History Funny / TheProfessional

* Leon at one point tells Matilda to stay away from a guy giving her cigarettes saying, [[HypocritcalHumor”stay away from him, he looks like a weirdo”.]]

* Leon at one point tells Matilda to stay away from a guy giving her cigarettes saying, [[HypocritcalHumor”stay away from him, he looks like a weirdo”

-->'''Malky:''' (returns and quickly begins dragging Stanfield back into the apartment he'd just led him out of) Stan, I think it's better if we go inside now, alright?

* Leon teaching Mathilda how to snipe in Central Park. Leon tells her to pick anyone, except for children or women. The ONE person Matila chooses turns out to be a politician doing a publicity stunt, and the bullet she uses is from a paintball gun. The target turns out to be all right, just that he's uncomfortable from a bunch of bodyguards dogpiling him to form a meat shield.

* Stansfield pausing in the middle of killing MatHilda's family to discuss classical music with the father.

* Stansfield pausing in the middle of killing Matilda's family to discuss classical music with the father.

* Leon teaching Matilda how to snipe in Central Park. Leon tells her to pick anyone, except for children or women. The ONE person Matila chooses turns out to be a politician doing a publicity stunt, and the bullet she uses is from a paintball gun. The target turns out to be all right, just that he's uncomfortable from a bunch of bodyguards dogpiling him to form a meat shield.

* Tony ensuring Léon his money is safer with him than in a bank, because banks get knocked off and [[BadassBoast no one knocks off Old Tony]], and at the bank there's tons of forms that need to be filled out. The latter is justified as well, since Léon can neither read nor write.

''(as they start ransacking the place, Stansfield continues)''\\
'''Stansfield:''' You're a Mozart fan -- I love him too. I ''looooove'' Mozart! ''(in a very bad German accent)'' He vos Austrian you know? ''(in ordinary voice)'' But for this kind of work.... ''(he mimes playing the piano on the mantlepiece)'' he's a little light. So I tend to go for the heavier guys. Check out Brahms -- he's good too.

* Stansfield's reaction to being shot in the shoulder [[SkewedPriorities has less to do with being wounded and more to do with being pissed his suit's ruined]]. He also wanders absent-mindedly around the apartment following the raid, including into the ''path of his goons' weapons'' and has to be led out by Malky, his second-in-command.

* "Hey, I said take the guy out, not ''the whole fucking building''!!!"
* Tony ensuring Léon his money is safer with him than in a bank, because banks get knocked off and [[BadassBoast no one knocks off Old Tony]]... and at the bank there's tons of forms that need to be filled out. The latter is justified as well, since Léon can neither read nor write.

'''Léon:''' And stop saying "okay" all the time. Okay?\\

* Tony ensuring Léon his money is safer with him than in a bank, because banks get knocked off and [[BadassBoast no one knocks off Old Tony]]... and at the bank there's tons of forms that need to be filled out.

* "[[JohnWayne ...Okay, pilgrem!]]"

* Stansfield pausing in the middle of raiding a drug holder's apartment to discuss classical music with the owner.

** Immediately following this scene, Malky puts Stanfield in the hallway while trying to calm him down, leading to a hilarious exchange with an inquisitive old woman coming out of her apartment to find out what all the noise is about.

-->'''Stansfield:''' *shoots out a pane of glass right next to her* He SAID, 'Go back inside'!

* "[[JohnWayne ...'ello, pilgrem.]]"

-->'''Stansfield:''' We said noon -- I've got one minute past. ''(a long silence)'' You don't like Beethoven. You don't know what you're missing: overtures like that get my... juices flowing. So ''powerful.'' But after his openings, to be honest, he ''does'' tend to get a little fucking boring. ''(he laughs)'' That's why I stopped!\\

** Immediately following this scene, Malky puts Stanfield in the hallway while trying to calm him down, leading to a hilarious exchange with an inquisitive old woman.

** Immediately following this scene, Malky puts Stanfield in the hallway while trying to calm him down, to which Stanfield responds (while reloading his gun), that [[BlatantLies he is perfectly calm]]. An inquisitive and well-meaning old lady comes out of her apartment, asking why they don't "leave that poor family alone." Stanfield responds by shooting out a glass window next to her and telling her to get back into her apartment. Que Malky grabbing Stanfield and dragging him back ''into'' the apartment he was just led out of.

* Stansfield's reaction to being shot in the shoulder [[SkewedPriorities has less to do with being wounded and more to do with being pissed his suit's ruined]]. He also wanders absent-mindedly around the apartment following the raid, including into the ''path of his goons' weapons'' and has to be led out by his second-in-command.

* ''Film/TheProfessional'' has a darkly funny moment in which corrupt cop/PsychoForHire Norman Stansfield pauses in the middle of raiding a drug holder's apartment to discuss classical music with the owner.

* Stansfield's reaction to being shot in the shoulder has less to do with being wounded and more to do with being pissed his suit's ruined. He also wanders absent-mindedly around the apartment following the raid, including into the ''path of his underlings' weapons'' and has to be led out by his second-in-command.

* "[[JohnWayne 'ello, pilgrem.]]"

* ''TheProfessional'' has a darkly funny moment in which corrupt cop/PsychoForHire Norman Stansfield pauses in the middle of raiding a drug holder's apartment to discuss classical music with the owner.
-->'''Stansfield:''' We said noon - I've got one minute past. (A long silence) You don't like Beethoven. You don't know what you're missing: overtures like that get my... juices flowing. So ''powerful.'' But after his openings, to be honest, he ''does'' tend to get a little fucking boring. (He laughs) That's why I stopped!\\
(He sighs and turns to the thugs behind him.)\\

(As they start ransacking the place, Stansfield continues.)\\
'''Stansfield:''' You're a Mozart fan- I love him too. I ''looooove'' Mozart! (In a very bad German accent) He vos Austrian you know? (In ordinary voice) But for this kind of work.... (He mimes playing the piano on the mantlepiece) he's a little light. So I tend to go for the heavier guys. Check out Brahms- he's good too.
** For a regular comedy moment: Mathilda just fired six shots at random. Cut to Leon and Mathilda walking down the street, carrying their belongings.
-->'''Leon''': Mathilda, don't you ever do that again or I'll break your head. You got that?\\
'''Mathilda''': Okay.\\
'''Leon''': I don't work like that. It's not professional. There is rules!\\
'''Mathilda''': Okay.\\
'''Leon''':And stop saying "okay" all the time. Okay?\\
'''Mathilda''':Okay.\\
'''Leon''': Good.
* The scene in the unedited version where Leon gives Mathilda a target practice lesson... in the middle of a drug dealer hit. You can hear the guy murmur "What the fuck is this?" in disbelief a couple of times until Leon puts him down for good.