History Quotes / ArtificialStupidity

->"This game sucks so bad, the enemy soldiers commit suicide."

->"He was all 'Oh! She's an axe user... and I'm a sword user! [[TacticalRockPaperScissors STRATEGY!]]', and completely missed the fact that [[BullyingADragon all her stats are double his."

-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''', ''VideoGame/LeftAlive''

->"A.I. don't go after collectibles. They usually just stand there staring at you with gormless, uncomprehending eyes. They were also never programmed to drive, so in the occasional vehicle section if you perhaps would rather take 'riding shotgun' to its literal heart, then fuck you and your haughty airs. The A.I. will pile into the backseat without a word and just look at you like a dog with its leash in its mouth. And as I said, they can't aim for shit. But after you've single-handedly cleared out an entire room, they'll unfailingly say the [[WelcomeToCorneria one of their four or five endlessly repeated lines]] that goes 'You don't have to do this all by yourself, you know!' ''There is no middle finger big enough!''

-->--'''''Zero Punctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/WolfensteinYoungblood

->"And then I spotted the dude with the gun-arm, old Mister 'Introverted Japanese Person's Idea of [[IncleTomfoolery What Black People Are Like]]', firing into a nearby handrail. I have to keep taking over to show them how to do it! It's like teaching a roomful of six-year-olds how to type! THE Q's ON THE FUCKING LEFT."

->"A.I. don't go after collectibles. They usually just stand there staring at you with gormless, uncomprehending eyes. They were also never programmed to drive, so in the occasional vehicle section if you perhaps would rather take 'riding shotgun' to its literal heart, then fuck you and your haughty airs. The A.I. will pile into the backseat without a word and just look at you like a dog with its leash in its mouth. And as I said, they can't aim for shit. But after you've single-handedly cleared out an entire room, they'll unfailingly say the [[WelcomeToCorneria one of their four or five endlessly repeated lines]] that goes '"You don't have to do this all by yourself, you know!" ''There is no middle finger big enough!''

->"And then I spotted the dude with the gun-arm, old Mister 'Introverted Japanese Person's Idea of What Black People Are Like', firing into a nearby handrail. I have to keep taking over to show them how to do it! It's like teaching a roomful of six-year-olds how to type! THE Q's ON THE FUCKING LEFT."

->"A.I. don't go after collectibles. They usually just stand there staring at you with gormless, uncomprehending eyes. They were also never programmed to drive, so in the occasional vehicle section if you perhaps would rather take 'riding shotgun' to its literal heart, then fuck you and your haughty airs. The A.I. will pile into the backseat without a word and just look at you like a dog with its leash in its mouth. And as I said, they can't aim for shit.But after you've single-handedly cleared out an entire room, they'll unfailingly say the [[WelcomeToCorneria one of their four or five endlessly repeated lines]] that goes '"You don't have to do this all by yourself, you know!" ''There is no middle finger big enough!''

->"A.I. don't go after collectibles. They usually [[ArtificialStupidity just stand there staring at you with gormless, uncomprehending eyes.]] They were also never programmed to drive, so in the occasional vehicle section if you perhaps would rather take 'riding shotgun' to its literal heart, then fuck you and your haughty airs. The A.I. will pile into the backseat without a word and just look at you like a dog with its leash in its mouth. And as I said, they can't aim for shit.But after you've single-handedly cleared out an entire room, they'll unfailingly say the [[WelcomeToCorneria one of their four or five endlessly repeated lines]] that goes '"You don't have to do this all by yourself, you know!" ''There is no middle finger big enough!''

-->--'''Hilary Goldstein''' [[http://www.ign.com/articles/2007/06/29/hour-of-victory-review on ''VideoGame/HourOfVictory''

-->--''Literature/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy1''

-->--'''Tallest Purple''', introducing [[CloudCuckoolander GIR]], ''WesternAnimation/InvaderZim''

[[AC:Anime and Manga]]

[[AC:Music]]

->''"Never missed ''Series/MelrosePlace'' or ''Series/LostInSpace''\\

(Wish I hadn't 'cause [=TiVo=] now thinks I'm gay)"''

[[AC:Literature]]

[[AC:Live-Action TV]]

-->--''Series/DoctorWho''

[[AC:Video Games]]

->"He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived."

-> '''Yayandas:''' We are about to calibrate the newly installed, super-responsive inertial damper. You will never again feel the slightest shake, and never once be torn from your sleep, even if you are rammed head-on by a Xenon.\\
'''Nopileos:''' Rrrr... do they do that?\\
'''Yayandas:''' [[MythologyGag So one hears...]]
-->--''[[VideoGame/{{X}} Farnham's Legend]]''

[[AC:Web Animation]]

->"I was sent to destroy some anti-air cannons in order to land a chopper on a rooftop and rescue a hostage who was up there. 'Bollocks to that', I thought. '[[TrojanHorse I'll nick an enemy chopper]] that the turrets won't shoot at, and tear up out of there before they know what the fuck!' Sadly, they saw through my disguise around stage 3 of my master plan and shot me down... So I tried the mission again, but [the hostage] seemed to remember me now, so when I came near the building, [[FallingDamage he eagerly walked straight off the roof]] [[TooDumbToLive to join me]]."

->"One time I was low on health — but not ''too'' low — and was about to use a small herb to keep myself going when I saw my partner coming towards me brandishing ''[[TooAwesomeToUse a valuable large herb]]'', and when you're running away from your support character with more desperate terror than you feel for any of the actual monsters, something has definitely gone wrong somewhere. My advice is to get someone to play co-op with you any way you can. If you live alone, kidnap a hobo or train your dog extremely well, ''anything.''"

->"I chucked a molotov and the enemy screamed and ran out of the fire, then ran straight back into it to double-check that it was the thing making his eyeballs melt. Another time I was pinned down in an alley with no means of escape and the 17 guards that were pinning me down just stopped firing and wandered off, [[TheGuardsMustBeCrazy presumably because they hit the union-mandated thirty second alertness cap]]."

->"And then I spotted the dude with the gun-arm, old Mister 'Introverted Japanese Person's Idea of What Black People Are Like', firing into a nearby handrail. I have to keep taking over to show them how to do it! It's like teaching a roomful of six-year-olds how to type!"\\
'''Yahtzee:''' "THE Q'S ON THE FUCKING LEFT!"

->You're like a bunch of [[GullibleLemmings Lemmings]] with machine guns!
-->--'''[[VideoGame/HalfLife1 Gordon Freeman]]''', ''Machinima/FreemansMind'', on the HECU soldiers.

[[AC:Web Original]]

->Okay people, listen up! Here's the battle plan: Jester, die stupidly by rushing the enemy base alone and unarmed. Bishop, head for the sniper's nest where you'll make no meaningful contribution whatsoever. Kai. Othello. You guys grab the tank and get it stuck between some trees. [=Player1=], I want you to quit the game and go make some damn friends so you don't have to play with these bots all the time.

->''"[[ThoseWackyNazis Enemies]] will [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny stand with their backs to you in a firefight]], they'll occasionally [[UnfriendlyFire shoot at their friends]], and most just [[LeeroyJenkins run straight into your gunfire]]. [[DeadpanSnarker This explains why Germany lost]] [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII the war]]."''
-->--'''Hilary Goldstein''', ''IGN'', [[http://www.ign.com/articles/2007/06/29/hour-of-victory-review review of]] ''Hour of Victory''

->I've watched plenty of ''Series/RobotWars'', ''Series/BattleBots'', and ''Killer Robots Robogames''.\\
If all that experience has taught me anything, it’s that [[RobotWar the robot revolution]] would end quickly, because the robots would all break down or get stuck against walls. Robots never, ever work right.

->[...] the characters are just intelligent enough to seem unbelievably stupid.
-->--'''The Digital Antiquarian'''[='=]s [[https://www.filfre.net/2013/12/sherlock/ review]] of ''Sherlock''

[[AC:Web Video]]

->If you ask me, King Vendrick should've protected his kingdom by just building more doorways.

-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' on ''Film/DemolitionMan'', the game

'''Gabriel:''' "Ah, [[ItsProbablyNothing it was probably nothing]]."

->He was all "Oh! She's an axe user... and I'm a sword user! [[TacticalRockPaperScissors STRATEGY!]]", and completely missed the fact that [[BullyingADragon all her stats are double his.]]

->Now, remember before how protecting Anna was really annoying? Now imagine if Anna had utterly terrible stats, and there were three of her, and they were all unarmed. That's basically [[ThatOneSidequest this mission]]. Not only that, there's a whole bunch of Pegasus Knights[[note]]{{Glass Cannon}}s with large movement ranges and the ability to ignore most terrain obstructions due to airborne mounts[[/note]] over here, and [[TooDumbToLive these three villagers are gonna run straight at them]]. Meet Derp, Herpderp, and Tiddlytud, the Three Villager Stooges. [...] We're going to be very, very acquainted with their stupidity very, very soon. And the perfectionist that I am, guess what? [[SelfImposedChallenge I'm gonna want to save all three of them.]] [[ThisIsGonnaSuck This is not going to end well.]]\\
''(later, after a run where, from the footage, Herpderp seemed unharmed, but Derp barely survived and Tiddlytud was killed)''\\
Reset count due to dead villagers: one. It's probably gonna get a lot higher.[[note]]It doesn't, as he does end up saving all three that run.[[/note]] I ''hate'' this Paralogue ''so much''.\\
''(much later, a barely alive Tiddlytud '''walks into range of a Risen Knight that nobody can reach''', causing an extremely precarious situation since Lissa now '''has''' to heal Tiddlytud but Derp is also barely alive and in range of Risen.)''\\
''[[OhCrap Oh, my God!]]'' You-are you kidding me?! "Oh, look at me, look at me. I am a derpy villager. I'm gonna run all the way down here. I'm going to run right into range of this man. Hurhurhurhur." ''I. HATE. THESE. VILLAGERS.''

->There's design issues all over the place in ''[[VideoGame/AliensColonialMarines Colonial Marines]]'', but the big one is how AI in virtually every character in this game is broken beyond belief. Enemy soldiers meander about the place and away from cover to give you a clear shot at them, your allies frequently get stuck in numerous different impractical locations, and the [[TheDreaded Xenomorphs]], these huge, terrifying iconic monsters that shape 90% of what this [[Franchise/{{Alien}} franchise]] is, they are [[NightmareRetardant really, really funny]]. [[Creator/GearboxSoftware Gearbox]] accidentally made a comedy game where Xenomorphs don't really know where you are or where they need to go or something. They, they just can't even... It's ok, I have days like that too. For years, we've accepted that this was all down to some crappy programming, but as recently as a few days ago, we've been able to pinpoint the problem to [[ForWantOfANail one single]] [[EpicFail typo]] discovered by a keen fan, who was able to spell "tether" correctly.[[note]]It was misspelled as "teather".[[/note]] And now the Xenomorphs are more like what you would expect. A talented fan correcting the mistakes of a large company or developer? [[SarcasmMode That's a strange occurrence that I "definitely" haven't seen a dozen times in the last few years. Hey, quality assurance is expensive.]]

->Bots are, generally speaking, not as good as human players. You can make a bot with as much accuracy and rapid-fire thinking as possible, but artificial intelligence is still rather simplistic in the video game space. They don't think creatively; they don't improvise; they lack important survival traits like fear that might otherwise prevent them from [[LeeroyJenkins rushing headfirst into an uneven fight]].

[[AC:Western Animation]]
->It's not stupid, it's advanced!

->"I was sent to destroy some anti-air cannons in order to land a chopper on a rooftop and rescue a hostage who was up there. 'Bollocks to that', I thought. '[[TrojanHorse I'll nick an enemy chopper]] that the turrets won't shoot at, and tear up out of there before they know what the fuck!' Sadly, they saw through my disguise around stage 3 of my master plan and shot me down... So I tried the mission again, but [the hostage] seemed to remember me now, so when I came near the building, he eagerly walked straight off the roof to join me."

->"I chucked a molotov and the enemy screamed and ran out of the fire, then ran straight back into it to double-check that it was the thing making his eyeballs melt. Another time I was pinned down in an alley with no means of escape and the 17 guards that were pinning me down just stopped firing and wandered off, presumably because they hit the union-mandated thirty second alertness cap."

'''Yahtzee:''' "THE Q'S ON THE FUCKING LEFT"

->''Below you'll see a Sim on fire while a dozen others panic and crowd around him, preventing a rescue attempt... One hero tries to save his friend's life by attempting to initiate sex. This unorthodox approach to firefighting fails, and the Sim dies''.

-->--'''The Digital Antiquarian''''s [[https://www.filfre.net/2013/12/sherlock/ review]] of ''Sherlock''

-->{{Lets Play}}er Fedule [[http://lparchive.org/Fire-Emblem-Path-of-Radiance/Update%2003/]]

''(later, after a run where, from the footage, Herpderp seemed unharmed but Derp barely survived and Tiddlytud was killed)''\\

->There's design issues all over the place in ''[[VideoGame/AliensColonialMarines Colonial Marines]]'', but the big one is how AI in virtually every character in this game is broken beyond belief. Enemy soldiers meander about the place and away from cover to give you a clear shot at them, your allies frequently get stuck in numerous different impractical locations, and the [[TheDreaded Xenomorphs]], these huge, terrifying iconic monsters that shape 90% of what this [[Franchise/{{Alien}} franchise]] is, they are [[NightmareRetardant really, really funny]]. [[Creator/GearboxSoftware Gearbox]] accidentally made a comedy game where Xenomorphs don't really know where you are or where they need to go or something. They, they just can't even... It's ok, I have days like that too. For years, we've accepted that this was all down to some crappy programming, but as recently as a few days ago, we've been able to pinpoint the problem to [[ForWantOfANail one single]] [[EpicFail typo]] discovered by a keen fan, who was able to spell "tether" correctly.[[note]]It was misspelled as "teather".[[/note]] And now the Xenomorphs are more like what you would expect. A talented fan correcting the mistakes of a large company or developer? [[SarcasmMode That's a strange occurrence that I "definitely" haven't seen a dozen times in the last few years. Hey, quality assurance is expensive]].

-->---->--'''''Zero Punctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVIIRemake''

->""

-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''', ''VideoGame/Mercenaries2WorldInFlames''

-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''', ''VideoGame/ResidentEvil5''

->When the 'Drink' button is pressed it makes an instant but highly detailed examination of the subject's taste buds, a spectroscopic analysis of the subject's metabolism, and then sends tiny experimental signals down the neural pathways to the taste centres of the subject's brain to see what is likely to be well received. However, no-one knows quite why it does this because it then invariably delivers a cupful of liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

->The problem with computers is that they're very sophisticated idiots.

->He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with [[InvokedTrope the express purpose]] of building the dumbest moron who ever lived.
-->--''VideoGame/{{Portal 2}}'', [=GLaDOS=]

->Actually, [[TheMillstone working alone might be for the best. The AI is so thick]] [[UpToEleven it might as well be living in a cave]]. On one occasion I called down a platoon of soldiers from a friendly faction to help me take over an enemy base. ''Every single one of them'' stepped right off the edge of the helipad, fell ''six feet'' and died. [[SoBadItsGood Unhelpful, but fucking funny]]. Less amusing was an instance later on: I was sent to destroy some anti-air cannons in order to land a chopper on a rooftop and rescue a hostage who was up there. "Bollocks to that", I thought. "[[TrojanHorse I'll nick an enemy chopper that the turrets won't shoot at and tear up out of there before they know what the fuck]]". Sadly they saw through my disguise around stage 3 of my master plan and shot me down... So I tried the mission again, but [the hostage] seemed to remember me now, so when I came near the building, [[TooDumbToLive he eagerly walked straight off the roof to join me]]. [[GameBreakingBug Hostage dead, mission failed, support character gets sarcastic]], ''broken game gets to fuck off!''

->One time I was low on health — but not too low — and was about to use a small herb to keep myself going when I saw my partner coming towards me brandishing '''[[TooAwesomeToUse a valuable large herb]]''', and when ''[[TheMillstone you're running away from your support character with more desperate terror than you feel for any of the actual monsters]]'', something has definitely gone wrong somewhere. My advice is to get someone to play co-op with you any way you can. If you live alone, kidnap a hobo or train your dog extremely well, ''anything.''

->If there were a bad video games version of WesternAnimation/CaptainPlanet, then Left Alive would be chosen to wield [[WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway the power ring of bad AI]].... I chucked a molotov and the enemy screamed and ran out of the fire, [[TooDumbToLive then ran straight back into it to double-check that it was the thing making his eyeballs melt]]. Another time I was pinned down in an alley with no means of escape and the 17 guards that were pinning me down [[AntiClimax just stopped firing and wandered off]], [[TheGuardsMustBeCrazy presumably because they hit the union-mandated thirty second alertness cap]]. At other times, after popping out I couldn't tell if an enemy soldier was still un-alerted or if he'd had a little Alzheimers brain fart and forgotten how to move or shoot.

->Below you'll see a Sim on fire while a dozen others panic and crowd around him, preventing a rescue attempt... One hero tries to save his friend's life by [[TooDumbToLive attempting to initiate sex]]. This unorthodox approach to firefighting fails, and the Sim dies.

->If your destination is too far away and you'd rather play the game instead of driving across it, exit out of the map and open your smart phone. Slowly scroll down your contact list since quickly isn't an option. Press A to call a taxi. Let it ring until a dispatcher picks up. If you are not playing the black character, a taxi will arrive 15 to 30 seconds later. It will be approximately one block from you, so look for it in the center of an exploding traffic jam it caused. It may start confusedly fleeing the crime scene, so tap the sprint button before it gets away. If you're not hit by emergency vehicles, you may be able to catch it!

->The Aliens, which in the movies are horrible lurking terrors, are here the very definition of stupid, running back and forth over the same track of land... If these things invade Earth, [[EasilyThwartedAlienInvasion we are all going to be FINE.]] Trust me.
-->--'''Dr. El Sandifer''' [[http://projectnes.blogspot.com/2010/02/hard-man-alien-3-and-all-pro-basketball.html on]] ''{{Film/Alien3}}'' (UsefulNotes/{{NES}})

->(Aussie accent) And look there, on the radar: A naturally occurring flock of henchmen! Henchmen have a natural tendency to gather in large groups to hunt and mate, but alas, as a species, were born without any form of primitive survival instincts.

->This game sucks so bad, the enemy soldiers [[LemmingCops commit suicide]].

->''(waiting for guard to enter line of fire)''\\
'''[[Creator/BenCroshaw Yahtzee:]]''' Huh. I think we've found, uh, Conrad's [[DamnedByFaintPraise intellectual]] [[TooDumbToFool match.]] Am I interrupting makeout time? ... C'mon, I've [[ChargedAttack charged the shot]]. Go on, [[LemmingCops investigate your friend]].\\

''(much later, a barely alive Tiddlytud '''walks into range of a Risen Knight''', causing an extremely precarious situation since Derp is also barely alive and in range of Risen.)''\\

Reset count due to dead villagers: one. It's probably gonna get a lot higher.[[note]]It doesn't, as he does end up saving all three that run.[[/note]] I ''hate'' this Paralogue ''so much''.

''(later, after a run where Tiddlytud was killed)''\\

->Now, remember before how protecting Anna was really annoying? Now imagine if Anna had utterly terrible stats, and there were three of her, and they were all unarmed. That's basically [[ThatOneSidequest this mission]]. Not only that, there's a whole bunch of Pegasus Knights[[note]]{{Glass Cannon}}s with large movement ranges and the ability to ignore most terrain obstructions due to airborne mounts[[/note]] over here, and [[TooDumbToLive these three villagers are gonna run straight at them]]. Meet Derp, Herpderp, and Tiddlytud, the Three Villager Stooges. [...] We're going to be very, very acquainted with their stupidity very, very soon. And the perfectionist that I am, guess what? I'm gonna want to save all three of them. [[ThisIsGonnaSuck This is not going to end well.]]

->''"There's design issues all over the place in'' [[VideoGame/AliensColonialMarines Colonial Marines]], ''but the big one is how AI in virtually every character in this game is broken beyond belief. Enemy soldiers meander about the place and away from cover to give you a clear shot at them, your allies frequently get stuck in numerous different impractical locations, and the [[TheDreaded Xenomorphs]], these huge, terrifying iconic monsters that shape 90% of what this [[Franchise/{{Alien}} franchise]] is, they are [[NightmareRetardant really, really funny]]. [[Creator/GearboxSoftware Gearbox]] accidentally made a comedy game where Xenomorphs don't really know where you are or where they need to go or something. They, they just can't even... It's ok, I have days like that too. For years, we've accepted that this was all down to some crappy programming, but as recently as a few days ago, we've been able to pinpoint the problem to [[ForWantOfANail one single]] [[EpicFail typo]] discovered by a keen fan, who was able to spell "tether" correctly.[[note]]It was misspelled as "teather".[[/note]] And now the Xenomorphs are more like what you would expect. A talented fan correcting the mistakes of a large company or developer? [[SarcasmMode That's a strange occurrence that I "definitely" haven't seen a dozen times in the last few years. Hey, quality assurance is expensive]]."''

->''"There's design issues all over the place in'' [[VideoGame/AliensColonialMarines Colonial Marines]], ''but the big one is how AI in virtually every character in this game is broken beyond belief. Enemy soldiers meander about the place and away from cover to give you a clear shot at them, your allies frequently get stuck in numerous different impractical locations, and the [[TheDreaded Xenomorphs]], these huge, terrifying iconic monsters that shape 90% of what this [[Franchise/{{Alien}} franchise]] is, they are [[NightmareRetardant really, really funny]]. [[Creator/GearboxSoftware Gearbox]] accidentally made a comedy game where Xenomorphs don't really know where you are or where they need to go or something. They, they just can't even... It's ok, I have days like that too. For years, we've accepted that this was all down to some crappy programming, but as recently as a few days ago, we've been able to pinpoint the problem to one single [[EpicFail typo]] discovered by a keen fan, who was able to spell "tether" correctly.[[note]]It was misspelled as "teather".[[/note]] And now the Xenomorphs are more like what you would expect. A talented fan correcting the mistakes of a large company or developer? [[SarcasmMode That's a strange occurrence that I "definitely" haven't seen a dozen times in the last few years. Hey, quality assurance is expensive]]."''

->''"There's design issues all over the place in'' [[VideoGame/AliensColonialMarines Colonial Marines]], ''but the big one is how AI in virtually every character in this game is broken beyond belief. Enemy soldiers meander about the place and away from cover to give you a clear shot at them, your allies frequently get stuck in numerous different impractical locations, and the [[TheDreaded Xenomorphs]], these huge, terrifying iconic monsters that shape 90% of what this [[Franchise/{{Alien}} franchise]] is, they are [[NightmareRetardant really, really funny]]. [[Creator/GearboxSoftware Gearbox]] accidentally made a comedy game where Xenomorphs don't really know where you are or where they need to go or something. They, they just can't even... It's ok, I have days like that too. For years, we've accepted that this was all down to some crappy programming, but as recently as a few days ago, we've been able to pinpoint the problem to one single [[EpicFail typo]] discovered by a keen fan, who was able to spell "tether" correctly.[[note]]It was mispelled as "teather".[[/note]] And now the Xenomorphs are more like what you would expect. A talented fan correcting the mistakes of a large company or developer? [[SarcasmMode That's a strange occurrence that I "definitely" haven't seen a dozen times in the last few years. Hey, quality assurance is expensive]]."''

->One time I was low on health - but not too low - and was about to use a small herb to keep myself going when I saw my partner coming towards me brandishing '''[[TooAwesomeToUse a valuable large herb]]''', and when ''[[TheMillstone you're running away from your support character with more desperate terror than you feel for any of the actual monsters]]'', something has definitely gone wrong somewhere. My advice is to get someone to play co-op with you any way you can. If you live alone, kidnap a hobo or train your dog extremely well, ''anything.''

->If there were a bad video games version of WesternAnimation/CaptainPlanet, then Left Alive would be chosen to wield [[WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway the power ring of bad AI]].... I chucked a molotov and the enemy screamed and ran out of the fire, [[TooDumbToLive then ran straight back into it to double-check that it was the thing making his eyeballs melt]]. Another time I was pinned down in an alley with no means of escape and the 17 guards that were pinning me down [[AntiClimax just stopped firing and wandered off]], presumably because they hit the union-mandated thirty second alertness cap. At other times, after popping out I couldn't tell if an enemy soldier was still un-alerted or if he'd had a little Alzheimers brain fart and forgotten how to move or shoot.

->He was all "Oh! She's an axe user... and I'm a sword user! [[TacticalRockPaperScissors STRATEGY!]]", and completely missed the fact that all [[BullyingADragon her stats are double his.]]

->Now, remember before how protecting Anna was really annoying? Now imagine if Anna had utterly terrible stats, and there were three of her, and they were all unarmed. That's basically [[ThatOneSidequest this mission]]. Not only that, there's a whole bunch of Pegasus Knights[[note]]{{Glass Cannon}}s with large movement ranges due to airborne mounts[[/note]] over here, and [[TooDumbToLive these three villagers are gonna run straight at them]]. Meet Derp, Herpderp, and Tiddlytud, the Three Villager Stooges. [...] We're going to be very, very acquainted with their stupidity very, very soon. And the perfectionist that I am, guess what? I'm gonna want to save all three of them. [[ThisIsGonnaSuck This is not going to end well.]]

->If there were a bad video games version of WesternAnimation/CaptainPlanet, then Left Alive would be chosen to wield [[WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway the power ring of bad AI]].... I chucked a molotov and the enemy screamed and ran out of the fire, [[TooDumbToLive then ran straight back into it to double-check that it was the thing making his eyeballs melt]]. Another time I was pinned down in an alley with no means of escape and the 17 guards that were pinning me down just stopped firing and wandered off, presumably because they hit the union-mandated thirty second alertness cap. At other times, after popping out I couldn't tell if an enemy soldier was still un-alerted or if he'd had a little Alzheimers brain fart and forgotten how to move or shoot.

->Actually, [[TheMillstone working alone might be for the best. The AI is so thick]] [[UpToEleven it might as well be living in a cave]]. On one occasion I called down a platoon of soldiers from a friendly faction to help me take over an enemy base. ''Every single one of them'' stepped right off the edge of the helipad, fell ''six feet'' and died. [[SoBadItsGood Unhelpful, but fucking funny]]. Less amusing was an instance later on: I was sent to destroy some anti-air cannons in order to land a chopper on a rooftop and rescue a hostage who was up there. "Bollocks to that", I thought. "I'll nick an enemy chopper that the turrets won't shoot at and tear up out of there before they know what the fuck". Sadly they saw through my disguise around stage 3 of my master plan and shot me down... So I tried the mission again, but [the hostage] seemed to remember me now, so when I came near the building, [[TooDumbToLive he eagerly walked straight off the roof to join me]]. [[GameBreakingBug Hostage dead, mission failed, support character gets sarcastic]], ''broken game gets to fuck off!''