History Funny / TheDarkKnightRises

* ''Nobody'' cares about Bane robbing the Gotham [[AcceptableTargets stock]] [[AssholeVictim traders]]:

-->'''Batman:''' WHERE ARE THEY?! ''WHERE ARE THEY?!''

-->'''Selina:''' My mother warned me about getting into cars with strange men.\\

-->'''Selina:''' See you around.\\

'''Warden:''' The Dent Act allows non-segregation based on extraordinary need. First time she broke out of women's correctional she was sixteen.
-->''[one of the male inmates calls out to Selina as she walks past his cell]''\\

-->'''Det. John Blake:''' I showed your picture to the Congressman. Guess what?\\

-->'''CIA Interrogator:''' ''[holding his pistol to the back of a hooded prisoner's head]'' Tell me about Bane! Why does he wear a mask?! ''[cocks his gun]'' A lot of loyalty for a hired gun!\\

-->'''CIA Agent:''' So, was [[SarcasmMode getting caught part of your plan?]]\\

-->'''CIA Agent:''' If I pull that off, will you die?\\

-->'''Bane:''' Search him [Gordon]. Then I will kill you.

'''Selina:''' Why, baby? You wanna hold my hand? ''[grabs the inmate's outstretched hands from the bars and does a cartwheel. The male inmate screams in pain as his arms are twisted. She does not break her stride during the entire scene]''\\

-->''[one of the inmates calls out to Selina as she walks past his cell]''\\

'''Selina:''' Why, baby? You wanna hold my hand? ''[grabs the inmate's outstretched hands from the bars and does a cartwheel. The inmate screams in pain as his arms are twisted. She does not break her stride during the entire scene]''\\

* Selina is being led to a jail cell:

[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/mv5bzwrizdvkzwytnwu2ns00mgfklthkzjytzmuwmzi0yjvlyjzmxkeyxkfqcgdeqxvynduzotq5mjy_v1.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:350:TOUCHD...oh.]]

-->'''Officer Simon Jansen''': ... sorry!
-->'''Kelly:''' Put that thing away before you hurt yourself! Get in [the car]!

-->'''Selina''': Mr. Wayne?\\

'''Selina''': I'm sorry they took all your money.\\

'''Bruce''': ''(cheerfully)'' No, you're not. ''(leaves)''
* Both Alfred and Lucius trying to set Bruce up with Miranda Tate, and his subsequent exasperation. They both point out that she's "quite lovely". [[spoiler: Well, at the time.]]
* A bit of a meta one, but it's hard not to think of a certain {{meme}} from ''Film/BatmanTheMovie'' during all the ado with the [[spoiler:reactor]] in the third act.
-->[[spoiler:''[[Film/BatmanTheMovie Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb!]]'']]

-->'''Selina''': He's right behind you.\\
'''Henchman''': Who? (''he turns and sees...'')\\
'''Batman''': '''''ME!''''' ''[takes him out]''

--> '''Batman''': WHERE'S THE TRIGGER?! WHERE IS IT?! YOU'D NEVER GIVE IT TO AN ORDINARY CITIZEN! WHERE IS IT?! ''WHERE'S THE TRIGGER?! WHERE IS IT?! WHERE IS IT?!''

--> '''Batman''': WHERE ARE THEY?! ''WHERE ARE THEY?!''

--> '''Bruce:''' Perhaps you should stop letting the maids into this side of the house.
--> '''Alfred:''' Perhaps you should start learning to make your own bed.

-->'''Batman''': Miss Kyle...\\

'''Batman''': ...So that's what that feels like...

--> '''Selina Kyle''': ...Oops. Nobody told ''me'' it was uncrackable.\\

-->'''Selina''': [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe You've got to be kidding me!]]\\
'''Batman''': [[DoesntLikeGuns No guns!]] [[ThouShaltNotKill No killing!]]\\
'''Selina''': Where's the fun in that?!

-->'''Guard:''' We're locking her up in here?
-->'''Warden:''' The Dent Act allows non-segregation based on extraordinary need. First time she broke out of women's correctional she was sixteen.
-->''[one of the inmates calls out to Selina as she walks past his cell]''
-->'''Inmate:''' ''[reaches to grope]'' A little closer, baby!
-->'''Selina:''' Why, baby? You wanna hold my hand? ''[grabs the inmate's outstretched hands from the bars and does a cartwheel. The inmate screams in pain as his arms are twisted. She does not break her stride during the entire scene]''
-->'''Warden:''' [[DeadpanSnarker She's gonna be fine.]]

--> '''Stryver:''' Nice outfit. Those [[CombatStilettos heels]] make it hard to walk?
--> '''Selina:''' I don't know. ''[stomps on his foot, stabbing him on his instep]'' Do they? ''[Grabs Stryver's pistol and trains it on Daggett]''

-->'''Bruce:''' That's a brazen costume for a cat burglar.
-->'''Selina:''' Yeah? Who are you pretending to be?
-->'''Bruce:''' Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? ''[motions to the man Selina was dancing with]''
-->'''Selina:''' His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they might get stolen.
-->'''Bruce:''' Mm. It's pronounced Ibeetha. You wouldn't want any of these folks realizing you're a crook, not a social climber.
-->'''Selina:''' You think I care what anyone in this room thinks of me?
-->'''Bruce:''' I doubt ''you'' care what anyone in any room thinks of you.
-->'''Selina:''' Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me.
-->'''Bruce:''' Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town, a modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means that either you're saving for retirement, or you're in deep with the wrong people.
-->'''Selina:''' You don't get to judge me just because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor.
-->'''Bruce:''' Actually, I was born in the Regency Room.

-->'''Batman''': [[LampshadeHanging So that's what that feels like.]]
* Selina Kyle's [[spoiler: kidnapping of the Congressman]] who was leching over her at the party at the beginning. She does it so that she has leverage for her meeting with Stryver (giving her a justified reason to trick Stryver into calling a SWAT team), but when we notice that it's him: as he's unshaven, haggard, wearing a terrible Hawaiian shirt... and obviously madly in love with her.
-->'''Selina:''' Keep some pressure on that [gunshot wound in your leg], sweetheart. ''[abandons him without even looking back]''
-->'''Congressman:''' Call me?
-->''[Selina walks out the front door as gunfire echoes from the back alleyway. She runs into Blake, who is walking up the front steps]''
-->'''Officer John Blake:''' Are you OK, miss?
-->'''Selina:''' He's bleeding! You've gotta help him!

-->'''Det. John Blake:''' I showed your picture to the Congressman. Guess what?
-->'''Selina:''' Don't tell me, still in love?
-->'''Det. John Blake:''' Oh, head over heels. Pressing charges, though. You've made some mistakes, Miss Kyle.
-->'''Selina:''' Girl's gotta eat.

--> '''CIA Interrogator:''' ''[holding his pistol to the back of a hooded prisoner's head]'' Tell me about Bane! Why does he wear a mask?! ''[cocks his gun]'' A lot of loyalty for a hired gun!
--> '''Bane''': Or perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man, ''before'' throwing him out of a plane!

--> '''CIA Agent''': So, was [[SarcasmMode getting caught part of your plan?]]
--> '''Bane''': ''(in an almost jovial tone)'' [[SincerityMode Of course!]]

--> '''CIA Agent''': If I pull that off, will you die?\\
'''Bane''': It would be extremely painful...\\
'''CIA Agent''': You're a big guy.\\
'''Bane''': ...for ''you''.

-->'''Sewer Thug #2:''' He's dead.
-->'''Bane:''' So show me his body.
-->'''Sewer Thug #2:''' The water runs to any one of the outflows. We'll never find him!
-->''[Barsad hands Bane a tracking device. Bane plants it on the thug]''
-->'''Bane:''' [[ExactWords Follow him]]!
-->'''Sewer Thug #2:''' Follow him? ''(Bane shoots the thug with Gordon's pistol. The thug's body falls into the same outflow that Gordon escaped in, and is carried away)''

* Bane's response when listening to the child singing the national anthem,[[spoiler: not far out of character for him if you're reading between the lines concerning his paternal relationship to young Talia.]]
-->'''Bane''': That's a lovely, lovely voice.

-->'''Bane:''' ''[picks up a microphone]'' Gotham! Take control! Take control of your city. ''[His henchmen wheel out the nuclear device]'' This... this is the instrument of your liberation! ''[Men bring Dr. Pavel forward and make him kneel in front of Bane]'' Identify yourself to the world.
-->''[Bane holds the microphone in front of Dr. Pavel, looking the whole time as if he is conducting a news interview - which in a way, he is since the game is being broadcast on network television]''
-->'''Dr. Pavel:''' Dr. Leonid Pavel, nuclear physicist.
-->'''Bane:''' And what... what is this?
-->'''Dr. Pavel:''' It's a... fully primed neutron bomb, with a blast radius of six miles.
-->'''Bane:''' And who is capable of disarming such a device?
-->'''Dr. Pavel:''' Only me.
-->'''Bane:''' "Only you". Thank you, good doctor! ''[Bane breaks Dr. Pavel's neck. The crowd screams in terror]'' Now, this bomb is armed! This bomb is mobile! And the identity of the triggerman is a mystery. For one of you holds the detonator! And we came here not as conquerors, but as liberators to return control of this city to the people. And at the first sign of interference from the outside world, or for those people attempting to flee, this anonymous Gothamite - this unsung hero - will trigger the bomb. For now, martial law is in effect. Return to your homes, hold your families close, and wait. Tomorrow you claim what is rightfully yours. ''[Bane drops the mike, turns, and leaves what remains of the playing field]''

--> '''Trader''': This is a stock exchange! There's no money you can steal!
--> '''Bane''': Really? [[DeadpanSnarker Then why are you people here]]? ''[grabs the trader by his neck, drags him over to another terminal, knocks him out, then uses his ID card to login to the system]''

--> '''Bane''': Quand on parle du loup, on en voit le masque.

-->'''Captain Jones:''' I'll die before I talk.
-->'''Bane:''' I'm [[{{Pun}} on your schedule]], Captain. ''[crushes Jones' windpipe]''

-->'''Lucius Fox:''' I still don't see the need for a board meeting for the energy project.
-->'''Miranda Tate:''' Bruce got a lot of things right. Keeping the board in the dark wasn't one of them. ''[They enter the boardroom to find Bane and some of his henchmen are holding the board of directors hostage]''
-->'''Bane:''' ''[cheerfully]'' How good of you to join us, Chair and President! All I need now is one more ordinary board member. Mr. Fox, would you like to nominate?
-->'''Douglas Fredericks:''' ''[stands up]'' No. I will volunteer.
-->'''Lucius Fox:''' Where are you taking us? ''[Bane does not answer]''
* A minor one: while [[spoiler:revealing the truth about Harvey Dent and reading Gordon's documents to the public, right after seeing one line calling Batman a 'fallen idol', Bane just shakes his head as if to say "[[SarcasmMode yes, that "idol" I absolutely clobbered and broken into a thousand pieces earlier]]". Alternatively, it was him thinking "[[WhoWritesThisCrap what is this drivel…?]]"]]
* During [[spoiler:Dr. Crane's]] first [[KangarooCourt "sentencing hearing"]], the Judge declares that Bane has no authority in that courtroom. Sure enough, we see Bane [[VillainsOutShopping quietly sitting in the corner and knitting.]]

-->'''Lucius Fox''': These conversations used to end with an unusual request.\\
'''Bruce Wayne''': I'm retired.\\
'''Lucius Fox''': (''presses a button on his desk, bookcase slides aside to reveal the secret elevator'') Well, let me show you some stuff anyway. Just for old time's sake.

* Lucius' delightfully deadpan reaction when [[spoiler:Talia opens the floodgates on the reactor chamber to stop Batman from stabilizing the bomb]]: "Oh dear!"

* [[spoiler:[[ComicBook/TheScarecrow Dr. Jonathan Crane]] as a HangingJudge.]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Jonathan Crane''': Death....by [[MortonsFork exile]]!]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Jonathan Crane''': (after Stryver chooses exile) Sold... to the man in the cold sweat!]]
** His smug look while sentencing people to either [[DeadlyEuphemism Exile]] or Death [[spoiler: [[MortonsFork by exile]] ]] is [[http://artofrottenapples.tumblr.com/image/37229018269 priceless.]]

* A bit of dark humor where Hines Ward, [[spoiler:the football player with the ball, is the only one who continues running forward, failing to notice the ground falling beneath him. Ward ends up making the touchdown, only to turn around and see all the other players have fallen into the hole and died, and [[DramaticDrop drops the ball in shock]].]]
** Even moreso in that [[spoiler:another player from the Rapid City team is running behind Ward, and attempts to grab hold of him as the field crumbles, only to be shrugged off by the first player which then causes him to fall into the hole.]]

* When the truck [[spoiler:carrying the bomb crashes into an underpass and comes to a stop, poor Commissioner Gordon (who was in the container, ''with'' the bomb) all but stumbles out in a daze, like he was just put through the spin cycle.]]

-->'''Doctor:''' I have seen worse cartilage in knees.
-->'''Bruce Wayne:''' That's good.
-->'''Doctor:''' No, that's because there is ''no'' cartilage in your knee, and not much of any use in your elbows or your shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, the residual concussive damage to your brain tissue, and the general scarred-over quality of your body, [[ConvenientlyUnverifiableCoverStory I cannot recommend that you go heliskiing, Mr. Wayne.]]
-->'''Bruce Wayne:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Right]].

-->'''Trader:''' This is a robbery, they have direct access to the online trading decks!
-->'''Detective Foley:''' I'm not risking [[AFatherToHisMen my men]] for your money.
-->'''Trader:''' It's not our money, it's everybody's money!
-->'''Officer Allen:''' Really? [[DeadpanSnarker Mine's in my mattress.]]

-->'''Audience member''': ''YOU'RE FUCKING AWESOME, [[Creator/{{TomHardy}} TOM!]]''
* [[spoiler: Talia's]] smug look of triumph as [[spoiler: she]] has Batman backed into a corner and holds the detonator in hand...[[spoiler: only to press it and find out that the detonator no longer works, all because she was wasting time savouring the moment.]]
* A small moment during the climax, while Batman [[spoiler:chases down Talia and tries to turn the truck east. After the cops blow up the last bridge remaining, Blake tells the kids to get back on the school bus.]] Then does this happen:
-->'''Blake''': Go, go, go, back on the bus!
-->'''Father Reilly''': ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis There's NOWHERE. TO go.]]''
-->''({{Beat}})''
-->'''Blake''': ...[[{{Determinator}} On the bus!]]

--> '''Bane''': [[WhatAnIdiot Or perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man]], ''before'' throwing him out of a plane!

* Lucius's delightfully deadpan reaction when [[spoiler: Talia opens the floodgates on the reactor chamber to stop Batman from stabilizing the bomb]]: "Oh dear!"

* Dark example: Bane and his men ambush Captain Jones's relief team. Jones gets shot in the chest and goes down, and Bane appears:

-->'''Bane:''' I'm [[{{Pun}} on your schedule]], Captain. ''[crushes Jones's windpipe]''

* Already mentioned: Selina [[IPulledAWeirdAl pulls a]] StealthHiBye on the StealthHiBye Master, Batman.

-->'''Bane:''' I'm on your schedule, Captain. ''[crushes Jones's windpipe]''

* A minor one: while [[spoiler:revealing the truth about Harvey Dent and reading Gordon's documents to the public, right after seeing one line calling Batman a 'fallen idol', Bane just mildly shakes his head as if to say "[[SarcasmMode yes, that "idol" I absolutely clobbered and broken into a thousand pieces earlier]]".]]