Drew Carey is fine. He was a run of the mill 80s and 90s comedian, who got [[Series/TheDrewCareyShow a sitcom]], and did ''Series/WhoseLineIsItAnyway'' and ''Series/ThePriceIsRight'' (Barker’s better). Congrats to Drew Carey, he is a certifiable C grade celebrity."''
-->--'''[[http://wwehalloffameblog.com/category/class-of-2011/ James Ferrarella]]'''

''Uh... could it be because people piss on the floor and wash their hands aggressively? --Andy Kindler''

->''"As a person or even in his many comedic exploits, Drew Carey is fine. He was a run of the mill 80s and 90s comedian, who got [[Series/TheDrewCareyShow a sitcom]], and did ''Series/WhosLineIsItAnyway'' and ''Series/ThePriceIsRight'' (Barker’s better). Congrats to Drew Carey, he is a certifiable C grade celebrity."''
-->--'''[http://wwehalloffameblog.com/category/class-of-2011/ James Ferrarella]]'''

->Honestly? The average cop is pretty darn good. But average is average. You think about what average usually gets you, and then you figure that half the people out there are below that average. That’s anywhere. Even here. And you can be better than average, while still [[PoliceAreUseless having a trend that isn’t so good.]]

->Jesse James is played by Creator/ColinFarrell, who turned on instant star quality in the {{Vietnam War}} picture ''Tigerland'' (2001) and [[MoneyDearBoy turns it off here]]. That this movie got a theatrical push and ''Tigerland'' didn't is proof that American distribution resembles a crapshoot.

->[[Music/NotoriousBIG Biggie]] dead. [[Music/TupacShakur Tupac]] dead. Music/VanillaIce '''still alive!'''

->We live in a world where Music/JohnLennon was murdered, yet Music/BarryManilow continues to put out fucking albums. God''dammit!'' If you're gonna kill somebody, have some fucking taste. I'll drive you to Music/KennyRogers' house.

->You know, at the time I wouldn't have picked ''[[VideoGame/UnchartedDrakesFortune Uncharted 1]]'' as a sequel-y sort of property, although the "1" on the end should probably have tipped me off... I didn't expect to hear any more from this franchise, but I guess if you feed humanity flavourless wallpaper paste for decades then you shouldn't be surprised if that's all they want to eat now.

->The {{Creator/Gallagher}} of our generation. Creator/DaneCook is a "comedian" that everyone seems to love despite his extreme mediocrity. His amazing lack of jokes combined with his ability to run around the stage like a five-year-old without his meds appeals to anyone without a soul or any knowledge of comedy. His [[CaptainObvious trite and obvious observations]] contain no punchlines and often appeal to people with short attention spans.\\\

->By his estimates, Richman's receptiveness has resulted in 160 irreplaceable hours of listening to grossly uninformed political opinions, 300 hours of carefully hearing out both sides of pointless arguments, and at least a month of listening to his parents' bullshit about how important it is to be open-minded.\\\
Eighty days have been wasted on the inane blather of his college friend Brian alone.\\\
''"All those hours I could have been relaxing, or reading all these great books, or getting into shape, or working on side projects that I'm really excited about,"'' Richman said. ''"But instead I've been listening to overrated albums recommended to me by my asshole friends."''

->Many words have been spilled to attempt to explain what the hell happened. And it's genuinely difficult to explain...But setting aside the 'why' -- a topic that there's [[RiddleForTheAges never going to be a clear cut answer for anyway]] -- the fact remains that in 1980, ''Series/BuckRogersInTheTwentyFifthCentury'' was immediately and directly more popular than ''Series/DoctorWho''. This fact, it must be noted, is downright depressing. Because ''Buck Rogers in the 25th Century'' is not even remotely a good show.

->Every now and again every element of a story comes together perfectly and stories like [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS12E4GenesisOfTheDaleks}} Genesis of the Daleks]] and [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS21E6TheCavesOfAndrozani}} Caves of Androzani]] are created for posterity. To keep the universe in balance there are also times when everything that can possibly go wrong does so and the end result looks a lot like The Mutants.

->Numerous cruises get canceled each year because there's not enough interest, including a horror cruise that would have included Music/AliceCooper, [[Creator/TonyTodd Candyman]], [[Creator/KaneHodder Kane "Jason" Hodder]], and director of ''Film/JohnDiesAtTheEnd'' Don Coscarelli. That cruise didn't sell enough tickets, but [[RacistGrandma Paula Deen]] is booked through 2014. What a sick world we live in.

->Bad books become bestsellers all the time. And even more great books sell four copies and die a quick death. No one knows why...Anyone trying to figure out why is just a media fartsniffer trying to sell you on their supposedly brilliant ability to psychoanalyze 350 million Americans en masse. The next ''Literature/FiftyShadesOfGrey'' won't be some shit porno. It'll be some YA trilogy or some high-minded gardening fantasy that captures the public imagination, and it'll be the most random thing ever. I only hope that I'm the one who writes it. WHO'S UP FOR ''THE CHRONICLES OF DORF BLERKHART?''!

->It's a bitter pill for some to swallow, but there really is a whole other America out there that they know nothing about, made up of people who watch ''Series/DuckDynasty'' and ''HereComesHoneyBooBoo'' and ''TeenMom'', who think of ''Creator/{{Fox News|Channel}}'' as a legitimate source of news, and who love Jay Leno.

->You know, at the time I wouldn't have picked ''[[VideoGame/UnchartedDrakesFortune Uncharted 1]]'' as a sequel-y sort of property, although the "1" on the end should probably have tipped me off. It wasn't awful, but it had fewer original thoughts [[Series/DoctorWho than the BBC program planning department]]; it had one ball from ''VideoGame/GearsOfWar'' in its mouth and another from ''Franchise/TombRaider'' and [[FollowTheLeader was sucking for all its might]]. The plot was removed by Caesarian section from an ''IndianaJones'' movie so sloppily that doctors were unable to save any of the relatable characters or coherent motivations, and it also took a lead from the DanBrown school of puzzles, i.e. present the viewer some ancient riddle [[ViewersAreMorons and then immediately solve it for them]], because if they were ''smart'' they wouldn't be watching this piss. So I didn't expect to hear any more from this franchise, but I guess if you feed humanity flavourless wallpaper paste for decades then you shouldn't be surprised if that's all they want to eat now.

->Many words have been spilled to attempt to explain what the hell happened. And it's genuinely difficult to explain...But setting aside the 'why' -- a topic that there's [[RiddleForTheAges never going to be a clear cut answer for anyway]] -- the fact remains that in 1980, ''Series/BuckRogersInTheTwentyFifthCentury'' was immediately and directly more popular than ''Series/DoctorWho''. This fact, it must be noted, is downright depressing. Because ''Buck Rogers in the 25th Century'' is not even remotely a good show. With Gil Gerrard playing Buck Rogers as a sort of cross between Creator/WilliamShatner and Creator/AdamWest except without the self-awareness that makes both of them good, some astonishingly gaudy and generic space sets, and a sense of plotting as [[ClicheStorm an incompetent execution of cliches.]]

->I have published three books, and anyone who tells you that they can guarantee a book will be a bestseller, or claims to be able to explain why a surprise bestseller becomes a surprise bestseller, is a LIAR. Bad books become bestsellers all the time. And even more great books sell four copies and die a quick death. No one knows why. If they knew why, you'd only see one kind of book on bookstore shelves, for eternity. Sometimes, a book becomes a THING simply because there's a cultural vacuum, and something fun or trashy or controversial comes along at the right time to fill it.\\\
Anyone trying to figure out why is just a media fartsniffer trying to sell you on their supposedly brilliant ability to psychoanalyze 350 million Americans en masse. The next ''Literature/FiftyShadesOfGrey'' won't be some shit porno. It'll be some YA trilogy or some high-minded gardening fantasy that captures the public imagination, and it'll be the most random thing ever. I only hope that I'm the one who writes it. WHO'S UP FOR ''THE CHRONICLES OF DORF BLERKHART?''!

[[folder:Web Video]]

->Let me take you back to [[TheEighties 1989]]. In the pop world, music is as obnoxiously slick and polished and watered-down as it'll ever be. But if you look beneath the surface, you'll find an increasingly popular genre called hip-hop right now going through it's golden age. A lot of people [[ItWillNeverCatchOn didn't like it.]] 'It's not even real music,' they said. 'It's ugly. [[MoralGuardians It's dangerous. It's threatening.]]' To break through the rampant prejudice against the genre, you had to be the ''tightest, most undeniable, most technically-perfect'' M.C. ever to take the mic. In other words, you had to be...\\\
'''[[EspeciallyZoidberg Biz Markie]]'''.\\\
Yes, the diabolical Clown Prince of hip-hop, [[SpellMyNameWithAThe The Biz]]. He looked like [[KavorkaMan a cartoon character]]. He sang [[GiftedlyBad like a dying walrus]]. He rapped like he'd just had [[TheUnintelligible his tonsils removed]]. And yet he powered his way to a Top 10 hit... Why ''him?'' Is there anything more to the guy than just being the late-80s version of [[AmericanIdol William Hung?]]
-->--'''WebVideo/ToddInTheShadows''', "One Hit Wonderland"

->It's true, I didn't like ''VideoGame/SuperSmashBrosBrawl'' before I even started playing, but then the same is true of every game, object, animal and human being I encounter these days. Since the Internet is almost diametrically opposed to the notion of quality control, in recent years it's been a lot easier to just assume everything's shit until it can prove itself otherwise. I like to call it the "Guantanamo Bay" approach to reviewing.

->After [[{{Sequelitis}} the terrible sequel]] to ''Film/SmokeyAndTheBandit'', Reynolds and Needham teamed up for this comedy about a real-life illegal cross-country race from Connecticut to California. [[ExcusePlot That’s basically all the plot there is]], as the movie is primarily all of Burt’s friends getting screen time and being stiflingly unfunny. It’s a goddamn shame, because the cast assembled is simply astonishing. Not as astonishing as the sheer waste of talent on display, not to mention that this was actually a hit, but astonishing nonetheless.
-->--'''''Website/TheAgonyBooth''''' [[http://www.agonybooth.com/movies/Tribute_to_Burt_Reynolds_Hal_Needham.aspx?Page=4 on]] ''Film/CannonballRun''

->You know, at the time I wouldn't have picked ''{{VideoGame/Uncharted}} 1'' as a sequel-y sort of property, although the "1" on the end should probably have tipped me off. It wasn't awful, but it had fewer original thoughts [[Series/DoctorWho than the BBC program planning department]]; it had one ball from ''VideoGame/GearsOfWar'' in its mouth and another from ''Franchise/TombRaider'' and [[FollowTheLeader was sucking for all its might]]. The plot was removed by Caesarian section from an ''IndianaJones'' movie so sloppily that doctors were unable to save any of the relatable characters or coherent motivations, and it also took a lead from the DanBrown school of puzzles, i.e. present the viewer some ancient riddle [[ViewersAreMorons and then immediately solve it for them]], because if they were ''smart'' they wouldn't be watching this piss. So I didn't expect to hear any more from this franchise, but I guess if you feed humanity flavourless wallpaper paste for decades then you shouldn't be surprised if that's all they want to eat now.

->We live in a world where Music/JohnLennon was murdered, yet Music/BarryManilow continues to put out fucking albums. God''dammit!'' If you're gonna kill somebody, have some fucking taste. I'll drive you to Kenny Rogers' house.

->It's true, I didn't like ''VideoGame/SuperSmashBros'' before I even started playing, but then the same is true of every game, object, animal and human being I encounter these days. Since the Internet is almost diametrically opposed to the notion of quality control, in recent years it's been a lot easier to just assume everything's shit until it can prove itself otherwise. I like to call it the "Guantanamo Bay" approach to reviewing.

->After [[{{Sequelitis}} the terrible sequel]] to ''Film/SmokeyAndTheBandit'', Reynolds and Needham teamed up for this comedy about a real-life illegal cross-country race from Connecticut to California. [[ExcusePlot That’s basically all the plot there is]], as the movie is primarily all of Burt’s friends getting screen time and being stiflingly unfunny. It’s a goddamn shame, because the cast assembled is simply astonishing. Not as astonishing as the sheer waste of talent on display, not to mention that this was actually a hit, but astonishing nonetheless....Contrast with Creator/ClintEastwood, who by this point had cemented a reputation as a reliable actor on-screen, and a man in complete control behind the scenes.\\\
Clint even took a chunk out of Burt’s redneck comedy territory with ''Film/EveryWhichWayButLoose'' and ''Any Which Way You Can'', both of which not only brought in shitloads of money, but are also better than anything Burt ever did in the genre. Yes, this does mean that not one but two movies featuring Clint Eastwood horsing around with an orangutan easily trump this movie.

->I've written stupid internet blog posts for nearly decade and I still have no idea which ones will get decent readership and which ones will be ignored. I have published three books, and anyone who tells you that they can guarantee a book will be a bestseller, or claims to be able to explain why a surprise bestseller becomes a surprise bestseller, is a LIAR. Bad books become bestsellers all the time. And even more great books sell four copies and die a quick death. No one knows why. If they knew why, you'd only see one kind of book on bookstore shelves, for eternity. Sometimes, a book becomes a THING simply because there's a cultural vacuum, and something fun or trashy or controversial comes along at the right time to fill it.\\\

-->--'''Creator/HayaoMiyazaki'''

->There are four billion boutique hot sauces out there, and you know what? They're all worthless. The only hot sauces you need in your cabinet are Frank's, Tobasco, Sriracha, that one tasty Korean hot sauce (gochujang), and the habanero sauce of your choice. Everything else is just [[MyNewGiftIsLame stocking-stuffer horseshit]]. You don't need any of it. SUCK ON THAT, BIG HOT SAUCE.
-->--'''[[http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/sports-crimes-ranked-1681999504 Drew Magary]]''', "Sports Crimes Ranked"

[[folder:Music]]

->''Now [[ShakespeareanActors you could study Shakespeare]] and be quite elite\\
And you can charm the critics [[MagnumOpusDissonance and have nuthin' to eat]]\\
Just [[{{Slapstick}} slip on a banana peel]], the world's at your feet''
-->--"Make 'Em Laugh", '''''Film/SinginInTheRain'''''

[[/folder]]

And you can charm the critics [[CriticalDissonance and have nuthin' to eat]]\\

->''Now [[Shakespearean you could study Shakespeare]] and be quite elite\\

[[folder:fictional]]

->Don't feel bad, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year.
-->-- '''{{God}}''', ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''

[[folder:creators]]
->Nine- tenths of existing books are nonsense, and the clever books are the refutation of that nonsense.
-->-- '''Creator/BenjaminDisraeli'''

->The average detective story is probably no worse than the average novel, but you never see the average novel. It doesn't get published. The average -- or only slightly above average -- detective story does.
-->-- '''Creator/RaymondChandler''', ''The Simple Art of Murder''

->Unlike most writers, my competitive instinct -- though highly developed -- [[NothingPersonal was never personal]]. That is to say, I have never begrudged another writer his success, but I have sometimes deplored the taste of the moment that has made what I thought bad work successful. Happily, since injustice is the rule, one is quite as apt [[SelfDeprecation to be its beneficiary]] as its victim.
-->--'''Creator/GoreVidal'''

->{{Anime}} was a mistake. It’s nothing but trash.
-->--'''Creator/HayaoMiyazaki'''

->The animes represent a wide body of entertainment which includes some good stuff, as well as an absolutely incomprehensible amount of shit. Like anything.
-->-- '''Creator/AndrewHussie'''[[http://hussieformspring.tumblr.com/post/11910263285]]

->Sometimes that Rhodes Scholarship is more of a weapon than an asset. I think he was just a little freaked out because ''Film/DumbAndDumber'' came out on the same weekend as ''Cobb'', and ''Cobb'' was his big swing for the fences and [[BoxOfficeBomb that didn’t work out]], and that freaked him out a bit...I went up to say hi and the blood drained from his face, in such a way that I realized that I had become [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence the face of his pain]] or something. He got up, kind of shaking, and [[TakeThatKiss hugged me]] and said ‘I hate you. I really don’t like you.’ I was like ‘Wow, okay. Well, what’s going on man?’ And he said, ‘I cannot sanction your buffoonery.’
-->--'''Creator/JimCarrey''' on difficulties working with Creator/TommyLeeJones

->I’ve made 30-plus films over 20 years. And in my opinion, [[CreatorBacklash five of them are good.]]
-->--'''Ryan Phillipe'''

->Ryan never mentions what his 5 ‘good’ films are, but let’s hop over to his {{IMDb}} page and see if we can’t figure out what 5 movies he’s talking about. Clearly ''Film/MacGruber'' is #1.
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/10/21/ryan-phillippe-has-only-made-5-good-movies-says-ryan-phillippe/ Michael K.]]'''

->Mass appreciation doesn't always equate to something good. [[HitlerAteSugar Think of Hitler!]]
-->--'''Jamie Dornan''' promoting(?) ''Film/FiftyShadesOfGrey''

->The internet does, as you say, provide opportunities to obtain information and an extremely wide variety of viewpoints. That's a good in itself. But there is a downside. The downside is that you are so flooded with material that unless you have an understanding of the world that is sufficient to allow you to be selective, you can drawn into completely crazed cocoons of wild interpretation.
-->--'''Noam Chomsky''', 2007

[[folder:reviews]]

->You know, at the time I wouldn't have picked ''{{VideoGame/Uncharted}} 1'' as a sequel-y sort of property, although the "1" on the end should probably have tipped me off. It wasn't awful, but it had fewer original thoughts [[Series/DoctorWho than the BBC program planning department]]; it had one ball from ''VideoGame/GearsOfWar'' in its mouth and another from ''Franchise/TombRaider'' and [[FollowTheLeader was sucking for all its might]]. The plot was removed by Caesarian section from an ''IndianaJones'' movie so sloppily that doctors were unable to save any of the relatable characters or coherent motivations, and it also took a lead from the DanBrown school of puzzles, i.e. present the viewer some ancient riddle [[ViewersAreMorons and then immediately solve it for them]], because if they were ''smart'' they wouldn't be watching this piss. So I didn't expect to hear any more from this franchise, but I guess if you feed humanity flavourless wallpaper paste for decades then you shouldn't be surprised if that's all they want to eat now.
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/Uncharted2AmongThieves''

->Jesse James is played by Creator/ColinFarrell, who turned on instant star quality in the {{Vietnam War}} picture ''Tigerland'' (2001) and [[MoneyDearBoy turns it off here]]. That this movie got a theatrical push and ''Tigerland'' didn't is proof that American distribution resembles a crapshoot.
-->--'''Creator/RogerEbert''' on ''American Outlaws'' (2001)

->'''Jay:''' So, not only did they ''not'' want to make a Creator/JamesCameron/Creator/RidleyScott/Creator/SigourneyWeaver ''{{Film/Alien}}'' movie, they wanted to make a PG-13 ''Alien Vs. Predator'' [[LighterAndSofter kiddie movie.]]\\
'''Rich:''' That's so missing the point. At least as far as the ''Predator'' movie goes.\\
'''Jay:''' You know what? Whichever movie executive made that decision? From a financial point, it worked out, 'cause this was the most financially-successful movie in the series of movies.\\
'''Rich:''' Are you kidding?\\
'''Jay:''' I'm not kidding.\\
'''Rich:''' Oh, now I'm sad. Everything about this movie is depressing.
-->--''WebVideo/HalfInTheBag'', ''Franchise/AlienVsPredator'' rifftrack

->Of all the poorly animated, poorly written and just downright poor animated shows that came out of the 1980s...this was one of 'em!
-->-- '''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''' on ''Series/TheSuperMarioBrosSuperShow''

->Let me take you back to [[TheEighties 1989]]. In the pop world, music is as obnoxiously slick and polished and watered-down as it'll ever be. But if you look beneath the surface, you'll find an increasingly popular genre called hip-hop right now going through it's golden age. A lot of people [[ItWillNeverCatchOn didn't like it.]] 'It's not even real music,' they said. 'It's ugly. [[MoralGuardians It's dangerous. It's threatening.]]' To break through the rampant prejudice against the genre, you had to be the ''tightest, most undeniable, most technically-perfect'' M.C. ever to take the mic. In other words, you had to be...\\\
'''[[EspeciallyZoidberg Biz Markie]]'''.\\\
Yes, the diabolical Clown Prince of hip-hop, [[SpellMyNameWithAThe The Biz]]. He looked like [[KavorkaMan a cartoon character]]. He sang [[GiftedlyBad like a dying walrus]]. He rapped like he'd just had [[TheUnintelligible his tonsils removed]]. And yet he powered his way to a Top 10 hit... Why ''him?'' Is there anything more to the guy than just being the late-80s version of [[AmericanIdol William Hung?]]
-->--'''''WebVideo/ToddInTheShadows''''', "One Hit Wonderland"

->Unlike most writers, my competitive instinct - though highly developed - [[NothingPersonal was never personal]]. That is to say, I have never begrudged another writer his success, but I have sometimes deplored the taste of the moment that has made what I thought bad work successful. Happily, since injustice is the rule, one is quite as apt [[SelfDeprecation to be its beneficiary]] as its victim.

->You know, at the time I wouldn't have picked ''{{VideoGame/Uncharted}} 1'' as a sequel-y sort of property, although the "1" on the end should probably have tipped me off. It wasn't awful, but it had fewer original thoughts [[Series/DoctorWho than the BBC program planning department]]; it had one ball from ''VideoGame/GearsOfWar'' in its mouth and another from ''Franchise/TombRaider'' and [[FollowTheLeader was sucking for all its might]]. The plot was removed by Caesarian section from an ''IndianaJones'' movie so sloppily that doctors were unable to save any of the relatable characters or coherent motivations, and it also took a lead from the DanBrown school of puzzles, i.e. present the viewer some ancient riddle [[ViewersAreMorons and then immediately solve it for them]], because if they were ''smart'' they wouldn't be watching this piss. So I didn't expect to hear any more from this franchise, but I guess if you feed humanity flavourless wallpaper paste for decades then you shouldn't be surprised if that's all they want to eat now.
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/Uncharted2AmongThieves''

->Anime was a mistake, it’s nothing but trash.

->The animes represent a wide body of entertainment which includes some good stuff, as well as an absolutely incomprehensible amount of shit. Like anything.
-->-- '''Creator/AndrewHussie'''[[http://hussieformspring.tumblr.com/post/11910263285]]

->You know, at the time I wouldn't have picked ''{{VideoGame/Uncharted}} 1'' as a sequel-y sort of property, although the "1" on the end should probably have tipped me off. It wasn't awful, but it had fewer original thoughts [[DoctorWho than the BBC program planning department]]; it had one ball from ''GearsOfWar'' in its mouth and another from ''TombRaider'' and [[FollowTheLeader was sucking for all its might]]. The plot was removed by Caesarian section from an ''IndianaJones'' movie so sloppily that doctors were unable to save any of the relatable characters or coherent motivations, and it also took a lead from the DanBrown school of puzzles, i.e. present the viewer some ancient riddle [[ViewersAreMorons and then immediately solve it for them]], because if they were ''smart'' they wouldn't be watching this piss. So I didn't expect to hear any more from this franchise, but I guess if you feed humanity flavourless wallpaper paste for decades then you shouldn't be surprised if that's all they want to eat now.