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History Funny / LockStockAndTwoSmokingBarrels

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** Before that, there's his reaction to the guns that Tom brought.
-->'''Soap''': I feel safer with a chicken drumstick. These look like they're gonna do more harm than good.
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-->'''Bacon''': And throw yourself off while you’re at it. Now.

to:

-->'''Bacon''': And throw yourself off while you’re at it. Now.
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-->'''Ed''': Tom! You’re a dick! Now you take those guns and throw them off a bridge!

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-->'''Ed''': Tom! You’re a dick! Now you take those guns and you throw them off a bridge!
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* After being cleared of charges, Bacon, Soap and Ed sit down in the pub to talk with Tom about the guns to see if he’s disposed of them……only to find out that they’re still in his car as he tried to sell them back to Nick the Greek (who’s closed up shop and skipped town). What follows is priceless:
-->'''Ed''': So, the only thing connecting us with the case IS IN THE BACK OF YOUR CAR WHICH IS PARKED OUTSIDE?
-->'''Tom''': They cost us 700 quid. I’m not gonna throw them away. And they’re hardly likely gonna trace it back to us, aren’t they?
-->'''Soap''': Do you think it’s really worth taking the risk for 700 pounds?
-->'''Ed''': Tom! You’re a dick! Now you take those guns and throw them off a bridge!
-->'''Bacon''': And throw yourself off while you’re at it. Now.
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--> '''Geezer:''' Now FUCK OFF and watch it somewhere else!
--> '''Subtitles:''' "[[TactfulTranslation Please remove yourself from this bar.]]"

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--> '''Geezer:''' -->'''Geezer:''' Now FUCK OFF and watch it somewhere else!
-->
else!\\
'''Subtitles:''' "[[TactfulTranslation Please remove yourself from this bar.]]"



-->''Plank punches him out''

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-->''Plank -->''(Plank punches him out''out)''



-->''Ed and Tom join Bacon in kicking the crap out of the traffic warden''.
* The morning after their successful heist of Dog's gang the boys are driving back home, cracking jokes on each other - we don't hear the punchlines as the scenes are intercut with the hell that's about to be unleashed at their digs, but in some bonus material on the DVD the dwarf & hooker gag is told in full. And it's brilliant.

to:

-->''Ed -->''(Ed and Tom join Bacon in kicking the crap out of the traffic warden''.
warden)''
* The morning after their successful heist of Dog's gang heist, the boys are driving back home, cracking jokes on about each other - we don't hear the punchlines as the scenes are intercut with the hell that's about to be unleashed at their digs, but in some bonus material on the DVD the dwarf & hooker gag is told in full. And it's brilliant.
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dewicking Knife Nut per TRS


* The rest of the gang's reaction to Soap's speech on [[KnifeNut knife use]]

to:

* The rest of the gang's reaction to Soap's speech on [[KnifeNut [[PsychoKnifeNut knife use]]
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'''[[AngryChef Soap]]''': I'd take a pain in the arse for half a million quid.\\

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'''[[AngryChef Soap]]''': [[EveryManHasHisPrice I'd take a pain in the arse for half a million quid.\\]]\\
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-->'''Ed''': I said knock him out, not touch him out.

to:

-->'''Ed''': I said -->'''Tom''': Don't touch him up, knock him out, not touch him out.
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-->'''Bacon''': You what?

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-->'''Bacon''': -->'''Soap''': [[FlatWhat You what?what?]]

Changed: 209

Removed: 208

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-->'''Tom''': You take an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, sell it a bit with, er...I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", latest and greatest in sexual technology. Guaranteed results or money back, all that bollocks. These dills cost twenty-five quid a pop, a snip for all the pleasure they are going to give the recipients. They send their cheques to the other company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five. You stick it in the bank until it clears. This is the smart bit. You send ''back'' the cheque for twenty-five pounds from the real company name, Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club, saying we're sorry,
we couldn't get supplies from America - they ran out of stock. You see how many people cash that cheque. Not a single soul. Who wants his bank manager to know he tickles arses when he's not paying in cheques?

to:

-->'''Tom''': You take an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, sell it a bit with, er...I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", latest and greatest in sexual technology. Guaranteed results or money back, all that bollocks. These dills cost twenty-five quid a pop, a snip for all the pleasure they are going to give the recipients. They send their cheques to the other company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five. You stick it in the bank until it clears. This is the smart bit. You send ''back'' the cheque for twenty-five pounds from the real company name, Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club, saying we're sorry,
sorry, we couldn't get supplies from America - they ran out of stock. You see how many people cash that cheque. Not a single soul. Who wants his bank manager to know he tickles arses when he's not paying in cheques?

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