History Quotes / CardboardPrison

'''[[Characters/BatmanTheScarecow The Scarecrow]]:''' So I can break out again?

->'''Chris:''' Lenny’s presence initiates an escape plan that identifies Luthor’s guards as the single dumbest cops in the history of the world. Seriously, they are two men willing to just cold start ignoring a guy who '''''once tried to nuke California''''' the second someone drives up with surround sound, and they end up being driven off a cliff by remote control for it, which is about what they deserve. I’m just not sure why it was necessary to even have a plan to escape from these morons, let alone one that involved destroying a car. I think Luthor could’ve probably just [[LookBehindYou pretended to throw a tennis ball]] and distracted them long enough to make a break for it.\\

->'''ComicBook/{{Batman}}:''' You belong in Arkham, Scarecrow.\\
'''[[Characters/BatmanRoguesGalleryPart2 The Scarecrow]]:''' So I can break out again?

->'''[[Franchise/SpiderMan Peter]]:''' Is this [[ExtranormalPrison the Raft]]? Are you doing work for the supermax prison?

-->--'''A [[Website/SpacebattlesDotCom spacebattles]] [[https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/worst-depictions-of-law-enforcement-in-fiction.346437/page-3#post-18047695 poster]]''' on [[Franchise/{{Batman}} Arkham Asylum]]

But then again, the [[DeflectorShields force field]] isn't even a good idea. You remember that episode of ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'' where Tuvok had to transport, like, 50 dangerous convicts in their cargo bay? This fucking genius makes ''fifty cages'' but with ''one'' open side for a force field. 'Cause I guess it's the future or somethin', and [[NecessaryWeasel you gotta have a force field]]. But then later on, the power goes out and all the force fields drop. Then everybody escapes. ''Why not just make FUCKING '''CAGES''', YOU STUPID ASS?!'' How 'bout [[GoodOldWays a room with plain walls, and good old iron bars]]?''

->'''Franchise/{{Batman}}:''' You belong in Arkham, Scarecrow.\\

-->''Film/MysteryMen''

->Unfortunately, it's also got a terrible track record of actually keeping criminals locked up. I'm not saying it's a revolving door, but it seems like every time I pick up the morning paper Nanosec or the archer guy has busted out.

->This thing on? I'm gonna be brief. Because I'm dying. Because I got shivved. A lot. I just wanna get it on record that using force fields for doors in a space prison is a bad idea. You know what would have been better? Regular doors. With locks. Locks that don't open when the power goes out. [cough cough] Man, those blue force fields looked good, though. Every time I saw one, I thought, "Wow. I am in space." Still, though. A door made out of paper would have been better in the long run. Would have at least slowed 'em down for a second. Anyway. [cough] Anybody not escaping or shivving me, get back to work.

-->-- '''''Literature/{{Thud}}''''' on Fred Colon

->After police completed the difficult job of arresting him, the prison psychiatrist completed the easy job of declaring [Viacheslav] Datsik insane. He was locked away in a high security mental hospital. Three years later, they moved this superhumanly violent lunatic to a minimum security clinic. See if you can spot where they made a mistake. Datsik tore through a goddamn barbed wire fence with his bare hands, stole a cell phone and escaped to Norway...So now, after multiple concussions, a four year disappearance, a diagnosis of schizophrenia, three years in a hospital for the criminally insane, a screaming jog through a barbed wire fence, [[ThoseWackyNazis a Nazi costume]] and the world's most ridiculous request for political asylum, he gets extradited back to Russia and the psychiatrists now declare him, get this, legally sane. Now I know what Yakov Smirnoff meant when he said that [[RussianReversal in Soviet Russia fucks don't give you]].

->Palin Correctional Center. They recently upgraded the place with Blume's state-of-the-art security: networked locks, automated surveillance... If they were holding the guy in an older prison, I'd have a problem. But Blume's right on this one: [[EverythingIsOnline they do make life easier through technology]].

->Suge Knight made us all think of Suge Knight again last week when he killed a man and injured another on the set of the Music/{{NWA}} biopic ''Straight Outta Compton'' in L.A... Nobody tell Suge this, but if he lost about 300 pounds, painted himself orange, put on a stringy ginger wig, changed his name to Creator/LindsayLohan and then pleaded guilty to murder, the judge would sentence him to 3 minutes in jail and [[{{Unishment}} revoke his Starbucks privileges for a week]].

->Why was Kroagnon kept locked up in the basement where he can plot his revenge? Why wasn't he carted off to the nearest prison? The only answer I can think of is that the original inhabitants of Paradise Towers wanted to give him a fighting chance.

->It might be escape-proof for [[Creator/LeonardNimoy an elderly Vulcan with a gut]], but not a ninety-pound Chinese acrobat you may find yourself having to imprison... what is it with ''Franchise/StarTrek'' brigs having all sorts of panels and doohickeys on the wall, too? In that episode "I Borg" -- y'know, that one with Hugh the Borg? -- Geordi attaches a thing to a control panel which allows a power surge for the Borg to eat energy. ''What is that shit even there??''\\\
But then again, the [[DeflectorShields force field]] isn't even a good idea. You remember that episode of ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'' where Tuvok had to transport, like, 50 dangerous convicts in their cargo bay? This fucking genius makes ''fifty cages'' but with ''one'' open side for a force field. 'Cause I guess it's the future or somethin', and [[NecessaryWeasel you gotta have a force field]]. But then later on, the power goes out and all the force fields drop. Then everybody escapes. ''Why not just make FUCKING '''CAGES''', YOU STUPID ASS?!'' How 'bout [[GoodOldWays a room with plain walls, and good old iron bars]]?

-->--'''A [[Website/SpacebattlesDotCom spacebattles]] [[https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/worst-depictions-of-law-enforcement-in-fiction.346437/page-3#post-18047695 poster]] on [[Franchise/{{Batman}} Arkham Asylum]]'''

->"Plumbers HQ ''really'' needs to work on its security system, Grandpa!"

->I got an interesting tip today; remember that barbaric beast named the Rhino? Apparently, last night he almost escaped from his cell in The Raft. How, you ask? Well, no one there seems to know, but they assure me he's been relocated to a "more secure" cell. Now I'm no expert on supermax prisons, but isn't the whole point of them that there ''isn't'' anything else more secure? I mean, he's a seven hundred pound maniac with an indestructible horn! If there's a more secure cell, [[JerkassHasAPoint WHY WASN'T HE IN IT]]?!

->'''[[ComicBook/SpiderMan Peter]]:''' Is this [[ExtranormalPrison the Raft]]? Are you doing work for the supermax prison?
->'''[[ComicBook/DoctorOctopus Otto]]:''' Indeed! They're soliciting bids to modernize their security grid; figured I'd try my hand. Lucrative contract, and a satisfyingly difficult nut to crack!

->'''Vic:''' Look, [[ImADoctorNotAPlaceholder I'm a publicist, not a]] [[ActorAllusion magician]]. You want big news, you have to have big fights. A superhero needs a supervillain. [[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome And thanks to you, we've got none left.]]

->'''Vic:''' [[{{Irony}} Death Man is dead.]]
->'''Captain Amazing:''' Okay — Father Doom!

-->--'''[[{{VideoGame/Portal}} Cave Johnson]]'''

-->-- '''''{{Literature/Thud}}''''' on Fred Colon

->After police completed the difficult job of arresting him, the prison psychiatrist completed the easy job of declaring [Viacheslav] Datsik insane. He was locked away in a high security mental hospital. Three years later, they moved this superhumanly violent lunatic to a minimum security clinic. See if you can spot where they made a mistake. Datsik tore through a goddamn barbed wire fence with his bare hands, stole a cell phone and escaped to Norway...So now, after multiple concussions, a four year disappearance, a diagnosis of schizophrenia, three years in a hospital for the criminally insane, a screaming jog through a barbed wire fence, [[ThoseWackyNazis a Nazi costume]] and the world's most ridiculous request for political asylum, he gets extradited back to Russia and the psychiatrists now declare him, get this, legally sane. Now I know what Yakov Smirnoff meant when he said that [[RussianReversal in Soviet Russia fucks don't give you.]]

->Suge Knight made us all think of Suge Knight again last week when he killed a man and injured another on the set of the Music/{{NWA}} biopic ''Straight Outta Compton'' in L.A... Nobody tell Suge this, but if he lost about 300 pounds, painted himself orange, put on a stringy ginger wig, changed his name to Creator/LindsayLohan and then pleaded guilty to murder, the judge would sentence him to 3 minutes in jail and [[{{Unishment}} revoke his Starbucks privileges for a week.]]

->It might be escape-proof for [[Creator/LeonardNimoy an elderly Vulcan with a gut]], but not a ninety-pound Chinese acrobat you may find yourself having to imprison...what is it with ''Franchise/StarTrek'' brigs having all sorts of panels and doohickeys on the wall, too? In that episode "I Borg"--y'know, that one with Hugh the Borg?--Geordi attaches a thing to a control panel which allows a power surge for the Borg to eat energy. ''What is that shit even there??''\\\
But then again, the [[DeflectorShields force field]] isn't even a good idea. You remember that episode of ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'' where Tuvok had to transport, like, 50 dangerous convicts in their cargo bay? This fucking genius makes ''fifty cages'' but with ''one'' open side for a force field. 'Cause I guess it's the future or somethin', and [[NecessaryWeasel you gotta have a force field]]. But then later on, the power goes out and all the force fields drop. Then everybody escapes. ''Why not just make FUCKING '''CAGES''', YOU STUPID ASS?!'' How 'bout [[GoodOldWays a room with plain walls, and good old iron bars?]]

-->--'''[[https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/worst-depictions-of-law-enforcement-in-fiction.346437/page-3#post-18047695 A spacebattles poster]] on Arkham Asylum'''

->I got an interesting tip today; remember that barbaric beast named the Rhino? Apparently, last night he almost escaped from his cell in The Raft. How, you ask? Well, no one there seems to know, but they assure me he's been relocated to a "more secure" cell. Now I'm no expert on supermax prisons, but isn't the whole point of them that there ''isn't'' anything else more secure? I mean, he's a seven hundred pound maniac with an indestructible horn! If there's a more secure cell, [[JerkassHasAPoint WHY WASN'T HE IN IT?!]]

->''[[RhinoRampage Even the babies are one the most dangerous animals in the world,]] so I built this cage to keep them secure, [[TemptingFate so there's no possible]] [[EpicFail OH MY GOD!]]''

'''Rose''': ...[[PolitenessJudo Please don't.]]\\

'''ComicBook/TheScarecrow:''' So I can break out again?

->'''Vic:''' Look, [[ImADoctorNotAPlaceholder I'm a publicist, not a]] [[ActorAllusion magician]]. You want big news, you have to have big fights. A superhero needs a supervillain. [[RealityEnsues And thanks to you, we've got none left.]]

-->-- '''LetsPlay/LordMinion777''', ''VideoGame/SpiderManPS4'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3TfC63HbvI Part 11]]

-->-- '''''{{Discworld/Thud}}''''' on Fred Colon

->The [=MPs=] hustled me from the room, down a hallway to a bare, overlit room furnished with a chair and a sink and a cot and a steel door with a feeding slot in it. They threw me in, not at all gently.\\
I was a prisoner.\\

-->--''Literature/{{Animorphs}} #52: The Sacrifice''