History Quotes / ArtificialStupidity

->''What kind of fiendish technology makes Molly constantly get in the way?''
->''I wanna ''punch'' the guy in R&D who programmed Molly!''

!!{{Music}}

-->-- '''Sylvester''' if you lose him during a chase, ''VideoGame/DaveExe''

->''"Too bad [[BreakingTheFourthWall my AI]] is shit."''
-->-- '''Sylvester''' if you lose him during a chase, ''VideoGame/DaveExe''

-->-- ''Oath of Fealty'' by Creator/LarryNiven & Creator/JerryPournelle

!!{{Machinima}}
->''You're like a bunch of Lemmings with machine guns!''
-->--'''Gordon Freeman''' on the HECU, ''Machinima/FreemansMind''

!!{{Music}}
->''Never missed ''Series/MelrosePlace'' or ''Series/LostInSpace''\\
I've seen each ''Series/AmazingRace'' and ''Series/WithoutATrace''\\
But I only watched ''Series/WillAndGrace'' one time one day\\
(Wish I hadn't 'cause [=TiVo=] now thinks I'm gay)''
-->--'''Music/WeirdAlYankovic''', "Couch Potato"

->"What a digital dummy."

->''When the 'Drink' button is pressed it makes an instant but highly detailed examination of the subject's taste buds, a spectroscopic analysis of the subject's metabolism, and then sends tiny experimental signals down the neural pathways to the taste centres of the subject's brain to see what is likely to be well received. However, no-one knows quite why it does this because it then invariably delivers a cupful of liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.''
-->--'''''Literature/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy1'''''

->"The problem with computers is that they're very sophisticated idiots."
-->--'''''Series/DoctorWho''''', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS12E1Robot}} "Robot"]]

->You're like a bunch of Lemmings with machine guns!
-->--'''''Machinima/FreemansMind''''' on the HECU

->"He's not just a ''regular'' moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived."
-->--[=GLaDOS=] on Wheatley, ''VideoGame/{{Portal 2}}''

->"I was sent to destroy some anti-air cannons in order to land a chopper on a rooftop and rescue a hostage who was up there. 'Bollocks to that', I thought. '[[TrojanHorse I'll nick an enemy chopper]] that the turrets won't shoot at, and tear up out of there before they know what the fuck!' Sadly, they saw through my disguise around stage 3 of my master plan and shot me down... So I tried the mission again, but [the hostage] seemed to remember me now, so when I came near the building, he eagerly walked straight off the roof to join me."
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''[[{{VideoGame/Mercenaries}} Mercenaries 2: World in Flames]]''

->"One time I was low on health — but not ''too'' low — and was about to use a small herb to keep myself going when I saw my partner coming towards me brandishing ''[[TooAwesomeToUse a valuable large herb,]]'' and when you're running away from your support character with more desperate terror than you feel for any of the actual monsters, something has definitely gone wrong somewhere. My advice is to get someone to play co-op with you any way you can. If you live alone, kidnap a hobo or train your dog extremely well, ''anything.''"
-->--'''''Zero Punctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/ResidentEvil5''

->"I chucked a molotov and the enemy screamed and ran out of the fire, then ran straight back into it to double-check that it was the thing making his eyeballs melt."
-->--'''''Zero Punctuation''''', ''VideoGame/LeftAlive''

->"A.I. don't go after collectibles. They usually just stand there staring at you with gormless, uncomprehending eyes. They were also never programmed to drive, so in the occasional vehicle section if you perhaps would rather take 'riding shotgun' to its literal heart, then fuck you and your haughty airs. The A.I. will pile into the backseat without a word and just look at you like a dog with its leash in its mouth. And as I said, they can't aim for shit. But after you've single-handedly cleared out an entire room, they'll unfailingly say [[WelcomeToCorneria one of their four or five endlessly repeated lines]] that goes, 'You don't have to do this all by yourself, you know!' ''There is no middle finger big enough!''"
-->--'''''Zero Punctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/CallOfJuarez''

->"And then I spotted the dude with the gun-arm, old Mister 'Introverted Japanese Person's Idea of [[UncleTomfoolery What Black People Are Like]]', firing into a nearby handrail. I have to keep taking over to show them how to do it! It's like teaching a roomful of six-year-olds how to type! THE Q's ON THE FUCKING LEFT."
-->--'''''Zero Punctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVIIRemake''

->"...and lest we forget, having to drag a permanent A.I. partner around that sticks to you like a genital wart and won't go away no matter how hard you windmill. An A.I. partner with a [[TheScrappy Scrappy-Doo]] level of appreciation for their own ability, and to whom you have to give constant healing fist-bumps, lest they steal all your [[VideoGameLives lives.]] Oh yeah, let's add a nice big, black mark for that! A ''brown'' mark, smeared on with a white-knuckled fistful of turd. There's a ''lives'' system that you and the old ball-and-chain have to share."
-->--'''''Zero Punctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/WolfensteinYoungblood''

-->--'''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''' on ''VideoGame/TheSims'', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-video-games-invented-inside-other-video-games/ "6 Video Games Invented Inside of Other Video Games"]]

->"If you ask me, King Vendrick should've protected his kingdom by just building more doorways."

->(Aussie accent) "And look there, on the radar: A naturally occurring flock of henchmen! Henchmen have a natural tendency to gather in large groups to hunt and mate, but alas, as a species, were born without any form of primitive survival instincts."

->"This game [[TheProblemWithLicensedGames sucks so bad,]] the enemy soldiers commit suicide."

->"He was all 'Oh! She's an axe user... and I'm a sword user! [[TacticalRockPaperScissors STRATEGY!]]', and completely missed the fact that [[BullyingADragon all her stats are double his.]]"
-->{{Lets Play}}er Fedule [[http://lparchive.org/Fire-Emblem-Path-of-Radiance/Update%2003/ playing]] ''VideoGame/FireEmblemPathOfRadiance''

->"Now, remember before how [[EscortMission protecting Anna]] was really annoying? Now imagine if Anna had utterly terrible stats, and there were three of her, and they were all unarmed. That's basically [[ThatOneLevel this mission.]]"

->"There's design issues all over the place in ''[[VideoGame/AliensColonialMarines Colonial Marines]]'', but the big one is how AI in virtually every character in this game is broken beyond belief. Enemy soldiers meander about the place and away from cover to give you a clear shot at them, your allies frequently get stuck in numerous different impractical locations, and the Xenomorphs, these huge, terrifying iconic monsters that shape 90% of what this [[Franchise/{{Alien}} franchise]] is, they are [[VillainDecay really, really funny.]]"

->"Bots are, generally speaking, not as good as human players. You can make a bot with as much accuracy and rapid-fire thinking as possible, but artificial intelligence is still rather simplistic in the video game space. They don't think creatively, they don't improvise, they lack important survival traits like fear that might otherwise prevent them from rushing headfirst into an uneven fight."

->"It's not stupid, it's advanced!"