History Funny / HunterTheVigil

-->"Also, you know [[WhoShotJFK who shot JFK,]] and who was really in that car with Diana and Dodi."[[labelnote:In 2E]]the 5-dot Status does mention Kennedy, but also provides three free dots in Contacts[[/labelnote]]

-->"Also, you know [[WhoShotJFK who shot JFK]], and who was really in that car with Diana and Dodi."[[labelnote:In 2E]]the 5-dot Status does mention Kennedy, but also provides three free dots in Contacts[[/labelnote]]

-->"Also, you know [[WhoShotJFK who shot JFK]], and who was really in that car with Diana and Dodi."

* Task Force: VALKYRIE's stereotype of the Malleus Maleficarum, and vice versa:
-->'''TFV on the Malleus Maleficarum:''' We would prefer that the Church does not know of our existence.
-->'''Malleus Maleficarum on TFV:''' They don't think we know about them.

* Cheiron's BadBoss streak continues gloriously in 2E, with the higher-ups finally replacing the [[FauxToGuide notoriously useless]] field manual after its advice led to a NoodleIncident due to bad intelligence, and issuing one that lacks the crappy intel... by ''[[UpToEleven removing any advice whatsoever]]''. And now it's also ''encrypted'', so now the FPD has to translate a long book of nothing to even know what their job is!

-->The vampires that secretly govern VALKYRIE are largely interested in the goings-on of [[Literature/{{Twilight}} TWILIGHT]]

** Another of their implants featured in ''Slasher'', known as Cortical Adaptation, actually is a weird brain tumor recovered in the skull of a Slasher, [[TooDumbToLive which the Cheiron Group's scientists apparently thought was a good idea to put in the head of their agents]]. Said tumor comes with a chip meant to ensure the hunter will keep control over the resulting murderous impulse. The entry comment there are reports this inhibitor chip dissolves after three years of swimming in cerebral fluid, but [[FalseReassurance these report are unconfirmed- because few hunters last that long with the implant in place]].
** ''Spirit-Slayers'' gives us the "Berserker Splice", another Taumatechnological implant the Cheiron Group developped trying to replicate a Werewolf's UnstoppableRage. After they performed their first implant on a "[[BlatantLies willing]] Cheiron Field Agent" ("[[ReadTheFinePrint hey, no one made him sign the waiver]]"), the patient indeed woke up in rage and proceeded to kill everything in sigh upon waking up, slaughtering 11 Cheiron Group agents with his bare hands and teeth before he was subdued. Despite this, the scientists in charge enthousiastically continued, and they eventually managed to perfect the implant with "comparatively minor loss for the company" (as in, "only" 50 people were killed).

-->"Also, you know [[WhoShotJFK who shot JFK]], and who was really in that care with Diana and Dodi."

* Task Force: VALKYRIE's stereotype of the Malleus Maleficarum, and vice versa
-->'''TF:VALKYRIE on the Malleus Maleficarum:''' We would prefer that the Church does not know of our existence.

* While possibly unintentional, the secret for the Project: TWILIGHT branch of Taskforce: VALKYRIE starts with this line:

-->The vampires that secretly govern VALKYRIE are largely interested in the goings-on of [[Literature/Twilight TWILIGHT]]

-->'''Malleus Maleficarum on TFV:''' They don't think we know about them.

-->''Let me start off by saying something provocative, to perpetuate the myth that "[[HumansAreTheRealMonsters the Ashwood Abbey are the real monsters]]." Let's see. Where do we start? Oh. Did you know that both fear and arousal are dictated by the same chemicals in the brain? Chemically-speaking, being afraid and being turned on are almost identical. So, what's hotter than hunting nightmares made flesh? ({{Beat}}) Now that we've got that silly shit out of the way...''

** Task Force: VALKYRIE implants its agents with RFID chips sending signals which their advanced weapons need to function, as a way to ensure only their agents can use these weapons. They once tried to confront a coven of [[TabletopGame/MageTheAwakening Mages]] in Canada, only for one of them to cast a spell that disrupted electronic communication. This caused the weapons to lose the signals and immediately shut down, leaving the poor agents defenseless.

** It also gives us a little entry where a Lucifuge narrates how, upon hearing about someone who had the Devil's blood, a bunch of vampires from [[TabletopGame/VampireTheRequiem Belial's Brood]] actually came to her essentially squeeing like fanboys and begging her to join one of their rituals and let them taste a little of her blood. The Lucifuge being [[AntiAntiChrist what they are]], she reacted as well as you'd expect.

-->"If the players [[WhyWontYouDie keep killing the monster]] and [[NotQuiteDead he keeps lurching to life after every deadly blow]], players will not only [[TaughtByExperience grow wise to it]], they'll get bored. (And boredom is a sin against Morality 1 for every storyteller.)"

-->"If the players keep killing the monster and he keeps lurching to life after every deadly blow, players will not only grow wise to it, they'll get bored. (And boredom is a sin against Morality 1 for every storyteller.)"

* ''Slasher'' gives this advice to storyteller regarding the Slasher's habit of being NotQuiteDead, warning against abusing it too much:

* ''Tooth and Nail'' gives us informations regarding the Hunters' opinions and relationships regarding [[TabletopGame/BeastThePrimordial Beasts]]. Here's what the Cheiron Group has to say about them:

-->''Let me start off by saying something provocative, to perpetuate the myth that "[[HumansAreTheRealMonsters the Ashwood Abbey are the real monsters]]." Let's see. Where do we start? Oh. Did you know that both fear and arousal are dictated by the same chemical in the brain? Chemically-speaking, being afraid or being turned on are almost identical. So, what's hotter than hunting nightmares made flesh? ({{Beat}}) Now that we got that silly bullshit out of the way...''

-->"If the players keep killing the monster and he keeps lurching to life after every deadly blow, players will not only grow wise to it, they'll get bored. (And boredom is a sin against Morality 1 for every storyteller.)"

** It also gives us a little entry where a Lucifuge narrates how, upon hearing about someone who had the Devil's blood, a bunch of vampires from [[TabletopGame/VampireTheRequiem Belial's Brood]] actually came to her essentially squeeing like fanboys and begging her to join one of their rituals and let them taste a little of her blood. The Lucifuge being [[AntiAntiChrist what they are]], she reacted as well as you'd expect.

-->You were a cleaner, too. An actual cleaner. With a mop. A clerical error led to you (instead of someone with a name with one letter different) getting transferred to Field Projects, and you had the surgery before you figured out what was happening and they realized their mistake. Too late now. You have parts of monsters inside you, a gun you don’t know how to use and a handbook that’s worse than useless. [[UnderStatement You’re in trouble.]]
* The Endowment list has some nice BlackComedy stories about some of the {{Epic Fail}}s Hunters had to go through when their Endowment suffered malfunctions:
** Task Force: WALKYRIE implant its agents RFID chips sending signals which their advanced weapons need to function, as a way to ensure only their agents can use these weapons. They once tried to confront a coven of [[TabletopGame/MageTheAwakening Mages]] in Canada, only for one of them to cast a spell that distrupted electronic communication. This caused the weapons to lose the signals and immediatly shut down, leaving the poor agents defenseless.
** They also have an equipment known as the Gungnir Multi-Function Targeting System, which uses various sensors (body temperature scans for vampires, Kirlian aura sensor for mages...) to locate supernatural targets and prevent them from shooting at humans. During the Gulf war, agents who were fighting vampires in the desert were decimated because the sun baked the lair's wall to a temperature close to 98.6, causing the system to identify the vampires as humans onlookers and refuse to fire.
** One of the Cheiron Group's equipment, the Personal Defense Swarm, provides its user with the ability to summon a swarm of weird bug-like creatures who will immediatly attack anything that triggers his anger or hostility. A Hunter with such an equipment once found out his partner was having an affair with his wife, resulting in his swarm attacking and killing said partner ''in the middle of a battle''.
* ''Nightstalkers'' gives us a rather funny little bit where a group from Null Mysteries tries to approach a vampire they have been following for a while by [[TooDumbToLive literally sending someone to tell him they know he is a vampires, give him their adress and ask if he would agree to an examination]]. Even the vampire's reaction can essentially be summed up to "Who are these people and what the hell is wrong with them?"
** It also gives us a little entry where a Lucifuge narrates how, upon hearing about someone who had the Devil's blood, a bunch of vampires from [[TabletopGame/VampireTheRequiem Belial's Brood]] actually came to her essentially squeeing like fanboys and begging her to join one of their ritual and let them taste a little of her blood. The Lucifuge being [[AntiAntiChrist what they are]], she reacted as well as you'd expect.

* The Endowment list has some nice BlackComedy stories about some of the {{Epic Fail}}s Hunters suffered when their Endowment suffered malfunctions:

** It also gives us a little entry where a Lucifuge narrates how, upon hearing about someone who had the Devil's blood, a bunch of vampires from [[TabletopGame/VampireTheRequiem Belial's Brood]] actually came to her essentially squeeing like fanboys and begging her to join one of their ritual and let them taste a little of her blood. The Lucifuge being [[TheAntiAntiChrist what they are]], she reacted as well as you'd expect.

* ''Nightstalkers'' gives us a rather funny little bit where a group from Null Mysteries tries to approach a vampire they have been following for a while by [[TooDumbToLive literally sending someone to tell him they know he is a vampires, give him their adress and ask if he would agree to an examination]]. Even the vampire's reaction can essentially be summed up to "Who are these people and what the hell is wrong with them?"

** One of the Cheiron Group's equipment, the Personal Defense Swarm, provides its user with the ability to summon a swarm of weird bug-like creatures who will immediatly attack anything that triggers his anger or hostility. A Hunter with such an equipment once found out his partner was having an affair with his wife, resulting in his swarm attacking and killing said partner ''in the middle of a battle''.

** They also have an equipment known as the Gungnir Multi-Function Targeting System, which uses various sensors (body temperature scans for vampires, Kirlian aura sensor for mages...) to locate supernatural targets and prevent them from shooting at humans. During the Gulf war, agents who were fighting vampires in the desert were decimated because the sun baked the lair's wall to a temperature close to 98.6, causing the system to identify the vampires as humans onlookers and refuse to fire.

-->You were a cleaner, too. An actual cleaner. With a mop. A clerical error led to you (instead of someone with a name with one letter different) getting transferred to Field Projects, and you had the surgery before you figured out what was happening and they realized their mistake. Too late now. You have parts of monsters inside you, a gun you don’t know how to use and a handbook that’s worse than useless. [[UnderStatement You’re in trouble.]]

->You were a cleaner, too. An actual cleaner. With a mop. A clerical error led to you (instead of someone with a name with one letter different) getting transferred to Field Projects, and you had the surgery before you figured out what was happening and they realized their mistake. Too late now. You have parts of monsters inside you, a gun you don’t know how to use and a handbook that’s worse than useless. [[UnderStatement You’re in trouble.]]