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* From ''The Calendar - How To Use It''
-->'''Bill:''' [[CampGay Mind if I dial up the gay?]]
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* Oh,sure his light up tattoo looks fancy, but it's just there to remind him where his nose is
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\n* Yue doing her thing.
--->'''Bill''': Almost as dramatic as the time the earth princess sacrificed her life for the dead ficus tree.
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-->'''Mike:''' I think you've got the hang of this whole Lucas thing. Here, have $20 billion.

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-->'''Mike:''' I think you've got the hang of this whole Lucas thing. [[NoIndoorVoice Here, have $20 billion.TWENTY BILLION DOLLARS!]]
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* ''[During the scrolling letters]''
-->'''Bill:''' Meanwhile, Vice Chancellor Ugga Bugga and Darth Buttcrack are rendezvousing on the planet Ovaltine, where the rebel leader B.B. Snausage-Berry is fighting the dreaded Camel-Toenians. How's that?
-->'''Mike:''' I think you've got the hang of this whole Lucas thing. Here, have $20 billion.
-->'''Bill:''' Oh, much obliged.

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* -->'''Zuko''': Don't even try to escape, [[ThisIsSparta THIS IS A WARSHIP]]
(Aang flips over a table]
-->'''Kevin (As Zuko)''': Ah, in hindsight maybe we should have tried something stronger than saying "Don't even try to escape" at least handcuffs! Something!

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* -->'''Zuko''': *'''Zuko''': Don't even try to escape, [[ThisIsSparta THIS IS A WARSHIP]]
(Aang
WARNING!- ''[Aang flips over a table]
-->'''Kevin
table]''
-->'''Bill
(As Zuko)''': Ah, in hindsight maybe we should have tried something stronger than saying "Don't even try to escape" at least handcuffs! Something!



-->''Kevin''':Hmm, thanks man, that really helps.

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-->''Kevin''':Hmm, -->'''Bill''':Hmm, thanks man, that really helps.



--->'''Bill''': Let us never speak of what just happened again.

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--->'''Bill''': --->'''Kevin''': Let us never speak of what just happened again.



-->'''Mike''': Those guys aren't running from Ong, they just got accused of eyeing some lady's [[TheHappening lemon drink]] back there.

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-->'''Mike''': Those guys aren't running from Ong, Aang, they just got accused of eyeing some lady's [[TheHappening lemon drink]] back there.



--->'''Mike''': Oh great water god MatthewMaconahay, grant that I may remain forever shirtless.

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--->'''Mike''': Oh great water god MatthewMaconahay, MatthewMcconaughey, grant that I may remain forever shirtless.
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** "Oh great, fanboys! Look, I've told you: I don't give a damn [[StarWars who shot first]]!"
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-->'''Kevin Murphy:''' ''(as Tarkin)'' Yeah, so Darth, a couple of weeks we'll start building it, then we can take that decal off the wall off the window. Until then, looks cool, eh?

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-->'''Kevin Murphy:''' ''(as Tarkin)'' Yeah, so Darth, a couple of weeks we'll start building it, then we can take that decal off the wall off of the window. Until then, looks cool, eh?
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* As the Empire watches the Death Star under construction
-->'''Kevin Murphy:''' ''(as Tarkin)'' Yeah, so Darth, a couple of weeks we'll start building it.Then we can take that decal off the wall off the window. Until then, looks cool, eh?

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* As the Empire watches the Death Star under construction
construction:
-->'''Kevin Murphy:''' ''(as Tarkin)'' Yeah, so Darth, a couple of weeks we'll start building it.Then it, then we can take that decal off the wall off the window. Until then, looks cool, eh?

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* As the Empire watches the Death Star under construction
-->'''Kevin Murphy:''' ''(as Tarkin)'' Yeah, so Darth, a couple of weeks we'll start building it.Then we can take that decal off the wall off the window. Until then, looks cool, eh?
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Vader)'' So, where are the ladies on this ship?
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Palpatine)'' [[HoYay Ah, my son. You have much to learn about the Dark Side.]]
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Vader)'' [[BigNo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]]
-->'''Kevin:''' Ah, you see, Bill? That one seems kind of warranted.

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* '''Mike:''' Uh, do we have any idea who's fighting who?\\

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* '''Mike:''' This exchange:
-->'''Mike:'''
Uh, do we have any idea who's fighting who?\\

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* '''Yoda:''' Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.\\
'''Mike:''' Um, Yoda, load of crap biggest ever heard I is that.
* '''Mike:''' Remember when {{Macbeth}} said that life was a tale told by an idiot? I actually think he meant to say ''Star Wars Episode One'' is a tale told by an idiot.\\
'''Kevin:''' Must've been a misprint in [[WilliamShakespeare the First Folio edition.]]

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** Kevin actually [[NauseaFuel vomits for five minutes]] while Jar-Jar talks.
** One scene has an unfortunate angle of Jar-Jar as well, as Jar Jar swims away from the camera for a few minutes.
--->'''Mike:''' Ah, thank you for giving us an unhindered look at the business end of America's most loathed character.
* '''Yoda:''' This exchange:
-->'''Yoda:'''
Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.\\
'''Mike:'''
suffering.
-->'''Mike:'''
Um, Yoda, load of crap biggest ever heard I is that.
* '''Mike:''' This exchange:
-->'''Mike:'''
Remember when {{Macbeth}} said that life was a tale told by an idiot? I actually think he meant to say ''Star Wars Episode One'' is a tale told by an idiot.\\
'''Kevin:'''
idiot.
-->'''Kevin:'''
Must've been a misprint in [[WilliamShakespeare the First Folio edition.]]



* Kevin finally cracks during the space pod battle:
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh. Oh no. Tell me this movie won’t have Podracing will it. ‘Cause, ‘cause if so, Mike, I’ll pay yah good money to let me out of here now. I will sign the deed to my house over to you!
-->'''Mike:''' Kevin, relax. Enjoy this long, long sequence coming up of Jar Jar Binks doing funny stuff.
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(screams)'' [[AnythingButThat No, no! Mike, please! Let me out! Seriously. I will kill all your enemies. Please!]]
-->'''Mike:''' Here, breath into this paper bag.



* '''Mace Windu:''' I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi\\

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* '''Mace This exchange:
-->'''Mace
Windu:''' I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi\\



* '''Anakin:''' From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!\\

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* '''Anakin:''' This exchange:
-->'''Anakin:'''
From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!\\

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* -->'''Zuko''': DON'T EVEN TRY TO ESCAPE, [[ThisIsSparta THIS IS A WARSHIP]]

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* -->'''Zuko''': DON'T EVEN TRY TO ESCAPE, Don't even try to escape, [[ThisIsSparta THIS IS A WARSHIP]]


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* A bunch of fire nation soldiers running away
-->'''Mike''': Those guys aren't running from Ong, they just got accused of eyeing some lady's [[TheHappening lemon drink]] back there.
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--->'''Bill''': Let us never speak of what happened again.

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--->'''Bill''': Let us never speak of what just happened again.

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\n* Aang practicing waterbending
--->'''Mike''': Oh great water god MatthewMaconahay, grant that I may remain forever shirtless.
--->'''Bill (in southern accent)''': Well, alright....

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*[[MemeticMutation PEBBLE DANCE]]
--->'''Bill''': Let us never speak of what happened again.

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*-->'''Zuko''': DON'T EVEN TRY TO ESCAPE, [[ThisIsSparta THIS IS A WARSHIP]]
(Aang flips over a table]
-->'''Kevin (As Zuko)''': Ah, in hindsight maybe we should have tried something stronger than saying "Don't even try to escape" at least handcuffs! Something!
-->'''Mike (As Iroh)''': Hey, don't beat yourself up, you said "Don't even try to escape". Who knew he would try to escape despite your saying that? It's not your fault.
-->''Kevin''':Hmm, thanks man, that really helps.

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\n* [Zuko in the Southern Water tribe]
-->'''Zuko''': BRING ME ALL YOUR ELDERLY!
-->'''Mike''': I NEED THIER PREPERATION H FOR MY FACE OWIES!
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** What was funnier about it was how little they had to work to change it. "Did you ever think about what the world would be like without paper?"


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** From the live version only: "Ahh, Beard completer!"

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--> '''Bill:''' Could you please kill these terrible people?

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--> '''Bill:''' Could you please kill these terrible horrible people?




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* Draco summoning his broomstick:
--> '''Mike:''' Sieg heil--I mean, up!
* '''Quirrell:''' TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!\\
'''Kevin:''' [[DeepPurple Troll in the dungeon and pumpkins in the sky!]]\\
'''Mike:''' More like "gin in the teacher."
* During the life-size wizard chess game:
--> '''Ron:''' The queen will take me.
--> '''Bill:''' A phrase uttered nightly by GeorgeMichael.




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* After Hermione freezes the pixies Lockhart let loose:
--> '''Neville:''' ''(hanging from the chandelier by the collar of his shirt)'' Why is it always me?
--> '''Mike:''' Biddle-ee-bink-dee-bink, boing! And now can we PLEASE HAVE A STORY?!
* Ron's curse:
--> '''Ron:''' Eat slugs!
--> '''Mike:''' Magic words: they're Latin except when they're not.
* About Moaning Myrtle:
--> '''Bill:''' It's Harry in a wig, isn't it?





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* When bowing to Buckbeak:
--> '''Hagrid:''' Nice and low...
--> '''Mike:''' OH GOD, not THAT low!
* After Hermione punches Malfoy:
--> '''Hermione:''' That felt good.
--> '''Ron:''' Not good: BRILLIANT!
--> '''Bill:''' [[SarcasmMode Yes, truly a masterful work of genius.]] Compared to you, Goethe was a moron. Next to your punching Malfoy in the nose, Bach's cello suites are like a small pool of vomit!
* '''Lupin:''' I've looked worse; believe me.\\
'''Mike:''' I don't; sorry.

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* Taking Padme's "I love the water" and turning it into a RunningGag. Example:
--> '''Padme:''' I love you.
--> '''Mike:''' Not as much as the water.




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* '''Mace Windu:''' I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi\\
'''Mike:''' That's funny; we can't sense ANY plot whatsoever!
* '''Anakin:''' From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!\\
'''Bill:''' From my point of view, a monkey wrote this script with his PENIS!
* As [[SamuelLJackson Mace Windu:]]
--> '''Bill:''' I have had it with these [[SnakesOnAPlane motherf**kin Sith on this motherf**kin planet!]]
* Any and all jabs at Hayden Christiansen's talent...or rather, lack thereof.
* On Anakin's transformation into JamesEarlJones:
--> '''Bill:''' He can't do it all at once, or it'll kill him! He's gotta work his way up the manly scale. First he turns into Lance Bass, then Rupert Everett--
--> '''Mike:''' --then Scott Stapp, David Duchovny, Wesley Snipes, Russell Crowe, Rosie O'Donnell, and THEN James Earl Jones.
* Upon the reveal of Darth Vader via mechanical moving table:
-->'''Bill:''' If this slowly rotates him facedown into a pie, the entire journey will have been worth it.

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'''Kevin''': Oh, he is ''[[CampGay divine]]...''\\

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'''Kevin''': '''Bill''': Oh, he is ''[[CampGay divine]]...''\\




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* '''Leonidas:''' Spartans! What is your profession?!\\
'''Spartans:''' HA-OOH! HA-OOH! HA-OOH!\\
'''Mike:''' And I'm a flower arranger!




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* Any and all riffs pertaining to Jar Jar, but particularly when just resort to cursing him:
--> '''Jar Jar:''' We've no nuttin' moola to trade (or something stupid like that).
--> '''Mike:''' Look, GO TO HELL.
** And this one:
---> '''Jar Jar:''' WEESA GOIN HOOOOOOME!
---> '''Kevin:''' Oh, do so COMPLETELY shut up.
* '''Yoda:''' Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.\\
'''Mike:''' Um, Yoda, load of crap biggest ever heard I is that.
* '''Mike:''' Remember when {{Macbeth}} said that life was a tale told by an idiot? I actually think he meant to say ''Star Wars Episode One'' is a tale told by an idiot.\\
'''Kevin:''' Must've been a misprint in [[WilliamShakespeare the First Folio edition.]]




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* After one of the "wittier" lines:
--> '''Mike:''' The dialogue crackles like, uh, pudding!
* '''Mike:''' Uh, do we have any idea who's fighting who?\\
'''Kevin:''' Yes, the director is fighting the audience, and the audience is fighting back.\\
'''Mike:''' Ah. And who's winning?\\
'''Chad Vader:''' Twentieth Century Fox.




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* During the opening text crawl:
--> '''Bill:''' Meanwhile, Vice-Chancellor Ugga-Bugga and Darth Buttcrack are rendevouzing on the planet Ovaltine, where the Rebel leader B.B. Snausageberry is fighting the dreaded Cameltoeians!...How was that?
--> '''Mike:''' I think you've got the hang of this whole [[GeorgeLucas Lucas]] thing, um, here! Have twenty BILLION dollars!




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* '''Gandalf:''' Bilbo...the ring is still in your pocket.\\
'''Mike:''' Along with two pistachio shells, a breadbag tie, and some lint. HA HA, you see, I'm magic!
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* Kevin tells Mike during the Greasy Spoon scene regarding slovenly cook Dexter, "Mike, I invite you to think about his underpants." Mike understandably reacts in horror and cries out, "[[BrainBleach WHY, Kevin?!]]" Kevin subverts the Trope by telling him that so long as he's thinking about Dexter's underpants, he's forgetting the rest of the movie. Mike sighs happily, "You're right. Ah, his underpants..."
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* "Join us, son... join ussss..."
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** When the cat from the witch's purse [[WhatHappenedToTheMouse disappears]]: "I can haz freedom?"

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** When the cat from the witch's purse [[WhatHappenedToTheMouse disappears]]: "I "[[{{Lolcat}} I can haz freedom?"freedom?]]"
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* A CallBack to, of all things, ''PrinceOfSpace!'' "I like you ''VERY MUCH''!"

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** Though with the exception of Dis's Grandmother and G-Dimes, they were all pretty horrible people and kinda deserved it.

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** Though with the exception of Dis's Grandmother and G-Dimes, and we guess Walter, they were all pretty horrible people and kinda deserved it.it.
** Disembaudio's rant about his addiction to horse tranquilizers and the fact that he's committed several murders recently will probably bring tears to your eyes.
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* From "Highway Mania":
** After Kevin continuously makes a horrifically annoying siren sound, Bill stops him with a CrowningMomentOfAwesome line:
--->Kevin? Don't take this the wrong way, but I ''will'' murder you, and ''smile'' while I do it.
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** The opening playlet:
-->'''Bill:''' Gah!!!
-->'''Mike:''' ''[[TheWickerMan Wicker Man: The Musical]]!''
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(to the tune of "Hooray for Hollywood")'' Not the bees! Not, not, not the bee-EEE-eees!"
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* From "Drugs Are Like That":
** The entire damn {{Anvilicious}} short.

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