History Funny / Machete

* After starring in a porn amateur video with April and June, Machete drugs, kidnaps and brings them (fully nude uncovered) to the church, much to Padre's utter dismay. When Padre scolds Machete for the trouble the latter brings (as usual), Machete offers to dump them. Padre refuses, thus he decides to just keep them saying that he and the church can make a good use of them.

* After starring in a porn amateur video with April and June, Machete drugs them, kidnaps and brings them (fully nude) to the church, much to Padre's utter dismay. When Padre scolds Machete for the trouble the latter brings (as usual), Machete offers Padre to dump them somewhere. Padre refuses, thus he decides to just keep them saying that he and the church can make a good use of them.

* One of Booth's security guards, confronted for the second time by Machete wielding a [[ImprovisedWeapon weaponized weedwhacker]], immediately says "I quit," hands his gun to Machete, and walks away. He is, quite possibly, the smartest {{Mook}} in the history of fiction.

--> '''Clueless Mook''': Hey, who are you?
--> '''Machete''' (holding up a mean pick axe and weedwhacker): New gardener.

--> '''Padre''': It's not safe for you to be here.
--> '''Machete''': I'm not looking for safe.
--> '''Padre''': No, I mean it's not safe for ''me'' for you to be here!
--> '''Padre''': (Makes the Sign of the Cross) I absolve you of all your sins. (gestures to the door) Now get the [[PrecisionFStrike FUCK]] out!

** [[spoiler:Except when he finally does, sending a message that makes Booth pretty much say OhCrap.]]

* "Machete... [[spoiler: will return... in... Machete Kills! And... [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill Machete Kills Again]]!]] "

* How about the scene where Machete jumps out of building using the intestines of the {{Mook}} he just disemboweled as a rope? CrossesTheLineTwice indeed.

--> '''Torres''': ''Now'' you have something to say?

** This is after that Mook, alongside a more clueless Mook, allowed Machete to visit Booth's phome earlier in the movie:

* Machete jabbing a mook in the neck with a thermometer = not funny. Whole house explodes and mook is hurled outside burning = not funny. [[CrossesTheLineTwice Thermometer still in mook's neck and going up till it's all red = funny.]]
* One of Booth's security guards, confronted for the second time by Machete wielding a [[ImprovisedWeapon weaponized weedwhacker]], immediately says "I quit," hands his gun to Machete, and walks away. Possibly he is the smartest {{Mook}} in the history of fiction.
** This is after that Mook, alongside a more clueless Mook, allowed Machete to visit Booth's home earlier in the movie:

* One of Booth's security guards, confronted for the second time by Machete wielding a [[ImprovisedWeapon weaponized weedwhacker]], immediately says "I quit," hands his gun to Machete, and walks away. Possibly he is the [[GenreSavvy smartest]] {{Mook}} in the history of fiction.

* From the trailer for ''Machete Kills'': [[AndStarring And introducing]] [[CharlieSheen Carlos Estevez]] as The President!

** Now renamed to Machete Kills Again InSpace!

** This is after that Mook, alongside a more cluelees Mook, allowed Machete to visit Booth's home earlier in the movie:

* From the trailer for ''Machete Kills'': And [[CharlieSheen Carlos Estevez]] as The President!

* From the trailer for ''Machete Kills'': And [[Charlie Sheen Carlos Estevez]] as The President!

* How about the scene where Machete jumps out of building using the intestines of the {{Mook}} he just disemboweled as a rope? CrossesTheLineTwice indeed.

* Pretty much everything CheechMarin says as Padre.

--> '''Padre''': (Makes the Sign of the Cross) I absolve you of all your sins. (gestures to the door) Now get the FUCK out!

* One of Booth's security guards, confronted for the second time by Machete wielding a [[ImprovisedWeapon weedwhacker]], immediately says "I quit," throws down his gun, and walks away. Possibly he is the [[GenreSavvy smartest]] {{Mook}} in the history of fiction.

* "THEY JUST FUCKED WITH THE WRONG MEXICAN."

* "Machete... [[spoiler: will return... in... Machete Kills! And... [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill Machete Kills Again]]!]] "

* Machete don't text.

* One of Booth's security guards, confronted for the second time by Machete wielding a [[ImprovisedWeapon weedwhacker]], immediately says "I quit," throws down his gun, and walks away. Possibly he is the smartest {{Mook}} in the history of fiction.

* One of the Mexicans barging into battle was running with an ice cream cart.

* Machete don't text.

* One of Booth's security guards, confronted for the second time by Machete wielding a [[ImprovisedWeapon weedwhacker]], immediately says "I quit," throws down his gun, and walks away. Possibly he is the smartest {{Mook}} in the history of fiction.

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