History Funny / Exalted

* The third book of sorcery, on the table describing the event of ExplosiveOverclocking a demense, squeezes this gem into the margins of the [[OffTheScale N/A]] entry:

** The Aspect Book has a lot of gems. There's reference to a Shogunate sorcerer named Orchid Orchid. During a moment of weakness, Avaku get slapped silly by an Immaculate (yes, there's an illustration). In the 'Voices Not Out Own' chapter, the Roseblack has this to say about Sesus Rafara, whose current job is to spy on her.

* The indexes of some ''Manuals of Exalted Power - Alchemicals'' mentions [[{{Futurama}} Bender Bending Rodriguez]] (several times), and the index for the [[OurVampiresAreDifferent Abyssals]] book has the following little gem:

* ''Terrestrial Directions: East'' has a section on slavery in Gethamane and the restrictions on it - for example, slaves are owned by the city, and contracted out with the understanding that public property is not to be damaged. When the Guild brings slaves into the city, however, they own the slaves - so when the guard see Guild slaves being beaten or abused, they arrest the offender for "damaging someone else's property," until they can prove that they actually own the slave. The illustration takes the cake, however: a muscled-up guard, smashing clear through a wall and interrupting what is clearly an S&M session.

-->'''Summoning:''' Are you nuts? You’re nuts, aren’t you?

* ''Masters of Jade'': There are several, but one of the most popular with the fans: There's a story about a Lunar attempting to keep a Solar free of Guild influence. However, said "influence" was that the Solar was a baker, and the Guild hired her to ''do the cooking'' for the Summer of Weddings in Ashur. Thus, the Lunar felt that the best course of action was to eat all 54 cakes herself.[[note]] That's as many as six nines! AndThatsTerrible.[[/note]] It's the accompanying illustration (of the Lunar in question nonchalantly sitting over the packing boxes as the Solar looks on in dismay) that really sells it.
** [[http://i.imgur.com/HzNsvIu.png The illustration in question]], for those curious.

* ''Aspect Book - Fire'' has a section written from Cynis Denovah Avaku's point of view, about how, in the legions, they came across a village where earlier they had fought off the FairFolk, and he witnessed the collateral damage for the first time. The Sergeant of the mortals under his command told him that they had done a good job, and things would be better for the village by the next year, ultimately teaching him to appreciate the good the Realm does as well as the bad. Later in the book, [[http://i.imgur.com/3yk0vIy.png we hear from said sergeant...]]

* [[CrossingTheLineTwice Malfeas's plans]] [[BloodyHilarious for the East]] in the Infernals manual. Apparently, he wants to see the Greyfalls Dragon-Bloods splattered dead and its waterfalls run red with blood for a year; the same thing for Lookshy without the waterfalls; Ma-Ha-Suchi worries him so he wants to see the Lunar raped to death; Mt Metagalapa hurled at Nexus like the world's largest spear..."One gets the idea."
* The indexes of some ''Manuals of Exalted Power- the Alchemicals'' mentions [[{{Futurama}} Bender Bending Rodriguez]] (several times), and the index for the [[OurVampiresAreDifferent Abyssals]] book has the following little gem:

* The third book of sorcery, on the table describing the event of ExplosiveOverclocking a demanse, squeezes this gem into the margins of the [[OffTheScale N/A]] entry:

* The Infernals book, after discussing various game styles - a revenge plot against whomever caused the Infernals' damning failures in the first place, power plays in the hell-on-earth that the Yozi created after a successful Reclamation, a standard Reclamation campaign based on turning all of creation into said hell-on-earth - throws this suggestion in:
->'''GRAND THEFT YEDDIM'''

* The Scroll of Heroes opens with the Panther - a Lawgiver, one of the most powerful humans in Creation - being ChainedToABed by his {{Yandere}} fan.

-->For demons, Malfeas is like their own cubicle at a boring office job. It pays the bills, and they are allowed to decorate their little space as they like as long as it doesn’t anger the boss. Some- times, they even have office parties where they socialize, mingle, gossip or even hook up for a bit of office intrigue or lust-charged diversions. But honestly? They generally don’t get to pick who their co-workers are, and all things considered, they’d rather be fishing.

* The CoCD sourcebook on ''Autochthonia'' describes the Jarishite sect, who believe that their god is punishing them for not having enough sex.
* ''Aspect Book - Fire'' has a section writtenfrom Cynis Denovah Avaku's point of view, about how, in the legions, they came across a village where earlier they had fought off the FairFolk, and he witnessed the collateral damage for the first time. The Sergeant of the mortals under his command told him that they had done a good job, and things would be better for the village by the next year, ultimately teaching him to appreciate the good the Realm does as well as the bad. Later in the book, [[http://i.imgur.com/3yk0vIy.png we hear from said sergeant...]]

-->For the Yozis, Malfeas is like being stranded on a lush desert island. They have enough to sus- tain them and can even find pleasant places and diversions to pass the time. They took the time to build, decorate and rearrange the place a bit to make themselves more comfortable. They’ve even set themselves up as kings and queens of this little private world and have plenty of children and servants to wait on them. But mostly, they’d just like to get off the damned island.

* The CoCD sourcebook on ''Autochthonia'' describes the Jarishite sect, who believe that their god is punishing them for not having enough sex.

* The indexes of some Manuals of Exalted Power- the Alchemicals' mentions [[{{Futurama}} Bender Bending Rodriguez]] (several times), and the index for the [[OurVampiresAreDifferent Abyssals]] book has the following little gem:

-->Malfeas is a lot like that. Except with upside down rivers of acid, living trees that will eat your brains and other assorted novelties.

* ''''Terrestrial Directions: East'''' has a section on slavery in Gethamane and the restrictions on it - for example, slaves are owned by the city, and contracted out with the understanding that public property is not to be damaged. When the Guild brings slaves into the city, however, they own the slaves - so when the guard see Guild slaves being beaten or abused, they arrest the offender for "damaging someone else's property," until they can prove that they actually own the slave. The illustration takes the cake, however: a muscled-up guard, smashing clear through a wall and interrupting what is clearly an S&M session.
* ''''Celestial Directions: Malfeas'''' describes how the inhabitants feel about the title city:

For the Yozis, Malfeas is like being stranded on a lush desert island. They have enough to sus- tain them and can even find pleasant places and diversions to pass the time. They took the time to build, decorate and rearrange the place a bit to make themselves more comfortable. They’ve even set themselves up as kings and queens of this little private world and have plenty of children and servants to wait on them. But mostly, they’d just like to get off the damned island.
For demons, Malfeas is like their own cubicle at a boring office job. It pays the bills, and they are allowed to decorate their little space as they like as long as it doesn’t anger the boss. Some- times, they even have office parties where they socialize, mingle, gossip or even hook up for a bit of office intrigue or lust-charged diversions. But honestly? They generally don’t get to pick who their co-workers are, and all things considered, they’d rather be fishing.
Malfeas is a lot like that. Except with upside down rivers of acid, living trees that will eat your brains and other assorted novelties.

* Terrestrial Directions: East has a section on slavery in Gethamane and the restrictions on it - for example, slaves are owned by the city, and contracted out with the understanding that public property is not to be damaged. When the Guild brings slaves into the city, however, they own the slaves - so when the guard see Guild slaves being beaten or abused, they arrest the offender for "damaging someone else's property," until they can prove that they actually own the slave. The illustration takes the cake, however: a muscled-up guard, smashing clear through a wall and interrupting what is clearly an S&M session.

* Terrestrial Directions: East has a section on slavery in Gethamane and the restrictions on it - for example, slaves are owned by the city, and contracted out with the understanding that they're not to be damaged.

* The Righteous Devil Style from Scroll of the Monk turns into an outright parody of TheManWithNoName and spaghetti westerns in general, with charms that are centered on the quickdraw and a form that allows you to call your opponent out and send bystanders fleeing from the saloon.
* The Scroll of Heroes opens with the Panther - a Lawgiver, one of the most powerful humans in Creation - being ChainedToABed by his {{Yandere}} fan.

* The Infernals book, after discussing various game styles - a revenge plot against whomever caused the Infernals' damning failures in the first place, power plays in the hell-on-earth that the Yozi created after a successful Reclamation, a standard Reclamation campaign based on turning all of creation into said hell-on-eart - throws this suggestion in:

* The Righteous Devil Style from Scroll of the Monk turns into an outright parody of TheManWithNoName and spaghetti westerns in general, with charms that are centered on the quickdraw and a form that allows you to call your opponent out and send bystanders fleeing from the saloon.

-->Remember that disclaimer, way up in a previous section? The disclaimer that warned you that the Infernals were brutal, cruel and required a tempered approach in order to not over stimulate or desensitize players? Yeah, forget it.

-->Be somewhere else

* The first published Burn Legend playtest, for Shards? A mirror match between two identical Yamajin Richard Nixons.

** [[http://taziobettin.deviantart.com/art/Masters-of-Jade-2-283674227 The illustration in question]], for those curious.

---> God dammit people, focus! (Yes.)

* ''Masters of Jade'': There are several, but one of the most popular with the fans: There's a story about a Lunar attempting to keep a Solar free of Guild influence. However, said "influence" was that the Solar was a baker, and the Guild hired her to ''do the cooking'' for the Summer of Weddings in Ashur. Thus, the Lunar felt that the best course of action was to eat all 54 cakes herself.[[hottip:*: That's as many as six nines! AndThatsTerrible.]] It's the accompanying illustration (of the Lunar in question nonchalantly sitting over the packing boxes as the Solar looks on in dismay) that really sells it.

--> ''Does he still have like [[GagPenis seven wangs]]?''
-> God dammit people, focus! (Yes.)

* ''Masters of Jade'': there are several, but one of the most popular with the fans: There's a story about a Lunar attempting to keep a Solar free of Guild influence. However, said "influence" was that the Solar was a baker, and the Guild hired her to ''do the cooking'' for the Summer of Weddings in Ashur. Thus, the Lunar felt that the best course of action was to eat all 54 cakes herself.[[hottip:*: That's as many as six nines! AndThatsTerrible.]] It's the accompanying illustration (of the Lunar in question nonchalantly sitting over the packing boxes as the Solar looks on in dismay) that really sells it.

** The Sidereals book has "Spiders: see ''everywhere''." This is actually accurate, given that nearly every page in said book has images of Pattern Spiders in the margins.

* ''Masters of Jade'': there are several, but one of the most popular with the fans: There's a story about a Lunar attempting to keep a Solar free of Guild influence. However, said "influence" was that the Solar was a baker, and the Guild hired her to ''do the cooking'' for the Summer of Weddings in Ashur. Thus, the Lunar felt that the best course of action was to eat all 54 cakes herself.[[hottip:*: That's as many as six nines! AndThatsTerrible.]] It's the accompanying illustration that really sells it.

** The Sidereals book has "Spiders: see ''everywhere''."

* The indexes of some Manuals of Exalted Power- the Alchemicals' mentions [[{{Futurama}} Bender Bending Rodriguez]], and the index for the [[OurVampiresAreDifferent Abyssals]] book has the following little gem:

* ''Masters of Jade'': there are several, but one of the most popular with the fans: There's a story about a Lunar attempting to keep a Solar free of Guild influence. However, said "influence" was that the Solar was a baker, and the Guild hired her to ''do the cooking'' for the Summer of Weddings in Ashur. Thus, the Lunar felt that the best course of action was to eat all 54 cakes herself. [[hottip:*: That's as many as six nines! AndThatsTerrible.]] It's the accompanying illustration that really sells it.