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-->'''Liar''', ''n''. A lawyer with a roving commission.
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* UsefulNotes/{{Australia}}: "A country in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute between geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island."
to:
%%Useful Notes pages aren't permitted on the main page as they're not tropes. Re-add if you find a trope that fits.* UsefulNotes/{{Australia}}: "A country in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute between geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island."
* EvilLawyerJoke:
-->'''Accomplice''', ''n''. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting.
-->'''Lawyer''', ''n''. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
-->'''Accomplice''', ''n''. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting.
-->'''Lawyer''', ''n''. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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--->'''Incompossible''', ''n''. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both -- as Creator/WaltWhitman's poetry and God's mercy to man. [...]
to:
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->'''Dictionary''', ''n''. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. The dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
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->'''Dictionary''', ''n''. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. The This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
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->''There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.''
-->-- "Homicide"
-->-- "Homicide"
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-->-- "Homicide"
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* UsefulNotes/{{Australia}}: "A country in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakable retarded by an unfortunate dispute between geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island."
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* UsefulNotes/{{Australia}}: "A country in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakable unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute between geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island."
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-->'''Admiration''', ''n''. Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves
to:
-->'''Admiration''', ''n''. Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselvesourselves.
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-->'''Age''', ''n''. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit.
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-->'''Age''', ''n''. That period of life in which we compound compensate for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit.
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* {{Auction}}
to:
* {{Auction}}{{Auction}}:
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* UsefulNotes/{{Australia}}
-->'''Australia''', ''n''. A country in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakable retarded by an unfortunate dispute between geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
-->'''Australia''', ''n''. A country in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakable retarded by an unfortunate dispute between geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
to:
* UsefulNotes/{{Australia}}
-->'''Australia''', ''n''. AUsefulNotes/{{Australia}}: "A country in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakable retarded by an unfortunate dispute between geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island."
-->'''Australia''', ''n''. A
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-->'''Babe''' or '''Baby''', ''n''. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others; itself without sentiment or emotion.
to:
-->'''Babe''' or '''Baby''', ''n''. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others; others, itself without sentiment or emotion.
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* AdmirationTropes:
-->'''Admiration''', ''n''. Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves
* AgingTropes:
-->'''Age''', ''n''. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit.
* AintTooProudToBeg:
-->'''Beg''', ''n''. To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given.
-->'''Admiration''', ''n''. Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves
* AgingTropes:
-->'''Age''', ''n''. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit.
* AintTooProudToBeg:
-->'''Beg''', ''n''. To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given.
* {{Auction}}
-->'''Auctioneer''', ''n''. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
* UsefulNotes/{{Australia}}
-->'''Australia''', ''n''. A country in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakable retarded by an unfortunate dispute between geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
-->'''Auctioneer''', ''n''. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
* UsefulNotes/{{Australia}}
-->'''Australia''', ''n''. A country in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakable retarded by an unfortunate dispute between geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
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-->'''BRIDE''', ''n.'' A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
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-->'''BRIDE''', ''n.'' ''n''. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.her.
-->'''BRUTE''', ''n''. See '''HUSBAND'''
-->'''BRUTE''', ''n''. See '''HUSBAND'''
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* BabiesBabiesEverywhere:
-->'''Babe''' or '''Baby''', ''n''. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others; itself without sentiment or emotion.
* BlindObedience: Bierce employs a poem to explain "Allegiance":
-->''This thing, Allegiance, as I suppose\\
Is a ring fitted in the subject’s nosed\\
Whereby the organ is kept rightly pointed\\
To smell the sweetness of [[DivineRightOfKings the Lord’s anointed]]''
* BlueBlood:
-->'''Aristocracy''', ''n''. Government by the best men. (In this sense the word is obsolete; so is that kind of government.) Fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts – guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.
-->'''Babe''' or '''Baby''', ''n''. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others; itself without sentiment or emotion.
* BlindObedience: Bierce employs a poem to explain "Allegiance":
-->''This thing, Allegiance, as I suppose\\
Is a ring fitted in the subject’s nosed\\
Whereby the organ is kept rightly pointed\\
To smell the sweetness of [[DivineRightOfKings the Lord’s anointed]]''
* BlueBlood:
-->'''Aristocracy''', ''n''. Government by the best men. (In this sense the word is obsolete; so is that kind of government.) Fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts – guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.
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* DecisiveBattle:
-->'''Battle''', ''n''. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
-->'''Battle''', ''n''. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
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* GraveRobbing:
-->'''Body-Snatcher''', ''n''. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker. The hyena.
-->'''Body-Snatcher''', ''n''. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker. The hyena.
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* ItsAWonderfulPlot: These stories begin when TheProtagonist adopts Bierce's definition of birth- "the first and direst of all disasters."
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* NewFriendEnvy:
-->'''Antipathy''', ''n''. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.
-->'''Antipathy''', ''n''. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.
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* PrejudiceTropes:
-->'''Bigot''', ''n''. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion [[ProtagonistCenteredMorality that you do not entertain]].
-->'''Bigot''', ''n''. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion [[ProtagonistCenteredMorality that you do not entertain]].
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* SarcasticClapping:
-->'''Applause''', ''n''. The echo of a platitude.
-->'''Applause''', ''n''. The echo of a platitude.
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* TropesInShiningArmor
-->'''Armor''', ''n''. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
-->'''Armor''', ''n''. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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* ViewersAreGeniuses: You need to be ''very'' well-educated in order to understand all the entries.
** There are several puns in Latin.
** Bierce makes a reference to the croaking chorus of ''The Frogs'' by Creator/{{Aristophanes}}. (Yes, the one referenced in the MajorGeneralSong.)
** There are several puns in Latin.
** Bierce makes a reference to the croaking chorus of ''The Frogs'' by Creator/{{Aristophanes}}. (Yes, the one referenced in the MajorGeneralSong.)
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->FRIENDSHIP, n.
-->A ship big enough to carry two in good weather, but only one in foul.
-->A ship big enough to carry two in good weather, but only one in foul.
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* FairWeatherFriend:
-->'''Friendship''', ''n.'' A ship big enough to carry two in good weather, but only one in foul.
-->'''Friendship''', ''n.'' A ship big enough to carry two in good weather, but only one in foul.
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* FromTheLatinIntroDucere: Bierce makes a few jokes of this type:
** "Tedium" is alleged to derive "from a very obvious source--the first words of the ancient Latin hymn ''[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Te_Deum Te Deum Laudamus]]''. In this apparently natural derivation there is something that saddens."
** "Tadpole," as mentioned in the [[KrakenAndLeviathan "Leviathan"]] entry, is implied to be derived from its Latin name, ''Thaddeus polandensis'' (Thaddeus of Poland).
** "Tedium" is alleged to derive "from a very obvious source--the first words of the ancient Latin hymn ''[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Te_Deum Te Deum Laudamus]]''. In this apparently natural derivation there is something that saddens."
** "Tadpole," as mentioned in the [[KrakenAndLeviathan "Leviathan"]] entry, is implied to be derived from its Latin name, ''Thaddeus polandensis'' (Thaddeus of Poland).
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* LiteraryAgentHypothesis: Most of the poetry is quite self-evidently written by Bierce, but he gives fake names for its "writers".
* MindScrew: In his definition of "Ubiquity", he writes "In recent times ubiquity has not always been understood—not even by Sir Boyle Roche, for example, [[InsaneTrollLogic who held that a man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird."]]. Yes, Roche really said that, if not in those exact words. And no, it [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext didn't make any more sense then either.]]
* MindScrew: In his definition of "Ubiquity", he writes "In recent times ubiquity has not always been understood—not even by Sir Boyle Roche, for example, [[InsaneTrollLogic who held that a man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird."]]. Yes, Roche really said that, if not in those exact words. And no, it [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext didn't make any more sense then either.]]
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* MindScrew: In his definition of "Ubiquity", he writes "In recent times ubiquity has not always been understood—not even by Sir Boyle Roche, for example, [[InsaneTrollLogic who held that a man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird."]]. Yes, Roche really said that, if not in those exact words. And no, it [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext didn't make any more sense then either.]]
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--> '''R.I.P.:''' A careless abbreviation of requiescat in pace, attesting to indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than ''reductus in pulvis''.
to:
--> '''R.I.P.:''' A careless abbreviation of requiescat in pace, attesting to indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than ''reductus in pulvis''.pulvis''
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* MindScrew: In his definition of "Ubiquity", he writes "In recent times ubiquity has not always been understood—not even by Sir Boyle Roche, for example, [[InsaneTrollLogic who held that a man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird."]]. (and yes, Roche really said that, if not in those exact words. And no, it [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext didn't make any more sense then either.]])
to:
* MindScrew: In his definition of "Ubiquity", he writes "In recent times ubiquity has not always been understood—not even by Sir Boyle Roche, for example, [[InsaneTrollLogic who held that a man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird."]]. (and yes, Yes, Roche really said that, if not in those exact words. And no, it [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext didn't make any more sense then either.]])]]
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* MindScrew: In his definition of "Ubiquity", he writes "In recent times ubiquity has not always been understood—not even by Sir Boyle Roche, for example, [[InsaneTrollLogic who held that a man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird."]]. (and yes, Roche really said that, if not in those exact words. And no, it [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext didn't make any more sense then either.]])
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* DoingInTheWizard: He defines a [[HolyHalo "halo"]] as an optical illusion caused by moisture in the air, similar to a rainbow.
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-->'''BRIDE'', ''n.'' A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
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[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/the_devils_dictionary.jpg]]
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* Feghoot
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* Feghoot{{Feghoot}}:
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* LanguagEqualsthought:
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* LanguagEqualsthought:LanguageEqualsThought:
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-->'''BRIDE'', ''n.'' A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
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* DepravedDentist: Less depraved than crooked.
--> '''Dentist''', ''n.'' A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.
--> '''Dentist''', ''n.'' A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.
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* GargleBlaster:
--> '''Brandy''', ''n.'' A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the- grave and four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of heroes. Only a hero will venture to drink it.
--> '''Brandy''', ''n.'' A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the- grave and four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of heroes. Only a hero will venture to drink it.
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-->'''AFFIANCED''', ''pp.'' Fitted with an ankle-ring for the ball-and-chain.
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* Feghoot
--> '''Birth''', ''n.'' The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Aetna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.
* FunWithAcronyms:
--> '''R.I.P.:''' A careless abbreviation of requiescat in pace, attesting to indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than ''reductus in pulvis''.
--> '''Birth''', ''n.'' The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Aetna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.
* FunWithAcronyms:
--> '''R.I.P.:''' A careless abbreviation of requiescat in pace, attesting to indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than ''reductus in pulvis''.
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* LanguagEqualsthought:
--> '''Belladonna''', ''n.'' In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
--> '''Belladonna''', ''n.'' In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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* PoliceBrutality:
--> '''Riot''', ''n.'' A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
* RemonstratingWithAGun
--> '''Admonition''', ''n.'' Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.
--> '''Riot''', ''n.'' A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
* RemonstratingWithAGun
--> '''Admonition''', ''n.'' Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.
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--> '''Rime''', ''n.'' Agreeing sounds in the terminals of verse, mostly bad. The verses themselves, as distinguished from prose, mostly dull. Usually (and wickedly) spelled "rhyme."
* SarcasmFailure: The comment for Riches:
--> '''Riches''', ''n.''
--->A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased."
---->[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_D._Rockefeller John D. Rockefeller]]
--->The reward of toil and virtue.
---->[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._P._Morgan J.P. Morgan]]
--->The savings of many in the hands of one.
----> [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugene_V._Debs Eugene Debs]]
--> To these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels that he can add nothing of value.
* SarcasmFailure: The comment for Riches:
--> '''Riches''', ''n.''
--->A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased."
---->[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_D._Rockefeller John D. Rockefeller]]
--->The reward of toil and virtue.
---->[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._P._Morgan J.P. Morgan]]
--->The savings of many in the hands of one.
----> [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugene_V._Debs Eugene Debs]]
--> To these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels that he can add nothing of value.
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--> '''Impale,''' ''v.t.'' In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound. This, however, is inaccurate; to imaple is, properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position. This was a common mode of punishment among many of the nations of antiquity, and is still in high favor in China and other parts of Asia. Down to the beginning of the fifteenth century it was widely employed in "churching" heretics and schismatics. Wolecraft calls it the "stoole of repentynge," and among the common people it was jocularly known as "riding the one legged horse." Ludwig Salzmann informs us that in Thibet impalement is considered the most appropriate punishment for crimes against religion; and although in China it is sometimes awarded for secular offences, it is most frequently adjudged in cases of sacrilege. To the person in actual experience of impalement it must be a matter of minor importance by what kind of civil or religious dissent he was made acquainted with its discomforts; but doubtless he would feel a certain satisfaction if able to contemplate himself in the character of a weather-cock on the spire of the True Church.
to:
--> '''Impale,''' ''v.t.'' In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound. This, however, is inaccurate; to imaple impale is, properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position. This was a common mode of punishment among many of the nations of antiquity, and is still in high favor in China and other parts of Asia. Down to the beginning of the fifteenth century it was widely employed in "churching" heretics and schismatics. Wolecraft calls it the "stoole of repentynge," and among the common people it was jocularly known as "riding the one legged horse." Ludwig Salzmann informs us that in Thibet impalement is considered the most appropriate punishment for crimes against religion; and although in China it is sometimes awarded for secular offences, it is most frequently adjudged in cases of sacrilege. To the person in actual experience of impalement it must be a matter of minor importance by what kind of civil or religious dissent he was made acquainted with its discomforts; but doubtless he would feel a certain satisfaction if able to contemplate himself in the character of a weather-cock on the spire of the True Church.
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* HornyDevils:
--> '''Incubus,''' ''n.'': One of a race of highly improper demons who, though probably not wholly extinct, may be said to have seen their best nights. For a complete account of incubi and succubi, including incubae and succubae, see the ''Liber Demonorum of Protassus (Paris, 1328)'', which contains much curious information that would be out of place in a dictionary intended as a text-book for the public schools.\\
Victor Hugo relates that in the Channel Islands Satan himself -- tempted more than elsewhere by the beauty of the women, doubtless -- sometimes plays at incubus, greatly to the inconvenience and alarm of the good dames who wish to be loyal to their marriage vows, generally speaking. A certain lady applied to the parish priest to learn how they might, in the dark, distinguish the hardy intruder from their husbands. The holy man said they must [[HornedHumanoid feel his brow for horns]]; [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sign_of_the_horns#Offensive_gesture but Hugo is ungallant enough to hint a doubt of the efficacy of the test.]]
--> '''Incubus,''' ''n.'': One of a race of highly improper demons who, though probably not wholly extinct, may be said to have seen their best nights. For a complete account of incubi and succubi, including incubae and succubae, see the ''Liber Demonorum of Protassus (Paris, 1328)'', which contains much curious information that would be out of place in a dictionary intended as a text-book for the public schools.\\
Victor Hugo relates that in the Channel Islands Satan himself -- tempted more than elsewhere by the beauty of the women, doubtless -- sometimes plays at incubus, greatly to the inconvenience and alarm of the good dames who wish to be loyal to their marriage vows, generally speaking. A certain lady applied to the parish priest to learn how they might, in the dark, distinguish the hardy intruder from their husbands. The holy man said they must [[HornedHumanoid feel his brow for horns]]; [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sign_of_the_horns#Offensive_gesture but Hugo is ungallant enough to hint a doubt of the efficacy of the test.]]
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* ImpaledWithExtremePrejudice:
--> '''Impale,''' ''v.t.'' In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound. This, however, is inaccurate; to imaple is, properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position. This was a common mode of punishment among many of the nations of antiquity, and is still in high favor in China and other parts of Asia. Down to the beginning of the fifteenth century it was widely employed in "churching" heretics and schismatics. Wolecraft calls it the "stoole of repentynge," and among the common people it was jocularly known as "riding the one legged horse." Ludwig Salzmann informs us that in Thibet impalement is considered the most appropriate punishment for crimes against religion; and although in China it is sometimes awarded for secular offences, it is most frequently adjudged in cases of sacrilege. To the person in actual experience of impalement it must be a matter of minor importance by what kind of civil or religious dissent he was made acquainted with its discomforts; but doubtless he would feel a certain satisfaction if able to contemplate himself in the character of a weather-cock on the spire of the True Church.
--> '''Impale,''' ''v.t.'' In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound. This, however, is inaccurate; to imaple is, properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position. This was a common mode of punishment among many of the nations of antiquity, and is still in high favor in China and other parts of Asia. Down to the beginning of the fifteenth century it was widely employed in "churching" heretics and schismatics. Wolecraft calls it the "stoole of repentynge," and among the common people it was jocularly known as "riding the one legged horse." Ludwig Salzmann informs us that in Thibet impalement is considered the most appropriate punishment for crimes against religion; and although in China it is sometimes awarded for secular offences, it is most frequently adjudged in cases of sacrilege. To the person in actual experience of impalement it must be a matter of minor importance by what kind of civil or religious dissent he was made acquainted with its discomforts; but doubtless he would feel a certain satisfaction if able to contemplate himself in the character of a weather-cock on the spire of the True Church.
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* TakeThatCritics:
--> '''Imbecility,''' '' n.'' A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.
* UngratefulBastard:
--> '''Ingrate,''' '', n.'' One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.
--->"All men are ingrates," sneered the cynic. "Nay,"\\
The good philanthropist replied;\\
"I did great service to a man one day\\
Who never since has cursed me to repay,\\
Nor vilified."\\
\\
"Ho!" cried the cynic, "lead me to him straight --\\
With veneration I am overcome,\\
And fain would have his blessing." "Sad your fate --\\
He cannot bless you, for I grieve to state\\
This man is dumb."
--> '''Imbecility,''' '' n.'' A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.
* UngratefulBastard:
--> '''Ingrate,''' '', n.'' One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.
--->"All men are ingrates," sneered the cynic. "Nay,"\\
The good philanthropist replied;\\
"I did great service to a man one day\\
Who never since has cursed me to repay,\\
Nor vilified."\\
\\
"Ho!" cried the cynic, "lead me to him straight --\\
With veneration I am overcome,\\
And fain would have his blessing." "Sad your fate --\\
He cannot bless you, for I grieve to state\\
This man is dumb."
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Rearranged and renamed some tropes.
Changed line(s) 4,7 (click to see context) from:
A hilarious collection of [[BrokenAesop broken aesops]], [[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop family unfriendly aesops]], and spoof definitions by American satirist Creator/AmbroseBierce. They originally ran a few a week in newspapers, under the title ''The Cynic's Word Book'', but were eventually compiled into a book that's now free from copyright. Bierce had nothing but contempt for the mores and customs of his fellow man, and his book is full of ungentle {{Deconstruction}} of what people secretly mean when they speak.
A perennial favorite of [[UsefulNotes/{{Atheism}} atheists,]] [[SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism cynics,]] [[{{Troll}} denizens of Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and good old-fashioned depressed people, it's considered by some to be a ''bona fide'' classic of American literature, although it isn't very well known in the mainstream and never achieved the notoriety of similar works, such as the writings of Creator/EdgarAllanPoe and Creator/HPLovecraft. In a nutshell, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' is a dictionary that claims to present the "true" definitions of words, or rather the ''concepts'' said words supposedly represent, free of the superficial and hypocritical connotations they've gained throughout their years in the zeitgeist. As expected of Bitter Bierce, the vast majority of these paint even universally benevolent concepts (like "friendship") in a very grim light, often accompanied by poems or rhymes written by Bierce under a series of bizarre and cryptic aliases. Bierce had fierce hatred for mediocrity, common morality and religion, and his frequent jabs caused a great deal of controversy.
A perennial favorite of [[UsefulNotes/{{Atheism}} atheists,]] [[SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism cynics,]] [[{{Troll}} denizens of Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and good old-fashioned depressed people, it's considered by some to be a ''bona fide'' classic of American literature, although it isn't very well known in the mainstream and never achieved the notoriety of similar works, such as the writings of Creator/EdgarAllanPoe and Creator/HPLovecraft. In a nutshell, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' is a dictionary that claims to present the "true" definitions of words, or rather the ''concepts'' said words supposedly represent, free of the superficial and hypocritical connotations they've gained throughout their years in the zeitgeist. As expected of Bitter Bierce, the vast majority of these paint even universally benevolent concepts (like "friendship") in a very grim light, often accompanied by poems or rhymes written by Bierce under a series of bizarre and cryptic aliases. Bierce had fierce hatred for mediocrity, common morality and religion, and his frequent jabs caused a great deal of controversy.
to:
A hilarious collection of [[BrokenAesop broken aesops]], [[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop family {{broken Aesop}}s, {{family unfriendly aesops]], Aesop}}s, and spoof definitions by American satirist Creator/AmbroseBierce. They originally ran a few a week in newspapers, under the title ''The Cynic's Word Book'', but were eventually compiled into a book that's now free from copyright. Bierce had nothing but contempt for the mores and customs of his fellow man, and his book is full of ungentle {{Deconstruction}} of what people secretly mean when they speak.
A perennial favorite of[[UsefulNotes/{{Atheism}} atheists,]] UsefulNotes/{{atheis|m}}ts, [[SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism cynics,]] cynics]], [[{{Troll}} denizens of Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and good old-fashioned depressed people, it's considered by some to be a ''bona fide'' classic of American literature, although it isn't very well known in the mainstream and never achieved the notoriety of similar works, such as the writings of Creator/EdgarAllanPoe and Creator/HPLovecraft. In a nutshell, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' is a dictionary that claims to present the "true" definitions of words, or rather the ''concepts'' said words supposedly represent, free of the superficial and hypocritical connotations they've gained throughout their years in the zeitgeist. As expected of Bitter Bierce, the vast majority of these paint even universally benevolent concepts (like "friendship") in a very grim light, often accompanied by poems or rhymes written by Bierce under a series of bizarre and cryptic aliases. Bierce had fierce hatred for mediocrity, common morality and religion, and his frequent jabs caused a great deal of controversy.
A perennial favorite of
Changed line(s) 38,39 (click to see context) from:
-->A speech by an opponent, who is known as an [[IncrediblyLamePun harrangue-outang]].
to:
-->A speech by an opponent, who is known as an [[IncrediblyLamePun [[JustForPun harrangue-outang]].
Deleted line(s) 60,63 (click to see context) :
* AndZoidberg:
** Man "multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada".
** From the entry on Trial:
--> In our day the accused is usually a human being, or a socialist, but in mediaeval times, animals, fishes, reptiles and insects were brought to trial.
** Man "multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada".
** From the entry on Trial:
--> In our day the accused is usually a human being, or a socialist, but in mediaeval times, animals, fishes, reptiles and insects were brought to trial.
Deleted line(s) 102,103 (click to see context) :
* NeverSayDie
-->'''Die''', ''n''. The singular of "dice". We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, "Never say die". At long intervals, however, some one says: "The die is cast", which is not true, for it is cut. [...]
-->'''Die''', ''n''. The singular of "dice". We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, "Never say die". At long intervals, however, some one says: "The die is cast", which is not true, for it is cut. [...]
Added DiffLines:
* MyFriendsAndZoidberg:
** Man "multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada".
** From the entry on Trial:
--> In our day the accused is usually a human being, or a socialist, but in medieval times, animals, fishes, reptiles and insects were brought to trial.
* NeverSayDie
-->'''Die''', ''n''. The singular of "dice". We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, "Never say die". At long intervals, however, some one says: "The die is cast", which is not true, for it is cut. [...]
** Man "multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada".
** From the entry on Trial:
--> In our day the accused is usually a human being, or a socialist, but in medieval times, animals, fishes, reptiles and insects were brought to trial.
* NeverSayDie
-->'''Die''', ''n''. The singular of "dice". We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, "Never say die". At long intervals, however, some one says: "The die is cast", which is not true, for it is cut. [...]
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Fixing formatting
Changed line(s) 82,83 (click to see context) from:
Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in the manner of his kind and, scuffling across the room to a table, returned with a visiting-card: General Barry had called and, judging by an
empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had been hospitably entertained while waiting. The general apologized to his faithful progenitor and retired. The next day he met General Barry, who said:\\
empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had been hospitably entertained while waiting. The general apologized to his faithful progenitor and retired. The next day he met General Barry, who said:\\
to:
Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in the manner of his kind and, scuffling across the room to a table, returned with a visiting-card: General Barry had called and, judging by an
an empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had been hospitably entertained while waiting. The general apologized to his faithful progenitor and retired. The next day he met General Barry, who said:\\
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Changed line(s) 79,96 (click to see context) from:
* EVerythingsBetterWithMonkeys:
--> General H.H. Wotherspoon, president of the Army War College, has a
pet rib-nosed baboon, an animal of uncommon intelligence but
imperfectly beautiful. Returning to his apartment one evening, the
General was surprised and pained to find Adam (for so the creature is
named, the general being a Darwinian) sitting up for him and wearing
his master's best uniform coat, epaulettes and all.\\
"You confounded remote ancestor!" thundered the great strategist,
"what do you mean by being out of bed after naps? -- and with my coat
on!"\\
Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in the
manner of his kind and, scuffling across the room to a table, returned
with a visiting-card: General Barry had called and, judging by an
empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had been hospitably
entertained while waiting. The general apologized to his faithful
progenitor and retired. The next day he met General Barry, who said:\\
"Spoon, old man, when leaving you last evening I forgot to ask you
about those excellent cigars. Where did you get them?"\\
--> General H.H. Wotherspoon, president of the Army War College, has a
pet rib-nosed baboon, an animal of uncommon intelligence but
imperfectly beautiful. Returning to his apartment one evening, the
General was surprised and pained to find Adam (for so the creature is
named, the general being a Darwinian) sitting up for him and wearing
his master's best uniform coat, epaulettes and all.\\
"You confounded remote ancestor!" thundered the great strategist,
"what do you mean by being out of bed after naps? -- and with my coat
on!"\\
Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in the
manner of his kind and, scuffling across the room to a table, returned
with a visiting-card: General Barry had called and, judging by an
empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had been hospitably
entertained while waiting. The general apologized to his faithful
progenitor and retired. The next day he met General Barry, who said:\\
"Spoon, old man, when leaving you last evening I forgot to ask you
about those excellent cigars. Where did you get them?"\\
to:
* EVerythingsBetterWithMonkeys:
EverythingsBetterWithMonkeys: From "Story":
--> General H.H. Wotherspoon, president of the Army War College, hasa
a pet rib-nosed baboon, an animal of uncommon intelligence but
but imperfectly beautiful. Returning to his apartment one evening, the
the General was surprised and pained to find Adam (for so the creature is
is named, the general being a Darwinian) sitting up for him and wearing
wearing his master's best uniform coat, epaulettes and all.\\
"You confounded remote ancestor!" thundered the greatstrategist,
strategist, "what do you mean by being out of bed after naps? -- and with my coat
coat on!"\\
Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours inthe
the manner of his kind and, scuffling across the room to a table, returned
returned with a visiting-card: General Barry had called and, judging by an
empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had beenhospitably
hospitably entertained while waiting. The general apologized to his faithful
faithful progenitor and retired. The next day he met General Barry, who said:\\
"Spoon, old man, when leaving you last evening I forgot to askyou
you about those excellent cigars. Where did you get them?"\\
--> General H.H. Wotherspoon, president of the Army War College, has
"You confounded remote ancestor!" thundered the great
Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in
empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had been
"Spoon, old man, when leaving you last evening I forgot to ask
Changed line(s) 98,100 (click to see context) from:
"Pardon me, please," said Barry, moving after him; "I was joking
of course. Why, I knew it was not you before I had been in the room
fifteen minutes."
of course. Why, I knew it was not you before I had been in the room
fifteen minutes."
to:
"Pardon me, please," said Barry, moving after him; "I was joking
joking of course. Why, I knew it was not you before I had been in the room
room fifteen minutes."
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
* AbsurdlySharpBlade: The entry for Scimetar recounts a Japanese executioner whose blade is so sharp the condemned man keeps his head until he blows his nose. When this fails to happen, he realizes he must have cut his ''own'' head off without realizing it. He promptly pulls it off in penance.
Changed line(s) 59 (click to see context) from:
* AndZoidberg: Man "multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada".
to:
* AndZoidberg: AndZoidberg:
** Man "multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth andCanada".Canada".
** From the entry on Trial:
--> In our day the accused is usually a human being, or a socialist, but in mediaeval times, animals, fishes, reptiles and insects were brought to trial.
** Man "multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and
** From the entry on Trial:
--> In our day the accused is usually a human being, or a socialist, but in mediaeval times, animals, fishes, reptiles and insects were brought to trial.
Added DiffLines:
* EVerythingsBetterWithMonkeys:
--> General H.H. Wotherspoon, president of the Army War College, has a
pet rib-nosed baboon, an animal of uncommon intelligence but
imperfectly beautiful. Returning to his apartment one evening, the
General was surprised and pained to find Adam (for so the creature is
named, the general being a Darwinian) sitting up for him and wearing
his master's best uniform coat, epaulettes and all.\\
"You confounded remote ancestor!" thundered the great strategist,
"what do you mean by being out of bed after naps? -- and with my coat
on!"\\
Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in the
manner of his kind and, scuffling across the room to a table, returned
with a visiting-card: General Barry had called and, judging by an
empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had been hospitably
entertained while waiting. The general apologized to his faithful
progenitor and retired. The next day he met General Barry, who said:\\
"Spoon, old man, when leaving you last evening I forgot to ask you
about those excellent cigars. Where did you get them?"\\
General Wotherspoon did not deign to reply, but walked away.\\
"Pardon me, please," said Barry, moving after him; "I was joking
of course. Why, I knew it was not you before I had been in the room
fifteen minutes."
--> General H.H. Wotherspoon, president of the Army War College, has a
pet rib-nosed baboon, an animal of uncommon intelligence but
imperfectly beautiful. Returning to his apartment one evening, the
General was surprised and pained to find Adam (for so the creature is
named, the general being a Darwinian) sitting up for him and wearing
his master's best uniform coat, epaulettes and all.\\
"You confounded remote ancestor!" thundered the great strategist,
"what do you mean by being out of bed after naps? -- and with my coat
on!"\\
Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in the
manner of his kind and, scuffling across the room to a table, returned
with a visiting-card: General Barry had called and, judging by an
empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had been hospitably
entertained while waiting. The general apologized to his faithful
progenitor and retired. The next day he met General Barry, who said:\\
"Spoon, old man, when leaving you last evening I forgot to ask you
about those excellent cigars. Where did you get them?"\\
General Wotherspoon did not deign to reply, but walked away.\\
"Pardon me, please," said Barry, moving after him; "I was joking
of course. Why, I knew it was not you before I had been in the room
fifteen minutes."
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Added DiffLines:
* ConspiracyTheorist: Bierce satirizes some views of these with the entry on "Freemasons":
-->An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucius, Thothmes, and Buddha. Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids — always by a Freemason.
-->An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucius, Thothmes, and Buddha. Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids — always by a Freemason.
Added DiffLines:
* {{Hypocrite}}: Many of the entries invoke this, such as the one for "Christian":
-->One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ so long as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
-->One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ so long as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Changed line(s) 38,39 (click to see context) from:
-->A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harrangue- outang.
to:
-->A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harrangue- outang.
[[IncrediblyLamePun harrangue-outang]].
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Changed line(s) 106,107 (click to see context) from:
-->Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
to:
-->Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; [[WouldBeRudeToSayGenocide they fertilize.fertilize]].
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Changed line(s) 100 (click to see context) from:
* SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism: Need we even say which side it falls on? Also incredible is the sheer number of {{Take That}}s, satirical jabs, and general fuck-yous it aims at the ''other'' end.
to:
* SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism: Need we even say which side it falls on? Also incredible is the sheer number of {{Take That}}s, satirical jabs, and [[SillyRabbitIdealismIsForKids general fuck-yous it aims at the ''other'' end.other end]].