Anime and Manga
When the 'Drink' button is pressed it makes an instant but highly detailed examination of the subject's taste buds, a spectroscopic analysis of the subject's metabolism, and then sends tiny experimental signals down the neural pathways to the taste centres of the subject's brain to see what is likely to be well received. However, no-one knows quite why it does this because it then invariably delivers a cupful of liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.
"That's the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is lazy programmers
The problem with computers is that they're very sophisticated idiots.
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose
of building the dumbest moron who ever lived.
We are about to calibrate the newly installed, super-responsive inertial damper. You will never again feel the slightest shake, and never once be torn from your sleep, even if you are rammed head-on by a Xenon. Nopileos:
Rrrr... do they do that? Yayandas: So one hears...
Actually, working alone might be for the best. The AI is so thick it might as well be living in a cave
. On one occasion I called down a platoon of soldiers from a friendly faction to help me take over an enemy base. Every single one of them
stepped right off the edge of the helipad, fell six feet
and died. Unhelpful, but fucking funny
. Less amusing was an instance later on: I was sent to destroy some anti-air cannons in order to land a chopper on a rooftop and rescue a hostage who was up there. "Bollocks to that", I thought. "I'll nick an enemy chopper that the turrets won't shoot at and tear up out of there before they know what the fuck
". Sadly they saw through my disguise around stage 3 of my master plan and shot me down... So I tried the mission again, but [the hostage] seemed to remember me now, so when I came near the building, he eagerly walked straight off the roof to join me
. Hostage dead, mission failed, support character gets sarcastic
, broken game gets to fuck off!
You're like a bunch of Lemmings
with machine guns!
Below you'll see a Sim on fire while a dozen others panic and crowd around him, preventing a rescue attempt... One hero tries to save his friend's life by attempting to initiate sex
. This unorthodox approach to firefighting fails, and the Sim dies.
If your destination is too far away and you'd rather play the game instead of driving across it, exit out of the map and open your smart phone. Slowly scroll down your contact list since quickly isn't an option. Press A to call a taxi. Let it ring until a dispatcher picks up. If you are not playing the black character, a taxi will arrive 15 to 30 seconds later. It will be approximately one block from you, so look for it in the center of an exploding traffic jam it caused. It may start confusedly fleeing the crime scene, so tap the sprint button before it gets away. If you're not hit by emergency vehicles, you may be able to catch it!
The Aliens, which in the movies are horrible lurking terrors, are here the very definition of stupid, running back and forth over the same track of land... If these things invade Earth, we are all going to be FINE.
Okay people, listen up! Here's the battle plan: Jester, die stupidly by rushing the enemy base alone and unarmed. Bishop, head for the sniper's nest where you'll make no meaningful contribution whatsoever. Kai. Othello. You guys grab the tank and get it stuck between some trees. Player1, I want you to quit the game and go make some damn friends so you don't have to play with these bots all the time.
I've watched plenty of Robot Wars
, and Killer Robots Robogames
If all that experience has taught me anything, its that the robot revolution
would end quickly, because the robots would all break down or get stuck against walls. Robots never, ever work right.
[...] the characters are just intelligent enough to seem unbelievably stupid.
—The Digital Antiquarian
If you ask me, King Vendrick should've protected his kingdom by just building more doorways.
(Aussie accent) And look there, on the radar: A naturally occurring flock of henchmen! Henchmen have a natural tendency to gather in large groups to hunt and mate, but alas, as a species, were born without any form of primitive survival instincts.
Now, remember before how protecting Anna was really annoying? Now imagine if Anna had utterly terrible stats, and there were three of her, and they were all unarmed. That's basically this mission
. Not only that, there's a whole bunch of Pegasus Knightsnote
over here, and these three villagers are gonna run straight at them
. Meet Derp, Herpderp, and Tiddlytud, the Three Villager Stooges. [...] We're going to be very, very acquainted with their stupidity very, very soon. And the perfectionist that I am, guess what? I'm gonna want to save all three of them. This is not going to end well.
It's not stupid, it's advanced!