History Quotes / HanlonsRazor

->There are, two my mind, two ways to read this story. Either it's a flawed but mostly edgily brilliant piece of early post-modernism, or it's [[SophisticatedAsHell a complete crap-fest]].

->In all of the books that have come out about the [[UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan Reagan]] administration, it's been extremely difficult to hide the fact that Reagan didn't have the foggiest idea what was going on. Whenever he [[OpenMouthInsertFoot wasn't properly programmed]], the things that would come out of his mouth were like--they weren't ''lies'', really, they were just kind of the babbling of a child. If a child babbles, it's not lies, it's just sort of on another plane. To be able to ''lie'', you have to have a certain degree of competence, you have to know what truth is. And there [[PointyHairedBoss didn't seem to be any indication that that was the case here]].

->Can't tell if trolling or just stupid.

->So why the hell would the Greatest Generation build [[NonNaziSwastika a monument to their mortal enemy]] in the first place? Well, despite some wild conspiracy theories to the contrary, it seems that it wasn't so much a case of honoring der Fuhrer as it was of not giving der Fucks. The original plans called for a single L-shaped building, but those plans grew with increasing space needs. John Mock, the original architect, damn well realized what it looked like from above, but apparently said something along the lines of "Eh, fuck it. It's not like the general public will have free, limitless access to satellite imagery in my lifetime."
-->--'''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21259_the-6-stupidest-designs-ever-used-enormous-projects.html "The 6 Stupidest Designs Ever Used For Enormous Project"]]

->These true believers swore up and down that the ''([=Wrestlemania XXVIII=])'' bait-and-switch was just part of an intricate game of chess being played by [[Wrestling/VinceMcMahon Vince and company]] to get Wrestling/DanielBryan over... Well, [[SquashMatch the 18-second squash]] helped Bryan develop his character by having a meltdown and dumping [[Wrestling/AJLee AJ]]. I’m not sure why that would require an 18-second non-match at [[{{Anticlimax}} the biggest and most expensive event of the year]], or why said squash couldn’t just take place in a rematch the next night on free TV, but then again, I haven’t played chess in years. Surely {{WWE}} knew exactly what they were doing right from the start with their convoluted strategy to make Daniel Bryan a star. Over the course of 24 months. Right?\\\
Right?
-->--'''''{{Website/Wrestlecrap}}''''', [[http://www.wrestlecrap.com/inductions/18-seconds/ "Sheamus Vs. Daniel Bryan - How long should this world title last? LOL, I'll pretend you said 18 seconds"]]

->Sometimes I think that Music/KanyeWest is less a musician than he is an ongoing study for unemployed anthropology majors. He's one of the biggest, most self-absorbed assholes on the planet, and yet people waste trillions of gigabytes of bandwidth to talk about what Kanye's assholishness [[SeeminglyProfoundFool MEANS]]. What does his assholishness say about fame? What does his assholishness say about the state of race relations in America? Is his love child with Creator/KimKardashian actually a subversive deconstruction of our collective superficiality? Does the boringness of his new album have [[GiftedlyBad its own fascinating qualities?]]\\\
Well, you know what? Fuck Kanye West. FUUUUUCK KANYE WEST. Seriously. Half the people who go batshit insane over a new Kanye album probably only like him for posterity. He's there to give your [=iTunes=] library more street cred... I am not here to be the crotchety old white guy who doesn't get "the rap hop music". I'm just here to knock some sense into the Kanye Industrial Complex. Because I listened to "Yeezus" and it was basically forty minutes of ambient sound at a Berlin fuck club, interspersed with the occasional chipmunk chorus interlude. The only time I liked the album was when a guest vocalist appeared to give the listener a break from Kanye bitching about the dirty looks he gets whenever he walks into an Alexander Wang store.

->I only reviewed two Jason Derulo songs this year; they were both pretty terrible. Jason Derulo's a pretty terrible guy, he's a talentless moron. "Talk Dirty" and "Wiggle" were [[GiftedlyBad a one-two punch of stupid]] that I don't think he'll ever be able to top. But ''Goddamn'' if he isn't gonna try. Y'know, say what you want about "Talk Dirty" and "Wiggle", at least [[TestosteronePoisoning they're slimy on purpose]]... If you were wondering if the grossness of "Talk Dirty" and "Wiggle" was [[StylisticSuck an intentional artistic decision]] or if he really is ''that'' dumb, well, just listen to him when he's trying to be '''sincere.'''
-->--'''WebVideo/ToddInTheShadows''' on "Trumpets" ("The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2014")

->I think the game has more to do with the star than the movie. I mean the star in the sky, the ''real'' Betelgeuse. It's a red supergiant that's going to explode one day... This particular star is always pulsating; it's so inconsistent that it's sometimes called the 9th brightest star in the sky, but usually the 10th. These fluctuations in inconsistencies are exactly what they were going for with [[GuideDangIt the unpredictable nature of this game.]] When you're flying all over the place like a spring-loaded turd in a pinball machine, that's just like the star itself--how it's been speculated to have changed course at one time or another, possibly because a nearby stellar explosion, or in this case, [[TheGoomba a fuckin' bug.]]\\\
I mean, here we have a game where [[PlatformHell what exists outside the edge in the screen could take effect or not]]; the absence of visibility will result in death, whereas the existence of something harmful but not visible will still be in effect. Is it any coincidence that a game with no definable boundaries would have such a distinct relation to a star with optical emissions that vary, making it hard to define the photosphere?\\\
Or what about how the star is surrounded by a circumstellar envelope made up of matter that's been ejected from the star, kinda like [[{{Dissimile}} a mass of bees coming out of a beehive]], and making an outer field around the hive?\\\
Betelgeuse is part of the constellation of Orion. That's what the ancient Greeks viewed it as but of course today we all know that's actually [[DemBones a skeleton shooting a fireball.]] Why would Betelgeuse be on the shoulder? Well, quite simply, anyone who's played this game as a kid [[BerserkButton has a chip on their shoulder whenever you bring up the name]].\\\
And at last: the game was released in May. That's the same month when Betelgeuse can be seen over the western horizon after sunset for only a brief period of time. Likewise, it was Western US gamers who played this right after sunset when their homework was done, and it was only for a brief period [[{{Ragequit}} before they threw it to the ground]]--beneath the horizon.\\\
So yes, I'm convinced the game was based on the star, and not the movie.\\\
Or you could just say: [[TheProblemWithLicensedGames they fucked it up, and took too much liberty with the source material.]]

->'''David''': You know, I think we’re coming at this the wrong way, Chris. I think this episode is actually a satire of the way the media shamelessly rips off ''Film/TheMatrix''. I don’t think we got it initially — it’s actually rather brilliant. You see, they didn’t include the red and blue pill sequence because the red and blue are both off-limits to Clark – it’s a metacommentary on [[StatusQuoIsGod his refusal to accept his role as Superman]]. It’s actually a deconstructive, self-aware mockery of [[SerialNumbersFiledOff the trenchcoat costume he wore]]. When he flies in the Matrix world, it’s not a flight-tease, it’s actually a clever reference to Neo flying at the end of The Matrix, representing Clark’s spiritual awakening as he sheds the remnants of that movie’s influence on his character.\\

->In all of the books that have come out about the [[UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan Reagan]] administration, it's been extremely difficult to hide the fact that Reagan didn't have the foggiest idea what was going on. Whenever he [[OpenMouthInsertFoot wasn't properly programmed]], the things that would come out of his mouth were like--they weren't ''lies'', really, they were just kind of the babbling of a child. If a child babbles, it's not lies, it's just sort of on another plane. To be able to ''lie'', you have to have a certain degree of competence, you have to know what truth is. And there [[PointyHairedBoss didn't seem to be any indication that that was the case here]]. So in fact, all of the fuss in the Iran-contra hearings about 'did Reagan know or didn't he know'...What's the difference? He didn't know if nobody told him, and he didn't remember if he forgot. And who cares?
-->--'''Noam Chomsky''', ''Understanding Power''

->[[LittleKnownFact FUN FACT]]: Whenever Bill Belichick trades a player for refusing a pay cut, Jim Nantz has to go wipe the ejaculate off the inside of his khakis. Belichick controls his players like [[DastardlyWhiplash a 19th century railroad magnate]], and nothing pleases the hot take providers of America more. Every Tom, Dick, and Sully thinks a player who would dare play for another team besides the Patriots, or even consider getting more money in free agency, is unworthy of being a Belichick Man.\\\
Such is Belichick's master manipulation of the media that he can make ANY move and have people searching for the hidden brilliance behind it. He can never just do something DUMB. There must be a subtle genius to trading away Logan Mankins for Tim Wright and a draft pick...despite being [[TheDilbertPrinciple as useful as a sack of flour]] in Tampa last season. The process is always the same. 'This trade looks bad. But now that I remember Bill Belichick was behind it, IT'S A MASTERSTROKE.'
-->--'''Drew Magary''', [[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-new-england-patriots-1629216508 Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New England Patriots"]]

->So why the hell would the Greatest Generation build [[NonNaziSwastika a monument to their mortal enemy]] in the first place? Well, despite some wild conspiracy theories to the contrary, it seems that it wasn't so much a case of honoring der Fuhrer as it was of not giving der Fucks. The original plans called for a single L-shaped building, but those plans grew with increasing space needs. John Mock, the original architect, damn well realized what it looked like from above, but apparently said something along the lines of "Eh, fuck it. It's not like the general public will have free, limitless access to satellite imagery in my lifetime.

!!!Fiction
->Misunderstandings and neglect occasion more mischief in the world than even malice and wickedness. At all events, the two latter are of less frequent occurrence.
-->--'''''Literature/TheSorrowsOfYoungWerther'''''

!!!RealLife

->I think the game has more to do with the star than the movie. I mean the star in the sky, the ''real'' Betelgeuse. It's a red supergiant that's going to explode one day... This particular star is always pulsating; it's so inconsistent that it's sometimes called the ninth brightest star in the sky, but usually the tenth. These fluctuations in inconsistencies are exactly what they were going for with the unpredictable nature of this game. When you're flying all over the place like a spring-loaded turd in a pinball machine, that's just like the star itselfhow it's been speculated to have changed course at one time or another, possibly because a nearby stellar explosion, or in this case, [[TheGoomba a fuckin' bug.]]\\\

->I only reviewed two Jason Derulo songs this year; they were both pretty terrible. Jason Derulo's a pretty terrible guy, he's a talentless moron. "Talk Dirty" and "Wiggle" were [[GiftedlyBad a one-two punch of stupid]] that I don't think he'll ever be able to top. But ''Goddamn'' if he isn't gonna try. Y'know, say what you want about "Talk Dirty" and "Wiggle", at least [[TestosteronePoisoning they're slimy on purpose]]... If you were wondering if the grossness of "Talk Dirty" and "Wiggle" was [[StylisticSuck an intentional artistic decision]] or if he really isn't that dumb, well, just listen to him when he's trying to be '''sincere.'''

->'''David''': You know, I think we’re coming at this the wrong way, Chris. I think this episode is actually a satire of the way the media shamelessly rips off ''Film/TheMatrix''. I don’t think we got it initially — it’s actually rather brilliant. You see, they didn’t include the red and blue pill sequence because the red and blue are both off-limits to Clark – it’s a metacommentary on [[StatusQuoIsGod his refusal to accept his role as Superman]]. It’s actually a deconstructive, self-aware mockery of [[SerialNumbersFiledOff the trenchcoat costume he wore]]. When he flies in the Matrix world, it’s not a flight-tease, it’s actually a clever reference to Neo flying at the end of The Matrix, representing Clark’s spiritual awakening as he sheds the remnants of that movie’s influence on his character.
->'''Chris''': So basically, you’re saying that “Brian Peterson” and “Kelly Souders” are actually clever pseudonyms for AndyKaufman?
->'''David''': At this point, OccamsRazor may actually point me towards that being the case, since the alternative is that a group of grown people all sat around a table and agreed that this was a story that needed to be told. That’s really too terrible a premise to accept.
-->--'''Chris Sims''' and '''David Uzumeri''' [[http://comicsalliance.com/recap-smallville-episode-10-12-collateral/ on]] ''{{Series/Smallville}}'' ("Collateral")

->I only reviewed two Jason Derulo songs this year; they were both pretty terrible. Jason Derulo's a pretty terrible guy, he's a talentless moron. "Talk Dirty" and "Wiggle" were a one-two punch of stupid that I don't think he'll ever be able to top. But ''God damn'' if he isn't gonna try. Y'know, say what you want about "Talk Dirty" and "Wiggle" at least [[TestosteronePoisoning they're slimy on purpose]]... If you were wondering if the grossness of "Talk Dirty" and "Wiggle" was [[StylisticSuck an intentional artistic decision]] or if he really isn't that dumb, well, just listen to him when he's trying to be '''sincere.'''

->''“I don’t think [[UsefulNotes/GeorgeWBush Bush]] could plan a bowl of cereal."''

->''"So why the hell would the Greatest Generation build [[NonNaziSwastika a monument to their mortal enemy]] in the first place? Well, despite some wild conspiracy theories to the contrary, it seems that it wasn't so much a case of honoring der Fuhrer as it was of not giving der Fucks. The original plans called for a single L-shaped building, but those plans grew with increasing space needs. John Mock, the original architect, damn well realized what it looked like from above, but apparently said something along the lines of "Eh, fuck it. It's not like the general public will have free, limitless access to satellite imagery in my lifetime."''

->''"[[LittleKnownFact FUN FACT]]: Whenever Bill Belichick trades a player for refusing a pay cut, Jim Nantz has to go wipe the ejaculate off the inside of his khakis. Belichick controls his players like [[DastardlyWhiplash a 19th century railroad magnate]], and nothing pleases the hot take providers of America more. Every Tom, Dick, and Sully thinks a player who would dare play for another team besides the Patriots, or even consider getting more money in free agency, is unworthy of being a Belichick Man.\\\
Such is Belichick's master manipulation of the media that he can make ANY move and have people searching for the hidden brilliance behind it. He can never just do something DUMB. There must be a subtle genius to trading away Logan Mankins for Tim Wright and a draft pick...despite being [[TheDilbertPrinciple as useful as a sack of flour]] in Tampa last season. The process is always the same. 'This trade looks bad. But now that I remember Bill Belichick was behind it, IT'S A MASTERSTROKE.'"''

->''"These true believers swore up and down that the ''([=Wrestlemania XXVIII=])'' bait-and-switch was just part of an intricate game of chess being played by [[Wrestling/VinceMcMahon Vince and company]] to get Wrestling/DanielBryan over... Well, [[SquashMatch the 18-second squash]] helped Bryan develop his character by having a meltdown and dumping [[Wrestling/AJLee AJ]]. I’m not sure why that would require an 18-second non-match at [[{{Anticlimax}} the biggest and most expensive event of the year]], or why said squash couldn’t just take place in a rematch the next night on free TV, but then again, I haven’t played chess in years. Surely {{WWE}} knew exactly what they were doing right from the start with their convoluted strategy to make Daniel Bryan a star. Over the course of 24 months. Right?\\\
Right?"''

->''"Misunderstandings and neglect occasion more mischief in the world than even malice and wickedness. At all events, the two latter are of less frequent occurrence."''
-->--'''''Literature/TheSorrowsOfYoungWerther'''''

->'''David''': You know, I think we’re coming at this the wrong way, Chris. I think this episode is actually a satire of the way the media shamelessly rips off ''Film/TheMatrix''. I don’t think we got it initially — it’s actually rather brilliant. You see, they didn’t include the red and blue pill sequence because the red and blue are both off-limits to Clark – it’s a metacommentary on [[StatusQuoIsGod his refusal to accept his role as Superman]]. It’s actually a deconstructive, self-aware mockery of [[SerialNumbersFiledOff the trenchcoat costume he wore]]. When he flies in the Matrix world, it’s not a flight-tease, it’s actually a clever reference to Neo flying at the end of The Matrix, representing Clark’s spiritual awakening as he sheds the remnants of that movie’s influence on his character.\\
'''Chris''': So basically, you’re saying that “Brian Peterson” and “Kelly Souders” are actually clever pseudonyms for AndyKaufman?\\
'''David''': At this point, OccamsRazor may actually point me towards that being the case, since the alternative is that a group of grown people all sat around a table and agreed that this was a story that needed to be told. That’s really too terrible a premise to accept.

->''"These true believers swore up and down that the ''([=Wrestlemania XXVIII=])'' bait-and-switch was just part of an intricate game of chess being played by [[Wrestling/VinceMcMahon Vince and company]] to get Wrestling/DanielBryan over... Well, [[DroppedABridgeOnHim the 18-second squash]] helped Bryan develop his character by having a meltdown and dumping [[Wrestling/AJLee AJ]]. I’m not sure why that would require an 18-second non-match at [[{{Anticlimax}} the biggest and most expensive event of the year]], or why said squash couldn’t just take place in a rematch the next night on free TV, but then again, I haven’t played chess in years. Surely {{WWE}} knew exactly what they were doing right from the start with their convoluted strategy to make Daniel Bryan a star. Over the course of 24 months. Right?\\\

Such is Belichick's master manipulation of the media that he can make ANY move and have people searching for the hidden brilliance behind it. He can never just do something DUMB. There must be a subtle genius to trading away Logan Mankins for Tim Wright and a draft pick...despite being as useful as a sack of flour in Tampa last season. The process is always the same. 'This trade looks bad. But now that I remember Bill Belichick was behind it, IT'S A MASTERSTROKE.'"''

->''"This leads to a fascinating idea: could this scene, with it’s ridiculous dialog, the playing of 'America, America' during the filming, the comic book villainy, etc., have been meant by [[StevenSeagal Seagal]] as ''satire''? Certainly, nothing else in the movie is even remotely less than deadly serious, no matter how dumb and self-important the film gets. And is Seagal, who appears to be one of those guys who wouldn’t get a clue if it was mailed to him by Western Union, even capable of understanding a fairly abstract idea like satire? I don’t think so, for that would indicate Seagal’s entire public life to have been the greatest piece of satiric Performance Art the world has ever known."''
-->--'''''Jabootu''''' [[http://www.jabootu.com/ondeadlyground.htm on]] ''Film/OnDeadlyGround''

->''"These true believers swore up and down that the ''([=Wrestlemania XXVIII=])'' bait-and-switch was just part of an intricate game of chess being played by [[Wrestling/VinceMcMahon Vince and company]] to get Wrestling/DanielBryan over... Well, [[DroppedABridgeOnHim the 18-second squash]] helped Bryan develop his character by having a meltdown and dumping [[Wrestling/AJLee AJ]]. I’m not sure why that would require an 18-second non-match at [[{{Anticlimax}} the biggest and most expensive event of the year]], or why said squash couldn’t just take place in a rematch the next night on free TV, but then again, I haven’t played chess in years. Surely {{WWE}}} knew exactly what they were doing right from the start with their convoluted strategy to make Daniel Bryan a star. Over the course of 24 months. Right?\\\

->''"These true believers swore up and down that the WM28 bait-and-switch was just part of an intricate game of chess being played by [[Wrestling/VinceMacMahon Vince and company]] to get Wrestling/DanielBryan over... Well, [[DroppedABridgeOnHim the 18-second squash]] helped Bryan develop his character by having a meltdown and dumping [[Wrestling/AJLee AJ]]. I’m not sure why that would require an 18-second non-match at [[{{Anticlimax}} the biggest and most expensive event of the year]], or why said squash couldn’t just take place in a rematch the next night on free TV, but then again, I haven’t played chess in years. Surely {{WWE}}} knew exactly what they were doing right from the start with their convoluted strategy to make Daniel Bryan a star. Over the course of 24 months. Right?\\\