History Quotes / RealityTV

->The stars of today are people who are becoming appallingly rich by [[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop behaving heinously.]]

->'''Doctor:''' ''(scoffs)'' The human race. Brainless sheep, being fed on a diet of-- Mind you, have they still got [[HypocriticalHumor that programme where three people have to live with a bear?]]\\
'''Lynda:''' Oh, ''Bear With Me''! I ''love'' that one!\\

-->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoNSS1E12BadWolf}} "Bad Wolf"]]

->I’m an unashamed lover of ''Series/BigBrother''... It’s taking a while for things to get interesting this season, mainly because everyone’s still in that first heady rush of tiptoey politeness and they’ve yet to splinter into two eternally warring factions, like the Hatfields and [=McCoys=] if they’d been fighting over who gets to cover their bare tits with their hands for the most money in ''Nuts'' magazine instead of cowboy gold.
-->--'''[[http://franticplanet.wordpress.com/2009/06/14/big-brother-tim-sylvia/ Stuart Millard]]'''

->So Michael Sam has a reality show now, and I'm just gonna go ahead and align myself with the HOT TAKES crowd and say that Sam just pissed away a whole lot of the goodwill he'd built up for himself these past few months. They can class up the announcement all they like. They can call it a "documentary" series even though it's a dirty little secret that even acclaimed documentary filmmakers will coach subjects and have them do multiple takes. They can do all that and it still won't scrub away the fact that reality shows are fucking beat and no one worth a shit bothers to do them...Now that Sam has a reality show, can anyone believe with 100 percent confidence that [[ComingOutStory the kiss he shared with his boyfriend on camera last Saturday]] was a real and true moment? They probably had a dress rehearsal. Sam was probably standing on a taped X to make sure he hit his mark.

->Now, this episode of ''Series/BarRescue'' is compelling television. It’s about a sinking pirate bar called Piratz Tavern in Silver Spring, Maryland, where the staff wants to play pirate while the workers at the several corporate high rises next door ignore the noise. Furthermore, the owner is [[RockBottom $900,000 in debt and lives in her parents’ basement]] with her husband, Piratz’s incompetent chef, and her college-age daughter. In walks nightlife expert Jon Taffer who believes the staff is delusional and drags them kicking and screaming to a new theme, the Corporate Bar and Grill. After the change, the place looks to have a bright future. But the owner, [[PointyHairedBoss still wanting to play pirate]], turns it back to Piratz a few weeks later and the ship continues to sink.\\\
There’s only one problem: The show is made up... Tracy told me, a guy she never met, that she never uses credit cards with Piratz and she pays off the $10,000 rent every month in full and on time… oh, and there is no basement. Jon and his wife show up to the bar which looks dead…except it’s dead because the ''Bar Rescue'' producers told the tavern to tell everyone that the tavern was closed.

Come chum some of this *$%$, buddy. I have bullet holes in my house and bloodied strangers bursting through my door. I can't turn the freakin' heat on. That's survival, not piddling middle class yuppies arguing over fricking immunity tokens... [[SuckinessIsPainful My ears bled with the inanity.]]

->The key thing I want to emphasize here is that there's a point in the history of ''Series/MythBusters'' where the hosts stop seeming like real people being filmed in the act of doing their job and start to feel like they're playing a role...Far from breaking artifice, it's going out of its way to take something that was already designed to give viewers a look under the hood and constructing an artifice ''out of'' that... this has the added consequence of blurring the lines between the plays and turning real people into cartoon characters. It's one thing to do this to a fictional character, who is purely imaginary and by default more flat than a real person; It's quite another to reduce an actual living, breathing human to [[{{Flanderization}} a series of verbal tics and personality quirks.]]

->So Michael Sam has a reality show now, and I'm just gonna go ahead and align myself with the HOT TAKES crowd and say that Sam just pissed away a whole lot of the goodwill he'd built up for himself these past few months. They can class up the announcement all they like. They can call it a "documentary" series even though it's a dirty little secret that even acclaimed documentary filmmakers will coach subjects and have them do multiple takes. They can do all that and it still won't scrub away the fact that reality shows are fucking beat and no one worth a shit bothers to do them.

->Now, this episode of ''BarRescue'' is compelling television. It’s about a sinking pirate bar called Piratz Tavern in Silver Spring, Maryland, where the staff wants to play pirate while the workers at the several corporate high rises next door ignore the noise. Furthermore, the owner is [[RockBottom $900,000 in debt and lives in her parents’ basement]] with her husband, Piratz’s incompetent chef, and her college-age daughter. In walks nightlife expert Jon Taffer who believes the staff is delusional and drags them kicking and screaming to a new theme, the Corporate Bar and Grill. After the change, the place looks to have a bright future. But the owner, [[PointyHairedBoss still wanting to play pirate]], turns it back to Piratz a few weeks later and the ship continues to sink.\\\

->''"OH! I'm on an island! OH! I'm all alone on exile island! All I have is fifteen cameras and a medical team if anything really goes wrong. Oh boo hoo hoo, I have to eat worms!\\\
Come chum some of this *$%$, buddy. I have bullet holes in my house and bloodied strangers bursting through my door. I can't turn the freakin' heat on. That's survival, not piddling middle class yuppies arguing over fricking immunity tokens... [[SuckinessIsPainful My ears bled with the inanity.]]"''

->''"The key thing I want to emphasize here is that there's a point in the history of ''Series/MythBusters'' where the hosts stop seeming like real people being filmed in the act of doing their job and start to feel like they're playing a role...Far from breaking artifice, it's going out of its way to take something that was already designed to give viewers a look under the hood and constructing an artifice ''out of'' that... this has the added consequence of blurring the lines between the plays and turning real people into cartoon characters. It's one thing to do this to a fictional character, who is purely imaginary and by default more flat than a real person; It's quite another to reduce an actual living, breathing human to [[{{Flanderization}} a series of verbal tics and personality quirks.]]"''

-->-- '''''Series/DoctorWho''''', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoNSS1E12BadWolf}} "Bad Wolf"]]

->''"Look at the [[Series/KeepingUpWithTheKardashians Kardashians]], they're worth millions. I don't think they were that badly off to begin with but ''now'' look at them. You see that and you think, 'What, you mean all I have to do is [[LowestCommonDenominator behave like a fucking idiot]] on television and then you'll pay me millions?' I'm not judging it... well, I am obviously."''

->''"''Armed & Famous ''took celebrities, mostly [[WhiteDwarfStarlet the bad kind]], and gave them jobs as police officers. This wasn't that crazy an idea when it was [[Creator/StevenSeagal 600 pounds of aikido action star]], but when it's La Toya Jackson, that's irresponsibly insane."''

->''"I’m an unashamed lover of ''BigBrother''... It’s taking a while for things to get interesting this season, mainly because everyone’s still in that first heady rush of tiptoey politeness and they’ve yet to splinter into two eternally warring factions, like the Hatfields and [=McCoys=] if they’d been fighting over who gets to cover their bare tits with their hands for the most money in ''Nuts'' magazine instead of cowboy gold."''

->''"I’ve watched every episode of every season and spent time watching the live feeds, which means I’ve wasted hundreds of hours listening to strangers talk about food and their bowel movements. What have you done with YOUR life?"''
-->--'''''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/09/25/take-in-the-beautiful-moment-when-frankie-grande-realized-he-didnt-win-americas-favorite-houseguest-on-big-brother/ Dlisted]]''''' on ''Big Brother''

->''"Now, this episode of ''BarRescue'' is compelling television. It’s about a sinking pirate bar called Piratz Tavern in Silver Spring, Maryland, where the staff wants to play pirate while the workers at the several corporate high rises next door ignore the noise. Furthermore, the owner is [[RockBottom $900,000 in debt and lives in her parents’ basement]] with her husband, Piratz’s incompetent chef, and her college-age daughter. In walks nightlife expert Jon Taffer who believes the staff is delusional and drags them kicking and screaming to a new theme, the Corporate Bar and Grill. After the change, the place looks to have a bright future. But the owner, [[PointyHairedBoss still wanting to play pirate]], turns it back to Piratz a few weeks later and the ship continues to sink.\\\
There’s only one problem: The show is made up... Tracy told me, a guy she never met, that she never uses credit cards with Piratz and she pays off the $10,000 rent every month in full and on time… oh, and there is no basement. Jon and his wife show up to the bar which looks dead…except it’s dead because the ''Bar Rescue'' producers told the tavern to tell everyone that the tavern was closed. Anyone in the bar were people who walked by and saw it was open."''

->''"The key thing I want to emphasize here is that there's a point in the history of ''MythBusters'' where the hosts stop seeming like real people being filmed in the act of doing their job and start to feel like they're playing a role...Far from breaking artifice, it's going out of its way to take something that was already designed to give viewers a look under the hood and constructing an artifice ''out of'' that... this has the added consequence of blurring the lines between the plays and turning real people into cartoon characters. It's one thing to do this to a fictional character, who is purely imaginary and by default more flat than a real person; It's quite another to reduce an actual living, breathing human to [[{{Flanderization}} a series of verbal tics and personality quirks.]]"''

No, [[{{Glurge}} they live happily]]"''

->''"Time now for ''Life on Tatooine'', brought to viewers everywhere in the hope that our own lives may be [[SadistShow uplifted by the comparison and enriched with the gratitude of relief.]]"''
-->-- ''Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial''

->'''Doctor:''' ''(scoffs)'' The human race. Brainless sheep, being fed on a diet of-- Mind you, have they still got [[HypocriticalHumor that programme where three people have to live with a bear?]]
->'''Lynda:''' Oh, ''Bear With Me''! I ''love'' that one!
->'''Doctor:''' And me. The celebrity edition where the bear--
->'''Both:''' [[SpeakInUnison Got in the bath!]]

-->--'''James Wesley''', "Real"

-->--'''''StarWarsHolidaySpecial'''''

-->--'''''Series/DoctorWho''''', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoNSS1E12BadWolf}} "Bad Wolf"]]

->''"Time now for ''Life on Tatooine'', brought to viewers everywhere in the hope that our own lives may be uplifted by the comparison and enriched with the gratitude of relief."''

->'''Doctor:''' ''(scoffs)'' The human race. Brainless sheep, being fed on a diet of-- Mind you, have they still got [[HypocriticalHumor that programme where three people have to live with a bear?]]\\
'''Lynda:''' OH, ''Bear With Me''! I ''love'' that one!\\
'''Doctor:''' And me. The celebrity edition where the bear--\\
'''Both:''' [[SpeakInUnison Got in the bath!]]

There’s only one problem: The show is made up... Tracy told me, a guy she never met, that she never uses credit cards with Piratz and she’s pays off the $10,000 rent every month in full and on time… oh, and there is no basement. Jon and his wife show up to the bar which looks dead…except it’s dead because the ''Bar Rescue'' producers told the tavern to tell everyone that the tavern was closed. Anyone in the bar were people who walked by and saw it was open."''

->''"Now, this episode of ''BarRescue'' is compelling television. It’s about a sinking pirate bar called Piratz Tavern in Silver Spring, Maryland, where the staff wants to play pirate while the workers at the several corporate high rises next door ignore the noise. Furthermore, the owner is $900,000 in debt and [[BasementDweller lives in her parents’ basement]] with her husband, Piratz’s incompetent chef, and her college-age daughter. In walks nightlife expert Jon Taffer who believes the staff is delusional and drags them kicking and screaming to a new theme, the Corporate Bar and Grill. After the change, the place looks to have a bright future. But the owner, [[PointyHairedBoss still wanting to play pirate]], turns it back to Piratz a few weeks later and the ship continues to sink.\\\

->''"Pimp Mama Kris is so winning that lifetime achievement award at the Pimp’s Ball this year, because her stable of whores will get paid $40 million dollars for three more seasons of [[Series/KeepingUpWithTheKardashians doing absolutely nothing in front of E!’s cameras]]... The deal only includes the Kuntrashian’s current shit shows, so Kim will make even more money when E! eventually greenlights ''Kim & Kanye Kill Humanity''
-->--'''''[[http://dlisted.com/2012/04/24/karkrashians-are-40-million-richer/ DListed]]''''', "The Karkrashians Are $40 Million Richer"

->''"''Armed & Famous ''took celebrities, mostly the bad kind, and gave them jobs as police officers. This wasn't that crazy an idea when it was [[Creator/StevenSeagal 600 pounds of aikido action star]], but when it's La Toya Jackson, that's irresponsibly insane."''

->''"The key thing I want to emphasize here is that there's a point in the history of ''MythBusters'' where the hosts stop seeming like real people being filmed in the act of doing their job and start to feel like they're playing a role...Far from breaking artifice, it's going out of its way to take something that was already designed to give viewers a look under the hood and constructing an artifice ''out of'' that. I'm uncomfortable when nonfiction shows do this because, even though they're rejecting any attempt to be representational... this has the added consequence of blurring the lines between the plays and turning real people into cartoon characters. It's one thing to do this to a fictional character, who is purely imaginary and by default more flat than a real person; It's quite another to reduce an actual living, breathing human to [[{{Flanderization}} a series of verbal tics and personality quirks.]]"''

->Armed & Famous ''took celebrities, mostly the bad kind, and gave them jobs as police officers. This wasn't that crazy an idea when it was [[Creator/StevenSeagal 600 pounds of aikido action star]], but when it's La Toya Jackson, that's irresponsibly insane.''