History Funny / RealTimeWithBillMaher

* March 25, 2016: Since the 2016 Republican presidential field has practically been narrowed down to the two most despised candidates, Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, Bill has to choose who he'd rather see as president. After much deliberation ("Trump is like Ebola: he’ll violently kill you right away. Cruz is like Zika: we won’t see the damage until future generations.") he picks... [[spoiler:Cruz]], rinsing his mouth with a large bottle marked "BLEACH" after his decision.

* March 25, 2016: Since the 2016 Republican presidential field has practically been narrowed down to the two most despised candidates, Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, Bill has to choose who he'd rather see as president. After much deliberation ("Trump is like Ebola: he’ll violently kill you right away. Cruz is like Zika: we won’t see the damage until future generations.") he picks... [[spoiler:Cruz]], [[INeedAFreakingDrink drinking from a large bottle marked "BLEACH" after his decision]].

* March 25, 2016: Since the 2016 Republican presidential field has practically been narrowed down to the two most despised candidates, Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, Bill has to choose who he'd rather see as president. After much deliberation ("Trump is like Ebola: he’ll violently kill you right away. Cruz is like Zika: we won’t see the damage until future generations.") he picks... [[spoiler:Cruz]], [[GiganticGulp drinking from a large bottle marked "BLEACH" after his decision]].

* June 13, 2014: In light of the legalization of marijuana in states like Colorado, Bill humorously offers some dos and don'ts for novice potheads.

* March 23, 2012: Bill dubs Mitt Romney [[MemeticLoser "The Least Interesting Man in the World"]], spoofing Dos Equis' "TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld" commercials, in a [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6toQgXq1--s monologue]] about [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad oversensitivity and constant apologizing]] in both mainstream media and politics.

* September 9, 2005: In the last New Rule of the night, titled "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jj72uOWab4 George of the Bungle]]", Bill gives a hilariously scathing TheReasonYouSuckSpeech to then-President GeorgeWBush.

* March 25, 2011: Bill uses the final New Rule of the night, "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaCygdeMDMA Barry, White]]", to introduce the fictitious GOP candidate for the 2012 presidential election: [[SdrawkcabName Karab Amabo]], an American who is the complete opposite of BarackObama in almost every way except gender, effectively ridiculing the excessive CommanderContrarian attitude which the GOP holds towards Obama.

** In the New Rule "The Party of Stinkin'", Bill mocks the Republicans for the fact that Obama has done everything they said they do best ''even better''.

* July 29, 2011: Bill gives an "It Gets Better"-style monologue about socialism.

* September 7, 2012: In the New Rule "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YedDU88ieg Born Supremacy]]", Bill chastises upper-class conservatives like Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and Donald Trump for acting like their lives were so hard when they were younger, going into detail of what their lives would've been like [[ItsAWonderfulPlot if they'd never been born]] [[SubvertedTrope into such comfortable statures]], in a segment called "It's a Significantly Less Wonderful Life".

* September 9, 2005: In the last New Rule of the night, titled "George of the Bungle", Bill gives a hilariously scathing TheReasonYouSuckSpeech to then-President GeorgeWBush.
* March 25, 2011: Bill uses the final New Rule of the night, "Barry, White", to introduce the fictitious GOP candidate for the 2012 presidential election: [[SdrawkcabName Karab Amabo]], an American who is the complete opposite of BarackObama in almost every way except gender, effectively ridiculing the excessive CommanderContrarian attitude which the GOP holds towards Obama.

* March 23, 2012: Bill dubs Mitt Romney [[MemeticLoser "The LEAST Interesting Man in the World"]], spoofing Dos Equis' "TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld" commercials, in a monologue about [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad oversensitivity and constant apologizing]] in both mainstream media and politics.

* September 7, 2012: In the New Rule "Born Supremacy", Bill chastises upper-class conservatives like Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and Donald Trump for acting like their lives were so hard when they were younger, going into detail of what their lives would've been like [[ItsAWonderfulPlot if they'd never been born...]] [[SubvertedTrope into such comfortable statures]], in a segment called "It's a Significantly Less Wonderful Life".

* March 23, 2012: Bill dubs Mitt Romney [[MemeticLoser "The LEAST Interesting Man in the World"]], spoofing Dos Equis' "Most Interesting Man in the World" commercials, in a monologue about [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad oversensitivity and constant apologizing]] in both mainstream media and politics.

* April 25, 2014: In the New Rule "November Reign", Bill urges California liberals to StopBeingStereotypical, because their PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad is fueling the far right's paranoia. He cites a case of atheists protesting the presence of a Christian cross, saying "You're atheists, not vampires!"

* April 25, 2014: In the New Rule "November Reign", Bill urges California liberals to StopBeingStereotypical because it's fueling the far right's paranoia. He cites a case of atheists protesting the presence of a Christian cross, saying "You're atheists, not vampires!"

* September 7, 2012: In the New Rule "Born Supremacy", Bill chastises upper-class conservatives like Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and Donald Trump for acting like their lives were so hard when they were younger, going into detail of what their lives would've been like [[ItsAWonderfulPlot if they'd never been born...]] [[SubvertedTrope into such comfortable statures]], in a segment called "It's a Significantly Less Wonderful Life".

* March 25, 2011: Bill uses the final New Rule of the night, "Barry, White", to introduce the fictitious GOP candidate for the 2012 presidential election: [[SdrawkcabName Karab Amabo]], an American who is the complete opposite of BarackObama in every way except gender, effectively ridiculing the excessive CommanderContrarian attitude which the GOP holds towards Obama.

* March 25, 2011: Bill uses the final New Rule of the night, titled "Barry, White", to introduce the fictitious GOP candidate for the 2012 presidential election: [[SdrawkcabName Karab Amabo]], an American who is the complete opposite of BarackObama in every way except gender, effectively ridiculing the excessive CommanderContrarian attitude which the GOP holds towards Obama.

* September 7, 2012: In the New Rule "Born Supremacy", Bill chastises upper-class conservatives like Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and Donald Trump for acting like their lives were so hard when they were younger, going into detail of what their lives would've been like if they'd never been born... into such comfortable statures, in a segment called "It's a Significantly Less Wonderful Life".

* March 23, 2012: Bill dubs Mitt Romney [[MemeticLoser "The LEAST Interesting Man in the World"]], spoofing Dos Equis' "Most Interesting Man in the World" commercials, in a monologue about [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad oversensitivity, playing it safe and constant apologizing]] in both the media and politics.
-->'''Bill:''' He says corporations are people because compared to him, they are. When Ambien can't sleep, it takes him. [[BreadEggsMilkSquick He once masturbated over the great everyday values at Sears]]. Paint watches him dry. He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does... no, wait, he never drinks beer, because he's the least interesting man in the world! Stay boring, my friends.

-->'''Bill:''' He says corporations are people because compared to him, they are. When Ambien can't sleep, it takes him. [[BreadEggsMilkSquick He once masturbated over the great everyday values at Sears]]. Paint watches him dry. He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does... no, wait, he never drinks beer. Stay boring, my friends.

-->'''Bill:''' New Rule: Conspiracy theorists who are claiming that we didn't really kill Bin Laden must be reminded that ''they didn't think he did the crime in the first place''!

* September 9, 2005: In the last New Rule of the night, titled "George of the Bungle", Bill gives a hilariously scathing TheReasonYouSuckSpeech to then-President GeorgeWBush, suggesting that [[KnowWhenToFoldEm he should .

* September 9, 2005: In the last "New Rule" of the night, titled "George of the Bungle", Bill gives a hilariously scathing TheReasonYouSuckSpeech to then-President GeorgeWBush.
* March 25, 2011: Bill uses the final "New Rule" of the night, titled "Barry, White", to introduce the fictitious GOP candidate for the 2012 presidential election: [[SdrawkcabName Karab Amabo]], an American who is the complete opposite of BarackObama in every way except gender, effectively ridiculing the excessive CommanderContrarian attitude which the GOP holds towards Obama.

* March 25, 2011: Bill Maher uses the final "New Rule" of the night, titled "Barry, White", to introduce the fictitious GOP candidate for the 2012 presidential election: [[SdrawkcabName Karab Amabo]], an American who is the complete opposite of BarackObama in every way except gender, effectively ridiculing the excessive CommanderContrarian attitude which the GOP holds towards Obama.

* From the September 9, 2005 episode, in the last "New Rule" of the night, titled "George of the Bungle", Bill gives a hilariously scathing TheReasonYouSuckSpeech to then-President GeorgeWBush:
-->'''Bill:''' America must recall the president. (''wild laughter and applause'') That's what this country needs - a good old-fashioned California-style recall election, complete with Gary Coleman, porno actresses and action film stars. And just like [[ArnoldSchwarzenegger Schwarzenegger]]'s predecessor here in California, George Bush is now so unpopular, he must defend his job against... RussellCrowe! Because at this point, I want a leader who will throw a phone at somebody! In fact, let's have only phone-throwers; Naomi Campbell can be the vice president!

-->Now, I kid, but seriously, Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you anymore. There's no more money to spend; you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you also used up the Army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out, and no one's speaking to you. [[IronicEcho Mission accomplished]]! Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or spaceman?

-->Now, I know what you're saying - you're saying that there are so many other things that you, as president, could involve yourself in. Please don't. (''laughter'') I know there's a lot left to do - there's a war with Venezuela and eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church and social security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.

-->But sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Music/BillyJoel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. HerbertHoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes.

-->On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the city of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. (''laughter and applause'') I'm not saying you don't love this country; I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. So yes, {{God}} does speak to you. And what he's saying is, "take a hint."
* On the March 25, 2011 episode, Bill Maher uses the final "New Rule" of the night, titled "Barry, White", to introduce the fictitious GOP candidate for the 2012 presidential election: [[SdrawkcabName Karab Amabo]], an American who is the complete opposite of BarackObama in every way except gender, effectively ridiculing the excessive CommanderContrarian attitude which the GOP holds towards Obama.

* On the March 25, 2011 episode, Bill Maher uses the final "New Rule" of the night, titled "Barry, White", to introduce the fictitious GOP candidate for the 2012 presidential election: [[SdrawkcabName Karab Amabo]], an American who is the complete opposite of President Obama in every way except gender, effectively ridiculing the excessive CommanderContrarian attitude which the GOP holds towards Obama.

* On the March 25, 2011 episode, Bill Maher uses the final "New Rule" of the night, titled "Barry, White", to introduce the fictitious GOP candidate for the 2012 presidential election: Karab Amabo, an American who is the complete opposite of President Obama in every way except gender, effectively ridiculing the excessive CommanderContrarian attitude which the GOP holds towards Obama.

* From the September 9, 2005, episode, in the last "New Rule" of the night, titled "George of the Bungle", Bill gives a hilariously scathing TheReasonYouSuckSpeech to then-President GeorgeWBush:

-->On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the city of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. (''laughter and applause'') I'm not saying you don't love this country; I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. So yes, {{God}} does speak to you. And what he's saying is, "take a hint."